《3.1 | Animal Instinct ✓》10 | touch

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huge comfort – to see Jed shift and wait for me by the back door like he knew that I was going to accompany him no matter what. I grabbed my jacket, phone, blanket and book and went along with him, watching as he scanned the surroundings with pricked ears and sharp eyes for a minute or two, before easing back and settling down beside me.

"I'm scared to go to sleep," I said at last, my voice barely audible in the soft silence. Turning, I laid flat on my back and stared blankly up at the stars dusting across the sky in random patterns. "I feel like – if I just close my eyes, it'll all come rushing back."

An involuntary chill raced down my spine and I flipped on my side, keeping one arm propped beneath my head and the other hand resting beside my cheek. Jed's eyes were bright as he watched me; spine stiff and tail whisking back and forth like he could gauge my mood and knew that I was uneasy.

"And I owe you an apology," I continued. "I was wrong. Maybe you killed that other wolf, and maybe you've killed others. But what the men said that day – that wasn't you." I held my palm up. "Right?"

I didn't know what I was expecting. Maybe for Jed to shift his right paw, or just move a little closer to me.

But what I didn't expect was for him to lean forward, ears flattened and head tipping down, until his nose pressed against the smooth bowl of my palm. It was the first time he'd initiated contact with me, and I found myself holding my breath because the moment was far too precious to break. I felt the warm air pulse against my skin as he exhaled, and then the fleeting contact was over when he drew back quickly, propping his head on top of his paws and closing his eyes.

Look at him. Even in his current form, he's afraid of you. What makes you think he's as beastly as everyone else says he is?

We spent over an hour there, until the night's chill began to set in. On the way down, we crossed paths with Adrian and one of his friends.

"Alpha, Luna," Adrian greeted, with a twinkle in his eye, and his friend did the same, lowering his head in a polite gesture. But I didn't miss the fascination in his eyes as he noticed how Jed was in his werewolf form next to me. Adrian, of course, looked more than amused. "First cooking and now taking him out for a walk in the dark," he mused and shook his head in mirth. "What're you doing to our Alpha?"

I grinned and followed Jed as he ignored them. "Have a good evening, boys."

When we were in the house, Jed headed straight up to his room, no doubt to shift back and put some clothes on. I closed the back door, latched it tightly shut and kicked off my shoes, placing them neatly on the mat by the door. Jed didn't come back down after that, but it wasn't a surprise to me because he often spent a lot of time outside, in his room or in the study. Occasionally, I'd see him leave the study with a file in his hand, a distracted look on his face as he scanned some document, only to head into the kitchen for a glass of water and then retreat back into his room. It was during those times that he seemed almost – normal, like he wasn't a Lycan but a regular guy with a job that he immersed himself in a lot.

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It was just as well. I didn't want him to know that I was planning to spend the night out here anyway. Shrugging off my jacket, I headed upstairs to freshen up and change into something more comfortable before going downstairs again, this time with a thicker blanket in tow, along with the knife that I always had with me. Lorraine had returned it after picking it up from the junction where I was captured, and I now took the knife with me wherever I went, except on those occasions that I was with Jed.

I laid down on the couch and placed the knife beneath the cushion. Then I dragged the blanket over myself and curled up on my side.

Yet I knew without a doubt that this was going to be another long night. Because when I closed my eyes, all I could see was blood.

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It wasn't a surprise when I woke up once again with choked cry, clammy hands and a racing heart. And when I pressed my hand to the back of my cheeks, I was startled to feel tears stain my skin. I hadn't even realised that I was crying. My fingers instinctively sought for the knife which, to my relief, was still under the pillow.

Moments later, Jed came running down the stairs, his eyes alert with lethal intent as he scanned the room, but he immediately relaxed when he saw that I was unharmed. I swallowed heavily and pushed myself up, tugging my knees to my chest.

"Sorry," I mumbled. "Told you I had trouble sleeping."

He dragged a hand through his tousled hair and nodded. It vaguely dawned on me that my nightmare must've woke him too, if the wrinkled white shirt he was wearing was any indication at all. After a few seconds of deliberation, he took a decisive step towards me, grabbing a file and pen off the counter on the way over before settling down in the armchair.

