I can't do this.

I just can't. It's too hard.

I keep thinking about my mom.

What happens if my dad finds out?

I feel like I'm back in Illinois before I was put into care. Getting home from a cheer competition with my momma.

"Where have you been?" His voice booms through the front room, my sister cowers behind us.

"Sorry, hun I was just at Atlas' cheer competition." My mom shuts the door with shaky hands then wraps her arms around me and my sister pulling us back towards us. I can smell her rosey perfume as her blonde hair droops down onto us.

"Well, you shouldn't be going out. I don't give a fuck about her cheerleading shit!" His voice raises, throwing a plate at the wall beside us. The defining smash makes my sister cry.

"Dad don't please, it was my fault we were out." I plead, playing with the medal around my neck. He nears my face, crouching down to my twelve-year-old face. He grabs my hair and swings me into the wall. My mom pleads behind me as my sister screams.

"Cheer about this." He snarls throwing a fist up towards my face.

Even though I stopped dancing, I didn't stop cheer. When I was adopted I found a squad here and did it for a year but that seemed to rile up my adoptive parents. They hated it.

My adoptive dad would scream about how Jenny used to do cheerleading and I was reminding them too much of the painful loss of their daughter. The beatings got so bad I just quit and it became a miserable memory. If they find out I'm starting up again... I don't even want to imagine what they're reactions would be.

Grabbing my bag I go to flee, my hearts racing at one hundred miles an hour and my eyes sting with unleashed tears.

I'll just text Vixxie and tell her I was ill. She smashed her try-out earlier, I was watching from the stands with the other girls, there's no way she won't get a place. She can pick up the routine quickly and you wouldn't believe she hadn't had experience in any kind of dance, her movements were so fluid and precise.

I fling open the changing room doors and sprint out into the corridor only to smash straight into something hard.

Ouch, that fricking hurt.

I can feel myself falling and no doubt will end up on my ass again but then I realise I haven't actually hit the ground yet. I open my scrunched eyes, Blaze's devilish smile is staring down at me.

"We should really stop meeting like this Blondie." He says, his hand still wrapped around my back, keeping me steady.

I stumble away from his grip, my cheeks heating in embarrassment.

Why? Why do I keep doing this to myself?!

Blaze stays in front of me, clad in his football gear, helmet tucked under his arm which with the added shoulder pads make the tatted masterpieces look even bigger than they are.

Good lord, he looks so hot.

Sweat trickles down his forehead which his jet black hair clings too, his number fourteen jersey moves up and down heavily on his chest like he's just come from the field.

"Where are you off too?" He questions eyeing my bag and direction I'm heading, " I haven't seen you try-out yet."

"I'm not, I'm going home," I mumble, avoiding looking at his ocean envious eyes as I attempt to move past him.

"How come?" He moves in my way, crossing his arms across his broad chest.

"I just.. uh... I'm.." his intense glare makes it so much harder to lie to him, "I'm just not feeling very well." I blurt out not meeting his sightline.

His hand moves up to my forehead and I flinch away naturally, becoming all ridged. He moves it back slightly, confused, but when I become still again the back of his hand finds my forehead.

"You're not hot... temperature wise that is..." He mumbles only making me blush even more, "So what's going on, the real reason you don't want to try-out?" He steps closer to me, his gaze softening as I crane my neck to see his sweaty face.

"I- I just need to get home." I stutter.

"Look Blondie, what's the worst that's going to happen? You fall on your ass again? Well, you know what, I'll be there to catch you. Seems to be a recurring thing," He chuckles deeply, the sound resonating in the hallway, "Don't worry about anything else just go out there and dance your cute ass off." He puts his arm around my shoulder and leads us off down the corridor back out to the field, I try and resist but he's at least five times my size and height, I have no chance.

His cleats finish clicking as we leave the athletics building and get out onto the field. He removes his arm from around me to walk off where the football team is grouped in a huddle over the far side.

"Just do you Blondie and fuck everyone else." He says over his shoulder, the crudity of his words making me laugh.

I head over to where the rest of the try-outs are. A lot of the already teamed girls are sat on the bleachers in their uniforms judging the newbies. I take a seat on the lower level next to Vixxie who bounces her knee nervously.

"Where were you, I thought you'd ditched me!" She exclaims keeping her eyes on the group that are trying out at the moment, some of their handstands are flagging, seriously.

"Nah I just had to call my mom, let her know I'll be home late." I lie, at least I can lie to my parents tonight, I'd told them a few nights ago I had to cover a shift tonight.

