--- 28 ---

ANDY:

'...I'll always love you...' a distant, breath like whisper echoed all around, filling in me like a cold, dark emptiness... I felt hollow and weak, as the darkness around me started to fade away quickly. I blinked my eyes a few times trying to focus around but all I could make out were noises. Whooshes and swaps, tapping of hard falling water, splashes... something around me was moving... very fast... cutting its way through the winds I couldn't feel and the rain I couldn't touch.

But I felt cold... icy cold...

Everything started to clear up as the darkness completely faded away. I was standing in the middle of the road that was wet with rain, which was pouring down so hard it was making me difficult to see anything at a distance but... I gasped as I felt nothing.

Not even a single drop of rain was touching me... it was like there was an invisible umbrella over my head. And then I felt the racing cars swap passing me, so fast that for a second I thought they were gonna hit me but... I felt nothing. Not even rushing wind!

'...slow down...' I heard the echoing voice again and realized this was my own voice but not coming from my mouth... but from some distant space. And before the voice even faded away, I heard a deafening screech mixed with horrified scream. I clapped my hands at my ears and right then - in front of me - just a few feet away, both cars collided together. I let out a soundless shout, which made my throat go dry and lungs felt empty of air.

I gaped as the feeling of déjà vu developed through me, again... I suddenly felt breathless, like someone was sucking my breath out... how can I have done that? How can I've hurt Austin!? I tried to shout, move and escape but nothing worked. It was like I was forced to see it. I yelled Austin's name but I was like muted.

I shut my dry eyes tightly as I felt my head heavy. It started to spin... so much that I thought I was gonna throw up, until I realized it wasn't my head but everything around me was spinning so fast that I couldn't make out anything, fading away in bright light. The ground under me, sky above me, everything around me got substituted by the whiteness that was spreading around, making the cold settle in me.

'Hey...' an icy cold whisper touched me, filling in my empty lungs like a fresh breath. I wildly turned around, almost dumping in Austin. He grinned down at me looking like an angel. His face glowed and eyes were shinning.

'You're okay...' I let out a breath, not knowing whether I was feeling happy to see him fine, standing before me, scratch less or was I doubtful that I was dreaming all this.

'I think so...' he smiled, bringing his hand to my cheek. I rested my face on his palm which was cold as ice. '...but I don't feel anything...'

'Neither do I...' my voice wasn't echoing out cold, but sounded more natural unlike Austin's.

'You will. I want you to get out of here...'

'But I don't wanna leave you...'

'I don't know where I am... its cold and empty... go back Andy... you don't belong here...'

'No! I belong with you!'

He smiled lightly, just staring at me with his bright eyes. I brought my hand to his chest, moving myself closer to him. For a minute I just stared in his eyes, wanting to get drowned in them like I always so, until I noticed something still... lifeless...

His heart wasn't beating.

I became stoned as my breath got caught, eyes stretched wide open searching through his for life... but there wasn't anything. Just the cold still brightness...

He quickly took my hand in his cold ones, moving away from his chest to mine. He pressed my hands against my chest. 'There it is... not lost... never gone...' I felt my heart beating normally.

'I did this to you... I'm so sorry Austin but I wanna stay with you...'

'You did nothing Andy...' he smiled again bringing down his face to mine, slowly touching his lips to mine. A current went down my whole body, but he stood like he was, not wincing at all, like he never noticed it. '...see I'm not feeling it... but you're alive...' he pressed his cold lips against mine again and this time instead of cold rush through my body, warmth spread through me. 'Go back Andy... open your eyes...' he mumbled, pulling himself away.

The warmth grew all through me and Austin started stepping back. 'No, don't go... please...' I begged reaching out for him, unable to move forward but he kept stepping back.

'...they need you Andy...' his voice started echoing again, like cold breeze. Everything started fading away.

'What's happening Austin?' I felt panic striking me. He was going away from me. I couldn't stop him or catch him!

From the distance I saw him smiling at me and his soft, angelical voice echoed again. '...You're waking up...'

And before I could stop him from going away or anything to fade away, my eyes fluttered open, transporting me into the real world. He's gone... Austin's gone...

