"So! Tell me! Tell me! How was lunch with Chris from Hot-Man-ville?!" Whitney asked excitedly she sat in the seat in front of my desk with wide eyes.

"Fine, fine. It was everything you would imagine." I stated calmly, with no emotion. I was organizing my notes, and papers on my desk when I told her this. I had just gotten out of my meeting with the finance team.

"I think we imagine different things, because I'm imagining you two getting it on in the bathroom."

"What! No, that didn't happen. Yeah, not this time, Whit." I laughed a bit. My laugh was hollow, and worn. I just felt weak, like there was a hole in my heart. I wanted to fold into myself and wrap up in a blanket. I wanted to get out of the stuffy office, and walk around. Maybe even get on a plane and go somewhere, any where. I just wanted to heal my bleeding heart.

"What happened then? You were late, to the meeting so something must have happened?"

"We just talked. He's leaving, again, for LA. Where his fiancé is." I told her and now I just want a drink.

"NO!"

"Yes, the magazine was true." We both knew I was holding on to the idea that it wasn't.

"So that's it?"

"Yeah, Whitney, that's it, that's the end." I admitted to her, and myself. She knew I wasn't telling her something, when she left my office. And I wasn't, but what happened between us, was just for us. It was something I'll don't think I could describe correctly. I was having a hard time wrapping my head around everything that we had said to each other. There was closure in our fight, but something else that I'll hold on to as I move on.

I stood in front of Mel's restaurant ready to meet Chris for lunch. Why did we come here? I had a strong feeling that nothing good would come from this. It was a gut feeling. I reached for the door handle, and I wanted to bolt away. I thought for a second about skipping out, but I know it was the wrong thing to do. I took a deep breath, and walked into the restaurant like I owned it. It was a normal restaurant, with a gray entrance looking out on to one of the many busy roads of Boston. It was on the more richer side of Boston too. It had normal lunch foods, like sandwiches, salads, and soup. The best part about Mel's was their desert, at night the restaurant was crowded with people trying to get some of their cake, and pies. I personally loved their cupcakes that they sometimes had.

I went into the restaurant looking for Chris, I was a few minutes late as normal. I had on some jeans, and a white button down, pretty much my normal work outfit. I sat down in the seat next to his, and I felt a little nervous. I don't know why, he knows me, we're not strangers. But it still felt like we are. It kind of felt like I was meeting him for the first time again. We ordered and of course I ordered a cupcake, because I love them.

The starting conversation was strained. We had no idea what to say to each other. So naturally we talked about work, something we both do too much. I talked about other movies I'd done, I talked about some funny stories that he laughed at. He discussed about the movie he was directing, and the one he was staring in. The more we laughed at each others lame jokes the closer we were to being back to normal.

"Have you been to any interesting places?" He asked because he knows how much I love to travel.

"Yeah, I took myself to Machu Picchu." I told him and he looks impressed.

"Alone?"

"Yep, I backpacked that one, so I stayed in a couple hostels, camped a bit, hitched hiked a little and walked a whole lot." I explained

"Please be careful" he pleaded and I almost rolled my eyes.

"I'm always careful, and I can take care of myself." I wanted to tell him I wasn't any of his concern too.

"I wish I could just go, somewhere." He confessed to me leaning back into his seat. He looked like he was daydreaming about just taking off.

"You can, if you want."

"I would have to tie up lose ends, and tell everyone, it wouldn't seem easy. It wouldn't feel spontaneous."

"Well, mine wasn't necessarily spontaneous, I bought the ticket, packed my bag, read some stuff, took a map and went to Peru."

"It just sounds freeing, you know? Anywhere I go, people follow me, or I'm there for work. It's one of those things I had to give up."

"You don't have to give that up. I should just plan your next vacation. I've been wanting to go to Cambodia next."

"Maybe I'll hire you as my travel agent." Chris mentioned making me laugh. I looked over across the table and smiled.

"I feel like I owe you a congratulations." Chris smiled at me, but his smile never reached his eyes.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah! Congrats on getting engaged! That's awesome!"

"Yeah, she's pretty awesome."

"Tell me about her!" I gushed making him blush a bit. I wanted to seem genuinely interested because I was and two because I just wanted to move on. We were friends before we dated, there was no reason we couldn't be again.

"She's funny, she's smart, she great. I don't know what else to say." And that was the first lie he told me. If there was one thing I know about Chris it was that he's a hopeless romantic. He gushes about things he loves. Why is this different? Why won't he tell me? I took a drink of my water and just looked at him.

"What?" Chris asked suspiciously looking back at me.

"What? I didn't say anything."

"Luce, I know that look! Don't look at me like that!" He said pointing at me.

"I'm not looking at you in any way Chris." I promised him smirking. He smiled and I couldn't keep a straight face anymore.

"Then why do you look like you know something that I don't?! Or that you just solved some kind of mystery?!"

"I do know something you don't."

"What?"

"Point-nine repeating actually equals one."