I looked at him curiously. "You're going to stay up with me?"

He shook his head.

Easing back against the couch, I smiled at him. "You're going to keep me company until I fall asleep?" When he nodded, I couldn't help but feel rather concerned for him. "What about you? Don't you need to sleep?"

He shook his head again and picked up the file. But now I was the one watching him. He reached for the pen and caught the cap between his teeth to yank it off. As he scribbled on the document, the veins along his arm tensed with the movement. When he finally realised that I still wasn't asleep, he lowered the file.

I blushed. "Sorry. Is that work you're doing?" When he nodded, I sat up in curiosity. "What kind of work do you do?"

His lips twitched in vague amusement and, to my surprise, he held out his file to me. I took it hesitantly, flipping it open and scanning the contents within.

"These are contracts?" I tried at last, as I flipped through the file quickly, "investments, new business ventures...peace contracts?" I looked up at him, but the expression on his face was unreadable, so I stared at the file in my hands, looking at Jed's minute scribble on the tabs at the side of the file. "Ganymede, Phobos, Callisto, Lysithea...these are just the names of moons, I don't understand – wait. Callisto," the name rang a bell in my memory, and I frowned. "Lorraine was asking a couple of people to head over to Callisto the other day to get a medic team. Callisto's not just the name of a moon, it's a pack, isn't it?"

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He relaxed, and I could've sworn I saw a glimmer of satisfaction in his eyes when he nodded, like he was happy that I'd drawn the inference on my own.

"So's Phobos. Those men that barged into the café the other day said that security in Phobos wasn't as tight – that's how they got through," realisation was swiftly dawning on me and I looked back at him. "So this is what you do? Maintain good relations and start up businesses with other packs?"

He nodded again.

"Wow," I breathed. "That's a lot of work. How do you even manage?"

He shrugged good-naturedly and clutched the file tightly to his chest, his eyes bright and expectant like he was just waiting for me to ask another question.

It didn't take long for me to come up with another. "So if Callisto is across the intersection, then where are Phobos and the rest?"

He wrote a couple of words on each segment, and I instinctively shifted closer, angling my head so that I could get a better look. We were a hairsbreadth away from each other now, so close that I could've sworn that I felt the warmth radiating from him but I stayed there, a part of me reluctant to pull away now that I was so close.

It wasn't until he glanced up that he finally realised how close we were. He stilled, his eyes widening unsurely for a split second, and then he was darting a quick glance down to my lips before flicking his eyes, which had now darkened to an alluring shade of forest green, back up to meet my gaze. It was almost thrilling how the atmosphere could skyrocket so quickly and it was so much like playing with fire. But I held his gaze squarely when he swallowed, the quick movement in his throat and the way his tongue swiftly darted out to wet his lips sending my stomach tightening and chest fluttering.

Then he blinked and eased away, a self-conscious blush creeping across his cheeks as he looked back down at the map. Hardly wanting to make things awkward between us, I reached over to pick up the paper and study it.

"Let's see," I murmured. "So these are the number of people in a pack? And the size of a land is not proportional to the number of werewolves in the pack?

He nodded.

"Ganymede's a force to be reckoned with," I observed. "Biggest land and biggest pack."

He reached over and I craned my neck, watching as he added several words beneath Ganymede on the map:

Even though I didn't understand those words entirely, it didn't matter. He'd stepped up his communication with me and just reading what he wrote was a fascination on its own. I leaned closer, tracing the words with the tip of my finger before pointing to various plots of land in consecutive order and mumbling beneath my breath, "Ganymede, then Titan, Callisto, Io, Europa."

The lands decreased in size, but the numbers beneath each title caught my eye. Titan had the next biggest land, but the size of the pack was average. "Callisto has the most number of people after Ganymede, huh?"

He nodded and leaned forward to write again. Callisto: Io was labelled with , alongside several packs within the vicinity; but Europa had an ominous that was applied to other packs further down.

He didn't stop writing until he landed on a plot of land that was unmarked. He paused, glancing at me quickly before lowering his head to scratch rough strokes across the paper the word . Then he crossed it out with an .

