It has been several days since I last saw Kookie, and I miss him terribly. When we talked last night, we did not want to let the other go. I would have happily jumped in a taxi and gone to him. I had hoped he would ask, but he did not.

I have an overwhelming desire to be with him. Although I have occupied myself with other activities he is foremost on my mind. I will see him in an hour and cannot wait.

I have enjoyed spending time with Suga this week. It has been a wonderful opportunity for us to reconnect. I have taken him to see several sights that I thought he might enjoy. This is an old city with lots of history and beautiful architecture.

Suga enjoys history and learning new things. Several times he has said, "this is nice". Well for Suga, that was a raving review. On a rare occasion, I was fortunate to hear him say, "This is really nice." That is his highest praise.

We have talked more than ever before, and I have enjoyed it immensely. Some of our conversations have not been easy, yet we had them. We talked about losing mom and dad as well as moving forward in our lives.

Suga shocked me by revealing that he'd like to find someone special he could build a life with. I was surprised after seeing his reaction to his last few boyfriends yet happy for him. I hope he is fortunate enough to find someone like I have found my Kookie.

Although I'm excited about seeing Kookie I cannot help but feel some anxiety around our dinner at Kookie's tonight. Suga and I have not talked about the incident since that evening he called me, nearly a week ago. I trust that he has a plan and will do all in his power to make sure the evening goes smoothly.

He is very capable and can be a charmer when he wants to. But he will not say something that is not true. If he is charming, it will be real and come from his heart.

This is who he is. Authentic. He can say harsh things, but he is one to accept when he is wrong about something. He is quite trustworthy, and the right man will be fortunate to have him.

I think primarily that the evening will go well. Kookie is very excited and eager to entertain this evening and hear what Suga has to say. It is clear to me that he wants a good relationship with Suga.

He knows that Suga is my only family and that he is as important to me as is Jimin to him. Kookie is such a good person. I know he is not perfect, however, I have yet to see any flaws.

After three nights and days together this morning I woke with an ache in my heart not finding him next to me. As excited as I am for the evening and everyone coming together, I hope it does not go too long. I want my Kookie in my arms again.

I want to heat up the sheets as we have done for several nights. I want to explore his hot body with my hands and my mouth. I want to hear him scream my name as I bring him to climax again and again.

Christmas is now a week away. I want to give him a special Christmas gift, something that he will remember and hopefully cherish. Our first Christmas together. Unfortunately, I have no idea what to give him.

I watch him and listen for clues and trust that I will find it. Whatever it might be. We will be alone at Kookie's cottage on Christmas Eve with our guests arriving early on Christmas morning.

I give Tannie some water in his bowl and walk into the living area where I see Suga sitting on the couch starring out into the gorgeous view. I go over and join him as it is nearly time to leave for Kookie's home.

"How is it going? You ready for our evening? Kookie is excited about tonight and says it's going to be a wonderful redo. He's optimistic like that," I say with a chuckle as he continues to stare outward. I don't think he heard me.

"Suga," I say raising my volume a bit higher.

He startles a bit and looks over towards me. "Uh, did you say something, Tae?" He asks with a flat expression and tone.

"I was just asking if you are ready for the evening tonight and saying Kookie is excited to be seeing you again."

He gives me a quick smile and then turns back towards the view and lowers his head.

"Suga are you okay?" I query as he turns and faces me.

"I'm fine Tae. I'm ready when you are," he says showing a soft smile and nodding his head. He appears a bit anxious as he rubs his thighs down to his knee a few times.

"Okay, I'll text for an uber. You seem a bit nervous. Are you sure you are, okay?" I say reaching across the table and picking up my phone.

"Your boyfriend is excited about dinner tonight? That's good, Tae. I really want to amend things with him and get going on the right track. He's a good guy and I do not doubt that he has not worked hard to get where he is."

"That's great Suga," I say as I click on the Uber app and begin adding in our pick-up and drop-off location information. I'm looking down at my phone and Suga is quiet for a few moments and then clears his throat.

