Brett Yang is a modern poet/classical violinist who remains anonymous when sending the love of his life the letters or poems he has conjured up for him. He enchants a wonderful classical violinist named Eddy Chen with poems and letters that is constantly left in his violin case or anywhere where he would easily see it. Eddy does not admit it, but these are what makes his days better. Basically a secret admirer au.

a/n: the poems are original, please don't judge.

Brett's POV

Equilibrium with Limitations

I could feel the wind on my face

As my steps get a little bit louder,

My heartbeat syncing to the pace

I cannot find myself to be braver.

I am allowing my feet to take me where it wants me to.

Wherever that may be,

All I long for is for all these emotions to be true.

At last, these premonitions could flee.

I could feel my blood and heartbeat rushing.

I cannot help but wonder,

Why do we do this thing

Where in we constantly long for a lover?

Even I am guilty of that longing.

Can we find our equilibrium in a mere stranger?

I'm still allowing my feet to go through the sea of people and to do all the talking for me,

As I cannot speak because of this sensation of danger.

Throwing a line out to the sea.

I feel as though I'm being kept on my feet by a strange pull of the universe.

Even with my knees weak, I still allow myself to walk.

I don't think my heartbeat could be worse,

Because it is already in it's full capacity, beginning to feel shock.

There's a city within me that thrives off

Of the rush of adrenaline that starts from the stomach,

And the tingles of butterflies that are soft.

Soon enough, the thunder has struck.

A few more steps and I'll soon reach my destination.

I could feel the blood coursing through my veins.

I cannot be more aware of this elation,

Coursing through its built-up hurricanes.

I find myself in the middle of the sea,

Lost but with a heartbeat that is reserved.

I'm still here to see,

Why the entire world stopped and my vision blurred.

Was it a chance of the timing being right, yet the place is wrong?

-y.y.b.

The folded paper felt heavy in my hand as I attempted to slide it in Eddy Chen's violin case. I still can't believe that I finally had the courage to do it, so I might as well ride it out. I still hope he wouldn't find out.

You might be asking, why didn't I just give it to Eddy? Well, here's the thing. Eddy Chen has been my deskie for a two years now. We're great friends, but I want to be more. I can't seem to tell him, but I have to. I hope this helps.

- - - - - - - - - -

It's been two months now and Eddy still won't quit shutting up about the poems or letters that he's receiving daily. I feel secure until he said that he wanted to know who wrote those things for him. Maybe I'll give him a letter with a clue.

Dear Eddy,

You don't know how much I long to tell you who I really am. How much I long to hold you in my arms and show you off to the world. You don't know how much I want you. I really, really long to hold your hand, kiss your lips but mostly I want to know you more. You seems so distant and aloof but at the same time I know you feel so much all at once.

You're really beautiful, Eddy. Almost ephemeral, you're beauty is out of this world. Your passion is to die for. You've got me, Eddy Chen. You've got me, and to call you mine is a privilege. I'm sorry to keep you on edge, but you'll know me soon. I'm still scared for now, but if I had built up the courage to tell you, I will. If you're willing to be with a guy like me, that is.

Every time you talk to me by throat dries up and my heart beats out of my chest, I try to regain my composure but you leave my head in the sky. You already make me feel like I could fly and I wonder what worlds I can conquer when I have you. You're too beautiful for this world and I hope to hold you as if I wouldn't let go.

I've known you before, but can I know you again?

-y.y.b.

Your smile warms up my cold heart,

Your laugh lights up my universe,

My passion is spoken for,

as you play the violin.

I hope you don't love like you play,

because I might just die

with that amount of love and passion.

I secured the letter and put it in his violin case.

- - - - - - - - - -

It's been a week since my last letter because I was busy the entire week and I could feel Eddy move a bit to melancholic.

"What's up, man?" I asked, noticing the obvious sadness.

"It's just, you know when you've gotten used to something and suddenly it's just...gone. I just don't know how to cope." Eddy said honestly.

"Is it that secret admirer?" I asked, recalling him telling me about it.

"Yeah, it's pretty ridiculous, but those things from him actually make my day."

"It's okay, man. You'll be fine."

"I hope so."

- - - - - - - - - -

It doesn't matter what stories you can re-tell

Because it is simply a bagatelle,

Reluctant as I remember,

Even with a company of another.

Tell me all of the things you've been,

Truth will eventually be seen.

