Dad used to tell you that volleyball is like learning to fall in love. He'd say, 'you get hit in the face sometimes and it hurts but no matter how much it hurts, it's getting back up is what matters most'.

"Dad, that could be applied to anything." Kioyko said with her hand propping up her chin at the dinner table.

"I know, but..." he glances towards his wife cooking breakfast. He lowers his newspaper and looks at you from across the table.

"Its worth the effort. Trust me" he glances towards mom making 'lovey dovey' eyes. Mom places pancakes on his plate and he steals a kiss. You stab at your eggs and gulf them down.

Ugh its like they're back in High school again. He's always so sappy when it comes to mom.

"One day, you'll love a person just as much as you love volleyball."

You take another stab at the breakfast sausage.

Yeah right. What's there to love more than volleyball? You glance at your parents and they were making giggly noises as they rub nose to nose.

"Omg get a room!" Kiyoko would say covering hers and your eyes. Her face turned a crimson colour. You started to peek through her fingertips, as the curious ten-year old you were.

Everyone at the table breaks out it laughter. This is the only love you knew. A love that spoke home.

No volleyballs hitting my face... Yet.

'WHAM' a volleyball almost hit your face when Suga intercepted it with his hand. You were too busy looking at the scoreboard to notice.

"Are you okay (F/N)?"

You couldn't hear him because you were wearing the earplugs he gave you earlier. You pop one out of your ear and say,

"Sorry, come again?"

He laughs at you as the ball bounces back into the court. He props his face with his left hand and steals glances at you. He tries to pretend he's not looking at you, but you could still see him at the corner of your eye. Whenever you tried to catch him looking, he'd look away, acting clueless.

Why is he looking at me like that?

You shove back the yellow earplug and start adjusting the scoreboard. '24 vs 23'

Hm tight game.

As you continue to watch the match, you realize it's been a long time since the last time you've watched one. The last time you remember watching was for Kageyama's tournament. This was when he actually cooperated with his teammates. You remember when Mika would scream so loudly that other teams would stop and stare at the two of you. Usually you'd be embarrassed by Mika, but it didn't bother you when it came to Kageyama's games. You wanted him to notice you.

"HINATA YOU IDIOT!" Kageyama yelled at the smaller boy.

Guess he has changed a lot since then.

He makes quick eye contact with you again and you give him a thumbs up to cheer him on. His face was already red from the game, but you swore it turned an even darker shade.

I wonder if he's still mad at me.

'SLAM' the ball rebounded to Kageyama's side and in frustration he yells again at Hinata.

"YOU COULD'VE STOPPED THAT!!!" he yelled pointing at where the ball landed.

Maybe I should talk to him after this match.

"(F/N), the score board" Suga nudged you in the leg with his.

"Oh sorry!" You quickly turn the numbers. And they're already at match point. It could be anyones game. As your eyes were fixated on the court, you start to reminisce on the times your dad used to play. You'd watch video tapes of your dad in high school and of course, they were filmed by your mom. You remember your mom screaming his name from the bleacher, unknowingly too close to the camera's audio. You start to realize why she didn't care about who would hear her. She yelled at the top of her lungs out of love.

They were high school sweethearts after all.

Mika loudly blew the whistle, signalling the end of the game. She then shouts with her megaphone as it screeched a bit,

"THE WINNERS ARE: KAGEYAMA, HINATA AND TANAKA!!"

Loud claps were made from Nishinoya and smaller ones from Asahi. You clap for the winning team and yell,

"Good job Kags!"

Wow I haven't said his nickname in a long time. Will he think I'm weird?

Kageyama choked on his water in response and he wipes his mouth with the back of his hand.

"Thanks" he murmured drinking more water, dismissing your complement. Hinata noticed and started mouthing something to Suga. You couldn't understand but Hinata was making it obvious by pointing at you while looking at the silver haired boy. Suga's eyes widened and he tried shooing way Hinata with his hand, mouthing the words 'stop'.

Wonder what that's about.

As all the sounds of squeaking shoes and bouncing volleyballs have come to an end, it was time to pack up and go home.

Ugh, and we still have to work on that paper.

"I guess I'll start cleaning up. I'll get the dust mop." You say to Suga who was resetting the score numbers back to '0'.

"Okay, let me put this back then."

Both of you head to the gym storage room and you realize it was dark. You try to flick the switch back and forth, but the lights refused to turn on.

"Must be a short circuit" Suga said rolling the score board behind him. All of a sudden the gym door slams shut behind the two of you.

"What?" you say, blinking your eyes in confusion.

"Huh, how odd." Suga replied. He then approached the closed door and tried turning the knobs. They wouldn't budge and the door remained shut.

"Are we stuck in here?!" your voice was filled with anxiety as it was even darker than it was previously. You couldn't even make out what was front of you.

"Ah, don't worry. I'll think of something." Suga said in the dark. You couldn't even see where he was.

Your heart started to beat faster as the time grew longer. You were always scared of the dark as it reminded you of the accident.

