Brett Yang and Eddy Chen always have sleepovers. It breaks Brett heart every time they do it because he knows that Eddy doesn't love him like that. Eddy just sees him as a best friend, but will that change?

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Brett's POV

It was a tradition that me and Eddy started when we were young. Despite having strict parents, we were allowed to have sleepovers because apparently they're both boys. They thought nothing bad could come out of that, but they thought wrong.

Because I am in love with my childhood best friend, Eddy Chen, for a long long time now.

It's normal to always want your best friend around you, but what isn't normal is the fact that you want them more than that. You want them to constantly touch you, or hug you, or when you're walking and you want them to hold your hand, or when you're alone and you just want them to kiss you. I know. It's not normal to see your best friend like that.

It's almost okay. I can contain these feelings as long as I don't spend too much time with him alone. Not in these types of situation where we'd do our traditional sleepovers.

So, this is how our night starts.

We're currently in my bedroom, alone in my house. I don't know how he can handle it.

Probably cause he thinks I'm like a brother.

He was lying down on my bed, using his phone. Probably laughing at some meme he saw. I take a deep breath and avoid letting my eyes linger on too long. I sat on the foot of the bed, trying to be as far away from him as possible. He notices this and gets closer to me.

I wonder if he knows what he does to me.

He sits up next to me, his head resting on my shoulders. I ignore my pounding heart and pet him on the head. We don't have to talk to communicate and we don't have to do anything to hang out. There are just certain things that are implied but never mentioned.

Being in love with him is one of those things.

I don't tell him but show him. I hope he knows it.

"What do you want to do?" I ask, breaking the silence.

"I mean, it's a bit too weird to ask for but can you like, I don't know, brush my hair." He asked, a bit shy about the request.

I feel my throat dry up. I mean, I always imagined running my hands through his hair but not this way. In a way more filthy that you could imagine.

"Yeah, sure. It's not that weird." I said as I stand up to grab my hairbrush from the table near us.

I sat back down on the bed as he sat on on the floor. I hesitantly brush his hair back with my fingers and ran the brush through his hair. His hair felt better than I had ever imagined. It was soft, silky and something else. Maybe it's just a touch of Eddy. I kinda want to tug on it.

It takes a lot of self-control to not do so.

I watch the strands leave and return to my fingers. It's actually breathtaking to look at and feel. He hums in content, probably liking the feeling. This went on for a few minutes and I can't help but imagine if this was another situation.

Another situation where Eddy was still in the same position but facing him. Lips wrapped around me and my fingers still in his hair. Eyes looking up at me innocently. Tugging on his hair a little.

Before my thoughts escalate too far, I finished up brushing his hair. Every good thing must come to an end, after all. I lie down on the bed and close my eyes. He wants us to be friends forever but I can think of something better. I sigh as I could feel the ache bloom in my chest.

That's all I'll ever be to him. A friend.

I felt him lie down next to me.

"Do you want to sleep now?" I asked, standing up to brush my teeth.

"Yeah, sure." He said as he stood up with me, following suit.

We went to the bathroom and brushed our teeth together. Hmm, together sounds nice. It must've felt domestic if we were together. Eddy, despite hating touches, love hugs and cuddles from the people close to him. Tonight's one of the moments where he's really clingy physically and is looking for comfort. I just give it to him.

We were done brushing and he held my hand as we went to my bed. I already set up an extra mattress on the floor. Sure, we've slept in a bed a lot of times now but I can't help but think that it's different now. I don't think I can share a bed with him, being well aware of my feelings for him. I'm afraid to break my heart this way.

I mean, seeing him dating other people or loving other people is painful. But I don't think I could stand it when I slept in the same bed with him knowing that I might never get the chance again. Not when he's in love with someone else. Not when he's with his beautiful boyfriend. Not when they've been together for a year.

It's a tradition for us to have sleepovers but we haven't done it in years. Mostly because Eddy always had long term significant others over the years. I don't know why I do this every single time. I can't always allow him to break my heart and mend it.

Maybe I'll just let it go after this sleepover.

I'll try to stop loving him even if it seems too impossible. I don't think I can stop loving him, but I'll just let these types of feelings go. It's time to face the fact that he may never love me like that. I sigh as I was about to lie down on the mattress on the floor.

"Brett?" Eddy asked as he lied down on the bed.

"Yes?" I whispered to him.

"Can you lie down with me, like the old times?"

I didn't say anything but lied down next to him, keeping a small distance between us. I really didn't want to but I can't help but feel that he needs it.

"Bro, I broke up with him." Eddy starts, filling in the silence of the room.

"What? When? And why?" I asked as I could feel him getting closer to me.

"Can you hold me close before I tell you?"

He didn't have to ask me to do so. This explains the clinginess. I felt him in my arms and I could feel my heart pound and shatter at the same time. I wish he couldn't hear or feel it.

"I broke up with him because I found out he got his childhood friend pregnant. I wasn't really mad at him because I could feel that he's really in love with her. It's just, I feel sad. I really thought I'd marry him. I was about to propose, too. Before I found out." Eddy said as he faced me, tears spilling down his lovely face.

