Previously-

He did not say a word as i picked everything up. He simply stood and followed after me. As i left, heading back south.

"That is why i keep 'going on about control.'" I said softly as i headed down the non existing path.

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Now-

---Naruto---

I couldn't do it. I couldn't keep control. This thoughts kept going around and around in my head as i walked behind Gaara. What does that mean for us? What does that mean for our relationship? Everything is so confusing, nothing is as it should be.

Its all wrong!

I just want be done with this. But i cant. So, i guess that means i better get a grip on myself or i may just end up loosing gaara, forever. Only now, i just end up living forever to suffer about it.

---Gaara---

I am a cruel and truly disgusting creature.

Every single thing i do. I want naruto happy, i want naruto with me, i dont want loose him, all of them are selfish things. If i had simply left him alone and done my job inside of paying special attention to him he could have- no, would have been fine. If i had simply let him go on with his fleeting and beautiful short life everything would have been fine. He would not have cried over me or had to try to keep it a secret from his parents.

He could have- no.

He would have loved his employer.

The raven haired one who like him so much. They could have been happy. They could have grown old together. I hated him, or at least i had though i did. Funny, in hindsight i see now it was not hate.

It was jealousy.

I was jealous of Sasuke.

He could offer naruto more than i could. I gave naruto a dark and dreary church that was far away from everyone, ripping him from everyone he knew and loved before getting him caught up in my battle and getting him killed. Where i then proceeded to, out of yet again my selfish desire to not let him go, curse him to exist for all eternity and have him watch everyone he knows and loves grow old, wither and then die while he remains behind to suffer though this wretched existence. Sasuke, he could have given Naruto everything. A nice home to live in, a farm to enjoy, life in the sun, friends, family. They could travel to the capital together, maybe buy little matching shirts just to wear around the house and giggle in...

I balled up my fists.

I am disgusting.

I hate it.

I wish Naruto would just hurry up and tell me hates me. I know he does. He has to. I love him, and i have done such terrible and unforgivable things to him. A realization crept across my brain.

Is that why i did that?

Made him test is self control?

Was it, perhaps, because i wanted him to yell and scream at me saying how much he hates me for turning him into a monster? I glanced at him swiftly. His blue eyes seemed unfocused, as if trained on something far away. Unseeable to anyone but himself.

He was unhappy.

I looked away.

Of course he is unhappy. I muttered to myself in my head. The man he thought he loved in essence betrayed him to an eternity of miserable and parasitic existence.

Hardly something to celebrate.

I looked up at the sky.

Oh if there is a god, he must be rolling on the floor laughing at me.

An angel he sent to torture me,

an angel i fell for.

The angel i clipped the wings from just so i could keep all to myself.

An angel that hates me.

Its funny really. I made the one person i love, the only one i think i will ever love, most likely hate me for the rest of his life.

God, your enjoying this twisted story aren't you?

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