On a Sunday evening Zayn kept thinking over and over and over again about the things Niall had said to him, he's never taken him to his house, not because he didn't want to. Well maybe it is because he didn't want to.

He liked the idea of Niall thinking he lived in a small town house and not his parent's mansion. What would Niall think? Would Niall look at him differently?

But Niall was pushing & pushing he knew at some point he had to tell him the truth.

His parents expect him to take over the business one day, they want him to be a lawyer and take over the family law firm. But the thing is Zayn didn't want to. He grew up basically without his parents because they were always working, always in court, traveling meeting with new clients. That was their life, their dream, but it wasn't his.

He wanted to be a photographer, capture the most beautiful places, the most beautiful people, he wanted to travel, re knew there was so much more to life than his parent's law firm and this town.

And the thing is he has captured the most beautiful person. Niall. He was his muse, he wanted to make him happy and love him, wanted to live a life where he wasn't afraid of love, of being happy. Niall made him feel things he had never experienced, feelings he didn't have the name for.

He had never seen love in real life. His parents didn't have the happiest marriage ever, they hardly spoke to each other, if they had a conversation it was a business conversation. He never dared to speak to his parents about his feelings, not about how his day was, let alone coming out to them. He just didn't have anything in common with them.

When he first met Niall, he saw the purest heart, he saw pure innocence. That smile had him hooked the first time he saw it. He didn't want to think of it as "love at first sight", he justa didn't believe in love, but he knew here was something special about little petite Niall.

So he acted like the big and tough bad boy, he charmed his way into Niall's life and asked him out, it was the most amazing first day he's ever been on. He goon Niall to a vintage diner, not far from their town and ordered shakes and burgers, and had the best time.

He showed Niall a side no one else knew, even Zayn himself didn't think he was capable of being nice or even caring about somebody.

And that's what scared him, Niall scared him. That is why he pushed his feelings away, he sunk them into a bottomless pit and hoped they never come out, because he doesn't want to be vulnerable. Niall scares him so much, he gets paralyzed by fear from all the things he feels when Niall is near him, the thoughts that come into his mind when he sees Niall.

Would somebody like Niall would want to be with him?

And he has tried to push Niall away, so many times. But Niall is too sweet and kind for his own good and doesn't leave him. He wants Niall to hate him, but at the same time he wants Niall to stay, he wants to keep Niall and make him the happiest guy on earth. Wants to show the little blonde the most beautiful places on this planet, wants to take him to Paris and New York, wants him to go see the northern lights with him, wants to have a family with Niall and know what love really is.

But he has treated Niall so terribly, Zayn knows he is being selfish, because he doesn't want to see Niall with anybody else, even though deep down he knows he will never get his happy ending with Niall.

☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼

Hey hey hey

Liz xx