PAUL:

Andy opened her eyes and glanced everywhere but us, the same way she'd woke up two days ago in the middle of the night but this time she didn't twitched or mumbled. There weren't any perspires on her forehead nor were her expressions worried. It was like she just woke up from her calm sleep but as she looked around I noticed confusion in her eyes.

I wasn't alone with her. Two of the doctors and my mom and her mom were there. They cried happily as she looked at them, returning a slight pale confused smile. The doc was speaking, maybe telling why it took her two days to wake up again but I wasn't exactly listening. All I could see was her face full of confusion.

I continued to stare at her until I was left alone with her as everybody walked out. I smiled widely, sitting at the side of her bed. "Welcome back..." I whispered hoarsely.

"I met him Paul." She spoke quickly, half leaning towards me. I blinked stupidly because I didn't know what she was talking about. I meant to ask but she spoke again, whispering this time like she didn't wanted anyone to hear her. "He told me to go back. I don't want to be here if he's not!" she hissed the last part like she was angry at me or something.

I took her hand in mine. "What are you talking about?"

"Just tell me he's not dead."

I felt a lump in my throat. "He's not dead." I said slowly.

"Then why was he all cold? He said he didn't feel anything! And why do I feel I was dead just a minute before and suddenly I got pulled back to life while he's still there?!" she hissed, clutching the sheet with other hand. A stream of tears leaked from the corner of her eyes.

"It's 'cause you've been dreaming!" I hissed back, forcing myself to be strong. I couldn't even if I tried to be because her delicateness was making me weak. I doubted she'd even remember waking up before asking about Austin.

"No I wasn't!" her voice became shaky. "I saw him and I touched him and he kissed me and-"

"Listen to you Andy!" my whispering became aggressive in the effort to fight back the tears. "You've been out for more than forty eight hours! Its all been a dream..." I let my words sink in, as she stared at me with wide watery eyes. Like seeing her pain in her beautiful eyes, my inside aggression flew away.

I wanted to pull her to me and hug her and hold her till all the pain in her washes away, but all I could do was to stare back in her eyes, not blinking at all because I was afraid of the tears that'd escape from my eyes, that will break her...

I squeezed her hand, softly speaking this time. "You both have been here just... just s-sleeping." My mouth was dry for no reason. "You have no idea what it was like to watch you like this. Sleeping... calm... but not responding to anything! I knew you'd wake up but... I've called him names and he-" I bit my lip to keep the tears in but they seemed to ignore my effort. I didn't planned on telling her anything yet, but she had to know... and right now it was all coming out of me. "I've watched him... poked him, I've called him a million times... even lied about things that'd make him wanna jump up but he doesn't even flinch! It's been like talking to a breathing statue!"

I finally gave up and blinked out a loose tear that was hanging just right at the edge. She bit her lip, clutching deeply in the sheet as the tears streamed out effortlessly from the corner of her wide-open eyes, leaking down her pale cheek and dripped on the sheet.

"It's all my fault..." she tried to speak the words out. "It's because of me he's like this... what have I done!" she choked. I tried to pull her to me, shushing her but she shook her head. "I'm so- I was so stupid to drive out like that when I knew he'd be coming for me!" she gritted her teeth, looking at me severely. "I should've listened to him... I didn't even give him a chance Paul! She might have been lying about it... It's all my fault this happened to him!"

"It's not entirely your fault." I didn't notice when Seth and Collie walked in, listening with tears in her eyes too. Seth stepped closer, looking at Andy. "Only if he'd explained earlier, none of you would've been in this mess!"

"What do you think huh?!" I don't know came over me. The way he said seemed like he was blaming all on Austin. I felt the blood rush to my neck. I hopped of the bed, standing face to face with Seth. "Are you sayin' he got what he deserved?!"

He stepped back a little. "No man... I'm just sayin she ought to know things she should've known before. It's better-"

"Not right now. She's already-"

"Know what?" Andy spoke quickly. "Tell me Seth!" she forced when nobody spoke. He sighed and walked closer to her. I shut my eyes for a second to force away all the emotions that were overcoming me.

