Chapter Five

I slip out into the hallway and start my search for Aaron. After checking the storeroom, the makeshift armory, and the soldier’s quarters, I finally find him in his temporary office. He’s sitting behind a large wooden desk, and he’s busy looking through papers with food levels, ammunition levels, and the current population breakdown. He looks up when I burst in, and he frowns.

“Maddy,” he says, using the nickname people only use when I’m incredibly pissed off, “what’s wrong?”

“Are you aware of the bartering system between the soldiers and the survivors?”

“What?”

“Some of the female survivors—like Rose—have been trading sexual favors for extra food! I walked in on Rose and one of your soldiers fooling around in the storeroom, and just now I noticed she had extra food. We got into it, and she admitted to it, and I noticed at least four other girls that are in on it too. Please tell me you didn’t know…”

He grips the edges of the desk so tightly I’m surprised the wood doesn’t groan under the pressure. “She admitted to it?” he asks slowly. One quick look at his face tells me he’s trying to get a hold on his temper. “Do you know which soldiers are taking part in this?”

I shake my head. “No, I didn’t get a name. But I’m sure you could get Rose to tell you—assuming she bothered to ask the name of the guy she was blowing.”

Aaron looks surprised at the harsh tone to my voice. “Maddy, she’s just doing what she thinks will help her survive. She wants to be well fed; you can’t blame her for that.”

“Are you okay with this?” I ask, disgusted that he’s even trying to see her side to this. “She’s using her body to take food out of someone else’s mouth! You’re in charge here, and you decided on the rations, and your soldiers aren’t following your orders. This is wrong, Aaron.”

He sighs. “I know, but I don’t know what I can do about it, Maddy. I can’t just accuse a soldier without proof. And even if I could get one to admit to it, what am I supposed to do?”

“I don’t know! But some of those girls are underage, Aaron.”

He pinches the bridge of his nose between his fingers, trying to fight what looks like an oncoming headache. “I’ll get Michael to help me weed out the soldiers in on this. We’ll get to the bottom of this, and I’ll make an announcement later tonight. I promise. I won’t let this continue.”

He’s trying so hard to make things okay for everyone involved, and I’m making his job even harder right now. He can’t do something about this without offending the soldiers, and he can’t not do something about this without offending me, one of his most trusted friends. He’s in trouble no matter what he does, but he has to weigh my value against that of the soldiers he’ll risk pissing off later.

“I’m sorry, Aaron. I don’t mean to put even more on your plate, but this can’t go on. Those that aren’t getting the extra food will resent those that do, and they’ll resent you for not doing something about it. No matter what you do, you can’t make everyone happy. You’re screwed.”

He nods his head, looking unsurprised. “That’s the thing about being the leader, Maddy. It’s your job to make everyone happy, but in reality, someone is always going to be miserable.”

“What should I do now?”

“I’m not sure, Maddy. I need a little bit of time to get all the soldiers together. I’ll find you later and let you know what’s going on with this. If I can find out who is in on this, I’ll have them punished somehow. Or maybe just a stern warning for now. I don’t know yet.” He motions to the chair across from his desk, and with a sigh, I drop down into it, taking a second to get situated.

“How are things looking?” I ask, scanning the papers on his desk briefly.

His expression turns grim as he returns to the papers. “Badly. Things are going very, very badly. We’re running out of supplies, but even worse, we’re running out of ammunition. Our food stores will only see us partway through the winter. By maybe December, we’ll be running on empty, and we’ll have to find a larger source of food. But by then, everywhere around here will be cleaned out.”

“We’ll start growing our food. We have the greenhouse. That can give us a pretty good supply of fresh vegetables. Not enough for a whole winter, but it’ll be something. It’ll keep us healthy.”

“But we still need more food, and I don’t know where to find it!” he shouts, throwing the papers back down on his desk. “It’s my job to keep these people safe, fed, clothed, and moderately happy. And you know what? I’m failing. I’m failing as leader, and there’s no way I can change it!”

Reaching across the desk, I grab Aaron’s hand and hold it in mine, offering some support. “Aaron, nobody could do this job better than you. Nobody. People might think it, but they’d be wrong. You’ve been given nearly impossible circumstances, and everyone is expecting you to be perfect, but all you have to do is your best. That’s all anyone has the right to ask of you.”

