Have you ever loved someone so much it hurt? Well, right now I am beyond hurt. I'm broken.

Using my sweater that had a faint scent of (F/N), I place it over my head as the fluorescent lighting was blinding my eyes. My watch read '10:00pm'. Sighing to myself, I've eaten enough candy bars from the vending machine to sustain me. It's been hours since the surgery, yet not a single clue was given. No updates. No hell yet. No relief either. Just the emptiness of my thoughts to occupy me.

My feet were propped up on the arm rests as I awkwardly scrunch up in the small hospital chair. The waiting area was nearly empty with just my dad and I.

"Visiting hours are over sir, you can come back tomorrow at 5am." A nurse informed me as I peel off the sweater from my face.

"C'mon Kou, let's go home." My dad directs but me let out a sharp 'tsk'.

"I'll go home myself." I refused. Groggily sitting upright, I take hold of two duffle bags. One was (F/N)'s.

"Kou, don't be like that."

"I have every right to be like this." I grumble as I swing my legs back to the floor.

"Please let me drive you home." He offered but I still refused

"I don't need your help" I snapped

"Kou. This isn't what your mother would've wanted."

"And how could you of all people, possibly know what she would want?! You're barely here and always off doing your job, who knows doing what. Off with some secret lover or-"

"I love your mother! How dare you assume that I'd cheat on her! I don't work abroad to please myself! I work hard for the both of you!"

"Then why didn't you at least visit once in a while? Would it kill you? Or did you forget you even have a family? Was I never good enough for you to stay?!" I yelled as I let out every ounce of anger from my body. My cry was loud enough that the nurses turned their heads in my direction.

Am I never enough?

"Ukai-san"

The sound of cheering spectators radiated from the TV. It was an old TV, just small enough to fit on a bedside table. I glance back and forth at him and the TV set.

"I'm impressed Suga, you've been improving on your technique. However, that number 7 has my particular interest" he remarked as he pointed at the screen with the remote.

"What are you doing here?" I mumbled as I tried calming myself down.

I never hated Ukai, but he always made me feel like I wasn't good enough. Daichi would always say that it's not that he thinks less of me, it's because he wanted me to push myself. Didn't feel like that at the time.

"I have my own heart troubles too." He sighs as he shows a holter monitor on his chest, "Heart attack. And may I ask what brings you here?"

"Are you finally satisfied that we beat Seijoh?" Dismissing his question.

I knew the old geezer was always upset by how pathetic the team was before. Maybe this changed his view.

"I'll never be satisfied. Not until you beat Nekoma." He grinned mischievously

"Nothing's enough for you." I spat, as Ukai raised a brow at me.

"Something on your chest Suga? You never seemed like the bitter type."

I make a fist and drive it into my palm. Pacing frantically back and forth, I let out,

"That number 7 you see. That's my girlfriend" I pointed directly at the TV.

Ukai adjusts his reading glasses and squints at the screen. (F/N) made a solid receive as they replayed it in slow motion.

"I didn't know you were gay Suga. Not judging though" he settled down his glasses and I let out a small huff of annoyance

"He is a she. Number 7 is a girl dressed as a guy."

"A cross dresser?" He questioned making me roll my eyes.

"No Ukai-san. She's a girl. Period. And she's- "

The flashback of her smiling one last time played in my head. Reminiscing her words, "We'll be okay, okay?"

"Is she here? Injured herself during the match?" the old man interrupted my thoughts.

"No nothing like that. It's complicated."

"Tell me about it." He sighed as he straightened his newspaper, "To be honest, if she wasn't playing, oh boy, you'd all be toast"

The TV caught my attention again as (F/N) made an epic serve in slow motion. The commentator yelled, 'look at number 7 go!' Amazed by her skills, I always wondered something that I was always afraid to confront Ukai about. Not today though. I was an emotional mess. I didn't care what I'd say.

I'm so fed up with everything. At least give me one answer to my questions.