She nods understandingly as the group finish up, from Carrie's fatigued experience she's not very happy with the outcome of that one.

"Thanks, girls, next group!" Carrie looks down at her clipboard, "Harriett, Lucy, Jess, Atlas and Paige please!" She shouts, as I climb down the bleachers my eyes wander over the field, the boys are spaced out on the field post work out guzzling water. Bradys flicking his sweat-filled hair at Blaze who'd got him... in a headlock?

Most of the girls flee to the back of the group so that if they make mistakes they won't be seen as much, being the last girl down I take front and centre, typically.

"Alright girls, I'm going to show you through a routine and you're going to repeat it to me the best you can! Precision is key here!" Carrie shouts, pressing play on the music, 'like that' by Doja Cat fills the field.

"Alright and watch... five, four, three, two, one... High V... cross arms... curl those hands to the shoulders... squat down, ponytails front.. arms across and pump... and again...clap.. arm and leg up... one and two and three...drop leg out...handstand... back into splits....up into a back handspring... and out of an aerial." Carrie finishes in position and switches the music off, "Please only try the last few moves if you have experience in them and feel free to do a little tumbling freestyle if you want. Then we'll move into stunts." Carrie instructs taking a seat behind her 'judging' table again.

I scan the girl's faces, half of them look petrified like this is the hardest thing they've seen but it's a fairly simple one to follow. It doesn't stop me trying to battle the memories away from my trembling body.

"Alright, let's see it!" Carrie shouts pressing play on the same song. I stand in the ready position waiting for the count.

I can do this, don't think about anyone else.

Starting the routine I run through the steps making sure I'm following each one to the last fraction of a movement.

Even though I haven't done it in ages, my body hasn't forgotten. It's like riding a bike, you never forget how to push those pedals around and keep your balance, my muscles may be a little sore but it doesn't put a barrier to the adrenaline riding in my veins.

I've missed this so much, I can almost imagen my momma sat in the bleachers, cheering me on as she used too.

As the routine steps end, I decide I'll take my chances, coming out of the aerial I take a run-up into a tumbling sequence I'd thought of, finishing with a double full- arms up and slowly I open my eyes.

Breathing out I turn to look at the group, my hearts beating like crazy- I've just cheered again and the feeling is buzzworthy.

Carrie looks slightly bewildered, looking from me to the group, "Right... uh thanks girls... we'll start stunts." She says ushering for the other girls to join us.

After running through a few simple stunts, the dusk rolls in and the girls start to grab their things to leave.

"The list will be posted in a few days girls!" Carrie calls running towards me and Vixxie as we shove our bottles in our gym bags.

"Alright spill it Atlas, what the fuck was that?" Carrie stands crossed arms with her eyebrows raised. I think I've done something wrong until she clarifies, "Why have you never tried-out before!" She slaps my arm as I feel my feet lift from the ground, someone's got their arms around my waist and I'm so high in the air, it's like I'm frigging flying. I crane my neck seeing a flash of honey blonde hair.

It's Brady who's lifting me up to the clouds. I squeal hitting his arms and he eventually places me back on the ground.

"Yeah seriously where the fuck did that come from?" Ethan asks slinging his arm around Carrie's shoulders.

"Get off you're all sweaty." She shrugs him away with a giggle, "Seriously though A... You've been professionally trained right."

Suddenly I've got the attention of everyone on my sweaty body.

"We were watching and there's no way a novice could have done those kinds of moves without breaking their neck." Brady comments, leaning against Blaze who has a slight smile upon his lips.

"Well, I was yeah. I used to cheer professionally." I shrug.

"What teams?" Carrie prompts, her eyes lighting up.

"None you'd know, teams in Illinois before I moved. I only cheered for a year when I got to Atlanta with the Elite All-stars." I say praying they don't bring up the obvious question of why I quit.

"No way? They've been winning comps for years!" Carrie gushes. I nod, we'd come second in our national heat, only because one of our stunts lost a flyer, "How come you quit? You're so good?"

"Life, school got in the way I guess." Turning away to fiddle with the zip on my bag.

"Well, you're going to be teaching me all of that you did out there." Vixxie chuckles slinging her bag over her shoulder as we move in from the field to the parking lot.

"Guess I didn't have to catch you, after all, shame." Blaze whispers in my ear with a smile, " You're a mystery Grove."

"No more than you Beckett," I whisper back, his smile vanishes quickly than a blank expression fills his face before he's walking past me to join the boys, almost like I'd annoyed him.

Weird. Ever so weird.

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