Kissing Danny was a release of some kind. It felt good in the moment. And I needed something, anything. Chris had moved on and it was time for me too. It was my turn and I wanted to feel something, anything like the high we were.

His lips moved with mine, and every now and then he would make a sweet humming noise. His lips were soft, and seemed to devour mine. They were firm and moved gracefully down my cheek and neck. He was good at this, maybe not as good as Chris, but I could live with kisses like this.

How did I get there? The door was shut to his apartment and he kept backing me up into his room. His hands ran up and down my body searching for the best landing place. Chris would have had a hand on the small of my back that would have kept trailing down. I pulled away, about to say something when he nipped at my bottom lip. My hands were around his neck pulling him closer while wishing he was further. My head and heart were at war.

"Danny" I whispered in his ear slowing him down. He looked at me his brown eyes wide. Searching them, I found nothing of what I was looking for.

"We can't, we shouldn't." I said softly. Not only was I not comfortable with sleeping with an employee, I wasn't comfortable with Danny as a person. He said nothing but kissed me sweetly on the cheek. His breaths were sallow like mine, and I felt bad for working him up and pulling the plug, but I couldn't do it. I needed to leave.

Okay was all he said, and I knew he wanted to ask me a thousand questions.

"I'm sorry." I told him grabbing my purse and fixing my clothes before showing myself out of his apartment. I took to the cooling streets of Boston and walked home wishing I could just scream into the night air.

Once at my apartment building I waved to a neighbor I barely knew and jammed the key in the door. My apartment just had white walls that I never bothered painting because I hung all kinds of things on my walls. It had got a brick wall I loved. I had about ten plants I kept in my apartment. It was a loft apartment with my bed, and closet upstairs. I kept my expansive book collection up there, and pictures from all of my travels. I had extremely minimal furniture partly because I'm lazy, and partly because I'm cheap. My apartment had huge windows that I loved, that was pretty much the only thing I had to have when I moved back to Boston.

The apartment felt empty when I walked in. I opened up a couple windows to feel the fresh air. My stomach felt twisted with anxiety. I wanted to go somewhere. I thought about having an all nighter were I just walk around the town, or take the subway to the end a couple times. But I knew I would hate myself if I did that since I have an early morning tomorrow. Plus it wasn't safe for me.

I w my purse on the table and trudged myself up the stairs to my bed. I laid on my side trying to figure out why I felt so lost. I never minded being alone, in fact I liked it. But something in me seemed broken, or missing. I just wanted to go home. After years of wondering the earth I wanted to find peace in it. I wanted to find a home. I wanted to go home to him. But he was miles away, close to the one he loves.

The next morning I woke up late and rushed to work. I put in a couple hours before I headed down to Cap Cod. I rented a car so it would be easy for me to come and go. I had a set up there and I had never visited the place. I thought I'd kill two birds with one stone.

I arrived around one. I set my stuff at the little hotel I was staying at and explored the town a bit. Around five, I took a bike and rode it around the beach. It was peaceful. The sound of the ocean was calming and the salty smell was soothing. I liked the smooth fine sand. The water was painfully cold so I avoided it. The tall grass made the place seem untouched by humans. It was a serene place, it reminded you of your favorite things. Standing on the beach felt wholesome and nostalgic.

The next day I went to set. They were outside, but they needed some kind of building that was going to be set on fire so we built it. I met with the directors and made a few finishing touches to the set before they started to shoot the scene.

I stayed there all day. I stared down the beach that was I was part of the movie. I saw a tall, handsome man walk through the beach towards me. His hands were in the pockets and he stared at the sand below his feet. Once he looked up he saw me looking at him. He flashed a shy smile and I wondered why.

"What are you doing here?" I asked him cooly once he was a few feet from me. I kept my distance and crossed my arms. The wind that surrounded us seemed to separate us. It was like a barrier between us.

"Whitney said you would be here." He mentioned to me shrugging. I glanced at his left hand to quench my own curiosity.

"Do you want to talk about your set? You'll have to follow me back to Boston, all my plans are there." I told him walking away from the beach and he followed me. This was the first time I had seen him in person in almost four months. I had talked to him a couple more times before that through email, but that was strictly professional.

"When are you leaving here?"

"Tomorrow night."

"It can wait then." He said.

"Chris." I stopped walking and forced him to look at me. I said his name softly and painfully.

"Why did you come down here. I know you don't want to talk about your set. I don't know what there is left to talk about." I wrapped my arms tighter around myself as I stared at him. He fidgeted under my stare and stuttered a bit trying to find his words.

"I just wanted to see you. I miss you." There it was. I turned my head so he couldn't see the tears that pool in my eyes.

"Why are you doing this? Why do you keep crushing me. You know–you're with her. And I'm still me. You know it will never happen, and yet you keep coming back only to hurt me!" I yelled turning my back to him. My blood began to boil as I thought about what he had said. I needed to get away from him. I was done with his bullshit.

"I'm not with her Lucy. I ended it when I flew back after our fight."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I needed just be alone. Do some soul searching."

"Any new results?"

"None, still hopelessly in love with you." I couldn't say anything. I shoveled some sand with my feet and stared at the ground. I wanted to leave him standing there. I needed to clear my head.

"Why now? Why are you here?" I asked him.

"I have terrible self control?" He weakly offered making me roll my eyes.

"Oh my god we're a mess." I groaned.

"Yeah a hot one."

"You're the worst."

Holding his hands up in surrender a small smile appeared on his face. "I know."

"Chris it's been more than a year. What if we just don't work anymore?"

"Let's just start slow. I just don't want to loose you. I have a couple months off and I just want to spend them with you."

"Slow? I thought you had terrible self control." I smirked up at him.

"With you, yeah."

"Ouch, that was a cheesy one Evans."

"Only for you."

"What if–"

"What if what Lucy? I don't care. I really don't. I don't care if you break my heart a thousand times, I've survived it once I can do it again. I don't care what other people think. I just want you. And it's so ridiculous how much."

"What movie did you steal that from?" I muttered trying to suppress my smile.

"Only god knows." He mumbled. "Can I please take you to dinner?"

"As long as you're paying." I joked now grinning.

"Deal." He quickly agreed. And Jesus Christ that smile he flashed me was worth it all.