"Ukai-san, why wasn't I ever put as a regular? Was it because I wasn't good enough"

He peeps through his newspaper and lowers his glasses, "No that's not it."

"Then what?" I demanded, crossing my arms

"You're smart Suga. We needed you as our brain. Well you helped Kiyoko didn't you? Just because you weren't a regular doesn't mean you weren't useful."

Taken aback from his complement, I start to wonder again.

For once he's being nice to me? How peculiar. That's probably the nicest thing he's ever said to me.

"What makes you think you aren't, boy?" he straightens his paper again with his pen tucked onto of his ear.

I thought hard about the times my dad left when I was younger. The times when he was busy typing away on his laptop. The times where I asked him to go to the park with me or see my school plays. He always had the same excuse "I'm busy with work". It wasn't even just that. (F/N) didn't even hesitate when I threatened to break up with her. She didn't bat an eyelash or take a second to think about it. It's as if breaking up with me was a no brainer.

I wasn't enough.

"Suga, don't let your poor self-esteem get in the way of what you want. Be a man. Stop sulking and do something about it" he advised as he noticed that I was taking my time to formulate an answer.

Okay, I take back what I said about him being nice

"So what are you here for? I assume not for yourself. Family I presume?" He continued as he wrote down letters in the boxes on the daily crossword, "4 letter word for feline."

"Neko" I answer instantly and he nods his head in approval.

"See Suga you're not stupid"

"I'm here for my mom..." I answer willingly

"Hmm?" He taps his pen in wonderment.

"And my girlfriend." I mumble, trying not to let my voice crack, "number 7. Um, you say she has a lot of potential?"

Distracting myself, I nod at the screen. The TV displayed the whole team dancing around the court where Seijoh was left crying in defeat.

"She does, but you do too Suga." He pointed out as he successfully filled out another box, "Washi."

"5 letter word for big bird?" I questioned

"Nope, 5 letter word for persistent bald predator."

"So you?" I chuckled to myself

"5 letter word! Ukai is four. And I'M NOT BALD, I'M JUST THINNING!" He retorted as he tapped aggressively at the empty boxes

"Not Ukai, Ikkei. Your first name." I chuckled trying to contain my laughter. It was nice to laugh even for just a little bit. Through all the chaos, I felt a bit better about myself.

"Tsk... Clever boy. Now go get me a pudding! The chocolate kind, not that cheap vanilla they keep giving me!" He grumbled, ignoring the fact that I just dissed him.

"Osu." I grinned as I head to the cafeteria to get his precious pudding

"Never mind. Let's go home" I sigh in defeat. My dad offers his hand out to hold one of the bags. I let him take it as I'm has fully drained from today's events.

It's been such a long day.

My dad is amazed by my sudden compliance until I say, "This doesn't mean I'm not happy with you coming back all of a sudden."

"I know I can't make up for everything I've missed... but you did amazing on your game today. I happened to get a glimpse." my dad added, making me turn around to face him.

He was watching me?

"I'm proud of you Suga." He says as he pats me shoulder

He's serious. He means it?

"I think I met your girlfriend by the way." He said in a soft tone. "Sorry about earlier. I just don't want to get your heart broken so early."

"Wow, for once you're giving me advice?" I ask astonished.

"Hm. It's not like you need it. You already know what you're doing. When I was your age, I was a mess. Why do you think I work hard now? We wouldn't be dirt poor if it wasn't for me having no ambition in life"

"Ahem." The nurse cleared her throat making us jump.

"Yup yup heading home!" My dad pushed me out the door and I let out a small laugh.

~

After getting food from the local McDonalds, me and my dad kept munching away.

"Guess this is it for us." my dad mumbled, chewing away through a McChicken.

"What is?" I ask, picking up another french fry

"Two men, stress eating in the middle of a McDonald's parking lot." my dad mentioned, making me snicker. He took a hefty bite from his burger and I dip my fries in ketchup.

Catching up with my dad, I notice how unhappy he was. Though it was awkward at first, I realized he was just like me. Someone who longed for love. He mentioned he wanted to stay here at home, but his job demands so much time away.

