As the call ends, my legs go wobbly, and I grab hold of a nearby chair and flop into it. I can feel my heartbeat in my throat as my eyes blur from wetness.

"I'm sorry Tae," Suga says standing by me and having heard my brief conversation with Jimin.

"Oh god, what have I done. What does this all mean?" I says as I nervously run my fingers through my hair.

"Tae, he just needs time," Suga says reminding me again.

I am bewildered. I know he cares. He is just reacting to my reaction. I surprised myself with how cold I was. I didn't mean it. My chest burns with sadness and despair. I know I must fix this, yet I have no idea how. I will not give up on him, on us. I pray he does not give up on me. I get it. It's a lot of pressure to do what he does. He is rare and talented. My dismissal of him hurt him deeply and I am so ashamed. I thought I was better than this. He is my soul mate. I know this. Please baby don't leave me is all I can think.

"Tae, I talked with Jimin more last night. We've been talking daily, and uh he shared somethings about Kookie," he says as sits on the couch across from me.

"What? Like what Suga?" I say lifting my head and focusing on him intently.

"Jimin says that Jungkook can be really hard on himself. He's a perfectionist and this was traumatic for him. He uhm, I believe is in love with you too Tae," he says.

"What? Did Jimin say that? I ask with a sudden stiffening posture and an open mouth.

"Well, no Tae. That's a bit too private. It's for Jungkook to share that with you and you to share your feelings with him," he says as I nod understanding his point. I feel hopeful hearing this although not confirmed. God, I wish I had told him I loved him. I was stopped by my fears that it would have been too much for him. At least he would know and maybe have more trust in me and know I was going nowhere. Look at us, both holding back our truth.

"Jimin said he has these shame attacks. When they occur, he gets stuck in fear, sadness, and regret. He says Kookie thinks you're too good for him and he doesn't deserve you. He sees himself as being unworthy. I told him that this was hard to believe given that Kookie has such a high-profile job. Like what could be more exposing than a celebrity. He also said Kookie deals with most things very well but the fact that he has deep feelings for you, uh well," Suga says as his voice trails off like there's a part he does not want to say.

"Suga, please don't hold back. Not now. Whatever it is I want to hear it," I plead as he continues.

"Okay Tae. Because he has deep feelings for you and you rejected him, he feels abandoned by you Tae," he says as my heart drops into my stomach.

"Suga, I don't know what to do here. I just want to go over there and make him understand. I cannot wait until Christmas to see him. I just can't," I say as my voice trembles and Suga slowly nods.

"Uh, that is going to be fucking awkward," Suga says.

"Suga what did he say? How do we get past this? When can I talk to Kookie?" I say with elevated pitch and volume as panic surges through me.

"Tae, Jimin said he would handle it and was hopeful. He knows Kookie and he's calling in some reinforcements. I think he said his best friend from the show."

"What! Namjoon! No way! He doesn't support us! He'll just trying to tell Kookie what a mistake we were! Call him back right now!" I say raising my voice and angrily gritting my teeth.

"Tae calm the fuck down!" Suga spits back at me. "You are not thinking. Give him some space. You said you love him. So, honor his request and back the fuck off. He's hurting too and confused. It will be okay, and my money is on Jimin. He's his brother, he's smart and he loves him," he says firmly as his voice softens.

I take in a deep breath and blow it out and then close my eyes tightly. I know he's right but my heart aches for my Kookie and I need him in my arms. I am obsessed with the thought of repairing this.

"I-I don't know what to do here. Tell me what to do. I-I can't lose him," I whisper as my stomach fills with terror.

I then feel Suga's hand on my shoulder as he applies a slight pressure to comfort me as I look down at my hands that are folded between my knees.

"Tae," he says softly and letting out a slow audible breath. "I know you're hurting. I uh, think that you get on that train and go home for a few days. Spend some time with your pig, pick up the ornaments we talked about and return in a few days as planned. It will give you something to do. I think you need time to think. You need to know for certain that you can love and accept him as he is. Human and flawed," Suga says as I listen and take in his advice. Advice that I don't want to follow, yet advice I know is true. I must trust that it will be okay. I can't force Kookie into loving me. I swallow hard as I slowly nod my head.

"Yeah, I think that you may be right as much as all I want to do is storm over there and wrap him in my arms and whisk him away," I says as I nod in agreement as my phone rings and my heart leaps in anticipation and then immediately drop as I see its Jin. There is no way I'm going to talk about the show now. I hesitate and then answer biting down on my lip.

"Hi Jin," I say flatly.

"Good morning, Taehyung, do you have a minute. I promise you I'll be quick," he says with urgency in his voice which interest me.

"Jin, I have a train to catch, but I have a few minutes. Go ahead," I say.

"Taehyung, I'm sorry about yesterday," he says.

"Jin, I know the choice of interviewer was not yours and-,"

"No Taehyung, I'm talking about the lie I supported about Uno." My mouth falls open and I freeze hearing this. "Kookie had been uncomfortable with the lie for a while. He had fought with Namjoon and me about telling you and we, uh asked him to not tell you given your reaction to the Tommie Chen incident.

"My reactions? What does that mean Jin?" I question as I feel as sense of being bothered.

"Taehyung you weren't happy with the way we handled Tommie Chen. Namjoon and I thought you might be a risk and I'm so sorry about that. We were looking out for our jobs, bank accounts and the staff. Kookie only held off because if the secret came out, he would likely lose his show and the staff would lose their jobs. He doesn't deserve that. You've seen the photos in his office. The people he inspires. That is who he really is. I am embarrassed to tell you that I came up with the lie about Uno moving away. Please forgive him. He is my friend, and I failed him. I did not fully support him. He wanted to be with you and didn't care about the outcome. I lost something once very important to me. My integrity." he says as his voice breaks.

I take in a breath and then slowly blow it out. Kookie was trying to tell me even if it meant he would lose his show. He trusted me. My shoulders quake as I repress my sobs as I take in this realization. Jin didn't have to call me, and he has always been good to Kookie and treated me well.

"Jin, thanks for telling me. I plan to do everything with in my power to resolve things with Kookie. I will also keep my agreement with the show. I will see you after the holiday," I share with sincerity.

"Uh, probably not Tae. I-I resigned my position last night and uh, broke it off with N-Namjoon. P-Please don't give up on Kookie. He's the best and he's crazy about you. Thanks Taehyung and good look to you," he says with a weak voice that sounds as if he will breakdown at any moment. The call then disconnects.

I go silent as I am shocked hearing Jin's confession. I then think about the fallout from this secret. This is intense. I know what Jin means to the show and Kookie. I think he and Namjoon were together for a few years. It's all so messy now but I have a train to catch.

'You ready to go?" Suga says.

"Yeah, I-I need to go home and see my pig and I need to give Kookie more time. You'll handle things here, right. You'll let me know if anything changes?" I say feeling a bit dizzy from the overload of information and feelings. Yes. I need time to think.

"Of course, I'll let you know. I will see you on Christmas. And uh I'm meeting Jimin later, well maybe. We'll see how it goes and we'll talk tonight, Tae," he says as I pick up my bag and walk to the door.