"I know Austin would've killed me if he was here, but I can't help it. You have to know that um..." Seth gulped in the lump in his throat. "Uh, the night after our match with Coast Ivy-"

"I'll be out..." without looking at Andy, I hurried out because I had no strength to listen over again about how my idiotic brother got fucked up by a blond bitch and now she was pregnant!

ANDY:

My face itched because of the tears and my heart was pounding as I saw Paul rushing out of the room, waiting to hear what could've changed what ever Austin was in. I clutched tightly on the sheets, impatiently, sitting up a little. Collie walked closer and stood besides me, looking at Seth too.

He hesitated a little then started. "After the match... Austin wasn't with me... the whole night. Uh, he went out and got himself dead drunk and uh... sh-Lana followed him there and..." he looked away from me. "... She uh... he had no control over himself and uh she raped him in his car and left with his things..." he looked back at me. "He wanted to tell you but I stopped him. I never imagined anything like this would happen!"

A gasp escaped my mouth as I listened. Austin had nothing to do with it! He told me over and over but I never listened to him! I couldn't think... my mind was jammed.

"I'm not sure if Lana is lying about all this or not, but I'm sure she's regretting what ever it had caused."

I just stared at nothing in particular. There weren't any tears in my eyes. I'd been so selfish to him that even tears were disappointed by me. My head was spinning. Silence lingered for long creeping inside me, hurting me, reminding me of Austin's face... the rain drops hitting his face but even then I could see the helpless tears in his eyes... begging me for his innocence...

"You never told me this!" Collie spoke, pulling me out of the miserable memory.

"I never felt it was important..." Seth answered quietly.

"You never felt it important to tell me! Why the hell-"

"This isn't about me and you Col! It was about letting anything happen between them!"

"But it happened! So get the hell outta here! Now!" Collie shouted at him, pushing him away. He turned around and left with out a word. She sighed hard, gritting her teeth. I was a little taken aback because I'd never seen them fight.

"You alright?" I couldn't locate my voice but I manage to speak up.

"Am I alright? You tell me!" she snapped, sitting forcefully on the bed facing me. "How could you keep this from me! Why do everyone think I can't handle things? Seth didn't tell me Lana screwed things up! You never thought of even mentioning to me that I'm going to a Godmother!"

For a second we just stared at each other not knowing what to say. I felt the blood rushing to my face as I thought about the baby.

"You're my best friend Andy and if you thought you'd hide it from me... I'll tell you what, you're wrong! 'Cause you'll want me to stand by your side when you're going to push that baby out..."

"I'll need you there Col..." I smiled slightly as she opened her arms, pulling me to her, hugging me tightly. It felt so good to feel a comforting embrace around me. I felt protected.

"I swear I'm going to get that bitch and crush her down for doing this to you!" she gritted her teeth, still hugging me tightly. "I've missed you so much Andy!"

"I'm sorry I never told you about the baby..."

She pulled herself back. "Doesn't matter now, at least I got to know before it was too late..." she grinned, gesturing her hand like a bulged ball front of her tummy. I laughed with her and felt like ages since my face muscles had been relaxed but nothing seemed right. I didn't felt good. How can I laugh?

"Why did I have to be so stupid? Any thing could've happen..." my eyes suddenly became wet.

Collie's back stiffened. She took my hands, giving an assuring squeeze. "But nothing happened. You're fine. Austin's fine."

"Is he? You think he's fine?" I bit my lip to stop the flowing tears but they seemed to ooze out more.

She pulled me to her again, rubbing my back. "He'll be... real soon. I promise."

"Take me to him, please..."

"Okay... wait till the doc says its fine to leave... okay?"

I nodded, feeling helpless and put my head on her shoulder, leaking silent tears.

************

I didn't felt Paul's arm around my shoulder, like he was trying to hold me up, but I didn't felt him. Didn't felt the ground beneath me or the coldness inside me nor the crazy pounding of my heart. All I could see with my stoned eyes was the long cold corridor, stretching longer with every step I took towards Austin... in Intensive Care Unit.

I wish I could fly to him but I was scared of what was ahead. I wanted to see him but I wasn't sure if I would be able to see him. I didn't have enough strength to watch him... after having the most amazing nightmare! We both were dead but together... and now...

