Denial.

State of denial.

State of shock.

What's the difference?

"Congratulations, Luna. You're pregnant!" The Rieka cheered.

Right after she told me those words I walked out of the hospital without caring about anything else. I didn't know how to feel, what to think. I wanted to numb the thoughts, forget about my reality because that's how broken I felt. I was told I was pregnant and the father of my child disappeared into thin air before my eyes.

"William would never have left if he knew I was pregnant," I snapped at Bradey. Referring to the way he ran out of the castle when he realized there might be trouble. That was so stupid of him. He was unprepared and now he's gone. Bradey looks down at the ground," I know," he sighed.

When Bradey left, he ignored me for two months because he said that he needed to move on. It was his plan all along but he couldn't tell me he had to go off-grid for a bit. Bradey said he would've responded eventually though.

William is gone. I had all the men swarm the land to find him, a trace of him but there was nothing. Nights I'd wake up thinking he's home. It was just the wind. So cliche. No one gave up, they kept searching and searching. Multiple packs helped to find their King and it was all worthless.

"How do you explain this, Jayden? He just vanished! Tell me. How?" I demanded. Jayden shrugged his shoulders and glanced at Renee who was comforting me. "I don't know. Are you sure that's what you saw?" He questioned. I knew it. No one believes me.

It was hard. No one believed me for weeks until the elders came and announced that the pack rinked of black magic. Then they believed me. Then they got scared and realized my mate wasn't a coward who ran away from his duties. The foolish things they said.

"There has to be more," I insisted, looking at the piles of books about black magic. We've read every single one of them. Rieka, Erin, and I. We were on research duty and there isn't anything to help us get him back. "I'm sorry, Everest. This isn't the end, we'll find him," Rieka assured me with a tight smile.

We knew the basics. Right now we're still on the search for someone to help us who knows black magic. It's difficult since they're all in hiding or they're scared to help. Others are completely untrustworthy. I offered to learn black magic, Rieka said my trials might be bad for the baby so Renee attempted learning it instead.

"Everest, you need to go to the doctor, you need to come out of your bedroom," Bradey sighs from behind the door. I could hear how worn out he sounded. My hands were covered in black and red paint from the painting of William I just finished. I stayed up all night working on it, definitely one of my favorite artworks ever.

There are sixteen paintings of William. I can't stop painting him. It's all the inspiration I have. He's the only thing that keeps me going.

The baby.

I'm pregnant.

For two years I fooled around and never got pregnant. Ever. Sure, I had a couple of scares but they were all false.

Positive.

The word stared back at me, haunting me, teasing me, cursing me. It happened so soon. Sure we were addicted to each other. Our bodies were like magnets. We thought we were safe. Clearly, we were so wrong since his son is growing in my uterus. It's still surprising I kept the baby but then again, I'm not surprised I did at all.

"What would you be doing if you weren't pregnant right now?" Renee wondered as we iced the cupcakes. "Probably getting drunk," I truthfully say with a laugh. Renee doesn't laugh though, instead, she's concerned.

In a way, the baby saved me. Saved me from going down a dark path that involved alcohol. It's a dark place to get out from and it worries me that I would've ended up there if it wasn't for the baby.

"I need to find him, I need him, I need to bring him home," I repeated and my messy hands hugged my belly. The bump was already there. Barely noticeable. But it's there. "We'll find him, I promise you. We're trying. Every day, we're getting closer and closer," Jayden hugs me, almost crushing me before he remembered. "But it's been four months..." my voice betrayed me.

I miss him so much.

William.

The baby is a reminder of William.

I need him.

William has been gone for five months.

"Come in! I need to wash my hands!" I say and padded my way to the bathroom to scrub my hands. "Wow, that's fricken beautiful," I hear Bradey gasped from the bedroom. I smirked, hearing them praise my work made me feel accomplished. Like I'm actually worth something. After getting most of it off I dried my hands and walked back to where Bradey was waiting for me.

He frowned at my sight. "Baby girl you look so tired! Rieka said you need rest, haven't you heard that doctors always know best?" He scolded. "I know, I've just been having one of those moody days. Sleep isn't a priority. I've tried but all I wanna do is paint. I think he's going to come soon," I sighed. Labor makes me scared, terrified even.

I'm too young to be going through this. I'm not ready. I cannot do this without William. "You keep saying he. What if it's a girl? Don't you want to find out the gender?" Bradey excitedly asked. He's badly wanted me to do a gender reveal party. A small one with the people who knew. Which is less than ten people. Erin, Rieka, Renee, Evander, Jayden, Bradey, and myself.

"I know it's a boy. I can just feel it. It would suck if I was wrong but I can seriously feel it. We'll have a son," I reminded him. "Alright momma, it's a boy," Bradey finally agrees with a sigh and I grin in content. "So what are we doing today?" I change the subject. "Nothing much. Er and I are helping Jayden out with training and afterward we thought we'd have lunch with the pack," Bradey shrugs.

"Lunch with everyone sounds fun," I mumbled with a frown. This past month I've barely seen much of the pack. I've been such at the castle. An oversized hoodie can't hide my baby bump anymore without raising suspicion. "I know but Rieka and Renee will be with you here. I know it's hard for you to keep the baby a secret but it's the best option," Bradey assures me.

The only doctor we could fully trust was Rieka. "Mhm, yeah I know," I sighed. "Anyway, go to work. I have to reply to some emails and stuff after Rieka checks up on me," I sighed. Those whiney alphas sure do get annoying when they don't get what they want.

"For what?" Bradey questioned. I rolled my eyes at the memory of them shouting at me over the phone as if they're better than me. Of course, I had to let them know who's boss and show them that I wasn't fucking around. "They requested to meet in person but clearly I cannot do that," I sighed, referring to the large baby bump.

"Why not a video conference then?" Bradey suggested. "I said that and they demanded in person. So demanding for nothing because they clearly aren't getting me," I mumbled.

"Mhm well figure something out," Bradey

"Don't I always?"