"I hate you, so much." Chris said laughing and shaking his head. We paid for lunch and headed out the restaurant together. We strolled at a slow pace towards my office in order to talk more.

"But seriously Chris, I'm really happy for you. It's not like everyone meets the one, you know." I said looking up at him to measure his facial expressions. And every word I said was true. I was happy for him.

"Yeah, I guess I am lucky." He agreed and I gave him a bit of a shove.

"You guess?" I teased making him smile.

"Tell me what's on your mind." I finally asked him because all day he had been out of it. He seemed to only be half here with me. The other half is buried in his thoughts. Maybe of her?

"I don't know Lucy. I just...it's different with her. It's not the same."

"Well it isn't supposed to be, we're different people."

"No, it's not that. Well, it's exactly that. It's when we laugh, when I look at her, when we talk, when we kiss. Even the fucking silences between us is different. Shouldn't it be the same? Shouldn't I feel the same love?"

"I don't know. I guess each love is a little different. I can't tell you what you should feel. I guess I can only ask you if she makes you happy. You have to decide if it's love." This whole conversation was making my heart speed up in a panic. Was I about to break up his relationship? I certainly didn't go to lunch with this intent.

"It just feels like there's a trench between us. Something always separating us. We can never become one, we will always be separate." I stayed silent, because if I said what I was thinking I would be ruining an engagement. It wasn't my goal today.

"I love her Lucy, I do, it's just not the same. It won't be, I guess." He confessed before he glanced at me to measure my facial expressions.

"Well, love should be enough right?" I asked him cautiously and he stared down at the ground at his feet.

"Yeah" he mumbled and it was probably the most reluctant 'yeah' I've heard. He might as well shrugged. I wanted to ask more questions but I was afraid to push him too far. Thankfully we were at my office by then.

"I had a great time Chris." I told him and he eyes searched mine. He wanted me to ask him something.

"Good luck okay." I wished him before walking away.

"Lucy, wait I know you're dying to ask me that question so do it."

"There's too many Chris, but they aren't worth asking." I confessed pausing to look back at him.

"You want to know why." I did.

"You crushed me Lucy." he began stuffing his hands in his pockets. "When you left, I felt lost, and sad, and hurt. She fixed the broken heart Lucy. She filled where you left. I loved you a lot Lucy, I loved you a lot."

"Are you happy with her? Did I make you happy?"

"You made me so fucking happy. At times I would think of you and smile, I would laugh at what I remembered you saying. I would feel lighter with you. Yeah, you made me really happy. She makes me happy too." A sad smile graced his lips has he looked up at me. His blue eyes just melted my heart sometimes.

"That's all I want Chris."

"I know Luce, you're selfless like that. Pick your own battles right?" He challenged

"If you're asking me to break up your engagement, I won't." I crossed my arms and looked around.

"Why won't you fight for us? You gave up."

"I never gave up, Chris. You know I wasn't in the right mind set. I refuse to break up your engagement. You just told me how much you love her. Why are you jeopardizing this? Why are you jeopardizing your chance of happiness?" I wanted to pull my hair out. This man was fucking incredible to start this. Just when I thought we could walk away on good terms.

"Because you're what makes me happy!" He threw his hands up making me roll my eyes. "But you're fucking untouchable! I have to settle for someone who I can love, and get along with. But I can never have you, someone who completes me."

"Chris, that's your fantasy. I don't think I was ever that for you. You've made me into some Aphrodite and I'm just me." I pointed out to him quietly.

"That's it Lucy, you're you. And that's what I love." He confessed staring me in the eyes. I swallowed unable to say anything.

Keeping my eyes on his, I questioned him. "If I asked you today, would you leave her?"

"I guess."

"No Chris, you come here and declare this undying love, but you're afraid to leave her. You guess you would?!"

"How am I supposed to trust that one morning you won't be gone! Lucy, your fight or flight instincts are completely bullshit! You leave, run away, and you never fight for anything you want."

"You're supposed to trust me because you love me."

"Do you love me?" Well wasn't that the question.

"Not, when you love her." I told him looking away from him.

"If I left her would you?" Yes. I do. I do all that time. I never stopped. I love you even when you love her. And I love you when you're being an asshole. So, yes. I would. I will always love you.

"Are you going to leave her?"

"Are you going to answer my damn question?"

"Yes. I would. I do. And I hate you, and it."

"You hate love?"

"Yes, because I love you but you're an asshole. So leave. You're not going to leave her? You know why? Because you're too comfortable with her. You're scared of me, and what I can do. You're scared that I can hurt you again. So go home. Go to her, kiss her. Love her and realize I'm not who you wish me to be. This is the end the discussion. You love her, she'll become into everything you want her to. I promise. This, us, we're a mess, built on some crumbling foundation. It won't ever work between us, so I suggest you pull your shit together and forget about me."

"Good bye, Chris. Congrats once again. Good luck with your life." I told him walking away. He grabbed me by the wrist and pulled me in for a kiss. His lips felt good on mine, we moved together like we never stopped. It was beautiful, raw and powerful, it was him. And it was us. But most of all it was a good bye.