"I'm sorry for missing most of your childhood, I never thought work would consume me." He mumbled nonchalantly

I sink lower in the passenger seat, soaking in the apology I've waited for all these years. Now that he said it, it wasn't as satisfying as I thought it would be.

"I know you may never forgive me, but seeing you with (F/N) reminds me of me and Mai back in the day." He reminisced, "I think she's a keeper."

I gulp down my food and my voice quivered, "She is. I'm scared dad."

What am I going to do without (F/N) and mom?

He stares sadly at his burger and agrees with me, "I am too."

My dad and I, we're on the same page for once

~

"Dude I need your help!" Daichi yelled over the phone.

"What is it?!" I hear the panic in my voice as I was about to head out the door to visit (F/N).

"I just need you here right now! Come to my house!" Daichi yelled

"OKAY on my way!" I say over the phone. I hastily tie my shoelaces and sling over my bag; I grasp tightly to the straps.

"Suga don't forget your breakfast!" my dad calls from the hallway. He hands me a warm drink prepared in a flask and a piece of toast wrapped in a napkin.

"Thanks dad!" I say as I take it from his hands. Heading out the door, I rush over to my best friend's house.

Is he okay? Is he hurt?!

Reaching his house, I bang at the door frantically hollering, "DAICHI OPEN UP!"

The door randomly creaked open and I notice it was extremely dark inside his house. More panic instilled inside my chest as I yelled for him,

"DAICHI I'M HERE! ARE YOU OKAY!? WHERE ARE YOU?!"

The lights suddenly blinded my eyes and I shield my face with my hands briefly.

"SURPRISE!!!"

"Wah what?" I mumble in confusion.

Balloons decorated the room in an array of yellow and blue. The table was set up in a lovely arrangement with a cake written with my name on it. My eyes scanned the room and noticed the whole team was there holding streamers and blowing kazoos.

"Happy birthday!" Daichi yelled as he lifted the lit up cake to my face. The candle was ignited by a yellow flame. It waved in front of my eyes and I stared at back at it with dull eyes.

I glance at your best friend and the rest of the team and burst into tears. Falling to my knees, I steady my hands to the floor.

"Ah. Did we scare him?" Mika asked Kageyama and he shrugs in response.

"I don't deserve this." I mumbled. Daichi places the cake back into the table and meets me on the floor.

"Ah okay everyone, let's give the birthday boy some space." Daichi instructed and the rest of the team scattered to the backyard, "Hey, (F/N) wasn't picking up her phone so I decided to call you instead. Did you not want a birthday party? Sorry we kinda forced you-"

"No, it's not that I'm grateful. It's just... we broke up. Kinda" I interjected and Daichi's eyes widened, "It's mostly my fault."

I wipe my eyes with the back of my hand and Daichi offers me a napkin.

"Well she planned this birthday surprise for you." Daichi said as he patted my back consolingly, "Here she made this for you."

He handed me a CD that had (F/N)'s hand writing on it. It read 'Suga's 18th birthday'.

"She loves you Suga. Whatever is going on between you two, I know you'll work it out." Daichi said in a comforting voice.

"Here's my laptop so you can watch it." he hands it to me and before he leaves, I say,

"Hey, Um. I know I should've told you this earlier but... about Kiyoko."

"It's okay Suga. I already know." he answered. Daichi was still smiling which confused me even more.

"You know?" I questioned and he nodded slightly.

"Tanka is her true love. Tanaka-kun told me in person. I respect him and Kiyoko." Daichi explained as his gaze softened, "Well I'll leave you to it. (F/N) gave it to me before yesterday's match."

Daichi leaves to the backyard to set up the picnic. The rest of the team was enjoying the sun as they swam in Daichi's pool. I take a seat at the dinner table and open up the laptop.

They prepared this for me? (F/N), made this for me?

Inserting the disk, I click on the icon and the first thing that pops up is (F/N)'s face as she smiles at the camera. My heart sinks as the mouse hovers over her face. However, I set aside my emotions and pressed play. The background music was the song I first heard when we were walking to school together.