“I’m trying my best, honestly,” he says, meeting my eyes. “I just don’t think it’s enough.”

“It’ll have to be.”

He and I stare at each other, confused about what to do from here. Our ship is sinking and our men are floundering, and we don’t know how to help them. Or how to help ourselves.

We’re lost…

Aaron slides away from me, letting go of my hand in the process. “I don’t know what to do next, Maddy. I don’t know how to help these people best. I just…don’t know.” He puts his head in his hands and takes a deep breath, trying to compose himself. When he’s calmer, he glances up at me, but he just seems sad.

Looking at him now, I realize exactly what this job is doing to him. It’s tearing him apart from the inside out, and it’s wearing him down. He looks older, and I swear I can see a couple of gray hairs on his head, despite the fact that he’s not even thirty.

“You’ll figure it out, Aaron. I know you will.”

He grunts once, maybe in agreement or disagreement. I’m not sure which. But I know that right now, he just needs to be left alone. He won’t figure things out with me or anyone else hovering over him, watching his every move, waiting for some kind of decision.

“Alright. I’ll leave you alone now.” I make my way to the door, and I pause. “And Aaron? If you ever need anything—no matter what it may be—you can come to me. I’ll help you in any way that I can.” He doesn’t respond, but I didn’t expect him to. He’s in a sensitive place right now, one that I can’t really begin to understand because I’m not the one in charge of an entire group of people.

I close the door behind me, guaranteeing Aaron some peace and quiet for a while. At least, he can have some peace and quiet until someone with a problem comes looking for him. I’m not sure why people think Aaron can always solve their problems, but they do, and they’re always angry when they find out he can do nothing for them.

Isn’t that what I just did? Run to Aaron with my problem? He’s got enough on his plate right now, and I just added to it. Now he’s got even more to think about, and he has no solutions in sight.

“Madison!” Turning around, I see Felicia running down the hall towards me. “Hey, where have you been? Daisy and I have been looking for you. She wants to know what you’re gonna do about Rose.”

Just thinking about Rose has me getting angry again, and my hands clench into fists at my sides. “I talked to Aaron about it, and he’s going to talk to the soldiers later. I’m not sure what’ll happen yet. Hopefully he’ll find out which soldiers are bartering with the survivors, and they’ll be punished. Then the rations can go back to being equal, and we won’t have to worry about starving for a little longer.”

Felicia frowns. “Madison, I don’t think you should have gone to Aaron without talking to Daisy first. This is her sister we’re talking about.”

“Her sister did something wrong, and I thought Aaron needed to know about it!” I snap, quickly loosing my patience with Felicia. “She’s basically been stealing food from others. Felicia, you do realize that our food supplies won’t last forever, right? They’re getting lower and lower as we speak. Everyday we come closer to starving, and if people are taking extra food, the day where we all go hungry comes sooner. She can’t keep getting extras. Doesn’t it bother you that she’s nice and full while we’re still hungry?”

She looks away. “Of course it bothers me. Every night I have to listen to my stomach growling at me while I try to get some sleep. Sometimes I’m so hungry I don’t even want to get out of bed. But Rose is just trying to avoid that. She didn’t feel like going hungry, and she did something about it.”

Looking at Felicia, I realize she looks much calmer than she did in the cafeteria a little while ago. “You seemed pretty angry at Rose during lunch. You even called her a bitch. What changed your mind?”

Felicia bites her lip and looks away from me, and I know what her answer will be even before she speaks. “I changed my mind because I realized that if I had a body like Rose’s, I’d do exactly what she did,” she says, sounding more ashamed than I’ve ever heard her. “The only reason I can’t is because I’m barely fourteen and the soldiers here aren’t interested in me like that.”

“You’d sleep with a soldier for food?”

Her eyes meet mine and they narrow a fraction, but behind the anger, I sense something else. For some reason, Felicia wants my approval, and it hurts her to think she doesn’t have it. “Don’t judge me, Madison. I don’t wanna die; I’ll do whatever it takes to survive.”

“I’m not judging you, Felicia,” I say, putting a hand gently on her shoulder. “I was just curious. I just wanted to know what you think about this.”

