Previously-

Is this wrong? I asked myself briefly asked i reached down in my pants and pulled my member out, letting out a hiss as the cool night breeze hit it. Maybe. But i honestly cant take this anymore. Im a mess, and i give up. Im strong, but even strong people Have weak moments. So right now, in this moment, im gaara's lover again.

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Now-

---Gaara---

I stopped for a moment to look up at the sky. The moon was big, and heavy. Wisps of clouds flung themselves across the sky with excess amounts of laziness.

"What am I doing?" The words slipped out unbidden. I do not know why I was saying this. I am not even sure who I am supposed to be talking to. I just know that this feeling in my chest, just will not stop. I fell to the ground. This seems to be a pattern. Breaking down. Crying. Screaming. Wiping away the tear. Standing up. Do it all over again. I guess I should be glad that Naruto can not, or at the very least I do not think he can hear me right now. Screaming and crying to, I guess the moon. The far away and distant moon. Just like you, Naruto. That's not right is it? That's not what this is supposed to be. Naruto. You were my sun.

You should still be my sun.

You should be laughing next to me.

You should be kissing me.

You should be asking me questions about the things of seen, the people I've met. Then again, this entire thing is my fault. "It's all my fault!" I screamed out, my voice was dry in an odd and unusually way. "I should have checked, made sure that you were safe! If I had, you wouldn't have had to die." I slammed my fist down on the ground. Dirt moved and a found that was in a tiny crater. "It's all my fucking fault!" What the hell is this? This is anger? This is guilt? Dammit. Dammit. Dammit! "DAMMIT!" I'm being torn apart from the inside out. How do I stop this? I looked up at the moon as If it could answer all of my questions. Answer everything. I'm all alone. I always was. I finally had someone, and I lose him. Screaming, and crying like- like someone who is not me. My voice felt weird now. Unused to the loud and lengthy volume it had been forced to project. It's my fault. Naruto, please. "Please Naruto. Please forgive me." I'm being torn apart, bit by bit by your memory. My selfishness swirling around in my head. It was my Carelessness and selfishness that caused this to happen. I deserve this. I deserve this agony. This pain. I deserve it, right? Of course I do! The worst thing though, is the silence. If he hates me, that's fine! I do not care! I just want him to talk to me. I think I would be fine with that. My love may be twisted. It can be called dark, but any interaction is better than none. If he kicked me everyday and spat on me, I will be fine. I will accept it. It's my fault after all. If he told me he hated me every minute of everyday, I'm okay with that. I will listen to his wonderful voice and let myself drown in his insults. "Feeling pain is better than feeling nothing after all." I said to silver moon. I picked myself up and pushed my shoulders back. Time to go home. After all, home where ever Naruto is.

---Naruto---

I let myself remember all the things I tried to forget. The way Gaara touched me, or used to touch me. Letting my hand run along my skin and grab at myself. It wasn't the same. It's colder without him. My breath a billowy cloud and I tensed. Memories kept flooding my brain. Replaying in my head. His red hair, and the taste of tongue. The way he tensed up when he was close and bit down onto a nearby blanket or pillow and smashed the old headboard. The look in his green eyes when we first talked. My toes curled up. I was close.

"Gaara~" I breathed out squeezing my eyes shut. I remember his smile. The way he said my name. whispering into my ear as he held me,

"Naruto" I gave a low rumbling cry and felt myself coming with a spluttering explosion. I give myself a clap on the back for that last bit. It was almost as If he was here with me. The way it was said different was then I thought but.... I let my eyes slid open slowly, as I tried to regain control of my senses. That when I realized something. My memory. It's shit. It always has been really. No reason for it to have suddenly be perfect. My gut tightened and i thought I might be sick. I lunged for my clothes and jumped into the icy water of my brook. Oh god. Why the fuck does this always fucking happen to me. Always. I dropped down into the deepest sections and tried to flatten myself down until only my nose was above the water. Oh but why stop there? I mean it's not like I really NEED to breath. "Naruto wait." I stopped my quest to completely dunk myself under the water as turned around to face the red head. The same red head whose name I literally just called out in ecstasy about a couple minutes earlier as I touched myself. Yeah. Cuz that's so not fucking embarrassing. Ya know what? I think I am going to try to drown myself now. "Naruto please?"

"What?" I said reluctantly.

"I- well uh...." This is awkward as shit. I blew some bubbles on the water. "It does not affect me." He stated hesitantly.

"What?" It doesn't affect him? So he doesn't care that I still like him enough to jack off to or that he doesn't care that I jacked off to him, or is it both? I'm so fuckin confused.

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