Music and the collective mumbles of chatter fill the tunnel that opens onto the open-topped football arena.

It's gameday and as I stretch out my hamstrings I can feel them retracting in fear.

It's the first game for the boys but the first time we're cheering as a new team in front of a crowd... a frigging massive crowd.

As a team, we've worked really well together and worked hard to be ready for tonight... well most of us. Hannah's been taking digs all week, 'accidentally' dropping stunts or making comments about how we're not doing something right- when I know for a fact that she's the one doing it wrong.

The two sides of the field chat back and forth making me tense, there are so many people are here tonight... I haven't performed in front of this many people in bloody ages.

"You good?" Carrie startles me, placing her red painted nails on my shoulder. I nod at her with a tensed jaw.

No, I am not good! I am seconds away from throwing up! I feel dizzy.

What if I fall?

Or seize up in a stunt?

It's been a struggle getting through practices, I've been getting better but I still get memories of my momma and my past.

"Right line up! I've got the job of paring you up with the boys!" Hannah calls flirtatiously, holding a clipboard, hand on her hip.

The football team come running into the end of the tunnel from the changing rooms, hollering and jumping on top of each other, chanting weird-ass chants to get them all hyped up.

Brady comes charging towards me and sweeps me up throwing me about in the air whilst I squeal, slightly petrified, slightly amused.

"We're going to thrash them!!" He screams spinning me around.

"Put her down!" Carrie giggles, "I don't need one of my flyers injured before we go on!"

"You'll do great! Chill!" Ethan says picking her up too, she's more resistant and starts thumping him on the back through fits of laughter.

"Alright, you sad fucks stop clowning around and line up!" Blaze shouts standing next to Hannah. Hannah twirls her auburn hair around her finger, batting her eyelashes at him.

Blaze looks... hot.

His number fourteen jersey bulges across his chest and stretches at the seams across his heavily tattoed arms, the contrast of the white and red uniform makes the black swirls stand out. His face is streaked with two black lines that show the depth of his ocean blue eyes. The veins on his forearm and hands stick out as he grabs his helmet from under his arm. His hair sticks up in strange directions having been ruffled by Brady but nevertheless, he still looks pretty danm fine. His muscular frame is dominant over the room and his cheekbones add the maturity to his face.

Hannah starts listing off the pairs, Vixxie ends up with Brady and obviously Carrie with Ethan.

"Blaze, you're with me." She smiles up at him but he just stares ahead at the field, "And Grove you're with Scorowtski."

What? With Connor..?

I feel the dread set in as Hannah snarls.

I watch Scorowski beckons me down the line.

"Switch." I hear Blaze command, "Switch with Grove." He tells Hannah. Her face drops, mouth flailing open and Connor tries to protest. " Did I fucking stutter?" Blaze stalks closer to Connors still bruised face. "Blondie, up here with me." He gestures to the front of the line. Being the quarterback he always leads the run-out, usually along with Hannah. I look back at her face, crinkling with disgust.

I stand next to Blaze, unsure of what to say... good luck? Yeah, you say stuff like that right?

"Uh... good luck," I murmur, nearly inaudible over the ramped up crowd.

"I don't need luck." He grunts throwing his helmet onto his head.

I go back to look in front of me, the lion's mascot is in front of us ready to break through the banner we all run out. My legs shake and my breath becomes shallow.

It's going to be fine.

Just keep up with the count.

Extend.

And smile.

I take a deep breath in through my nose as the football coach counts down on his fingers, the mascot runs out into the field breaking the banner and the stands scream. The noise ten times louder then it was before.

"Good luck." Blaze mumbles, keeping his eyes on the field. Coach shouts at as and we start running. Slapping on a smile I wave to the crowds in a cheerleader fashion before going into a back handspring followed into a toe tuck and finish with a roundoff.

People are up in their seats chanting Blazes name, he waves in the middle of the field before the next couple come hurtling out of the tunnel.

Standing on the field is an amazing feeling, with everyone cheering and yelling. My body feels alive, buzzing with the energy that surrounds the arena. I've never been to a school event quite like it, I'm usually just cooped up in the library, revising but now I see what I've missed out on the last few years of my life. I just wish it could be like this every day.

I wish I could live with this feeling every day, free of the pain- Alive.

The Lions won and it's no surprise, they won by miles. They work incredibly as a team, you wouldn't even know Connor and Blaze got into a fight a few weeks ago. Watching them is satisfying, they have every play memorised and perform it to T, working like clockwork. You couldn't tear your eyes from the field, especially not from Blaze.

He dominates the field, every movement, every instruction, pass, catch. He can make the most violent actions seem graceful. When he steps out on the field he makes it his game, it's what he was born to do. That much is obvious.

We cheered pretty well too, it feels refreshing being part of a team again, performing in front of crowds that cheer you on from the stands, working with people as a part of something, spending time actually having fun and doing what I love.

"Atlas!" Vixxie calls running back from the field where everyone is celebrating the win, confetti is flying all over the hoards of people who swarm the sweaty football players. I waited on the sidelines watching from afar.