She sighs. “Would you do it?”

“Do what? Sleep with a soldier for extra food? No, I wouldn’t. Everyone here should get the same amount of food—with an exception for the pregnant women we have here. They need extra, and nobody disputes that.”

“But—”

“Felicia, what Rose and those other girls are doing is wrong. You shouldn’t agree with them.”

“The world isn’t the same anymore, Madison. We have to do everything in our power to survive these days,” Felicia says, sounding weary. “You may not like the way things are now, but this is how it has to be. Rose is staying alive the best way she knows how. We can’t all be strong women like you.”

I’m so shocked by how hopeless she sounds that all I can manage to say is, “I’m not strong.”

“Yes, you are. You’re stronger than me, Daisy, and Rose. And you’re stronger than a lot of the people here. That’s why Aaron likes getting your opinion on things. He knows what I do—that you’re made to survive this.”

“Felicia, I am not made to survive. I’m just lucky that Aaron found me. If he hadn’t, I would have died long ago. Now, I have to go find something to keep me busy, or I’ll go tear Rose a new one. If you need me, you can probably find me in the storeroom.”

“The storeroom? I though that new guy was supposed to be cataloguing the supplies?”

“Yeah, he told me he wasn’t gonna do it. So I’m gonna pick up the slack.”

“Madison—”

“Don’t worry about it. It’ll take my mind off of things.”

*****

The storeroom looks pretty much the same as it did the last time I was in here. The shelves that line three of the four walls are still stacked with canned goods, but there are quite a few less than earlier. Feeding so many survivors and soldiers takes quite a bit of food, and I can’t help but notice how empty this room is. Aside from the sacks of flour that will probably never get used, there isn’t much to survive on here. Once again, I find myself getting angry at the thought of some girls getting extra food when we clearly don’t have any to spare.

The sacks of flour are still piled up near the corner, giving anyone a secluded area for messing around. Walking over to the flour, I grab the first sack off the top of the pile and toss it against the wall. It hits the ground with a thump, and I grab the next one. When the final sack has been moved into the corner—getting rid of the soldier’s secluded area—my arms are trembling from exertion and my breath is slightly ragged, reminding me that I’m a tad out of shape.

I know that simply getting rid of their little hidden corner won’t stop the soldier’s from bartering, but it still makes me feel slightly better. Now that that’s done, I slide the two backpacks of food over to the nearest shelf so I can start putting our new supplies away. While I unzip the first bag, I start to hum a song that I can’t remember the name of. Music is one of the things I miss the most, and it’s weird to think that nobody will probably ever make a new record again, and that the people who made all of my favorite songs are probably long dead.

The first can out of the bag is tuna, and I set it next to the other canned fish on the shelf. Next come a few cans of thick, hearty soup. Those get their own shelf, and I can’t wait to eat them. I hope we have soup tomorrow. I can’t remember the last time I had any.

The door slams shut behind me and I whirl around, dropping a dented can of baked beans. It clatters to the ground and spins away, stopping at the feet of Rose’s soldier friend. He’s leaning against the wall, blocking the exit. One look into his cold, gray eyes tells me I’m not leaving this room until he decides to let me go.

“What are you doing here?”

“I heard you squealing to Monroe about me,” the soldier says, taking a slow step towards me. “I heard you trying to get me punished. You had no right sticking your nose in me or Rose’s business. You see, we have a little agreement, Rose and I, and our agreement has nothing to do with you.”

“It is my business,” I say, clenching my hands into fists. “You’re taking food away from the rest of us by giving Rose extra rations. This food won’t last forever, and when it runs out, we’ll all starve. Rose—”

“Rose knows what she’s willing to do to survive,” he says, interrupting me. “If she wants to spread her legs for a granola bar here and there, I’ll take her up on her offer any day of the week. Have you seen that woman?”

“How many others like Rose are there? How many girls are you and the other soldiers taking advantage of?”

He shakes his head and takes a step closer. He’s close enough that I can see the name on his tag: Wilkinson. “We’re not taking advantage of anyone,” he says. “We’re simply giving them a chance to take care of themselves while we get something in return. You make it seem like its abuse or evil. I’ve got news for you, Sweetheart. It’s just business.”

