As I exit the elevator and walk the long hallway to my office, I feel joyful. It is four days to Christmas. The holiday music coming from the overhead speakers expands my smile. The halls, studio, control room and my office have been festively decorated.

Everyone appears to be smiling and there is a feeling of jubilance in the air that only happens at Christmas time. It has invaded my body and I love it. That is the Christmas spirit. It is that time when everyone seems kinder and closer.

I feel giddy with excitement today, and I am convinced that this will be the best day ever. Tae's last appearance on my show before Christmas will be today as well as our annual staff Christmas party, which is always fun.

It will be a high point in my day as I love seeing all the staff and their children each year. Of course, Santa will be there with toys and gifts for everyone. At the end, I will hand out the Christmas bonuses, which I enjoy so much. It is an opportunity to share my sincere appreciation for the hard work and my staff's contribution to making my show a success. This year the bonus checks will be quite fat.

Lastly, I will be on holiday break for 10 days at the end of the evening. Tae and I have plans to spend time at his farm for a few days and then head to the cottage in the snowy mountains for the Christmas holiday. We will be traveling by train at 9:50 a.m. tomorrow. We are working out the logistics around our relationship and I could not be happier.

I have decided that I will tell Tae everything tonight. I don't want to go on carrying this weight over my head. He has opened his entire life to me.

Over the last few days, we have shared very vulnerable parts of ourselves, yet I have held back. I trust him completely. I am clear about my priority and that is Taehyung. My normal guy.

Tae and I have been together several days following my dinner. We went over to his hotel yesterday and spent time with Suga and Tannie. According to Jimin, he and Suga are talking and getting alone wonderfully. They will be attending our Christmas party and have plans later. I have never heard him so excited over someone. I am very happy for him.

As I enter my office my phone vibrates. It is Jin.

"Hi, Jin. What's up?" I say gleefully.

"Hi, Kookie. Are you in the office yet?" Jin says with a bit of tension in his voice. I think it is part of Jin's job to worry, which he does well. He worries about every detail and that is one of the reasons this show works so well.

"I just got in, Jin," I say as I grab a bottle of water from my mini-fridge and settle into my office chair.

"Namjoon and I are on the way to talk with you," he says and then disconnects the call which is a bit unusual for Jin. He sounds concerned but I refuse to allow his worries or Namjoon's negativity to bring me down. This day is going to be fantastic and at the end of it, I will be wrapped in my man's strong arms. I smile at the thought. My god, I'm happy.

I open my phone and see a text message from Tae with an attachment. He tells me he is on the way and should be here in about 45 minutes. He adds the cutest emojis and I cannot help but giggle.

I was never one for all that emoji bullshit. Just send the damn message! Who the hell has time? But he is so cute, and I love those little emoji's now. Especial the smiling one with hearts all over it or the one blowing me a kiss.

I open the attachment and it is a picture of our train tickets for tomorrow morning. I quietly squeal and text him a thumbs up and my two favorite emojis as I feel butterflies fluttering in my belly. Yes, this is going to be a great day.

There is a soft knock as Jin followed by Namjoon enter my office. Jin is clasping onto his clipboard and quickly takes a seat on the couch near me. Namjoon continues standing and immediately starts talking as I sit up straight giving him my full attention.

"Kookie, we have some good news and some not so good news. After the show you have an interview," he says placing his hands on his hips as I soft give myself a facepalm out of frustration.

"C'mon guys, no fucking interviews today. You do know that we have our Christmas party this evening?" I exclaim as I narrow my eyes and turn to Jin whose department books all interviews as he diverts his eyes to his clipboard and then back to me.

"Kookie, it's important that we have a big push before the season ends. Then, we are going to record part of the Christmas Day with you and Tae at the cottage. That will play after Christmas, and I predict it will be our biggest show ever. But we must set it up right and that means a big interview," Jin says as he bites down on his lip and grips tightly to his clipboard.