I wiped his tears, avoiding looking at him. I just hate seeing him hurt. I'd rather be hurt than him. He held me tighter. I could feel a different type of ache grow in my chest. I really hate seeing him like this.

"You were gonna propose?" I asked, feeling jealousy blossom in my heart.

"Yeah, but I broke up with him three months ago."

"You didn't tell me immediately? Why not?"

"I can't bring myself to do so. I wanted to heal alone but I realize I can't."

I pet his hair and allowed silence to take over. He was still crying but I allowed him to. He needed to cry, God knows he needs it. I close my eyes and ignore everything I feel for him right now. I just hold him close like he asked. He doesn't need to know. He just needs comfort and I'll bring him that.

I love you too much, Edward Chen.

I feel his tears stop followed by his steady breathing. He fell asleep because he got too tired of crying. I don't think I can sleep at this stage now. I could feel his breath on my neck. I sigh as I hold him closer. Ignoring the thousands of pinpricks stabbing at my chest.

He was gonna ask him to marry.

Am I terrible person to be happy about the fact that he didn't proceed with it? I should prepare painkillers and water when he wakes up. He always gets a headache when he cries. I want to spare him of that pain, at least.

I did nothing that night but think of how to let this man in my arms just go. Not that I needed to move on, we were never together. I just want him to always have me by his side, even if it means just being a friend. I look at the window and see how the sun is about to rise. I slowly let go of his hold on me and turned to the other side.

I'm sorry, Eddy. I'll be better soon. I just need to let you go. I will and don't worry.

I stood up from the bed carefully and put painkillers and a glass of water on the nightstand. I go to the window and open it. I breathe deeply and allowed the tears to stream down my face. The years of pent up emotions and feelings now freely flowing. I wiped them all with the back of my hand.

I look at the sleeping figure and smile. In another life I wouldn't need to allow myself to let him go. I'll be braver at that lifetime than now. For now, I need to remind myself that I'm doing it for him.

I lie back down and try to get some sleep.

- - - - - - - - - -

Eddy wakes up with a headache. He looked at the nightstand and saw painkillers and water then immediately took them. He makes a mental note to thank the boy next to him when he wakes up.

- - - - - - - - - -

I wake up and find the bed empty. I stood up and grabbed my hoodie from yesterday. I walk out of the room and went to the living room where Eddy was watching something.

He must've felt that I was there as he scoots over. I sat next to him on the couch and he immediately held my hand. I held it for a while and immediately let it go.

"What's the matter?" He asked, looking at me innocently.

"It's nothing. My hand might be sweaty. I don't want you to feel my clammy hands." I said, making such a terrible excuse.

Eddy didn't respond but sat closer to me and put his head on my shoulder. I allowed him to rest it there for a few moments.

"Do you want coffee or breakfast?" I ask as I started to tap his head lightly, signaling him that I'm getting up.

"I'll help you cook." Eddy said as he walked to the kitchen.

We decided to make pancakes and eggs. With him cooking the pancakes and me with the eggs. He was standing near me and I left a bit of distance between us. It's not that I was avoiding physical contact with him. It's just, a bit more painful now. Knowing that I might never have a chance with him.

I set down the plates with food and put utensils on the table. I sat down across him, still avoiding his eyes. I grabbed my coffee and took a sip. I closed my eyes and tried not to think about Eddy that way anymore.

"Brett?"

"Hmm?"

"Why are you avoiding me? Is it because of last night?"

"What are you talking about? I'm not avoiding you. And there's nothing wrong about last night. You told me your story and I listened. I think you needed to let it go off your chest." I said sincerely but still avoiding his eyes.

"Brett, I know."

"Know what?" I asked, my heart pounding.

"That you love me." He said quietly, no emotion in his voice or whatsoever.

"Oh." I said, unable to respond. "I'm sorry if it makes you feel uncomfortable. I swear, I'm working on it. Just give me some time. I'm trying."

"It doesn't make me feel uncomfortable, Brett."

"Oh. Still, I'm sorry..."

"Aren't you going to ask me questions about how I found out?" He asked, I could feel his burning stare on me.

"I, um, if you want to tell me you can." I said, still not knowing how to respond.

"Brett, look at me, please."

I was afraid but I still slowly looked up. He continued to eat and I didn't know what to do. He immediately talked.

"Why didn't you just tell me?"

"I was going to tell you, actually. Five years ago, but then you told me the news about your new girlfriend. I just didn't tell you because I didn't want you to think about other things when you're emotionally invested with her. I was going to tell you again, but I saw you with Sam. You were kissing and I didn't know what to do, so I didn't do anything." I admitted truthfully.

"So, you just watched the 'love of your life' fall in love with other people?"

"It seems like I did."

"No offense but you're actually an idiot."

"Maybe."

"Definitely."

The next thing I knew, lips were on me. I was shocked and didn't know how to respond.

"At least kiss me back, dumb ass."

The second kiss was when I leaned in and kissed his slowly yet passionately. Years of bottled up feelings, finally flowing free. I feel him submit a bit under my touch, but I still continued the soft and slow kiss.

I pulled away and hug him tightly. Now, not allowing myself to let go. On the bright side, he held me tighter that I held him. That has got to mean something, right? Oh, it definitely means something else.