"I don't understand – Prometheus no longer exists?" I stared at him in confusion, but when his gaze flickered down to my neck before he looked back at me, I suddenly realised what it was. "Oh," I felt an involuntary shiver rush down my spine as the memories came flooding back. "That was Prometheus?"

He gaze was distant and dark when he nodded. I reached over and gently tugged the pen away from him. Then I pulled the paper over and wrote a single word beneath Titan.

I leaned back against the couch and held his gaze squarely. "I'm safe here with you, right?"

His gaze warmed and he nodded. I smiled and reached for the map again, only to have him nick it out of my reach. He scribbled something on the corner of it, then held it up to me.

"Yeah, okay," I said sheepishly when I saw the word . I tugged the blanket over my body, then looked at him as he settled back against his chair. "Goodnight, Jed."

His expression softened and he wrote something again before holding it up.

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It wasn't a good night. I woke mere hours later, a wrangled sob in my throat as I pulled myself up.

He was already on his feet, eyes wide and terrified, like just looking at me so far gone was a horror in itself to him. He seemed so lost because he didn't know how to help me, and he stretched out a tentative hand in an vague attempt to reach for me, only to snatch it back just as quickly, his jaw clenched and expression so broken that it was almost painful to see.

"I'm okay," I whispered reassuringly, even though my words seemed more confident than I felt. I knew, at the back of my mind, that what I'd experienced was something I couldn't forget, no matter what. It was always going to haunt me, just as traumatic experiences always did. You just had to live with these fragments of haunting memories, and try not to let them engulf you whole.

Jed went to the kitchen to retrieve a glass of water for me. As I drank, he sat on the table in front of me, our knees mere inches apart.

"It's nothing," I said at last, and smiled weakly at him. "I'll tell you about what I saw someday, I promise. I just – "

He shook his head quickly and I knew without a doubt what he was thinking – that I didn't have to tell him until I was ready. I had no doubt that Jed, along with the rest of the pack, were all wondering what I'd seen, what had happened to Bianca, how I'd gotten the both of us out of there alive.

But I didn't have it in me to tell them about it now. Not now, not when everything still felt so frighteningly real and I was struggling to just come to terms with what I'd seen. What I'd seen – those were the things you read about in twisted, horror stories. And when you saw them first-hand, even holding yourself together in one piece seemed difficult at times.

Jed seemed to be aware of the thoughts that were running through my head. Not the specificities per se, but seemed aware that I looked, well, haunted. His eyes were still scanning my face with blatant worry and I noticed his fingers twitching by his sides like he was doing everything he could not to reach out to me when he so desperately wanted to.

"I'm fine now," I told him, my fingers itching to smooth the worry lines away from his forehead.

But Jed was averse to touch.

Pushing that thought aside, I dragged a hand through my hair and slid down onto the couch again, pulling the blanket over myself. "I should probably – " get some sleep. The words were stuck in my throat and I offered Jed a self-deprecating smile instead, in hopes that it'd soothe his anxiety, " – if I can. Sorry for worrying you."

He nodded and resumed his place on the armchair. I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to go back to sleep. But all I saw were glimpses of my nightmares, too haunting to forget.

At the abrupt scrape of a chair, my eyes flew open, only to realise that Jed was nowhere to be found. His absence left me anxious. I pulled my blanket over my head and curled up beneath it.

Right. Because a blanket could keep all the monsters at bay.

The couch suddenly dipped, and I looked up in surprise. "What – "

My eyes widened when I realised that Jed had shifted and jumped up on the couch next to me. His werewolf form was now mere inches away from me, and he pawed the surface tentatively for a moment or two before he settled down, spine straight as he stared at me with bright eyes.

"Hey," I smiled softly, feeling a strange sort of calmness at having him so close to me, feeling the warmth from his body radiate on my skin. "So we're down to having sleepovers to fight my nightmares, huh?"

He blinked and simply lowered his head, curling up on the couch with merely an inch separating us. I stared at him, a tiny smile still playing on my face and he kept watchful eyes on me, only letting his eyes fall shut when I finally tipped my head back down on the makeshift pillow.

And maybe it was that – the closeness, the warmth, and his even, steady breathing – that eventually lulled me back to sleep.

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