"It's freezing out there."

I'm relieved when I see Peyton and Beckham.

"Merry Christmas." She hands me a present and I thank her. I unfortunately didn't get anyone a gift this year because I'm horribly sick.

"Would you guys like some hot chocolate?" My mother asks them and Peyton continues to nod her head very eagerly. My mother leaves and we take a seat on the couch.

"What happened?" Peyton suddenly asks me. "You've been crying and Gavin's been MIA."

"He ran his car into a stop sign the other night and he literally protects that car with his life, I figured something happened." Beckham tells me.

Great so now I have to worry about him? He's probably drinking again and we all know how he acts when he's drunk, stupid.

"I found out he's been lying to me this whole time, so I kinda broke up with him." I hate saying that out loud. "Do you know if he's okay?"

I shouldn't care as much as I do, I didn't put him in this position he did.

Beckham shrugs. "He hasn't answered any of my texts and keeps declining my phone calls, I only heard about the crash because Georgia was with him when it happened."

"Georgia, he was with Georgia." I can feel the adrenaline pumping my heart. My hands are trembling and I try to settle myself down when I see my mom walk into the room.

I didn't want to let him go but maybe he's already moving on.

I didn't want to forget about the way he kissed me, the way he smelled, the way he touched my waist and pulled me in. But maybe it would be easier to let him go because that's who he was, not who he is.

I was fine before him and I'll be fine after him.

"She didn't tell me anything about why they were together, but it could have been for anything they've known each other for while." Beckham try's to reassure me and it's not working. I couldn't even ask Gavin about it either because I wouldn't trust his answer. "He didn't tell you about Mia did he, what actually happened between them?"

I silently nod my head.

"Gavin's my best friend and I think lyings just easier for him rather then telling the truth, he doesn't like getting attached to things."

"No stop taking his side." Peyton snaps at Beckham. "Gavin's and asshole and he purposely does it for his own enjoyment."

Beckham rolls his eyes and then pulls Peyton into him and kisses the top of her head.

"We've all done a lot of fucked up things in the past but that's just what it is, the past." Beckham adds. "I've never seen Gavin really enjoy life until you came along I've also never seen him drink as much either-"

"You're not helping." Peyton groans aloud.

"I get it but even if I forgave him, how could I trust him again?" I say getting annoyed and frustrated at the same time because my minds telling me one thing and my hearts telling me another.

I just couldn't believe the person I told everything to was hiding everything from me, all three months we were together I thought all of his games were over.

Peyton and Beckham stayed just a while longer before they left for dinner. They promised they'd be waiting for me after my surgery tomorrow.

I start cleaning up the living room from all of my mess and the wrapping paper from earlier when I hear another knock on my door. My mom was in the kitchen and I really don't want to open it so I ignore it.

Then I hear another knock.

"Alex can you get the door!" My mother calls out.

I walk towards the door, I hesitate to open it but I finally do. I stand there in a paralyzed state as I look up at Gavin. I close the door but he stops me.

"Can we please just talk." His voice is shaky.

"There's nothing to talk about, now go." I tell him, I know if I let him in I'd let him in completely and I'd take him back. He etched himself so deep inside my heart I was afraid if he told me to take him back, I would.

"I never meant to hurt to you."

Don't cry, do not cry.

"I've never been so scared to lose something in my entire life because nothing in my life has ever meant as much to me as you do." Gavin lightly brushes his hand against my cheek. "I never lied about loving you and I don't want to beg you to stay."

"I can't do this, I think we both need to take this time apart from each other so you can make up your mind about us." I take his hand and it's hard for me to let it go. "Figure out what you need first rather than what you think you want."

There's a silence that comes over us and I'm getting cold as the air from outside is washing over my skin.

"Merry Christmas Gavin."

I close the door on him.

I don't regret falling for him but I wish I could have walked away at the start and left things at hello.

I wasn't going to forgive him that easily even if my heart was telling me to. I know I love him because I can't seem to stop making excuses for all the ways he's hurt me.

