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AUSTIN:

Glancing last time over peacefully sleeping Andy, I pulled the hood over my head and opened the door, not knowing my destiny, I stepped out it brightly lit hallway… my legs trembled and my hands were shaky.

I wasn’t running away… I was scared that if I stayed, it would get worst.

I don’t know what I was doing or where I was planning to go but I had to get out of here as soon as I can before anyone would know I’m missing…

But even before I could catch my next breath, emergency siren beeped near by, alerting the nurses of my breakout. Not waiting for another thought, I hurried towards the exit, making sure that my bandaged arm was fully hidden under my jacket and so did my face.

The sudden panic and rush made my head throb harder. I took long hurrying steps towards the exit, praying silently to pass-by unnoticed. The siren sounded further as I rushed out of the Private Room Section, making my way to the main door of Intensive Care Unit.

“Excuse me Sir?” my feet got stoned to the ground, hand froze on the steel handle and my heart skipped a beat. I didn’t dare turn around, waiting for the nurse to scold me and drag me back to the room. She didn’t do either and I noticed from the corner of my eye that she’d stood up from the stool she was sitting on, behind the Reception counter. “Are you leaving?” she asked in her forced polite voice.

I nodded, without turning towards her.

“If you’ll please…” she smacked a thick register on the counter, raising a pen towards me. I could feel her hard gaze on me, literally burning my side. I stood still, but my legs were still trembling. I tried to breath normally incase she’d notice anything strange.

I didn’t know what to do! Turn around and give myself away or run out or stay where I was and wait for another instruction, maybe an easy one, because signing would mean using my right hand which was heavily bandaged and she’d know instantly.

A few long seconds later she cleared her throat. “I hope you remember that you need to Check-In when you’re visiting a patient…” she spoke slowly as if instructing a toddler. “…and Check-Out when you ought to leave, Mr. Carlson.” And like someone sucked my breath out with a vacuum! How the hell she knew who I was? “And today you haven’t done either.” Although she kept her voice normal but I could feel her annoyance.

I guessed she must be talking about Paul. My heart raced faster as I gathered my breath and strength to answer her but was interrupted by the shouting of another nurse who was running towards us. “We’ve got a problem!”

That was all I needed to escape. I made my way out normally and then broke out in a run as soon as I was in the corridor. Most of the people turned around, looking curiously at the crippling runner. I didn’t know how long I’d been in coma but it was enough to suck away all my strength. Ignoring the shaking legs and pain rising in my head where I’d got cut, I rushed in the elevator just before it got closed.

A few seconds later the elevator stopped on the ground floor and I hurried out, almost blindly and bumped in to a girl.

“Oh I’m so sorry—” she mumbled but stopped abruptly, gaping at my face. Her mouth hung open and her eyes going huge. “Austin— How… wha—”

Her breath was lost just as mine was. Collie stood in front of me, staring at me, looking bewildered. She opened her mouth whether to say something or scream but I shook my head vigorously. “Don’t!”

“But—”

“Just don’t say anything…” I whispered hoarsely and pushed her in the closing elevator, not giving her enough time to argue and hurried out of the hospital, getting in the cab right out side.

ANDY:

‘…I do…’ I whispered, feeling at the top of the world.

‘…and do you Austin Blake Carlson, take Andy Carter as your lawfully wedded wife?...’

I raised my head, looking up at him. I’d forget how tall he was… I tightened my grip on his hand that I was holding. We both were holding each other but something was not right. He was slipping away from me… I looked into his piercing blue eyes which were reflecting the glittering lights around us. I couldn’t see anything but him as I waited for him to say ‘I Do’.

I smiled as he said ‘…I Do…’ He smiled back to me, his face shinning brightly. I couldn’t resist the urge to kiss him. Just as the voice said in the background ‘…you may now kiss…’ I raised myself up on my toes and pressed my lips to his.

I thought I’d land in a paradise on this union but it felt empty. Feeling-less. Like he was there but he wasn’t there anymore. My heart raced madly at the thought of losing him to nothing. It pounded in my fingers, in my head, in my ear. It pounded so hard that my ears went numb, replacing the pounding with a flat beep which pierced through me. I tired to shake it away but the shock seemed to have pulled me out of the nothingness into the real world.