"Uh, did your boyfriend say anything about his brother and how he feels about me attending?" He probes tentatively as I bite down on my lip not sure how to answer the question.

Kookie told me that Jimin was apprehensive and is untrusting. He did not want to attend the dinner but is doing so because Kookie pleaded with him. Do I share that with Suga?

"Uh, Kookie said that he was a little concerned and uncertain about dinner tonight but will attend," I truthfully report as he moves forward to the edge of the sofa and slowly nods his head.

"This is terrible. He hates me. Oh God, what am I walking into? This time am I actually going to get stabbed?"

"Suga, calm down. I thought you were cool with this. What happened?" I say putting my phone on the table in front of me. "Talk! We have ten minutes before the uber arrives," I say as he rubs his thighs again and looks down.

"I-I was fine and feeling confident and then I started thinking about how much I'd like to find someone special too. I-It's just seeing you and Kookie together makes me think about my own Mr. Right. Do you think that's silly Tae?" He questions as I reach for Tannie's leash. Tannie comes over knowing it time to go.

"Suga, I think that is great. So, you're ready for something more in your life."

"Tae, I don't know, but I want to try. I have had several boyfriends as you know. It always starts off nice but for some reason, I cannot move forward. They want more and I, uh, uh, get scared and run. It's like I'm just passing time waiting for someone else. But there was a spark I have never felt with Jimin," he shares as I listen and see a different side of my brother.

"How does that make sense?" He says as he scratches his head and looks into the empty space above him as if he's trying to answer his own question. "I only had a few words with him, and we know what happened after that," he exclaims slowly shaking his head as I smile and identify with that same spark with Kookie. It is simply unexplainable, and I get it.

"Suga, I can relate, and I try not to question it," I say as he looks at me slightly widening his eyes as if he has heard something unexpected.

"You felt a spark with Jungkook, also?" He asks in a low voice as he makes eye contact. I nod and smile.

"Suga, why do you think you do that, run?" I probe as I look at my phone and see that we only have a few minutes before our Uber arrives.

"Tae I've been thinking about that myself, lately. What I have come up with is that I don't want to let someone down. Tae, I don't know if you are aware, but I'm not the easiest person to be with," he says as if he is reporting to me new information.

"What you? Really?" I tease with a sarcastic tone and scoff as Suga rolls his eyes noting my sarcasm.

"But in each of those relationships, the feelings were not there. They quickly fizzled out. What if that happens again? Yet, I have not spent one private moment with Jimin and he's in my head. His adorable face, his cute little smile, and his laugh. He is witty, sharp and very passionate. I just hope I haven't annihilated any chance I had with him," he says sadly looking down again.

"Wow, Suga. That is pretty deep. Hey, our Uber is here. Look," I say leaning forward and attaching Tannie's leash to his collar, "be yourself. Your confident and charming self, not that asshole that showed up the other night," I say as I stand and grab a bag that I've packed.

"Tae, you're right. I'm usually quite confident. We are going to have a good evening tonight. I will apologize to Jungkook and Jimin. I promise you I will do my best," he says as we leave our hotel suite. My anxiety about the evening starts to decrease as I trust that Suga will truly do his best as promised.

As the elevator rises upward toward Kookie's penthouse I recall that I need Suga to do something for me. His demeanor is now different. He appears confident and focused.

"Suga, uh I need a favor."

"Yes?" he says looking at me cautiously.

"Nothing big. Can you take Tannie with you when you leave, I'm going to be spending the night with Kookie."

"Oh, sure Tae. Uh, how is that going?"

"How is what going?" I ask knowing that he is asking about the sex, but we don't talk about our boyfriends in a private way like that. At least we had not in the past.

"Nothing, never mind," he says turning his head off to the side as the elevator continues to rise.

I think about how vulnerable Suga has been. Over the last week, he has revealed a lot. Our relationship has opened considerably. I feel I can do the same and share with him. There is no one that I trust more than my brother.

"He is amazing, as is the sex. Being with him is the best experience ever," I share as he shows a big gummy smile.