Vixxie runs into me wrapping her arms around me, I reciprocate the hug jumping around with her to keep up the high spirits.

"Apparently there's a party to celebrate the win, let's go!" She exclaims with a massive smile.

Just like that my spirit drops, I'm already lying to my parents about doing extra shifts at the diner and I've been hiding my uniform in a plastic grocery bag at the back of my wardrobe.

I can't stay out any later than I already am.

"I can't, sorry Vix. You guys have fun tho." I say grabbing my bottle and bag from the bench.

"How come? It'll be fun A." Carrie whines bouncing on my arm.

"I need to get home, I have to be up early for my shift tomorrow." It's not a complete lie, I usually work double shifts on the weekends.

"Are you sure you can't stay for a bit?" Vixxie pleads.

"Sorry." I shrug as we all walk back through to the changing rooms.

"Well, we'll miss you!" Carrie says I can tell from their movements that they're itching to follow the other girls who are jumping into guys cars on the way to the party.

"You guys go! Have fun!" I waft them away with a smile.

"We'll text you!" Vixxie calls over her shoulder as they barrel out of the athletics block.

I sigh feeling slightly envious, even though I've never been a party person doesn't mean I don't want to experience it. Maybe just once.

Most of the craze has calmed down by the time I'm walking back through the athletic block, everyone's either headed home or to the party. Usually, I don't mind the walk home but after a full cheer routine, I'm kind of exhausted.

I'm walking past the facilities when I see the dance studio door unlocked, the lights are off but the silence is pulling me in.

Just leave, walk towards the exit and leave.

Ignoring the sensible advice my head is giving me I push open the door and find a light switch on the edge of the room.

The lights flicker and illuminate all the gym equipment around the edges of the studio and the full-length mirrors.

I drop my bag on the floor and walk over to the barre carefully.

You can do it, if you can cheer you can dance.

You miss it.

Just try.

I run my hand along the barre, reminiscing about the touch of it. Baby steps right...?

Just start with the basics.

Taking a firmer grip of the barre, I push out into the first position, then slowly into second.

You're doing it Atlas, just point those feet out more.

I can hear my moms voice in the back of my mind as I slip into third position and out into fourth.

You've got this baby.

It's getting louder, I can hear her clearly as I finally move into the fifth position.

With an unfathomable scoff, I look at myself in the mirror... I did it. For the first time in years, I touched the barre.

I did it, momma.

I go back through the positions, perfecting them until I become comfortable with them again. It's like I haven't been away.

Maybe I can try a few jumps...

I move to the centre of the studio and extend myself into an arabesque, the strain in my muscles a feeling I've missed, craved for. I square up my hips to look in the mirror, my feet are turned out but I can feel them calling for pointe shoes.

I take off in a sissonne, my hair flowing behind me in the stale air of the room. The powers rushing through my veins, having a taste of freedom like none other.

Until I hear him.

"You paid sixty-five bucks for some most fucking dance shoes?" My dad screams at my mom watching me cradle the new pointe shows we'd just been to get.

"She needs them-" She cut short by the fist that pummels her face. I turn to look away shielding my eyes but his hand harshly grips my face and turns it back to him.

"You better watch what you've caused. This is your fault. Did you really need more shoes Atlas?" He spits in my face, dragging my mom's limp body across the room.

I scream at her to get up but it's not long before I'm receiving the same treatment.

I fall to the floor, I shouldn't be allowed to dance after what I've done. This 'freedom' feeling, it's just cruelty on someone else's behalf.

My head throbs violently with the disturbing memories making my eyes burn.

"I seem to find you in here a lot." A deep voice echoes off the mirrors making me jump. I don't answer, I just gather my bag off the floor. Why is he even still here?

"You can dance can't you," Blaze says again, more of an accusation than a question.

"Hardly." I mumble, "Just messing about." I keep my head down as I try and sneak past him but his stupid muscly frame is blocking the exit!

"Are you not going to this party?" He leans back further against the frame and I huff accepting defeat against him.

"No."

"Do you want a ride home then? It's getting late." He shrugs.

As nice as it is, the last thing I want is to be trapped in a car with someone after that. I just need to clear my head, I don't need him acting nice then blowing cold later. It's confusing and I'm already in a midfield right now.

"It's fine-"

"I wouldn't mind a ride home." Another voice sounds from behind his frame and I can see him wince as we turn to see one of the cheerleaders looking very flushed... now I know why he's here so late, "Oh hey Atlas! Good job out there today!" She smiles genuinely.

"Yeah, you too! Anyway, you guys enjoy your night! Congratulations on the win." I say slipping out of the awkwardness and sprinting down the hall.

It's kind of weird, obviously, I know who Blaze is, I've heard about his 'reputation', he's a really good looking guy so I'm not surprised and hey go for it. I'm not one for slut-shaming, women nor men.

Sex Is Sex.

It's not like a guy like Blaze would ever have sex with naive little Atlas.

Not that I'd ever want him too...