Dad. Kiyoko. Crash. Smoke. Hurt. My legs. Can't Move. Darkness...

You didn't realize you were hyperventilating and that it grew louder in the darkness.

Make it stop. Make it stop. Make it stop.

There was sweat spreading all over your forehead and you couldn't help but clutch your shirt where your heart was.

I can't breathe. I can't see. What's happening.

You try to feel your surroundings but you bumped into a shelf instead. Gym equipment fell around you, making a loud crash sound. It started to irritate your ears even more, leaving a high-pitched ringing sound. You were still hyperventilating and you couldn't grasp where you were anymore. Just when it felt like you've reached your limit, your hands impulsively covered your ears in sheer panic.

"(F/N)"

Suga surrounded you with his arms, bringing you into an embrace. Your head rested against his chest and you could hear his heart beating.

"It's okay, you're okay." he said in a soothing tone. He stroked your hair and placed his head on top of yours.

"It's okay, you're safe now." he repeated as he continued to sway you gently in his arms.

Your heart was trying to slow down and your breathing was still ragged but slowly returned to a normal pace.

W-what is this? How is he doing that?

Your hands slowly lifted from your ears and you wrap your arms around his back. You were still stunned and couldn't make out any words. As you try to under the tears that surprisingly slipped out, Suga says,

"Shh, it's okay. You're okay now. You're with me."

As both of you stand there in the darkness of the gym storage room you close your eyes and let him sway you gently. You calmed down and found comfort in his arms.

It's different from when we were in the graveyard. This time, he's saving me.

Just as you two were in each other embraces, the door creaks open, letting a sliver of the gym light in. A trolley was being rolled in and there, a dark figure stood, staring at the two of you.

"Ah, Um, sorry. I'll just go."

It was Kageyama. He shoved the trolley in between the door, and tossed the volleyball he had in his hands onto the cart. You hear his footsteps rapidly move against the gym floor.

Kageyama.

You let go of Suga's embrace and run after Kageyama. Your heart was beating irregularly fast out of its chest as you chase after him. There were still tears in your eyes and you couldn't breathe but, you needed to find him.

Nonono Kageyama wait, let me explain!

Your legs were going as fast as they could but the boy was no where to be found. In panic, you go around again another corner and there he was, slumped up against the wall with his head down. He had his hands in his pockets and his shoes were kicking the dirt. As you approach him, he sticks out his hand signalling 'stop'.

"Don't come near me." he croaked. His head hung low and he didn't even bother to look at you.

"Kageyama-" you respond.

"What am I to you?" he said angrily, still looking down at his feet.

You were breathing heavily out of your chest as you try to process his question.

"I said, what am I to you?!" He raised his voice and came at you swiftly. He pinned you to the wall with his arm near your face. You look into his sad dark eyes, he was dead serious. In shock, you still couldn't speak, even if you tried the words wouldn't come out.

"Seriously, was I nothing to you at all?" he murmured as he draws back his hand from the wall and makes a fist near his side. He breaks eye contact with you and you can see a few tears falling down to the ground.

"You were everything to me." you say meekly. You didn't realize you were crying too. You wipe your arm with your sleeve and continue,

"Were you there? That night when-"

"I said 'I love you'? Yes." he sobbed, still not looking at you.

That wasn't a hallucination? I thought I was so high on painkillers. He was really there!?

"Why didn't you come back? You just visited once. I thought you hated me." you sobbed as you lean back against the wall, trying to catch your breath.

"Mika said, I shouldn't see you anymore. She told me you said that you didn't want me."

I didn't want him to see me at the state I was in. Her words were partially true, but it was only to protect him.

"I can't stand seeing my loved ones hurt. I didn't want to hurt you too." you cried into your sleeve. You never cried in front of him before, you just felt so embarrassed. He grabbed your arm and lowered it from your face. Both of you had tears in your eyes.

"You could've wrote me. Or called me. Even a text. Why did you leave me in the dark like that? I thought I lost you."

"Please don't do that to me. I just wanted you to let go of me already. Don't let me hurt you like how I hurt my mom and Mika. Please just go."

He stood there and as the last tear left his eye, he turned around at your request.

"I'm here now, even if you tell me to leave I won't. Just let me back in, okay?" His back was facing you but you could see how sincere his words were.

"I won't leave you. I promise." you said under your breath. The sun was setting and it gave you a flashback of when Kageyama would practice with you until you were both deadbeat tired. 'Always be there for my sets okay?' he'd say.

"I'll see you tomorrow, okay." he said clearing his throat. Kageyama never liked showing his feelings, but when he did, it was always like this. An explosion of emotion, but instantly diffused out of pride.

"Yeah, I'll see you." you say trying to hold back more tears.

With that, he walks away slowly and turns his head just a bit, giving you a weak smile. He trails off into the sunset and you stand there, still leaning back against the wall. You take in a big inhale and try to recollect your thoughts.

Suga. Kageyama. My heart can't take this.

———- end p. 18 ————

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