It felt as if the world felt the need to separate us. We tried to fight it, but at the end of every day we said good bye.

We woke up at seven tired and sad. We drove to the airport and like just a month ago, Chris parked on the side of the curb. We've done this before, we can do it again. We have to do it again.

I was flying to Boston, to grab the rest of my stuff and then I was heading to Spain. So by night time I'll be in Madrid.

"I'm going miss you." I said smiling at him trying to cheer him up.

"I'm going to miss you too. I wish we had more time together." Chris turned towards me and he looked a little hesitant on what he was about to say. My heart started to thrum and I was getting nervous by the second.

"What is it?" I asked him. I wished he'd just spit it out.

"Are you happy in this relationship? I know we haven't spent that much time together as a couple. I don't want to rush anything. I want you to feel comfortable. I just want to do this right, but..."

"It feels like we're always being separated."

"Yeah." He breathed out staring at his hands. I really didn't want to have this conversation now. Talking about where we were headed as a couple at the curb of the airport wasn't an ideal spot.

"I'll admit it's really hard to start a relationship when you can never spend more than a week with them. But I really like us. I really like you, and I want this."

He sighed in relief and smiled. "It's good to know we're on the same page."

"Aren't we always." I grinned as he stole a kiss from me. I got out the car and grabbed my stuff. He followed me helping me with my bag.

"Bye Chris." I said reaching up to kiss him. He deepened the kiss holding me closer to him. "You're going to make me late." I murmured.

"How terrible. I guess you'll have to spend an extra day with me."

"No, you're the worst." I laughed playfully shoving him. "Goodbye"

He gave me a quick kiss, "Okay I'm done now. Bye Lucy, I'll see you soon. Call me when you get there."

"Of course." I promised starting to walk away.

"Don't miss me too much! And don't kiss other boys while you're gone! Bye, I lov–bye!" He yelled after me to embarrass me. His last sentence made me want to jump off the plane I was about to get on. I was not ready for the L-word. I was relieved Chris caught it. I think both of us wanted to act like nothing happened, or almost happened. I got on the flight and slept the whole way back to Boston.

Spain was beautiful. It the perfect temperature for me. The sun was out, and my hotel was beautiful. The bright colors of the city was amazing. I loved the architecture from the old Moorish temples. I loved the ham and the open atmosphere. I loved that the city was a mix of older architecture, but still was an advanced city. I worked most of the day, and every night I'd take a train to a new part of Spain. I just loved it there, maybe it was because I was away from everything. Each day I woke up with the beautiful old city outside my window. My balcony was becoming an addiction, I sat out there as long as possible, it over looked a small square around the hotel. If you looked further into the distance you saw old buildings, and new ones peak out from the horizon.

It was fun to find new things. That was why I loved Boston, there was always something new to find. I walked around town, trying new coffee shops, and little diners. I tried different foods, and clothes. I tried everything. I saw soccer games, I sat half way through a bull fight. I had to leave because I didn't want to see the bull die. I met different people and tried to speak in Spanish. Being out of my element was probably the best thing that I could have done for myself. I was so stressed, and being here I wasn't. Of course I worked all the time on my designs, but in the end, I was free.

But at the same time I wasn't. The press found out about Chris and I. I found out through Whitney, who sent a very vibrant, and annoyed email. She wrote about how she knew it, and how annoyed she was I didn't tell her and all that good stuff. The picture of us that was circulating was the day when we went to meet my parents. I was talking to Chris, who was laughing at something I had said. His arm was around me as we talked. Nothing good can last right? I guessrd the upside was that I was unknown. They hadn't quite learned who I was yet, and it was even better now that I was out of the country.

Chris and I talked when we could. He sometimes stayed up late to talk or I woke up early. It was hard, but we did it. What choice did we have. It had been about two weeks since I'd been there. I was expecting to stay at least three more months. Chris was coming up for a weekend this week. I was excited. I wanted to show him everything thing I had discovered. I wanted to experience new things with him. I pretty much just wanted to spend every moment with him.

We were moving fast in this relationship, and I wonderEd if we were moving too fast. Did we even have a choice? We talked through a computer, and when we saw each other it was like seeing water for the first time after being left in a desert. We go to eat, we come back to the hotel, have sex, then talk. We stay up all night talking, then one of us leaves. It hurt, and it drove me crazy. I had to remind myself, that it was worth it. He was worth it, I was worth it, we were worth it.

One week, about a month and a half into my stay in Madrid, I made the mistake of flying to LA for a weekend. I was greeted happily by Chris, and we quickly walked through the airport without being seen. He had to go back to work, so I went back to the hotel and took a nap. For dinner we went out, and that was the big mistake. Someone caught us, and pretty soon we saw flashes from cameras. Chris let out a string of cuss words, and I just followed his lead. He pushed me behind him and I copied his moves. I kept my head down and walked fast. I ignored what I could. I wanted to run. We made it back to the hotel, and as soon as the door closed and we were alone I let out a breath.

