As Suga, Tannie and I return to the hotel suite it all looks different to me. The view does not appear as spectacular as I once saw it and the colors seem dull. I go immediately to the kitchen and fill Tannie's bowl with water. He laps it up quickly and then climbs into his little bed. Under different circumstances I'd laugh but not tonight.

I go into the living area and sink into the plushy sofa and stare out into the view. Suga comes in behind me carrying two beers. He uncaps one bottle and gives it to me. He sits at the other end of the couch and says nothing as he uncaps his beer. After several minutes I must break the silence. It feels like torture.

"I think this is the part where you tell me, I told you so," I say as he looks up at me without expression and I slightly lower my head diverting my eyes.

"Now why would I say that Tae. It's apparent that you are in a lot of pain. I know Jungkook is important to you," he says with a low voice as the room goes quiet again.

I sit and think about what happened. The days started off perfect and my expectations were high. Everything looked bright and I was anticipating being with my Kookie at the end of the evening. It is all so fuzzy now as I struggle to remember what happened. It happened less than an hour ago, yet it feels vague. I then recall the incident with the sleazy reporter, Max Moon. I do remember feeling rageful hearing Tommie Chen's name again. My brain is scrambled, and I feel a heavy weight on my chest.

I told Suga what happened on the ride back to the hotel and he has said little. A few nods and grunts. Nothing much. It's just that I feel mislead and hurt. He sat on that stage and talked about Uno moving away and I believed him. He seemed in pain. Everyone in the audience was crying. I know that reporter and Tommie Chen are the lowest form of life, and I'd believe nothing they said, yet Kookie confirmed it all. I still love him terribly however I feel the sting of betrayal.

I take a sip of my beer and the sensation feels good as it moves down my throat and I stare out into the dark night. I sigh with exaggeration feeling annoyed by Suga's silence.

"Why haven't you said something," I say with irritation as he looks over to me and takes a slow sip of his beer.

"You haven't asked me anything," he says as he crosses his leg and looks at me.

"What? When have you ever needed my permission to say anything? You are always full of unsolicited opinions. Now you decide to censor what comes out of your mouth," I say with anguish targeting him for my frustrations which I know is unfair, but it is where I am at. I am angry, hurt and confused.

"Tae, I'm trying to practice pausing and listening. It is not easy; he tells me as he leans forward a bit.

"What the hell, Suga!" I shout.

"I know, right." Suga says as if he is also surprised by his ability to hold back. "I was talking to Jimin, and we both were talking about our unsolicited opinions that get us into trouble and create drama. He is so cute and terribly smart. He has been watching this therapist on television and practicing what he calls pausing and biting his tongue. And the funny thing is that after our incident a few weeks ago he started this. Isn't that something Tae?" He says as I look at him like he is an alien in Suga's body. Of all the damn times for him to have a therapeutic breakthrough. During my personal emotional crisis.

"What have you done with my brother, and I'd like him back. He looks just like you, but he is abrasive, rude and gives lots of unsolicited opinions." I says sarcastically as I gulp down another swallow of my beer.

"Tae are you asking for my opinion here. I'm just trying to listen and be here for you. I've been watching some of this Doctor's show too and they are quite amazing," he says with a slow, disbelieving shake of his head.

I'm shocked and for a minute I forget about my own problems as I draw back my head quickly. Suga does not go in for those touchy and feelings talk shows as he calls them. Especially the ones he refers to with a head doctor. He says they are stupid and for suckers. It's all a scam to get into people's pockets. So, yes this is quite alarming.

"Of course, I want your opinion but without the Kookie bashing please. I'm frustrated but I-I still love him." I say reluctantly.

"What? Tae, I think Jungkook is a cool dude now that I've spent time with him and see how he feels about you," he says with compassion as my mouth falls open and I sit back needing a moment to process what he said.

"What? Feels about me," I query.

"Yes Tae, feels about you. Jimin and I both agree that you both are two love-sick dorks. You and your high ideals and him in his tight pants," he says with a smirk and a scoff.

What he said is so loaded I don't know where to start. What Kookie feels about me of course is what shocks me the most.

"Suga, I don't know why he didn't trust me and tell me about the Uno situation earlier. I had shared so much with him. He appeared so hurt when Uno went to live with that family. Fuck, that wasn't real. Not being honest with me hurts Suga. That's just not how you treat someone you are supposed to care about and trust," I exclaim as I feel a light chest pain

"Trust, Tae? How long have you known him?"

"That is not the point Suga!" I say with a sense of being bothered as I try to defend a position that is not defendable.

"It is absolutely the point," he says quietly. "You both moved really fast Tae and I in no way am criticizing you. I am just sharing an opinion you asked for," he says as his face softens. I lower my defense seeing he is genuine in his desire to be helpful. I nod my head taking in his opinion.

"Tae how do you feel about the show having a false backstory? He asks.

"I think it's despicable. I bought into it. I feel like a sucker."

