Toxic. Like a snakes venom. Toxic. Like food poison. Toxic. Like this relationship.

Where do I start?

My relationships havent been the best. All everybody wants me for is sex and my body. People use me just to get in my pants. Just a quick and dip.

Ive been a dare. A dare where they talked to me, asked me out then broke my heart. Played me. Cheated on me. That is where the trust issues came in.

I had gotten out of a previous relationship that was also toxic. All he wanted me for was sex, my body, to make him pleased and all I wanted.

Well I wanted to have a normal relationship without sex. Without the dirty stuff. I wanted to make memories, Have fun with life, do spontaneous things, adventure. Find new things, do new things.

Help eachother grow and make ourselves better. I wanted to have fun with a person Im in love with.

I finally found it. Well I thought so. Sometimes I think hes too good to be true.

~

It was February 24. My bestfriend andrea had previously set me up with this guy. Jackson. Jackson stone.

Now hes not just any guy. Hes didferent. A good different though. He knows what he wants. He knows the value of things.

We've been talking you could say. Trying to get to know eachother.

He has the same problem as me. Girls using him for sex, his looks, his body. Hes been played, cheated on, used.

All he wants is a normal relationship without that. He wants to have fun, go adventuring, make memories. The same things as what I wanna do.

Jackson and I were playing to hang out. Keep in mind we've never actually talked in person nor hung out. Yeah i know, weird.

I only know him from around school and football games even though i dont go to school. Im homeschooled. Yeah boring i know. and then my bestfriend.

Him and andrea are really close. Known eachother forever.

Well that changed. Me and andrea decided to go to the beach and we took jackson with us and then her boyfriend.

Just so it wasnt so akward when we hung out for the first time.

Now let me say. Im not confident in myself nor my body. I think im fat. I dont think im pretty. Im not confident at all. Im working on it. Trying to have that confidence. I just cant find it.

We went to pick them up. jackson and than her boyfriend. She was sitting upfront with her mom. I was in the back. In the middle.

He gets in the car and let me just say. It was a little akward. Scratch that. It was very akward.

No talking, just staring out windows. We then picked up her boyfriend and once again it was akward.

The whole ride there was silent. Not much talking. Very quiet. Staring off into space.

The worst part was. I was in between both of them. Squished. Very squished.

After about and hour we finally got there. there was more talking. Sorta.

We got out of the car, stretched and walked down to the beach. Still quiet.

"This is so akward" I whisper to andrea.

"tell me about. Jack wont talk to me. Hes mad" she whispers back as were walking.

Jack was her boyfriend.

"why. what did you do this time" i say giggling.

"honestly I dont even know at this point" She says shaking her head.

"mom where do you wanna go" andrea asks.

"just walk a little further down" she says.

We walk further down and find an open spot. Me and andrea immediately lay our towels out and lay out. normally we would go straight to the water but it's february and the water is hella cold.

"your totally gonna get in the water" jackson says while taking his shirt off.

"your crazy! that waters freezing" i say giggling.

"youll get used to it" he says smiling.

"your not getting me in there. nope" i say laughing.

"ill throw you in" he says laying out next to me.

"that never gonna happen" i say.

"mmm we'll see bout that" he says looking up at the sky.

Thats the most talking we've done in the past 2 hours weve been together.

I look over at andera. Jack is looking away from her and taking his hand away froms hers.

"what is he doing" i say whispering to her.

"idk he wont talk to me" she says. I shake my head.

Jacks an asshole to andrea. Honestly I dont know why shes even still with him. He treats her like shit now. Doing whatever the fuck he wants, when he wants with whoever he wants. Making andrea cry everynight with his bullshit. Just not a boyfriend you should have.

She wont leave him though. Shes to scared. They've been together for over a year almost two. That's probably why but tbh i wouldve left if i was her. I wouldnt want to be treated like that.

"you wanna go walk?" I ask her.

"yeah" she says. We stand up and i grab my shirt to put over me.

"were going for a walk. yall wanna come" I ask.

"sure" jackson says standing up.

"whatever" jack says getting up.

"were gonna go walk mom" andrea says. She knods and continues to lay out.

We start walking down the beach. Jack and alyssa are hand in hand walking up infront of us. Talking I guess. While me and jackson are walking next to eachother. Not talking, just silence. Now if you thought the car ride was akward. This was worse.