"So, that was awful" I sighed him leaning my head on his chest, his arms eloped me and I relaxed.

"Yeah, it usually is." he mumbled and we just held each other. I looked up at him and smiled, his arms now rested on my shoulders. My fingers felt the soft skin under his shirt. What are we doing here? I'm leaving tomorrow. I lazily kissed him instead of thinking.

"I missed you" he confessed leaving a trail of wet kisses down the column if my neck.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah"

"Well I guess I missed you to."

"You guess?" He teased smiling into the crook of my neck. I just laughed a little breathlessly, making the bastard laugh even more.

"I hate you"

"Well I kind of lo-" Don't say it, please. I kissed him taking him by surprise. I ran my hands through his hair tugging it a bit, and soon we both forgot what we were going to say.

It had been almost a month since I last saw Chris. I had at least one more month there, hopefully. The set was going okay, I was pretty satisfied with it. Sony was thrilled and that was all that mattered . Chris was coming up today, and I took the rest of the day off. The press still haven't learned my name, but they did get a better picture of me. I guess it was good that I look pretty normal and dull.

Later that night as we laid in bed, I laid on my side with my back to Chris. He was tracing the words of my tattoo down my spine. The words were from a Florence and The Machine song I loved. It was times like these when I wondered if heaven was just a place on earth. It was where he was.

"I think this is my favorite tattoo of yours" he commented.

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah, it's so you. It's thoughtful, and real like you. You never told me why you got this one."

"It's a long story Chris."

"Okay, I'm up for a good bed time story."

"Trust me, it probably won't give you good dreams."

"I kinda guessed." I rolled and faced him, my head next to his. There was no reason to hide, he'd never hidden anything from me. Well if he had, I wouldn't know. I traced patterns on his skin not wanting to look him in the eyes. He lazily kissed my forehead, my cheek, my shoulder until I smiled.

"It was awhile back. He was older, I was 21, fresh out of college. I thought he was quite amazing, my parents loved him, Crystal my best friend loved him. I thought I was lucky, I found the love of my life so early right?

He didn't drink, he didn't do drugs, he never hit me. Well he did once, twice maybe? I thought he was smart, so the corrections he made about what I said, I took them. I would say the sky is blue, and he would say the sky was baby blue. He would control me that way. It got worse. I would wear something and he would send me back to change. He soon wouldn't allow me to talk with his friends or really mine. He said he didn't like me talking to anyone but him. He was extraordinarily possessive. I had to ask him for permission to get my hair done, or get a tattoo, to buy a shirt. Anything.

I thought that maybe it was because he loved me so much that he did this. I thought well, he's the one, I have to put up with all his quirks. Pretty soon I had to stay silent in the house. I would only answer his questions or ask him one.

He controlled me. I sleep on my side now, because it gave him more room on the bed. I used to sleep on my stomach. I learned to cook because he wanted me to make him food. He ate normal food and I had to eat salads, or half portions because he liked me skinny. Still every now and then, when I'm buying clothes my brain will ask if would he like it? Do you think it's okay if I buy this without him? What was mine wasn't mine at all. Every night he would go through my phone, my computer, everything. I had no privacy, he would show up at work at random times to make sure I wasn't cheating on him.

I think people forget that abuse isn't just physical. It can be mental and emotional too. I lost the choice of making my own decisions for almost four years. For four years I lived without any freedom. I wasn't a person to him, I was like an animal. I wasn't allowed decisions or privacy.

When I finally left, I thought, this was my fault. I thought would never find someone again. But I was fading away. I was becoming the ghost of myself. So I left. I called him from London one night. I cracked, I thought I was crazy. But I had to leave. So I guess the tattoo is there to remind me, I have to be strong. I can't let anyone control me, I can't give myself up like I did."

"You wanted to know. That was the tragedy in my life. We all have them, you just heard mine." I said looking up into Chris' eyes. He looked sad, and hurt for me. But I've told this story before, I told it to my parents, Cate, my old boss, Crystal, and Whitney. They all know. It's in the past, but scars are called scars for a reason. It's because they don't leave. They fade, but so does everything. They aren't cuts, they heal, they aren't bruises those heal too. They're scars, they are supposed to stay.

He wanted to say something. He wanted to ask me something. He opened his mouth, but promptly closes it.

"What?" If he had a question I wanted him to spit it out. I don't like wallowing in pity.

"What?"

"Ask me the questions you're dying to ask me."

"I don't have any Lucy, you answered them all."

"Should I be worried?"

"Not at all. Thank you."

"For what?" I asked a little curtly.

"For letting me know you. I don't know, for letting me be with you, and kiss you, and hold you. You're an incredible woman, and everyday you amaze me with something new."

"You're such a romantic." I dismissed rolling my eyes, but of course I blushed. I was positive I went bright red. I snuggled into Chris' chest to hide my face.

"Well one of us has to be."