《Our Toxic Love》10.

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My sleep didn't come as easy as it had been for the last couple months, I knew Pansy was asleep because I could hear her deep breathing which in some way was a comfort but for me the night dragged. The moon was ever so slightly shining through the window closest to my bed, it felt like hours I had been staring yet I don't think it could of been more than 10 minutes. I closed my eyes for a moment and like a flash he was there, smiling and laughing. My brain then flashed to his face when I was talking to him about my family, maybe my brain had made it more exaggerated but I could see how much he cared. How much he was listening and whilst thinking of his face I fell into a deep sleep.

When I woke I got a glimpse of myself in the mirror, my eyes were undeniably puffy and slightly red. I let out a sigh before attempting to get to my feet. As I spun round I was greeted by Pansy's face, she stared for a moment and whilst I was sat waiting for some rude comment it didn't come.

"Are you ok?" She spoke so softly.

The shock made me silent for a moment. "Erm yeah I'll be fine" I let my head sink slightly into my shoulders.

She nodded and began to walk away but as her hand reached for the door handle, she looked straight at me. "You know he's like it with everyone, we've all been there". She then reached once more for the handle and left.

Something that she said struck me inside. The word "all". I think the only thing that had helped me slightly was maybe thinking that I was different, that maybe he was scared to show his emotions or maybe he just hadn't known how to act but I guess not. This was just him. I tried to stop my mind thinking about who else there could of been, obviously Pansy which didn't completely shock me but just knowing for a fact that it had happened made my stomach knot.

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I wondered how many other people knew about my utter embarrassment yesterday. Was I going to be the laughing stock of the Slytherin table? Most likely. I tried to shake the thought out of my system and focused on getting ready for the day, I checked the time and realised I only had 10 minutes! I guess I better start covering these bags.

After I had taken my seat at breakfast I was relieved to see that not one person looked up as I sat down, even the person I wanted to look up the most.

As I looked back up I saw Harry staring straight at me, he mouthed "you ok?" With a very concerned look on his faces. I gave him what I intended to be a big smile which actually was quite pathetic and nodded my head. I carried on picking at my breakfast but I knew Harry was still looking, he cared so much about me. Maybe I was stupid to pass on Harry, would I be a complete idiot to not give someone an opportunity who truly liked me and cared for me? Isn't that what I needed? Dont I need some sort of normality? I put down my fork and began my walk over to Harry. I knew I shouldn't be doing this in front of the school but for some reason I didn't care.

Harry's face was smothered with concern. "Ivy, what's going on? Are you ok?"

I took a breath "Yes I'm great actually, I was wondering if I could take you up on that date" I watched as his face lit up, the smile encapsulated his face, his eyes bright and wide.

"You most certainly can"

—-

The next day I found a note in my first lesson of the day, Transfiguration.

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'So how does Hogsmeade sound to you'

My eyes caught Harry's, I gave him a smile and mouthed "perfect". I watched as Harry's delightfully pleased face went back down to his work and I couldn't help but feel a string of guilt. Was I doing this for the right reasons? I didn't see Harry like that...now the guilt flooded me. I shook my head and focused on my work. Maybe I could grow to have these feelings? I closed my eyes and sighed and as I did there he was in my mind. When will this end.

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