'Lost in Love' by Air Supply, our parent's anniversary song.

"Hi my love! I just wanted to greet you with a happy birthday. Thank you for being my first boyfriend and I couldn't have asked for anyone else. Here's a few things I recorded and why I love you so much!" she waved to the camera as it transitioned to one of our first dates.

'Suga stop it!' she squeals at the camera as I throw a snowball at her. I start chasing her around the field dressed in white.

'I'm gonna get cha!' I yell back as she hits me directly on the face with a snowball.

'Counter attack!' she yelled she lands on top of me, covered in snow. We were a mess as the snow covered both of our faces. She laid on top of me, as I leaned in for a kiss, I hit her smack dab with a snowball. She was letting out a fit of giggles and yells 'Unfair!'. I stick my tongue out as she chases me down the field again.

"I love how you made me adventurous and to seek more in life. My purpose was found when I met you." she narrates and the video transitions again to another scene.

'Surprise!' I exclaim. It was the date that I set up for our two month anniversary. I borrowed Saeko's van and decorated the back of her truck with blankets, pillows and snacks.

'Wow Suga! I love it so much!' she gleamed as she kissed me on the cheek. We were getting into the back of the van to cuddle and watch movies for hours. She sat in between my legs as I wrapped my arms around her torso.

"This was the first time someone has ever done something so sweet for me. I fell in love with you more and more everyday." she explained to the camera. The video moved onto another scene, this one was when she was at my house.

'One two three, one two three.' I instructed with one hand on her waist with the other on clasping her hand. She told me once she's never slow danced with a guy before and I offered to be her first.

'Ha. I stepped on your foot again! Sorry!' she blurted bashfully as she looked away from my face. I smiled kindly down at her and chuckled.

Swaying together back and forth I say, 'It's okay, practice makes perfect'. Bringing her closer to my chest, we feel the rhythm of the music and continue dancing.

'I think you're getting the hang of it' I murmured and she smiled upwards towards me.

"I never thought I could dance. With you it was possible. I've gained my confidence through you." she smiled at the camera as it transitions once more to me sleeping on her lap.

'Look guys. He's snoring' she whispered to the camera as she brought it closer to my face. I fell asleep on her lap, a place of comfort for me. I was sleeping away as (F/N) stroked my hair and hummed to me. She was giggling to herself, and it made my heart beat faster.

'No matter how tired you are, you always work so hard for others. You inspire me to do the same'

The video shifted again, playing a series of collected dates in fast motion and my eyes start to water from all the memories I've shared with her.

'Thank you Suga. I've never been so much in love and I can't thank you enough. Everyday when I think about you my heart sings and I can't help but think of how great it is to love you everyday. I'm so proud of you and what you've done for the volleyball team. I've fallen in love with volleyball and you' she tears up on the video and before she turns off the camera she says, 'Happy birthday, I love you.'

The video stops and the last thing in the frame was the Festival of Light date when I wanted to confess my feelings to her. The image captured was me stealing a kiss on her cheek with her surprised expression. I bring my fingers on the screen, as they caress her face.

I never knew she was filming all these dates. She really does love me.

Gripping the table, I take a deep breath as more tears run down my face. This time I wasn't anguished or depressed, I was genuinely happy that I made a difference in her life.

I was enough for her. She loves me.

"Suga?" Kiyoko calls out as she hobbles to me with a cane, "It's time to cut the cake. Where's my sister? I thought she would be coming with you."

Sitting there in silence, I look up to Kiyoko with deep sorrow in my eyes. After explaining what's going on with her, Kiyoko silently nods and tells me something that I couldn't comprehend.

"When I was at home with my mom, there was a knock on the door. It was a woman I've never seen before. I overheard my mom's conversation with this woman and it wasn't friendly. She was looking for (F/N)."

"Who was this woman?" I ask and Kiyoko shakes her head,

"I don't know but I think we should leave (F/N) alone."