“You disgust me,” I say boldly, forcing myself to look him in the eyes. “You and the other soldiers that are taking part in this. You’re all disgusting and—”

His hand strikes so fast it’s little more than a blur and the left side of my face stings with the impact of his palm. The strength behind his slap causes me to stumble backwards, and I trip over the backpack behind me, going down hard on my hip. Pain instantly flares up, and I grit my teeth against the dull ache as Wilkinson slowly advances on me.

“You should have kept your mouth shut,” he says, sneering at me. “It would have been much better for you if you hadn’t squealed.”

I try to scoot back, but he leans down and grips a fistful of my shirt, halting my escape. His cold, harsh eyes peer into mine, and I have an intense second of panic that causes me to freeze in terror. Wilkinson uses that brief second of hesitation to his advantage, and he slugs me across the face. My head snaps to the side and hits the metal shelf so hard it causes my ears to ring and my vision to blur.

Wetness trickles down my cheek where his fist impacted, and I reach up with a trembling hand to wipe away a thin line of blood. A black boot connects solidly with my ribcage, and I gasp in pain. There isn’t much I can do to escape his attack except protect myself from the worst of his blows, so I curl up into a ball, trying to protect my head and my neck as best as I can. The blows continue, and Wilkinson shows no signs of stopping.

His boot repeatedly connects with my shoulders, my back, and my thighs. Each kick elicits a strangled whimper that only seems to excite him. Every part of my body feels like its on fire, and I wonder if this assault will ever end. The only pause in his attack comes when the storage room door slams open and Aaron bursts in. In one practiced second, his eyes take in the state of the storeroom, Wilkinson standing over me, and me curled up on the floor.

Before Wilkinson can even brace himself, Aaron strides forward and wraps his arm around Wilkinson’s throat. He gives a startled choke as Aaron cuts off his air supply and drags him away from me. Wilkinson kicks and struggles and swings wildly, trying to reach Aaron’s head, but it does him no good. Aaron is much larger and more powerful, and he has fury on his side. All Wilkinson can do is wait for Aaron’s punishment.

And he doesn’t have to wait long.

As I get shakily to my feet—leaning on the metal shelf behind me for support—Aaron begins to just rain blows down on Wilkinson. Over and over again, Aaron’s hand smashes into his soldier’s face, crushing his nose and bloodying his mouth. “Aaron, stop!”

Aaron pauses his attack to look back over his shoulder at me, and I can see the rage etched onto his face. He looks possessed, but he seems to recognize me. When he looks back at Wilkinson—who spits out a bloody tooth before swaying unsteadily on his feet—Aaron takes a step back and a horrified looks crosses his handsome features. “I—”

“Aaron, it’s alright,” I say, trying to sound soothing and calm, though inside I’m anything but. The raw ferocity and sheer power behind Aaron’s attack on Wilkinson is not only a little breathtaking, but a little scary, too. “Aaron, I’m fine.”

He reaches up with a trembling hand and his fingertips brush my cheek. I can feel the blood on his hands smear across my skin, and I repress a shudder of disgust. “Are you sure?”

I force myself to nod. “I think I’ll have some nasty bruises later, but for now, I’m fine. I don’t think anything is seriously injured or broken. Your hand might be though,” I say, gently grabbing his hand in mine. His hand is shaking too badly for me to get a real good look at it, but the skin of his knuckles looks torn and bloody.

“My hand will be fine,” he says, prying his hand from mine. “I’m more worried about you. Maddy, what happened?”

“I came down here to catalogue the new supplies we got while on our run since Todd didn’t feel like doing it. I had just started when Wilkinson slammed the door and said that he heard me squealing to you about Rose and the deal they had. There’s definitely more soldiers than just him in on it, but I don’t know how many.”

Aaron takes a step back from me, and he looks me up and down slowly, taking in every single drop of blood and torn piece of clothing. While he does, I take my own inventory of injuries. My ribs and back are in the most pain, and every breath I take causes a sharp stab of pain that has me wincing. My shoulders sting a little from each boot kick, and I’ll probably have an assortment of ugly bruises in the next few hours or so.

“We’ll have the doc take a look at you.”

“Harlan isn’t a doctor,” I mutter. “He didn’t even get halfway through his training.”