Previously-

It mattered to. It existed too. That thought made me happy for some weird reason that i could t quiet figure out. Then i turned and went back to gaara. He was walking out of new cave thing he made.

"The sun is coming up." He said. I nodded and followed him inside.

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Now-

---gaara---

Nights drifted by like a cloud on a nearly cloudless day. Gently and at its own pace. At night we spent our time outside. Naruto often drifted away toward a small brook. I thought about going over there and trying to find more water to help make it flow better, but he seemed so... Happy. As though he enjoyed the soft babbling of the water. I think it soothed him. He would lay there as if he were sleeping. It was a beautiful sight really. The silver moon reflecting off of the droplets of water and even smaller sections which seemed almost motionless. I didn't let him drank that much blood. Weaning him so to speak. Slowly easing him into smaller portions. I focused on making the place, more....

I don't know.

Just more. I enjoyed working. If you could really call it that. Silence seemed to reign over naruto and i. He never yelled at me though. Not once. He accepted the smaller and smaller portions of blood i gave. He didn't complain.

I cant tell if i want him to complain or not.

I stopped for a moment, as my mind flickered back to our church. How long has it been i wonder, since we left? A few months at least. I glanced around in the room i was carving out. It became my hobby of sorts. Naruto had his babbling brook, i had carving out rooms from the mountain. Not just simple rooms though. The entrance we used was smoothed and i had given it border around it on the outside, a thick border with intricate ivy and vines twirling around and intertwining in stone. You walked in to see a smooth floor, and the walls had been carved on such a way as to give them a trim along the base and crown of the wall. I had carved a bedroom for Naruto. He seemed to like it well enough. It was of to the side, with another empty doorway going to a spiral staircase i had shaped to look like stone tree branches and roots made going up to a large room. I was careful when i made this room. It was important to me. I actually am not sure why i really bothered with all of this.

Its boring.

Pointless.

We don't even sleep.

But i wanted to make it.

There are no doors anywhere. Just empty doorways. I breathed in. I could still smell the breeze, carrying the night air on it. It was nice. Narutos room had balcony. It was why i was so careful. I do not want the sun to get to far in at amy point of the day, however, i wanted him to be able see his brook from his room. He seemed to love it so much. It was hard. Not just to make sure it was safe, but to carve it for him. My heart was so heavy. A distance had grown between us in this last month or two. I do not think i have wanted to be more emotionless. To not to feel. That would make it so much easier. It hurt. It hurt to be with him, to know he hated me, and it hurt to be away from him.

It was like alcohol.

I was drunk with him, numbing the pain not forgetting it but making more bearable . Or, without him, like reality was sinking in to quickly and like my heart was hungover from three years worth of being drunk. I leaned my head against the wall. Another day was fast approaching. I clutched at my heart. I hate this. My father with his freaking curse, my mother for approving, the country for needing it to happen in the first place. I wonder what my life might have been like if i did not have to receive the curse. What would i have done with it? I sank to my knees as another came into being. I heard naruto come inside. He went left. To his stairs. Up to his room. I stayed right. With my stairs, and with the room i was designing to store blood in. His room was up high to see over tree tops. This room was deep under the surface of the earth. Deep where cold things dwelt. I clutched at my heart, as tears began to fall onto the stone i was carving.

The memories of another day. Everything just keeps replaying.

I wounded a transparent thing.

He hates me. I still love him.

Covering my eyes, what i could see was the scent of a dream that had faded into winter.

If only i this dream of mine could have stayed in a summer like bliss forever. I could feel my nails scarping against my skin. Naruto. You will always be my shining sun, even if you do not want to shine for me. Dark tear stains covered the floor in front of me as

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