I can't get the image of Chase hitting that guy out of my head. He wanted to hurt him. He wanted to keep going, to keep punching even when I yelled at him to stop. What that guy said was wrong but Chase took it too far. He sent him to the hospital.

I expected him to be home after school. I saw him leave early during one of my final classes. But he isn't here. He isn't home.

"Mum is Chase here?"

"No sweetheart, why would he? Doesn't he come home with you?"

"Yeah but- you know what, it's nothing. Don't worry about it." The possibility that the school knows Chase is living with me and my family is unlikely so they had no one to call about the incident at school. The only person they could call about the fight is currently in a hospital bed.

My parents don't know about the fight. Which means they don't know where Chase is right now. Which means he didn't come home.

*

Chase is at his house. The door was unlocked so I walked inside and there he is on the couch. He's got a lighter in one hand and a joint in the other.

I stomp towards him, ripping the blunt out of his hands before the orange flame could light the end of it.

Chase looks up at me, shocked to see me in his house for the second time. He stands up anyway and says "Nate, give me the fucking blunt back."

"We are not doing this again, Chase. I don't care how fucking sad or angry you are. You are not about to do this shit again." I remember seeing him at the front gates of the school. He had been smoking then as well even though he promised he wouldn't. And here he is about to do it again. Chase slumps back on the couch. I decide to sit next to him.

"Why are you even here Chase?" I look around at the state of the living room and see it's just as messy as last time, if not messier. "Come on Chase. Let's go home yeah." I take his hand in mine, ready to leave and take him with me but he slips his hand out of my grasp.

"This is my home." He chuckles darkly, lifting his arms up to show off the dirty room. "This is the place I grew up since I was about what? Ten? With no mum or dad, just my dear old brother. This is the place where I learned that being alone is better and that the world is unfair. And where I learned I'm going to end up just like my brother. And dad. This is my home Nate. Where I learned to forge my brother's signature just to go on school trips. Where drugs are hidden under ever crevice. Where the fridge is stocked with alcohol rather than food. Where the air always smells like smoke. I hate that this has gotten familia. I hate that I've gotten used to it. But this is my life, always has been, always will be. You can't deny the inevitable."

"Chase, this doesn't have to be your home anymore. You're staying with me now, remember. You get to sleep with me in my bed and have my mum stuff you with food everyday. My dad gave you a job and said you can stay for as long as you need, remember. Derek is going to rehab, he's going to get better. Everything will."

"No it won't."

"Don't say that." He's giving up. I can't let him lose hope. "Come on Chase, come with me." I tug on his arm again but he doesn't budge.

"Chase."

"Just get out Nate."

"Chase." I repeat, trying to sound like his words didn't hurt me. He's just angry.

"Give me back the blunt then get the fuck out of here Nate." He reaches for the joint still in my hands but I pull back.

"No."

"Nate." He warns. A dangerous glare is in his eyes. My eyes trail to his fists. They're clenched by his side, still bruised by his earlier encounter. But I don't falter.

"I'm not scared of you Chase. I know you're not going to hurt me."

The sad thing is it's true. I won't hurt him. I could never.

I drop the joint in my elevated hand, and firmly step on it.

Chase drops to the couch. And cries.

I go sit beside him, pulling him towards me, making sure he knows that everything will be ok.

After a few minutes of silence, Chase releases himself from my arms.

"I'm sorry."He says and I tell him that it's alright.

"I just get so angry sometimes. I used to be a lot worse when Mum left. I got into fights all the time. I liked it more than I would like to admit. I just hated getting hit by..." it takes a few seconds for him to say Derek's name. "And knowing that I couldn't hit him back, I hit other people. Sometimes my anger can be this living, breathing thing inside of me that's trying to claw itself out. Other times it's what it's supposed to be. A feeling."

I hate the way he's looking at me like I'm a monster.

He's looking at me like how Mum looked at Dad the day before she left.

Is he going to leave me too?

He can't leave me too.

"I know I'm messed up. I know that I can go off the rails sometimes. I know I'm a lot to handle. But please Nate, don't give up on me." A few more tears escape his eyes and I hate that he thinks I might leave him. I pull him into me again and realise I'm hugging him more for myself than for him.

"I won't. I could never."

"I can't be like them, Nate. I can't. So when that guy said I'll end up in prison or hospital I freaked out and I hit him. I didn't mean to hit him that much. I lost control, I-"

"Shhhh. It's ok Chase."

"Nate." Chase looks up at me and says "Let's go home." I smile, bringing my lips to his in a short sweet kiss, one that warms my insides.

"Yeah, let's go home."

\\\\\\\\\/////////////////

*Me crying*