I can't look at him any longer. Usually I want to stare at his beautiful features for as long as I can but I can't stand that look on his face. He looks disappointed, like I'm the last person on earth that he wants to see. And maybe it's true. It's probably true. So I get up from his bed and leave his room.

I almost crash into Nate's mum as I open the front door. She's standing there will her keys dangling in her fingertips and numerous shopping bags on the floor surrounding her.

"Hi Chase." She says with a perkiness to her voice that never seems to fade. I barely have enough time to smile in response before I'm squeezing past her and running down the dark streets home.

I see Chase's figure out the window, disappearing into the darkness of the streets below and can't help but think that if I hadn't said anything that he would still be here. And we would be kissing. And shushing each other because my mum might hear us. And I would try to get him to stay over for the night. And he would say no a thousand times before finally saying yes.

Why didn't he say yes?

*

He doesn't come for breakfast in the morning and honestly I'm not surprised. But my mum is.

"Nate, where's Chase? Is something wrong with you two? Did you get into another fight?"

Not wanting to get into the details, I tell my mum that he went to school early to practice. She nods understandably.

It's not until after school when I first hear from Chase. He texts me saying that we need to talk and that's when I finally understand why people get so paranoid over those words. Nothing good ever happens when someone says they need to talk.

As I walk to meet him at the park I try to prepare myself for the inevitable. The end.

"Chase." I greet.

"Nate." He replies. And he looks at me with sad eyes and I try so incredibly hard not to cry.

"I know running away last night wasn't right. You deserve an explanation for why I said no. It's just- I can't be who you want me to be, Nate. I can't be your... boyfriend." He hesitantly says the last word before taking a step towards me but I quickly take a step back.

"That's bullshit and you know it." Chase looks taken aback by my angry outburst. "We were fine just the way we were and now you want to say this? You want to tell me now, after everything, that we can't be in a relationship? Fuck you Chase! You're just a fucking coward!"

The words stung him, I can tell by the flash of hurt on his face.

"I don't get it Chase. I thought you were happy with me."

I don't realise that I've let my guard down until I'm crying. And I don't realise I'm crying until I taste the salty water on my lips. I'm so glad there's no one around to see. I quickly wipe the tears away.

"I was happy with you. I am happy with you." Chase says.

"Then why say no? Why leave? Do you know how shitty and embarrassing it felt for me? To be sitting alone in my room wondering what I did wrong. Thinking you running away was my fault."

"I'm sorry I ran away. I'm sorry I made you feel like that. I wasn't lying when I said I was happy with you but I know I can't make you happy forever. I won't be a good boyfriend."

"You don't know that Chase."

"Being with me isn't a good decision, not in the way you want me to be."

"I'm not going to let you make my decisions. I don't care about the things you've done. I don't care if you think you're a bad decision. You're my decision."

"Nate, you don't understand."

"You know what Chase, I think I do. You and I both know you don't have an actual reason why you don't want to be my boyfriend. And I'm not going to stand here and beg you. I didn't realise that when I said for as long as you'll take me it'll be for another 5 minutes. Maybe I was too optimistic. Maybe my expectations were too high. Or maybe we were never meant to be and we should just quit wasting each other's time."

"You were never a waste of time Nate. Every single moment I've spent with you has been amazing."

"Fucking hell Chase!" I yell, lifting my arms in defeat. "You can't say stuff like that and then tell me you don't want to be with me. You can't keep pulling me in and then pushing me out." I'm a mess right now. And Chase is so close to me but he feels so far away. And I hate the distance between us.

"Chase is this really what you want? For us to end? Because if it is then I can walk away right now and we can leave all of this behind us. But if you want this. Want me. Then just tell me." I wait for his answer. Hoping he chooses me.

"Nate." Chase takes a deep breath. "The reason I said no was because I was scared." He admits, looking down at the ground. He's crying now too. He seems so vulnerable. And I would do anything to stop him from crying. I reach for him. I place my hand on his cheek and he stares at me, shocked at my actions considering I was just yelling at him.

"It's ok to be scared." I say, my voice much quieter and calmer. "I get it. You've never been in a relationship with a guy before but-"

"No it's not that." He shakes his head lightly. "I don't give a shit if people think I'm gay or Bi or whatever. I got scared because I don't want to get hurt again. People have left me my whole life and the thought of you leaving scares me. It scares me so fucking much that I said no. But now I realise how stupid that was because I want you Nate. And I will choose you a thousand times."

I feel myself melt as his words and a smile spread across my face. And just knowing that I have him and that he has chosen to be mine and I have chosen to be his makes me feel complete. I kiss him then. And this new warmth radiated through my body and sends chills right to the soles of my feet. His lips move eagerly against mine, his arms wrap tightly around my waist and I know for certain that this is what I want. This is what I'll always want.

Him. I want him.

"I'm sorry for saying no." I say as we reluctantly break away for air.

"I will accept your apology if you answer yes to my next three questions."

I playfully roll my eyes at Nate's request. "Fine."

"Am I the best?"

"Yes."

"Will you buy me sweets tomorrow?"

"Yes."

"Will you be my boyfriend?"

"Yes."