I let out an audible sigh of exasperation. I'm determined that I will not let this change in scheduling ruin my day and my attitude.

"Kookie, you haven't done an interview in a while and we have an agreement with the network," Jin says as he pulls his clipboard close to him while Namjoon looks back and forth between us as if he's waiting for Jin to handle me.

"So please tell me this was the not so good news?" I say uncapping the top off my water bottle as Namjoon wrings his hands together nervously.

"Not quite," Namjoon says. "The interviewer is Max Moon."

"That's the asshole Tommy Chen met with and gave all that dirt on me. False dirt! He's a douche bag and how the hell is he the interviewer?" I shout as I stop and hold my water bottle in mid-air before I take a drink.

"Kookie, this was arranged by the network. We cannot refuse him without good reason. This decision came from above. It's a done deal," Namjoon adds, and Jin looks at me and nods.

"No way do I want to be in the same room with that bastard!" I say as Jin nods indicating he understands my concern.

"I don't get it. Why the hell his sleazy ass?" I shout.

"Because his sleazy ass has a huge following on social media and he is just the push we need," Jin says as Namjoon agrees nodding his head vigorously.

"Why do we need an interview? Our numbers are huge now," I exclaim as Jin lowers his clipboard and raises his head and moves to the end of his seat.

"Kookie, you know this business. You always have to work to stay relevant and you can't let your audience forget who you are so, in my opinion, we need to do this," Jin says looking at me intently as I feel resigned and just want to get to the day's good stuff.

"Whatever," I say dismissing this whole interview idea and wanting to move on.

"Okay, so now give me the good news," I say with a smile looking between Namjoon and Jin. Both are silent for a few awkward moments.

"Kookie, we're not quite done yet. There's more," Namjoon says as he taps his fingers on the end of my desk while I take a gulp of water.

"What more could it be?" I ask as I recap my water bottle and place it in front of me.

"The interviewer also wants to interview Taehyung," Jin says as he bites down on his lips.

"What? Absolutely not!" I roar. "H-he's unfamiliar with interviewing. I mean he has done some interviews but not with a professional like this dick that's looking for dirt. I don't like it and it's just not going to happen!" I shout slamming my hand down on my desk with such force that Jin startles and Namjoon slowly shakes his head from side to side in disapproval.

"Kookie, when you started this fling with your guest host, you promised me you'd keep it professional! You're the one that jumped in bed with him!" Namjoon shouts as he places both hands on the front of my desk and leans towards me baring his teeth.

"Joonie, stop it!" Jin yells as I stand and lean face-to-face with Namjoon.

"My relationship with Tae has nothing to do with this!"

"Cut the shit, Kookie! It has everything to do with this! You just had to sleep with him, didn't you?" Namjoon says continuing to shout!

"Yes, I did and I'm damn proud of it! Not every goddamn thing is about this show!" I scream as Jin quickly stands and pulls Namjoon back by his arm.

"Stop it!" Jin shouts. "Please, you two, settle down," Jin pleads lowering his voice and looking at me as l let out a loud sigh and settle back into my chair as Namjoon opens and closes his fist repeatedly while stepping back.

The room goes quiet and all that is heard is loud breathing as Jin looks at Namjoon and then me.

"This is what we'll do. I'll prep Taehyung. He's part of this show, Kookie, so he is fair game. I don't trust this bastard. He'll probably try to probe you for some information on you and Tae's relationship," Jin says in a calming voice as he lowers himself back to his seat on the couch and picks up his clipboard while Namjoon looks toward the window and combs his fingers through his hair.

"Kookie, you're a pro at these interviews and you know how to handle this guy. I'll give Tae an earpiece and I'll be guiding him. C'mon, Kookie it's the last big thing before you start your holiday with Tae. Let's end the last show of the season with a big bang. Nobody does it better than you Kookie," Jin says with a smile and as he placates me.