I went to bed and woke up the next morning to the sound of my alarm waking me up at six. I take my time getting out of bed and eventually once I do I brush my teeth and put my hair into a braid.

"Ready for the big day?" My mom enters my room.

"What do I even wear to go into surgery?" I asked browsing through my closet.

"Clothes would be appropriate." She teased laughing a bit.

"Oh really?" I said in a duh tone.

"Alex just wear something warm it's snowing outside." She says. Great, I didn't hate snow but I didn't favor its company either.

I grab a warm sweatshirt and jeans before I change to get ready for my death coronation. I meet my mother downstairs and we leave the house. The grass outside was replaced with snow and my feet sunk inside it with each step, I'm glad I chose to wear boots.

"We're taking your car today." My mom tells me and that's when I see the white Range Rover in our drive way. I eagerly get inside and I look around to start messing with all of the controls. "Isn't it nice?"

I nod my head. "It's really nice, but what's going to happen if I die? You're not going to sell all my stuff right?"

My mom starts the car and it roars to life. "Don't be so silly Alex, you'll be fine."

We finally pull out of the driveway and I glance over at Gavin's house. His red car wasn't outside I wonder how badly damaged it was when he hit that stop sign. I don't want to think about it so I turn up the radio to help drown my thoughts.

Except it doesn't help because every lyric in this song is talking about heartbreak so I shut it off. My mom gives me a curious look and probably thinks I've gone crazy.

A while later I'm in a ugly hospital gown laying in a hospital bed inside and ugly hospital room. I've got needles in my arms and a bunch of wires connected to me.

"So glad to see you here Alex." My doctor walks in the room.

"You thought I wouldn't make it to my surgery?" I ask her, did she expect me to die by now?

"No of course we expected you." She laughs lightly. "We've got the blood ready and your surgeon should be here in a bit to go over the procedure."

"Are you sure there's no other match of blood in this hospital?" I said. "What if it wasn't a right match?"

"Gavin's blood was a perfect match." She nods her head. "The blood only lasts a couple weeks inside your body."

I don't care how long it lasted it was still being put inside my body. His blood running through my veins, I was already getting nervous just thinking about it.

My surgeon enters the room and he seems pretty nice and he explains the whole process to me in a matter of minutes. My mother tells me one last goodbye and kisses my head before they push me down a never ending hallway into a larger room. I lay in the bed and watch as more people enter the room wearing masks.

This was getting a whole lot realer, I just hope I'll get the chance to wake up and have everything go back to the way it was before I had cancer. I have a habit of holding onto the past and I always talk about the way things were before when in reality I enjoyed my now more than I ever thought was possible.

They put a mask over my face and one of them starts counting down. I don't stay awake long after I hear the number four.

When I open my eyes I'm blinded by light so I quickly close them. There's a throbbing pain in my chest and I feel like I haven't had anything to drink for weeks. I'm not sure how long I've been asleep for but I do know the surgery was supposed to take up to six hours.

"Alex, you're awake." I hear my mother say. I slowly open my eyes again and it takes a moment to adjust. I notice her swollen eyes so she must have been crying.

"Did they do it?" My voice is hoarse when I speak.

She nods her head and smiles at me. "They removed the tumor and it was unfortunately a lot bigger than they imagined but it's gone, they are now testing the surrounding tissue in your body to determine whether the tumor was producing your cancer and if so you'll be cancer free."

I don't say anything because I'm shocked I even made it out alive. I don't even feel bad either, I feel good.

"Great you're awake." My surgeon walks in. "That was a heck of a tumor you had in you, I'm not sure how you made it this far but we tested the surrounding tissue of the tumor and great news we got rid of all the cancer cells."

I can't breath this has to be a dream.

"Your body should begin recovering which takes up to a few weeks, congratulations Alex you're now in remission."

I open my mouth to speak but have no words.

"I-I'm cancer free."

"My baby's cancer free!" My mom cheers.

I can't help the tears streaming down my face.

"Did I just hear you're cancer free?" Peyton walks into the room. I'm smiling and crying and then I look over her shoulder and I see Gavin behind her and now I'm just crying.