My heart leaped into my throat at the sound of dead beep from the ECG machine and then what nearly killed me was to see an empty bed, where Austin should’ve been lying. What I thought to be his hand that I was holding so tightly, was blue sheet!

For a minute or longer I was totally blank. Either I was still dreaming or Austin really wasn’t there! But how can it be? It was like my heart had stopped beating and I’d forget how to breathe… I couldn’t gather my senses until I felt a sudden panic around me. Blankly I looked around, finding nurses walking in and out, shouting instructions, looking disoriented and gazing around as if Austin was hiding under the bed or behind the couch!

“…did you see him walking out?”

“…did you know he was awake?”

My head started spinning. “How the hell would I know?” I shouted but it came out as a disheveled breath. I didn’t know what was happening around me. I dragged my heavy foot to the couch and dropped myself. It was then that I noticed the missing clothes and my sonogram DVD.

“Oh my god…” I gasped, wrapping my arms around me to stop from exploding, drinking back the tears that were welding in my eyes. I didn’t know whether I should feel happy about Austin waking up or feel terrible that he’s—

“Andy!” I raised my head at the sound of my name and saw Collie in front of me. She looked bewildered. She knelt down putting her hands on my knee, looking at my face with frightening eyes.

“He’s gone Col…” I whispered, biting my lips.

“I-I’m so sorry Andy! I should’ve— I could’ve stopped—” she choked.

“What are you talking about?” I put my hands on her shoulder, jerking her a little.

“I-I saw him le-leaving…” my eyes got huge. “I tried to stop h-him but… he fled away!” she buried her face in her hands.

“Collie why didn’t…” I almost shouted. “…you could’ve—” I stopped because she couldn’t have done anything. He woke up and went away and I was just right here sleeping! When I couldn’t do anything, nobody could’ve stopped him.

‘He’ll be back…’ I told myself in my mind but for some reason, deep in my heart, I could feel that he won’t come back now that he’s gone. And it’s all because of me! I’d told him that he has lost me and our baby… I gave him no reason to even hope for us being together ever…

“But he’s alright Andy!” Collie suddenly spoke up, looking in my eyes, like she read the hopelessness in them and trying to break it.

“Yeah…” I forced a smile and got up. She instantly knew that I didn’t want to talk about it so she left me alone in the room, lost in my thoughts. It was getting quieter around. The doctors and nurses might’ve realized that there was no point in hurrying around, looking for Austin ‘cause he’d already be far from here… maybe he went back home…

My heart pounded hard in hope. I took my phone and dialed Paul’s number. He answered on the second ring, his voice totally disoriented and kind of scared. “Andy? Is everything okay?!” it was then I realized what Paul would be feeling. It was the first time in weeks that I’ve called him. It had been so long since I talked to him, besides crying on his shoulder. I never even once asked how was he or what was he feeling. Now that I’ve called him, he’s most likely to get scared.

“Wh-what happened? Is it Austin? Is he… is he Okay?!” was he okay? How would I know? How would I know ever if he’s okay or not, now that he’s gone! A sudden realization struck me hard. The tears that I’d been keeping inside me suddenly found their way out. I gasped, clapping my hand on my mouth to keep myself from screaming. Only I knew that he had left to never come back and it was tearing everything inside me in pieces.

“Andy! Tell me what’s wrong!?” Paul’s panicked shouted made the tears leak even more. “Is Austin Okay Andy!? Answer me!”

“He’s— he’s go— gone!” I choked the words out slipping on the floor.

“Gone?” he whispered silently. “Wha-what do you mean gone?”

“He’s not here… he left!”

“Left! How can he leave? He was in—”

“Don’t you understand!?” I shouted. “He woke up from the coma and left! And there was nothing I could do!” I spat, breaking into tears. “There’s nothing at all! He’s not gonna come back Paul… he left me…”

“Shh… calm down… I’m coming. Just uh— I’ll be there..” he hung up, leaving me helplessly crying on the floor.

PAUL:

I still couldn’t believe it! How could it be possible! He can’t just wake up and leave… and where would he go!? I was going insane, trying to figure out why he would do anything like this!

