"At any time if you can't breathe or start to feel weird or if you want to go home let one of the boys or even me know immediately" Brandon tells me as we sat inside the limo.

I nod playing with my fingers. I decided to attend the award show late, and without telling people that I was coming.

Brandon thought it was a good idea me coming anyway. He thought this would let everyone know that despite everything going on I was okay.

Which honestly I didn't know was true myself. Physically yes. But mentally? I honesty I didn't know.

I don't know if I'll be able to go up on stage and face hundreds of artists and millions of fans and act as if everything was okay.

But wha I do knew is I could depend on the boys more then anything. No matter what happens they are always there for me.

Even when I decide to leave them or take out the anger NamJoon caused me on them. I don't think any of this would even be possible if it wasn't for them.

I'd would've never got to be an actress if it wasn't for them. I would never be traveling as much as I do if it wasn't for them.

They are what keeps me going. All seven of those funny, weird, kind, protective, talented, and crazy handsome boys.

The limo came to a stop pulling me out my thoughts, I looked to Brandon who smiled at me.

"I mean it at anytime, Normani" he tells me.

I'm a fighter. Not a victim.

"Let's do this" I say as the door opened, I slowly stepped out the limo with my heart pounding.

The sound of Screams instantly sounded when I stepped out the car.

"Normani!" My voice being screamed from each and every single direction.

I posed exiting the limo.

"We love you, Normani!"

"Stay Strong, Normani!"

The fans shout at me, causing me to smile. After making my way past the shouting fans and demanding for pictures paparazzi's at the red carpet.

I finally make my way to the entrance of the award show. NCT's song "Boss" was playing and I knew exactly how to grab everyone's attention.

In fact it didn't even take much. I literally stepped inside ten seconds ago and everyone was staring at me.

The lights and camera was also on me as well, causing me to look around for my seat which was next to the boys as always.

I then see BTS sitting in the middle of the area at a table, they all were confused at first what everyone was looking at.

But when they saw my face on the large screen above they were surprised just like everyone else was.

Their reactions? J-hope spit out his water. Jin was no longer talking to Jimin, instead both of them looking at me. Jung-Kook and Taehyung eyes fixed on NamJoon who was staring at me at well. Yoongi himself, arms were no longer crossed.

I swallowed hard, placing my hair behind my ear as I walked past the tables with artists and celebrities who whispered about my show up.

"No way"

"What?"

"She's here"

"Shut up"

"I didn't think she'd show"

Finally I made it to the stairs to get where the boys were located. I notice NamJoon quickly stood up and walks down to help me.

Fans scream at his reaction.

His hand slides against mine, "I thought you weren't coming" he whispers trying to avoid the camera that was on us.

"I wasn't" I say through my teeth while smiling. NamJoon helps me up the stairs, and walks me to the table. NamJoon pulls out his chair allowing me to sit.

He allows takes off his jacket and places it over my showing legs. Fans screams got louder.

A producer brought another chair for Joon to sit. "Normani... What are you doing here?" Yoongi asks the question I'm sure everyone else was wondering.

"Me hiding is like me being a victim. I don't want to be some girl who hides. I'm a fighter. Besides, I'm fine. So you guys really don't have to worry about me" I explain to them all.

"Last time you— I cut Taehyung off, "I know. But that was last time. I mean it, I'm okay", I assure them all.

"It's our job to worry about you, Mani. Just like it's your job to make us not worry", Jin says having a point.

"He's right, Mani. You were almost.... you know... you aren't okay. I don't care how many times you try to tell yourself you are. I know you. I know you aren't" Joon whispers but is loud enough for only us to the table to hear.

I wish they would stop treating me like I was five. I am a grown woman. A strong, independent black woman. I didn't need a superhero to save me.

I can save myself.

"If I wasn't okay, I would be able to be here. Okay" I tell them all. Before any of them could object the sound of the show was starting.

It's only been thirty minutes since I arrived and I've been stared at or either heard artists talked about me nonstop.

"you okay?" NamJoon asked pulling me out my thoughts. This had to be the fifth time he asked me that since I got here.

I nod without words.

NamJoon leaned into my ear, "if you feel like you can't breathe or you just need to get out of here... let one of us know immediately" he tells me sounding as if he was Brandon.

I didn't know why but him acting like this was making me nervous. So I turned to NamJoon not caring who was looking, I grabbed Joon's hand causing glances from the members sitting at the table looking at us.

"Joon. I'm fine, okay. Please calm down" I say caressing his hand.

"I know, but- I cut him off, "I mean it" I say softly causing him to nod.

I smile looking at him. Yoogni cleared his throat getting both of our attention. I removed my hand from off of his as they were about to announce the winner of "BreakOut Artist Of The Year".

I clapped along to the artists being nominated.

"Hyuna"

I clapped along with everyone else as a gif of the artist showed up on the large screen. I remember her hit song, "bubble pop" it was a crazy hit like in the 2010's.

"Taemin"

The audience screams as the gif of the singer and dancer appeared on stage. He's from the boy band "Shinee" the one who made "Replay/every day." Also the one whose member died about two years ago. I was introduced to him when Jay took me the movie premiere event to promote "Me Like Yah".

"Normani Kordei"

The screams from the fans and audience got louder as soon as a gif of me appeared on the screen. I clapped along with everyone nodding my head forcing a smile. Being nominated was a huge thing for me specially with everything going on in the media right now.

"Sumni"

I didn't know much about this artist. She had a song "Gashina" and it was very popular for about a year or so. She was also in the same girl group with Hyuna.

"Yixing Zhang"

I knew of him. He was in EXO. But he was also international known mainly because of his collaborations with artists over the world like Jason Druelo. He was also a very famous actor in China.

I remember him specifically because Brandon and I had discussed working with Lay in the future on a project. Whether that be music or a another film perhaps.