"Do you think his show is the only show that creates false information so that viewers feel closer and more connected to the host?" Suga asks. "Tae you are not a child. Yes, it's a cooking show but it also an entertainment show with celebrities."

"But this is different. He's my boyfriend and I thought he was honest and not Hollywood like the rest of them, I say with a tone of being bothered.

"Hahaha! Listen to yourself. Yes, I said high ideals and let me add judgmental," Suga says bending slightly forward as he lets out a hearty laugh.

'When did you become a Kookie fan? Wow, look at you," I say defensively as I examine him closely.

"Yes, I like Jungkook but I'm a Tae fan first and I know he makes you happy. And you're in love. You are being a bit of a judgmental dick because your perfect dream has some flaws.

"What the hell does that mean!" I roar as he exhales an audible breath.

"Tae he's not perfect. No one is," Suga says with a slight chuckle that I take offense to.

"I never said he was perfect!" I charge and take a quick sip of beer and placing the bottle down on the table with enough force that if makes a loud sound.

"Yeah, you kind of did Tae. You were always raving about him being the best, top quality, and how he had great standards. You idolized him, you know like your wanting things to be like the fantasy you have running in your head," Suga spits as he places his elbow on one knee and leans forward.

"What!" I shout.

"Yep, you put him on a pedestal and the only way off a pedestal is down. You pedestalized him which in my opinion was unfair. He was perfect in your eyes. Meanwhile you could snub your nose at the entertainment business and keep him polished. Then you have the audacity to pout and throw a silent tantrum when his outer porcelain shows a hairline crack. Yep, that is my opinion."

My mouth falls open and I feel sweat on the back of my neck and slip off my jacket as I take in Suga's cutting words. Was he right? Had I placed Kookie in a no-win situation? Sure, I did. I have considered him as perfect from the first day I saw him and continued to hold him that way when I fell in love with him. He is human as was my childish reaction. I could have heard him out. For the first time it hits me how hurtful my response to him must have been.

"Oh my god, Suga. I held an ideal for him that no human can achieve. And when I saw a flaw, I-I abandoned him in that moment. I didn't give him chance to explain," I say as I drop my chin to my chest. "He tried to explain, and I-I accused him of having sex with me for ratings. Oh god, I feel sick. Regardless of what he did I still love him and want to be with him. I need to go be with him. I must apologize to him and beg for his forgiveness. Suga, I was horrible," I say as I cover my face with my hands and continue to shake my head. I take my phone out and it has no charge. I then stand and move to the door.

"Where are you going?" Suga shouts as he runs in front of me.

"You know where I'm going!" I shout as I stand in front of Suga who is between me and the door with his hands out.

"Tae, stop! Give him some time!" He pleads.

"No! I must fix this now. I'm not waiting, and you need to move!" I scream farrowing my eyebrows.

"Tae, look at yourself. You need to get your head on straight before you talk to Jungkook!" He says sternly as he holds his ground.

"No Suga. I fuckin let that asshole actor set us up. He was just trying to get back at Kookie by sharing this info and I was dumb enough to react to it! I hurt him Suga! I have to repair this damnit!"

Just then Suga's phone rings as I freeze.

"Tae it's Jimin."

"What? Let me talk to him!"

"No, hold on Tae!"

I start to pace the floor like a caged animal as Suga answers.

"Oh hey, Jimin. How is Kookie doing?" Suga says, as I freeze. I just want to grab the phone as my guts are twisting in knots. I have a pressure in my chest that hurts, and my throat burns as I find it hard to swallow.

"Okay, uh yeah." Suga says with a short pause as Jimin talks.

"Suga, let me speak to him. I need to speak to Kookie," I say in a strained low voice as panic rips through me. This is the first time since I heard Kookie's secret that my mind has settled some so that I can hear and finally think.

"I understand," he says followed by a longer pause.

"No, he's right here," he says and extends his phone to me. I quickly take it.

"Hi Tae. Kookie is uh upset and I just put him to bed. I'll talk to him in the morning," Jimin says with a voice devoid of emotions.

"Jimin, please let me talk to him. I'm so sorry. I w-was stunned and overwhelmed. Please, I-I made a mistake. I-I just needed to think. Can I come by. I-I can be there in 20 minutes," I beg and profusely sweat as my heartbeat races.

"Tae, please don't. I'm sorry but Kookie wouldn't want me to be talking to you but it's the least I can do. I know you're a good guy. But he's hurt and deeply ashamed," Jimin says with a somber voice. He sounds like he is holding back his own tears.

"Okay Jimin, I-I'll pick him up in the morning for our train."

"Tae, I-I think you should call first. I'm just not sure. Tae it's not my business but Kookie's a good man. He was planning to tell you tonight. It tore him apart that he couldn't tell you because Namjoon wasn't sure if you'd go public. He was going to tell you anyway. Please, try not to judge him too harshly. You're the first guys that, uh," He blows out an audible breath, "he's cared about so deeply."

"Jimin, I'm sorry. I want to be with him, and I care about him too, deeply. If I could just talk to him," I plead as my voice cracks.