Each passing day my heart longs for you,

Decided that I shouldn't be blue,

Do not take me for granted,

You should know how much you're wanted.

All I want is to be more than a memory,

and I'll get there soon.

You'll finally understand why

I didn't allow you to find me.

-y.y.b.

"Hey, you seem happier." I said as I saw him glowing a little.

"Yeah, he gave me a poem again." He said, smiling from ear to ear.

"He?"

"Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you. He hinted that he was a guy. I would show you the letter, but it seems too personal."

"I bet it is. So, it's fine if it's a guy?"

"Yeah, there's no problem. Not one bit."

"Cool."

- - - - - - - - - -

Dear Eddy,

For the one I yearn to meet.

You exist in this lifetime

To accompany me

To transcend

Time

And allow us

To grow farther

Than we have ever been

I am here to allow you to see me.

Meet me in the parking lot tonight, I finally have the courage to face you. I just hope you won't be disappointed.

However this night might turn out, just please don't act awkward around me if you ever rejected me. I'll even back off if you want. I mean, I know you wouldn't ask me that, but just in case.

I love you.

Hopefully it isn't as bad as I think.

I love you.

I'm just afraid I won't be able to let you know again.

-y.y.b.

This marks a year ever since I started writing for Eddy. I wonder how it goes after. I'm still afraid, but I don't really mind now.

I've learned a lot over the past year about him. I wish I get to know him better.

I'm scared. He might be here any minute now. What if I'm really not who he pictured? I closed my eyes and sighed a little. God, I'm so nervous.

When I opened my eyes, I caught the shadow of him. I know it all to well. He started to approach me and I feel my heart pounding harder and harder the closer he comes to me.

"I hope you aren't disappointed." I said as I avoided looking at him.

The moment of silence wasn't as awkward as I initially thought it would be.

"I'm just processing it all, really." He said honestly.

"Why? Is it that hard to accept?" I asked, a bit hurt.

"It's not that. I've always had a crush on the person who sends me those captivating poems and letters. After that though, I felt bad because I was starting to like my deskie. I felt so hurt for the person that wrote to me, but it turns out that you're the one who did. I guess it's a win for me." He said honestly, getting closer and closer to me.

"Well, I wanted to give you something. Just before we decide what happens now." I said, looking up at his eyes. I opened his palm and handed him a piece of folded paper.

There's a strange pull of the universe when I got the courage and strength to tiptoe and kiss him slowly. He was shocked at first but gave in to the feeling. I could feel him grow a bit weaker so I leaned him against the wall and against me. After a few moments, we both pulled away, speechless and breathless.

"I've never been kissed like that before. I feel weak but the good type of weak." Eddy said, still leaning against the wall.

"I've never kissed anyone like that before." I said, still holding onto him.

"It didn't seem like it." Eddy said, still looking at my eyes.

"I, I want you to open that a year from now. So you'll see how far we've come. To remind you of how much I really love you." I said, not breaking the eye contact.

"Is it too late to say I love you too?"

"We're only beginning, Eddy Chen."

- - - - - - - - - -

Dear Eddy Chen,

I decided to write this letter no matter how we end up after my confession tonight. I just feel like, you're really important to me and I can't lose you. I hope I won't.

If you're reading this now, it might mean that we're together, probably for a year now. I just want to remind you that I love you. I always will, even if we're both old, wrinkly and bald. I do doubt the fact that we'd be bald, I think our hairs are thick enough to last an entire lifetime. I love you, nevertheless. Even if you don't love me anymore.

If we do end up together, I want you to know that I'll marry you. I'll adopt children with you, even if you'll probably drop the baby to save a Stradivarius. Imagine, we can scold them or teach them violin. We'll be such cool parents, I swear. They'll call you baba and I'll be papa. Of course, you'll call me daddy in bed (this is a joke, unless you really want it, then no judgment) and we'll have an amazing wedding. You'll be the best husband and I hope you can say the same with me.

For now, I'm stuck here, loving you everyday and never stopping until my last breath. We may not exist forever, but I'll make sure that my love for you will leave a legacy. My love for you will live on, even if we don't. Even if the context is sad, I'll just quote Mahler's words on his 10th and unfinished symphony.

"To live for you! To die for you!"

And I'd gladly do all of it for you. I'd even take the extra mile just to make you happy.

Because even if you're beautiful in your own right, you're even more beautiful when you're happy.

Yours eternally,

Brett Yang