"𝙨𝙝𝙚'𝙨 𝙞𝙣 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙧𝙖𝙞𝙣

𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙬𝙖𝙣𝙣𝙖 𝙝𝙪𝙧𝙩 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧𝙨𝙚𝙡𝙛 𝙞'𝙡𝙡 𝙨𝙩𝙖𝙮 𝙬𝙞𝙩𝙝 𝙮𝙤𝙪

𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙬𝙖𝙣𝙣𝙖 𝙢𝙖𝙠𝙚 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧𝙨𝙚𝙡𝙛 𝙜𝙤 𝙩𝙝𝙧𝙤𝙪𝙜𝙝 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙥𝙖𝙞𝙣

𝙞𝙩'𝙨 𝙗𝙚𝙩𝙩𝙚𝙧 𝙩𝙤 𝙗𝙚 𝙝𝙚𝙡𝙙 𝙩𝙝𝙖𝙣 𝙝𝙤𝙡𝙙𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙤𝙣."

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3:11-3:30

🌧

up the next day and walks down to see yujin placing a plate of hot, fluffy pancakes onto the table. she's dressed in her gym attire. "going out?" jaehyun asks, walking towards her. she nods her head, "yup, going to go for a jog after this."

jaehyun looks down and takes in the scent of the breakfast yujin had made. "you made this?" he asked and yujin rolls her eyes. "nah, the crazy old lady who lives across did this for us." jaehyun laughs and takes a seat, taking a bite from the pancakes.

"this is so good, yujin," he says in between chewing. yujin grins and takes her phone and wallet, before putting on her jacket. "i'm glad you liked it, i'll get going first." jaehyun stands up, "wait."

yujin raises an eyebrow. jaehyun walks over to her and envelopes her into a warm hug. "stay safe," he says, pulling away. yujin finds a silly, lovestruck smile spread across her face. yujin mouths a small 'bye' and walks out of the door. as she walks out, her face falls, and she plugs in her earphones and starts her jog.

jaehyun finishes up his breakfast and walks over to the fridge to pour himself some orange juice. as he takes the cup from the breakfast table, he notices a small piece of paper with his name on it on the surface.

"what's this?" he asks himself and takes another gulp from his cup. he puts it down and opens the letter. his eyes scan the first few words.

dear jaehyun,

i hope you're seated comfortably somewhere and reading this letter, because it's going to be a little long.

anyways, i just wanted to start by saying, yes, the breakfast this morning? that was the last time you are going to see me. i'm going to go somewhere far, far away. i don't want to trouble you any further.

i've already emptied my stuff from your brothers' room. i've already moved them out early in the morning, so it's all good :)

why, you may ask? why, yujin, are you doing this? well, let me begin by saying this — i'm tired, jaehyun. i know, it's selfish of me to say this but, it's true. i know you've gone through far, far worse, jaehyun. but, you're such a strong person for pulling through. and i admire you so so much for that. you're truly one of a kind.

you were going through so much, but it didn't stop you from pulling over and approaching me. you had a dying mother waiting for you at home to take her meds, but you made it all wait. you stopped time, and came to me.

truth be told, i was walking along that particular bridge, the wonhyo bridge, because i was ready. i was ready to give it all up. i felt like i was unloved to my heart's end, and i was ready to take that step over the bridge and end my misery. but something was telling me, if i jumped now, i would live a life of regret. regretting that i could never be loved as much as i was unloved.

but you pulled me out of it, and oh god, jaehyun, did you manage to provide me with love to the other end of my heart. from your mother, to you, i feel like you gave it all to me, for me. and i don't know how much i can thank you for that.

and i'm so glad it turned out this way. jaehyun, you are SUCH an amazing person, and you deserve no less than all of the love and happines and joy and warmth in your life. but, i'm sorry, i have allowed my selfishness to get to the better of me.

i'm sorry, i can't be the one to give you all of that. all of what you deserve. and i am so sorry, jaehyun.

please don't ever look for me, because you won't ever find me. ever. pretty dejavu, but i'm replaying that night that we first met all over again. reliving it, but this time, doing what i was actually there for. but this time, i'm jumping without any regrets, because my heart is full of love.

love that i never once in my life, deserved. i'm so sorry that i had to take that love from you, jaehyun, but promise me this one thing — you will find someone else, someone else to build your life with, and to have a life filled with whatever good that you deserve.

you're an amazing person beyond this absolute dark world, and i will forever be grateful for the fact that in my last days, i got to spend it with you. nobody else will be able to do what you have done jaehyun, and i am beyond grateful for you.

remember, thank you for everything once again, jung jaehyun. i love you.

love,

yujin.

jaehyun is giddy throughout his drive to the wonhyo bridge as every word of yujin's letter pounds against his head. he feels like he's about to pass out. as he enters the bridge, he silently prays, long and hard, that she would be there.

he stops the car and runs along the walkway of the bridge, shouting yujin's name at the top of his lungs. tears are rolling down his cheeks, and he feels like he's about to lose his mind. he trips over something and stops, looking down at his shoes.

he sees a jacket and pair of shoes on the floor, and he falls onto his knees. it's hers, the ones she was wearing when leaving her home. jaehyun buries his head into the jacket and weeps.

she was really gone. and jaehyun could not do anything about it anymore. and at that second, the last line of her letter replays in his head once again.

it's better to be held than holding on.

🌧