What was Eddy Chen thinking about while him and Brett were playing the Tchaikovsky Violin Concerto in their livestream?

Eddy's POV

It starts off like this. It's an allegro moderato. I did not realize that I have fallen but I kept on going. It is not easy to do this but it does not matter. I have fallen. I wish you did, too. I really never told you, I always assumed that you knew because of how I showed you.

I have fallen in love with you, Brett. You do not know how much I wanted you at that moment. You were sweating, you had bags under your eyes, you were restless and tired, you had no coffee because you knew you would shake for your performance. I know that you are tired, I can feel it. I know that you're nervous, too. I wish that I could do something to take that anxiousness away from you. I wish that you were better at voicing out emotions.

Please Brett, you're hurting me more than you should. Do not look at me with that hopeful look, with that half moon smile and those eyes that speak nothing but the truth. I long to see you in your true and rawest form.

The way you close your eyes, the way you hold your bow, your vibrato, your articulation and how your soul flies out of your body. That sound can transcend time and lead me back to you. The only person I wish to be lead back to. Please look at me Brett, please don't focus on the nerves. You are the best player I've known my whole life, anyway. I adore you so much.

Please Brett, please remember me the same way I remember you.

Here you are Brett, showing your virtuosity to the people listening to you. I feel like you have conveyed what Tchaikovsky felt at his time. I want you to see the passion and the way you move when you are lost in your own music.

Please Brett, never stop even if it kills me. I do not think I can bare it. I've already been slowly dying with the way you look. Of course, you can resurrect me with your music and I do wish to be better for you. I really do.

I am slowly feeling like you could fly, Brett. I can see your wings spreading as you are in your truest form and element. Brett, you always look beautiful but nothing can top this. You are at your most beautiful state. I'm just glad that I can share this moment of beauty with you.

I do not think I can allow myself to lose you now. I'll do my best from now on, Brett.

Brett, I promise, I'll be here even if you aren't in your most beautiful state. It sounds cliche but I promise you that I'm all in. For better or for worse, Brett. That will always be my vow, platonic or romantic.

You have done it, Brett, you've gotten over the anxiety. You are more graceful than ever. It saddens me that you haven't continued your dreams to become a soloist because you dropped it all to be with me. I appreciate that, I really do. You said that this will be the closest that you'll ever achieve that dream. We always joked about it but I know it means a lot to you. I know, Brett, I know. I should know because you mean a lot to me. Even if I know you'll never love me back.

I am more in love with you, Brett, than I am in love with playing. And you know that means a lot coming from me.

I know I shouldn't devote too much of myself to you, but what more can I do? I give it all to you, Brett and I promise to keep it that way. You've become a part of me the last few years. You've spent more than a decade of your life with me and I hope it doesn't change when I will tell you what I truly feel.

Brett, you feel so much like home, I don't think I can find another if I lost you.

You wanted me to start, so I am doing that for you now. I want this final movement to reach you. To let you know what I truly feel about you, Brett. This is what you make me feel, Brett Yang. This movement serves as my confession.

The tempo of this song is the rhythm of my heart beat when you come close to me. The chaotic yet melodic notes of the movement is my feelings for you. The way your vibrato rapidly changes from fast to slow is a reminder of the time we have spent together.

This piece is a bit slower on the middle, more alive at the start and at the end. This is all what I feel for you. I do not have the courage to say them all to you, Brett. So, I am allowing this movement to do for me.

Look at me, Brett, feel the piece and listen to the depth of it all. It is what I feel for you. Now, I know what Tchaikovsky felt while he was in his time. This is simply illegal. Falling in love with your best friend. Brett, you do make me feel alive, though. Nothing can change that.

I do not know how to end this confession so I'll keep on going, Brett Yang. I'll keep on going, I'll keep on playing, I'll keep on trying. I'm doing this all for you because I will not find another you, I will not find another Brett Yang. I'll keep on doing, just for you. Only for you, Brett, only for you.

My mind is not in the best position and my heart is not in the right disposition. I do not know when I will have the courage again, so here we are. The last moments of this piece is a beautiful mess, so am I when I see you feel the same.

I will be finished. Just one last stroke of the bow. I let the note ring off the violin. Did you hear it? Did you see what I wanted to show? I love you. Do you know now?

I love you, Brett. Is that enough?

I will always be here, Brett. Do you know that now?

You're much beautiful than you ever thought. Can you see that now, Brett?

You're my home, Brett. Can I be your home, too?

I'll stay with you, Brett. Will you do that, too?

Nothing will make sense without you, Brett Yang.