I quickly tried to turn back but it was too late. Paul was already walking me in. I couldn't hear what the nurse was questioning Paul about and then she started walking ahead of us.

She walked us to the Private Room Section of Intensive Care Unit. Repeating instructions over and over, looking at me mostly, like I was a kid.

"Don't make any noise and avoid talking loudly." She said strictly, as we reached at the third room, opening the door gesturing me to go in.

My body went numb. My feet got stoned. "I can't do it." My whisper faded away in the beeping sound.

"C'mon..." Paul whispered in my ear, moving ahead of me, gripping my arm, pulling me in.

"I don't-" I was out of words. Beep... step in... beep... breathless... beep... Paul's finger slipped in mine. Beep... step... beep... I saw the blue sheet on Austin's feet. I held my breath, moving my blurred eyes up... to his... Beeps... step closer...

"Mr. Carlson?" the nurse called Paul, who's hand slipped out of my hand as he turned to look at her. I felt I'd collapse... "Don't leave her alone and make it quick... he needs full rest."

The door got shut behind us, Paul's arm around me again... my blurred eyes finally moved up to his face.

'...I was afraid to loose you...'

My stomach turned. "Oh my God..." a gasp escaped my mouth as a tear rolled out. I couldn't find my breath. Couldn't feel heart beating. Couldn't feel myself...

'...You've just lost me...' Every single word echoed in my mind, as clearly as it happened just right now, making me dizzy. How could I've said that!

"Oh god...." I couldn't even hear my own whisper.

Paul gripped me tightly. "He's just sleeping..." he moved me nearer.

The closer I moved the clearer I could see all his pain... his beautiful dirty blond hair was pulled back by the bandage on his head, oxygen tube around his nose, purple bruise on his left cheek... IV tube on his arm... ECG monitors beeping normally showing his normally beating heart.

He was fine... only that he wasn't.

Paul left my side, walking over to Austin's side. He lowered his face, smiling. "Look who's here Austin..." he whispered, gesturing me to come to him. I walked slowly, not sure how was I even standing when everything inside me was numb and breakable. Paul took my hand and slipped Austin's bandage free hand in mine. "Andy's here..." he whispered again, smiling, like he was sure he could hear him and feel me.

But I felt it. His hand, his warmth... his blood rush...

Paul brought the stool nearer, making me sit on it. I just stared at Austin's face, tears pouring down with every bruise I saw.

"Talk to him Andy. He's listening." Paul encouraged me to say something but I was out of words. The ECG monitor was distracting me with the beeps. I wanted to make it stop!

I wanted Austin to get up so no machine was needed to tell me his heart was beating. I wanted to hear his heart beating myself.

Paul moved to the table at the other side, filling himself a glass of water. He was acting so normal... "Tell him Andy that he's missing the football practices for the New League Match of the year..."

More tears poured down. Why was Paul acting like this? Was he scared of something?

"And you know what Austin? Dad said he's gonna give me a new position in his company... unless you want it? I'm sure you don't. Else you won't be sleepin' like this..."

"Paul..." I called him, shakily. He was trying to be strong.

"You know Andy; I was planning on a skiing trip next month with him, if you wanna join us...?"

"Paul, please!" I choked.

He quickly turned around, hiding his face. "I-I'm sorry... I'll be out..." he hurried out, leaving me staring at the closed door.

The beeping sounded louder in the silence. I slowly looked over at Austin, bringing my hand up to his face. He looked so calm... I brushed my fingers at his right cheek.

"I'm so sorry..." I whispered as I remembered I had slapped him there but there wasn't any trace of it... I stared at him for a long time, remembering every single thing.

I buried my head on top of his hand, crying silently. "I'm sorry... I'm sorry! I never meant to do anything to you..." I couldn't help but to cry.

'...Don't cry...' I popped my head up, staring at his pale face with blurry eyes. For a second I thought I heard him... he really spoke to me!

"Austin? Can you hear me?" I asked urgently, moving closer to him. "I'm here, I'm not crying..." I quickly wiped my tears. "...speak to me please? Open your eyes..."