Within minutes I was at the hospital rushing up to his room. I was unsure what I felt. Austin was finally back from the sleep and that he was so alright that he’d walked away to where… nobody knows! My mind raced and heart pounded as I walked in the room finding Andy on the floor, hugging her legs tightly as if to keep herself from exploding.

I slowly walked to her, sitting besides her; I wrapped my arms around her shoulder. She looked up at me. Her eyes puffy and nose red. It wasn’t the first time I was seeing her crying. She’d cried every single day on my shoulder but this time it was different. Her tears were telling some other story and she had fear in her eyes that I have never seen before.

“He’s a complete idiot…” my weak humor broke a new stream of tears from her eyes. My heart leaped. “Aren’t you happy he’s okay?”

“Just tell me I’m stupid.” She whispered.

“What? Why? I don’t—”

“Just say it Paul! Tell me I’m stupid and a jerk and—”

“No you’re not!” I shook her a little. “It’s not your fault! You’ve got to stop blaming your self. Okay?”

“No! Whatever’s happening, its ‘cause of me!” she gritted her teeth. “Paul, I said some things to him and… they were hurtful and…” her voice broke and she buried her face in my chest.

“He’ll be back Andy—”

“And you know where I was? Here!” she pointed at the stool near the bed where I’ve always seen her sitting, holding Austin’s hand. “I was right here, holding what I thought was his hand! And I was sleeping!” I wasn’t sure if I understood her. “He left me here sleeping!”

“He hasn’t left you Andy!”

“Yes he has! Would you ever stay with me if I told you that you didn’t deserve me!? That we were over!?” she choked. I pulled her near me, kissing her hair. There was nothing I could say. My sympathy was mixed with the rage at everything.

For a second I thought I’d explode! I don’t know what was more… her misery or my rage… “Let’s go home.” I told her, helping her up. I kept my arm around her as we walked out. The nurse at the reception gave a startled look. I felt like shouting at her and at everyone around but it wouldn’t have undone things.

AUSTIN:

I knew what I’ve left behind was my life but was before me was the reason it was so messed up. “Wait here.” I told the driver and got out of the cab, breathing in the fresh air. It had been so long I’d been here… but it still seemed like I was here yesterday. For all the bad intentions I’d come, today I felt nothing. No excitement to be here. No expectations… nothing but shame and guilty.

I walked up to the porch and rang the bell. She opened the door at a few seconds later and jumped back looking at me. Her ash green eyes that I always thought were beautiful, stared at me in shock. Her body was just as appealing as it had always been but I didn’t felt anything to her. She looked worn out and I wonder if it has anything to do with me or my wrong doings.

“Austin…” she breathed out the air she was holding for what seemed like a long time. “…how can— wha— how’d you—”

“Pay the cab.” I fired, cutting off her splutter. She looked bewildered, glancing at the cab and then me.

“Lana honey, who is it?” her mom called out from somewhere making her jump.

“No— just a friend—” she looked at me. “Uh… you—you can wait up in—in uh, my room…” she spluttered again, giving me way to go in. I walked in and up to her so familiar room. I had been here for so many times but always for just one thing. It gave me gags to even think about it now and I wished I could change what happened.

She came in a minute later, still staring at me as if I were a ghost or something. “Sit—sit down…” she said, looking at my bandaged head.

“Is it true?”

“Huh?”

“Is it true!?” I couldn’t keep my voice down and she flinched back like I was gonna eat her. My voice rang in my head making it throb. “Are you pregnant?”

Her eyes got huge, trembling from head to toe. I was loosing the grip of my patience. I walked to her grasping her forearm and shook her. “Are. You. Preg—”

“No!” she shouted. “No I’m not! I lied!” she broke into tears. Relief struck me hard and it felt as if I got back my lost breath but still nothing seemed right. Even if it was true, I’ve already lost what was mine… I let go of her, stepping back, dropping myself on her bed where we had played for uncountable times.

“Your lie could’ve taken Andy’s baby from her!” I shouted, dropping my head in my hands, forcing back the urge to shake her, hurt her! “Why’d you lie?”

“I’m so sorry…” she sobbed and even her cry was painful, I felt nothing to her. Nothing that would make me wanna stop her.