"Jin, I do not need a pep talk to do my job. It just doesn't feel right to me," I say as I feel an uneasiness in my gut and Namjoon looks over to me.

"Kookie's you've done hundreds of interviews and you interview others for a living. This is a piece of cake for you. This guy knows that he can't come after you, so he'll probably go after Taehyung." Namjoon says, slowly nodding his head as he affirms me. "Jin's right, you are thee best," Namjoon says as a soft smile moves across his face.

"Fuck," I say with exasperation as I fidget with my water bottle.

"Alright, let's do this. It better go right, you two," I say as I roll my eyes. "I'll ask Tae to follow my lead and then with Jin's help we should be okay," I say lifting my water bottle and taking another long sip.

"So, what the good news?" I ask as Jin looks over to Namjoon who has settled in a chair.

"The network wants us to come in for contract talks next week."

"I can't do that; I'll be on holiday."

"Really, Kookie! Namjoon says as Jin nervously chuckles. "You know what that means. This is great news. Contract talks before the year-end only mean one thing. They want to renew us and lock us in for a new contract with big numbers," Namjoon says with a big smile.

"Kookie, it's a good thing," Jin says "The network is very happy with what we've done, and they don't want you being a free agent. You and Namjoon own the rights to your brand, and you can take the show to another network."

"I'll give it some thought," I say as I flatten lips and slowly nod my head.

"What the fuck do you mean 'some thought'?" Namjoon spits and stands and starts pacing in the center of the room.

"Have you forgot that when we win, everyone wins? Our staff get huge bonuses when we grow and provide jobs for others, and we all get fat checks. What more is there? Is that not what we worked for?" Namjoon says trying to keep his tone even and his voice steady.

"It was. But it's not my priority anymore," I share looking up at Namjoon as he stops moving and stands in the center of the floor.

"What do you mean?" Jin says as Namjoon grits his teeth.

"What about me? Don't I get to be happy?" I say leaning forward and placing my elbows on my desk as I cup my chin in my right hand.

"Of course, you do. You get to have fame, fortune, and your farmer. Now, you are happy," Namjoon says with sarcasm and a smirk.

"Namjoon, don't joke about this. Kookie is serious. Go ahead Kookie, say more. Please," Jin says placing his clipboard on the table in front of him and then pressing his back into the couch ready to listen.

"Everything I've had to do has been for this show. Don't get me wrong I love what we have built. We have provided jobs and helped a lot of people get started in their careers, but I no longer want to shoulder the responsibility of having to have everyone's support, happiness and livelihood depend on me. It is too heavy. I want a life with Tae, first. I am not saying that I won't sign a new contract. I'm saying, honestly, that I will consider it and it is not my priority."

The room is quiet as Namjoon starts to tap his foot and sighs as Jin just looks at me without expression.

Jin then clears his throat before speaking. "I got it Kookie and I'm here for you and Taehyung. Whatever you decide I am with you," Jin says as he reaches over and rubs my arm.

I softly smile at him as Namjoon walks towards me and then stops. I am unable to read his expression and brace myself for his bluster.

"I think you are a damn fool, but I love you," he says opening his arms. I rise and he gives me a long heartfelt hug. I am initially shocked and then hug him back tightly.

"I'll let the network know that we will meet after your holiday. This could work in our best interest. They will probably think we have another offer and then sweeten the pot. Hahaha," Namjoon laughs as Jin, and I shake our heads and laugh.

The last show of the season is amazing. Tae is as popular as ever with the live audience and viewers. We had our biggest numbers ever on social media, Jin says. We are a huge success and I again feel giddy and excited. Everyone is eagerly waiting for the Christmas episode that will view after Christmas.

Next is our interview and the big Christmas party. I'm not going to let anything kill the awesome vibe I'm feeling. Life is good and I have the man of my dreams. And once we return to my penthouse tonight, I will tell Tae everything.

I love him and I believe he loves me although I have not shared this yet. I trust him with my life and my heart. After tonight there will be no more secrets.