I myself was finally excited to meet him because he was very talented. He like myself can act, dance, sing and model. So it would be great to meet him and see what person he is.

"The winner is... Normani Kordei" My name was called out of the several nominees.

The audience and fans clapped and screamed as the camera turned on me. I forced a smile looking at Joon and the boys who were clapping for me as well.

For some reason a part of me didn't want to win because I knew If I did that meant I'd have to go up on stage in front of millions and address the situation, that I so didn't want to talk about.

As my song called "Waves" blasted through the speakers off the arena. Fans automatically began chanting out the lyrics as I smile.

I removed NamJoon's jacket off of my legs, passing it to him as I got out of my seat and walked towards the stage.

Looking at the steps I already know how the fear in my chest I might get of busting my ass. I watch as the spokesperson was about to assist me up the stairs when he looked behind me.

The audience either clapped or awed causing me to turning around to see it was NamJoon to come to my rescue again.

I smiled softly as he grabbed my hand helping up me the stairs. "I told you I wasn't going anywhere" he says causing me to smile.

I finally make it to the microphone as the spokesperson handed me over the award, as NamJoon let go allowing me to get my spotlight.

The audience slowly stopped clapping allowing me to speak. I took a look in the crowd before taking a deep breath.

I look down at the award with my name displayed on it, and realized something. Something that not everyone might see.

I sigh before walking towards the mic and speaking.

"I worked so hard for this.... for all of it, and I want to take the time thank my parents, my manager, the amazing staff and the boys", I pause as I hear the audience clap.

I smile lightly knowing by the end of this speech I'd be balling my eyes out.

"If someone told me back while I was still figuring out who I was and my placement in life that I would be up here.... facing millions of people, in a room with amazing and talented artists, living this life... and being in this group... I probably wouldn't have believed them. This is still unbelievable. And I'm honestly so blessed"

I look into the crowd.

"And you know.. this is different... we get so caught up with the life we have, we forget about the one we wanted. But you know what I realized?" I say beginning my acceptance award speech.

"You see for some of you here, tonight may just be about winning. But for me? It's about not giving up. It's not worrying about how many times you fall, but it's about how many times you stand up and keep going" I pause allowing the audience the clap at my words.

Finally the weight on my shoulders, the emotions I've been feeling and trying not to feel.

Tears formed in my eyes again, causing me choke in the middle of my speech. I let out a heavy trying to control myself in front of millions here or at home watching this.

"Come on, Normani!" A hear a voice shout clapping for me. Joon slowly walks up to me placing his hand on my back to comfort.

The audience screamed at his action.

"And... you know there are points and times in your life where people will say and do anything they can to hurt you" I pause.... just thinking about what also happened to me was so much.

How it was so quick to go to the public, and how people automatically felt bad for me or tried to make me out to be some weak girl.

"T-they will do anything to make you feel less then you are... make you feel as if you aren't enough... to abuse you ... To victimize you!".... I paused referring to not only the incident that happened while in Japan but the haters who also had something to say.

How they said I wasn't enough. I was too black for this. I wasn't talented enough. Just everything in general.

Everyone was waiting for a statement from me. To address everything. Somehow I knew. This was it.

"Well let me tell y'all something. What happened to me does not make me a victim, okay. I- I will not be a victim. Not to anyone" I say seriously causing the audience to scream and clap getting out of their seats applauding me.

"Yeah!" I hear artists shout at my response standing up and clapping for me.

I inhaled and exhaled deeply before looking to Joon who nodded looking at me. I turn back to the audience as he rubbed my back calming me.

"This award isn't for me. I mean I don't know about you but I know I don't need acceptance from anyone. I am enough. I have been enough and I will always be enough. And I don't need an award to tell me that. Therefore I dedicate this to the army, the nation, all of my

supporters, family, friends, the six boys sitting over there, our leader behind me and god himself. Because you guys made all of this possible. From the bottom of my heart, I love each and every single one of you. Thank you", I say lastly before raising the award and nodding looking around the room.

I didn't know them but I think that was probably one of the best acceptance speeches ever.

Before I could even turn around the audience was clapping and screaming at my speech. NamJoon helped me backstage holding my hand as we walked off stage.

As we walked backstage, I couldn't help it anymore. I let my feelings get the best of me and I began to break down.

"hey..hey...hey" Joon says placing his hands on my face looking at me passionately.

"I-i.." I stuttered lost for words unable to say anything.

"Tell me what's wrong? You want to go home?" He asks. I shook my head trying to force my words out of my mouth.

"Then what is it? The speech? You're speech was amazing y— I cut him off by grabbing him and pulling him into my embrace as he held me back.

"Thank you" I say softly.

He remained silent.

"If it wasn't for you... that man would— he cut me off, by parting the hug and grabbing my face.

"It's okay" he tells me letting me know I didn't need to explain because he knew exactly what I meant.

"But I almost wasn't, Joon. And right now, I don't know if I am" I say trying not to break down.

"Listen to me" he pauses grabbing me to get all of my attention which he successfully did.

"You don't have to worry about that man or any other person who wants to hurt you, okay. I will always protect you" he says so seriously and for a moment I almost forgot that we were at an award show.

With very important famous people with cameras and if people saw us they would get the wrong idea.

I mean it really isn't the wrong idea since we both obviously like each other.

"No matter what" he continues calming me down. I nod slowly as my breathing slows, looking at him.

But I felt my heart pounding with his skin against mine. The way I felt protected around him. The way I knew no one else could ever make me feel this way.

He stares into my eyes passionately, caressing my cheek. I watch as he gulps before opening his mouth to say something when he was cut off.

"normani!" I hear my voice being shouted.

Both Joon and I turned to see Brandon walking towards me. We parted almost immediately.