"Tae, I can't. I'm sorry. Please, call in the morning and I will do what I can. Good night," he says as his voice quiets to a whisper and the call ends.

I press my back against the wall, lower my head and as Suga stands by silently.

"Tae, I'm so sorry. He just needs time. He's hurt and embarrassed. Give it to the morning," he says in a soft and compassionate voice.

I slowly move over to the couch and fall into it as I hope it will devour me whole with my pain. I lower my head as my eyes burn with tears. I know Suga is still there with me as I share my honest feelings and thoughts.

"How could I meet the man of dreams and fuck it up by being such a selfish asshole. I can't believe I did that. I was so cold to him. I too am ashamed. I love him and I should have told him. I will not give up until he is back in my arms again. This I promise," I say with conviction.

I wake up with a pounding headache and out of habit I turn to cuddle with Tae. My heart sinks to my stomach as the memories from yesterday rush into my mind. I grab on to the pillow that he vacated just 24 hours ago and squeeze it tightly as I search for his sweet scent.

I think I had a few too many martinis. I sit up and pull my knees into my chest and press my back into the headboard as a tear rolls down my cheek. I look over to my night table and my phone is not on its charger. All I know is that I cannot face Tae and my humiliation. What a mess I am.

There's a soft knock at the door and Jimin walks in as I grab several tissues and wipe my eyes. He looks the worst for ware as his eyes are red and swollen. I had no idea how this might affect him. He loves me and when I hurt, he hurts. My pain is intensified seeing him.

"Kookie you're awake. Look I have Tae on the phone and he wants to talk to you–,"

"No Jimin, I can't. I just can't," I say interrupting him. I-I'll talk to him another time. I can't," I says as my body starts to shake.

He rushes over, climbs into my bed, and rubs my back.

"Kookie, it's okay. I have him muted and I'll tell him you'll call him another time," he says softly in the saddest voice as I say okay, in a scratchy weak voice.

"Tae, I'm sorry. He not ready to talk to you and will call you later-," and he pauses as I assume Tae is responding.

"I know Tae, but he needs time. I will tell him, goodbye," he says, and the room becomes painfully silent as Jimin continues to rub my back.

"Kookie, he's sorry and hurt that he hurt you. He wants to be with you," Jimin says as I hear the words yet all I can see is the look of disgust on his face when he realized I was a lair. I'm reminded of the coldness in his voice when he refused me and how his body became ridged and stiff when I tried to hug him as he left. He repealed me as if I were repulsive. He clearly let me know that I am not wanted, pathetic and beneath contempt.

"Kookie, can you talk to me?" Jimin asks as he turns towards me and slowly lifts my chin. I wipe my eyes and blow my nose.

"I-I can't face him Jimin. I was so terrible, and I feel sick about it. I hope one day he will forgive me."

"Kookie, I talked to him last night and he's sorry."

"For what? He at least was honest in his reaction. He hates me and I disgust him," I say lowering my head.

"No Kookie I don't think"- Jimin says, and I interject talking fast before he can finish his statement.

"No Jimin, that is him being a good guy. He would apologize when he has nothing to apologize for. He just doesn't want me to be upset but clearly h-he could never be with a monster like me."

"Damnit Kookie, cut the drama! Monster? You are not a monster? You are having a shame attack! That's where you go. I know you are hurt! You love this man and I'm sure he loves you. Don't give up on him!" Jimin says taking my shoulders and firmly shaking me.

"Jimin you weren't there, and you didn't see his eyes when he walked out. The way he was I'll never forget it. Damn right I feel ashamed. Tae's a great man and I don't deserve him. Look at the pain I've caused him. He asked if I fucked him for ratings. Of course, I didn't but that's what he believes," I say in a rush of speech as I dismiss what Jimin is saying.

"Kookie, please slow down and breathe," he says I reach over and grab more tissue.

"Now get your ass in the shower and come eat some breakfast," he says firmly.

"Nope, I'm find here. All I need is my bed and box of tissue," I says with resistance and irritation as Jimin presses the button on my beside remote and the blinds on the wall of windows start to rise letting in the sunlight.

"No! Don't open those blinds!" I shout covering my eyes.

"You need to get dressed because Namjoon and Jin will be here in 15 minutes," he says sternly placing his hands on his hips.

"No, you didn't!" I scream as Jimin leans in and shouts back at me.

"Oh yes I did! I expected this because I know you. I knew how hard you would take this based of your constant struggle to see your value!" Jimin exclaims firmly.

"What! I'm a very confident person! I have a top-rated number one cooking and talk show!" I yell with bitterness.

"Kookie," he says softly as he takes in and releases an exaggerated breath. "You are a good actor, and you are my brother and I love you. I know you well. You get your ass out of that bed, or we we'll all meet in your bedroom.

"W-Well, I'll lock the door!" I scream.

"You really think a locked door will keep Namjoon out?"

"Damn, you Jimin!" I say as I slowly get out of bed.