"Good for you Tae, good for you." We are smiling as Kookie opens the door and we are both overcome with a divine aroma. Dinner, of course.

Kookie kisses me on my cheek, and I'm surprised as Suga moves in quickly and hugs him. The hug is tight and authentic. Kookie is facing me, and I see his eyes go wide as he is caught off guard. His smile then expands as he settles into the hug.

Suga has a broad gummy smile and seems like a different person. The person I know he can be and the person I hoped would show up the other night.

The moment is killed by Tannie jumping up on Kookie's leg wanting his attention.

"Tannie!" Kookie shouts and lifts him as he frantically licks his face while Kookie emits that sweet giggle that melts my insides. I want nothing more than to swoop him up and take him to bed and make love to him, now. Unfortunately, that will have to wait for later. But I need my kiss.

"Wow, that's a beautiful tree!" Suga says as his face lights up. Suga and I used to help our parents decorate our home for Christmas. Decorating the tree was an all-family fun event that has left me with wonderful special memories.

"Babe, that is beautiful but it's naked," I tease and my Kookie giggles again leaning into me as I feel my dick twitches. God, I want to get this man alone.

"Baby, we are going to all work on getting it decorated tonight. I hope you are up for it," he says and before I can say a word Suga speaks.

"I'm all in," Suga says. "Tae can tell you I'm the best at decorating a tree. Now I know you do all that fancy decorating shit on your show but you are out of your league with me," he laughs and then another voice intervenes.

"Is your ass bragging now? Because I think you are the one who will find yourself out of your league when you see my decorating skills," Jimin says from behind with a broad smile.

Suga freezes for a moment as he turns and sees Jimin. He processes Jimin's sassy tone, his banter, and then meets Jimin's smile with his own.

"Jimin that sounds like a challenge, and I am ready for it. But first I smell something very delicious coming from the kitchen. I certainly hope that is dinner," Suga says as we all laugh.

What the fuck just happened here? Suga just walked in and owned the room. What a shift!

I softly exhale releasing much of the tension that I had been holding. I look over to Kookie and he smiles wide standing beside me petting Tannie.

We all move to the couch as I guide Kookie to a spot so I can sit next to him. I need to touch him and be as close as I can. Before Kookie sits he remembers something.

"Oh my, I have to get the beverage tray." He puts Tannie on the floor and heads to the kitchen. I have the urge to follow him but want to make sure Suga and Jimin are okay.

"So, Jimin, tell me more about your holiday tree-trimming style. Do you like real trees or those that come out of the box, fake trees? No judgment, of course," Suga says smiling broad and looking intently at Jimin.

"Are you kidding me! Real, of course! That is the only way to go!" Jimin yells as I hear them both laughing and surprisingly connecting.

I follow my urge and go to find my almond Kookie.

I turn into the kitchen, and he is waiting. He pulls me into the room and slams me against the wall.

"What took you so long?" he whispers in a breathy voice with lustful eyes.

He then presses his lips to mine as our hands roam over each other's body and the room fills with our moans. Our mouths are hot, juicy, and hungry. I grab his tight ass and pull him into me hard and groan as our cocks stiffen and create hot friction that I want to take to the bedroom.

He leans forward and whispers, "I want to suck your cock and then I want you to fuck me hard," he says with a heavy voice.

"Fuck, Kookie! Mmm. Shit, I want you so bad," I nearly howl. We kiss and grind and then pull back as both are breathing heavily.

"Baby, I've missed you so much," I tell him. I know this is going to be a long night but we both know what is on the menu tonight. Each other. I pull him into another deep and sloppy kiss. I then help Kookie get the cold beverages giving our hard dicks time to settle down.

"Tae, Suga is really charming. I had no idea. And Jimin was worried Suga hated him," Kookie shares.

"What? Hahaha, Suga was worried too! He likes Jimin and is interested in him?" I say as Kookie brings both hands to his mouth and starts to giggle.

"Oh my, this should be an amusing evening," Kookie says as I nod in agreement and laugh.