I walk into my bathroom and change my clothes. Once I go back out Gavin's still there waiting for me. "Hurry up because I'm already falling asleep." I snap crossing my arms over my chest I sit at the end of my bed.

"I met Mia at Mabel's Diner the summer before junior year-"

I feel my throat closing in.

"We decided to keep our relationship a secret at school and I wanted to call things off but Mia kept stringing me along. We did this for a while and I kept telling her I didn't want anything serious-"

I don't want him to continue the story but I let him anyway.

"Then I saw her hanging around Zach and the guilt seemed to grow. Zach would take her out on dates and I couldn't say anything. So then I would take her out on dates. Zach and I constantly pulled her back and forth and she kept waiting for me to say something but I would pretend like I didn't care. One night I finally took her virginity-"

I sit up from the bed and Gavin follows me.

"She was the virgin you were talking about?" I say trying not to raise my voice. "Just continue." I stand a few feet away from him and he nods his head.

"The next day I told her I didn't want to be with her anymore because it didn't feel right, there was no spark or anything different from the rest of the girls I'd been with. She cried and told me I was only using her when that wasn't my intention. I told Zach about everything and he said Mia and him made some fucked up deal to pretend to go on all theses dates to make me jealous, so I could stop keeping things a secret-"

I'm not so tired anymore, I'm wide awake.

"Then Zach told me after a while of pretending he got feelings for her and that she told him she loved him. She never told me about any of this and then finally she told me she lost her virginity with him." Gavin sighs and runs his fingers through his soft waves.

"I wasn't her first, so I cut her out of my life and as much as she tried begging for my forgiveness I could never trust her again, then one night I get a call from her, she was drunk and I couldn't understand anything she was telling me so I hung up the phone. The next morning Beckham calls to tell me Mia was hit by a car and died on impact."

Gavin doesn't show any emotion as he tells the story. It almost frightens me because I'm over here ready to cry my eyes out.

"I didn't even show up to her funeral. I never told anyone she called me that night and it was mainly because I'm a dick and I didn't want to feel like it was my fault when it was. I could have picked her up that night. Zach and I eventually stopped the war between us and everything went back to normal, like she never existed."

I choke on my words. "Did you love her? Please don't lie to me this time."

Gavins eyes meet with mine. "No, I thought after we fuc- had sex it would bring me to love her but that's when I realized I didn't and I just wanted her so Zach couldn't."

"Well what if time is just repeating itself and that's what's happening now. You only want me so Zach can't have me?" I give him a worried look and he smiles at me like I'm the cutest things he's ever seen.

"It's not, I don't need to have sex with you to know whether I love you. You made me know that all on your own."

I can feel the fast thumping inside of my chest.

"You love me?"

Gavin keeps his eyes fixated on mine and he wraps his arms around my waist. "I love you."

A smile forms on my lips and I hug him even tighter. "I love you." Gavin lifts me off the ground I wrap my arms around his neck as he carries me over to the bed. As he puts me down he hovers over my body and dips his head down to kiss me. I can feel the smile on his lips with each kiss I grow eager to deepen it.

I tug on the bottom of Gavin's shirt and we break the kiss for a split second when he takes it off. My hands wander around his body, down every ridge, muscle, curve and the dimples on his back. Gavin reaches for my shirt and I pull it over my head. His touch is electric it makes me weak. He pulls my shorts down in anticipation, his fingertips graze against my legs as he climbs back up my body and starts kissing me again.

"Is this too much for you? I can stop now?" His breath is warm against my neck but I shake my head at him begging for him to continue. Gavin gets off of me and I lift my head up to watch him unbutton his jeans I don't realize I'm gripping the bed sheets when I see him in nothing but his black briefs now.

He grins at me and I bite my lip before crawling under the blankets. Gavin also crawls inside the blanket from the end of the bed, I can can feel him underneath until he meets me on the other side. I run my fingers through his hair as he starts to leave kisses on my stomach his head lowers and I soon feel his lips on my inner thighs.

I'm not sure if I wanted to take this slow anymore? I couldn't go slow, not with cancer at my doorstep. I feel my underwear slide down my legs and then Gavin's green eyes come back up into the light. "We don't have to go far with this you know?"

I loved how concerned he was. "I'll go as far as you'll take me." I breath out, I undo the clips to my bra and toss it on the floor he smiles at me and then are lips meet again. His kiss distracts me for a moment until I feel his hand between my thighs. We break the kiss so I can catch my breath and his lips start sucking at my neck.

We stop and I sit up so Gavin could grab a condom from his wallet. I don't question him about because it's Gavin, he probably always carries around one of those. At least the guy was safe.

He gets back under the blanket and I don't know if I should ask to help him or try and do it myself? I'll just let him do it. His body turns to face me and I feel his hands grab onto my hips as he pulls me closer into him. He gets back on top of me and I feel my whole body tense up.

"I'll go slow, I'm not going to hurt you." He tells me. I hold onto his shoulders and nod my head. I squint my eyes shut as I feel a slight pinch. I hide my head in his neck and hiss slightly as the pinching feeling becomes worse. The feeling eventually subsides but it still hurts. "Are you okay?"

I nod my head again.

I whimper as he moves and bite my lip to contain myself from making anymore noise. The pace is still slow, I move my hips with him and then another pinch comes and makes me cry out.

I assume this feels a lot better with time.

The sensation flooding my body begins to grow and I suddenly want the pace to quicken.

My head rests on Gavin's chest as he collapses beside me.

"That was the first time I made love with someone I actually... love." He looks into my eyes and puts a kiss to my forehead. "How did it feel?"

A grin forms on my lips and I kiss his cheek. "For my first time, it didn't hurt as bad I expected it too, it was actually.... amazing." I bury my head into his neck as I feel the heat rising to my cheeks. When did I become so nervous around him all of a sudden? Maybe because I was still weak from his touch, I can't control myself.

"Don't be embarrassed." Gavin says.

"How did it feel for you? Did you realize you don't actually like me now?" I say it more as a form of a joke but I'm not actually joking. What if it wasn't as good as it was for me as it was for him?

"I realized I'm not sure how I got so damn lucky, especially after that, I don't think I could ever stay away from you again."

There goes the heat rising to my cheeks. Gavin makes me laugh as he starts putting soft kisses on my neck.

I don't think I'd ever want him to stay away from me either, not after this.

If only we had a forever before I go.