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Yesterday was really fun! But today my body was really sore, I think because Justin was really rough and he's been sleeping ever since yesterday, I think that's a good thing it's nice to just see him sleeping so cute! He's like a baby boy that couldn't hurt a fly. But we all know he can hurt more then a fly if he wanted to or had to, he's also really good at this lifestyle better then me for sure I guess he has had others that he did the lifestyle with, but he's not the only guy in the world who has X's from the past.

I would love to know where this lifestyle will take us, but rn I honestly don't see anything going far at all we aren't a thing or anything this is all just a try out thing, like don't get me wrong I'd so date Justin he's amazing and make you blush 24/7 but what if he doesn't want me for a long time relationship, maybe I'm just for his needs if he did ask me out I'd definitely say yes without any regret what so ever, but he doesn't deserve me he can do so much better id be happy for him if he meet someone who made him happy, I can't do that Justin doesn't deserve to be hurt by someone like me he's so much more he deserves to be happy and follow his dreams, and I know that I can't be that girl.

Maybe I'm just scared to let someone so amazing in my life, because I don't wanna hurt them idk why but I always hurt people somehow like yah love is amazing but it's a hurtful thing to go through and Justin shouldn't go though something like that because of me, that wouldn't be fair on him or anything he would be left in pain then I'd be in pain for potting him in that kind of pain that he doesn't deserve to be in at all, no one like him should go through pain but happiness is definitely what they deserve 24/7.

What if I can't love him like he wants me to, what if he's faking his happy side but really he's killing inside, what if he's already with someone and just using me, he can't love a girl like me there's nothing to love I'm nothing and he's the world.

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