“Why the hell did you lie huh!? What did it earn you!” I had my face in my hands and my voice was muffled but I knew that she sensed the anger in it. She slipped down against the wall, hugging her legs. For a second she looked just like Andy. I felt like hugging her and hold her forever but she wasn’t Andy… she couldn’t ever be. After what seemed like hours she controlled herself, looking at me.

“I’ve been so selfish Austin but I never wanted this to happen. All I wanted was you. I was jealous of Andy. I hated to see you both together. I did the most horrible thing to break you two apart but…” she closed her eyes letting the tears roll down her pink cheeks. “…I never understood, the love between you both was unbreakable.

“That night I followed you and waited for you to get drunk… I used you but it wasn’t entirely me. You reacted the same way…” my stomach turned. I wanted to rip myself apart more than hurt Lana! I’d always been a player! “…just like before and then you said ‘I love you’—”

“I was drunk!”

“—and I thought I’ve got you again. I thought I won but I was wrong! I saw the fright in your eyes the next day and I should’ve stopped.”

“Why didn’t you!?”

“Because I’d always imagined you with me and that’s when I got to— uh, I-I fa… faked my pregnancy…” she sobbed again. I clutched my head as it started to throb harder. I didn’t know if I was ever mad at her. It had always been me. I was the only reason she did what she thought would make her win me back. “I regretted doing this the moment you ran after her. It killed me to hear about the accident and your coma… I wished every single day that I’d never had done anything like it… I’m so sorry Austin! I was an idiot to even think of breaking you up!”

“Well congratulations… you got what you want…” I stood up, wearing the hood again. “…but that doesn’t mean you’ve got a chance.” I hurried out of the room, leaving her sobbing on the floor.

I had no idea where I would go or how. I was broken and hurt. I felt light and empty now that I had nothing. I shouldn’t ever be with Andy. I had already made her life a mess but not anymore. She deserved someone better than me. Even if I tried to change myself, I couldn’t… I had always been a player and I think I’ll always be and I can’t let myself hurt her anymore.

“Wait!” I stopped turning around. I hadn’t noticed I was already walking along the road. Lana ran to me, breathing hard. “How’ll you go back?”

“I’m not going back.” I moved on.

“Wha-what do you mean?”

I turned to face her. Even in the darkness of the night I could see her eyes glittering from the tears of guilt. Before I could say anything her eyes got wide in horror. “You’re not gonna break up with her, are you?” to my surprise she sounded truly horrified. I didn’t say anything. “No Austin. Don’t do this! Don-don’t break up with her. Please!” her guilt filled tears started flowing down. “I-I’ll leave forever. Won’t ever come in between you both— just… I’m so sorry I messed you up but I’ve… I just want you to be with her…”

“It’s not about what you want, you did what you had to and I’m not blaming you but I and she just can’t ever happen!”

She closed her eyes, letting the guilt grow all over her. “You’re wrong Austin. You want her as much as she needs you…” I could see it on her face the pain those words had caused.

“We’re over Lana! There’s nothing between us!” I snarled, gritting my teeth, angry at her for making me realize how weak I was without Andy.

“That’s not true.”

“And why do you suddenly care, huh?”

“You’re right, I didn’t. But I now want to make things right. Please Austin… don’t make me feel more miserable!” I just stared at her unable to say anything. I really was nothing without Andy but she could have a great life without me. “At least go back home.” Her eyes lingered long on my face, empty as mine. “Let me drive you…”

I let her drive me back home because I had no strength left. I was weak from the inside. I had nothing to worry about. It hadn’t been anyone but me all along to ruin things for myself and Andy. I broke her along with myself. I’ve hurt her and me! I really don’t deserve her…

I got out as soon as Lana stopped the car in front of my house, after a long silent drive.

“Bye…” she forced a smile.

I looked in her eyes reading the crude guilt in them. “I don’t think I can forgive you…”

“I don’t expect you to…” she whispered and I slammed the door shut. Watching her drive away I slowly walked in.

I could’ve passed unnoticed, but Andy’s heart tearing sob pierced through me, stopping me on the first step. She was in the living room sitting on the sofa, feet up, head on Paul’s shoulder who stroke her hair, trying to calm her down and looking at her like she belonged to him. I could’ve run to her, hugged her and told her how much I loved her and pushed Paul away from my girl… only that she wasn’t mine anymore. ‘She deserves better than me…’