pov

The 5 day train ride from mumbai to kerala was boring. But now with my nemesis in the opposite seat it was loathful.

We didn't talk much. There was the occasional glance lookaway game. But it was okay. What was not okay was his attempts in making conversation.

"Are you hungry?"

"Are you cold?"

"Do you need my charger?"

Ughhhhh!!!! Why would i need his charger?

Even though i did need a charger, because my wireless headset ran out of charge and i forgot to bring its charger, there was no way in hell i was going to take his charger.

Even though i spat out a stern No to him i found my headset plugged in the charging slot next morning.

Things like that would make him a gentleman but i knew his real colors.

The damage he did to me was beyond measure. Although not by him alone his actions was a major trigger.

What was done to me both emotionally and physically wrecked me. Attempting to suicide was a stupid decision but i was desperate. I just wanted the pain to end and i couldnt find any other way to do that.

The day i woke up at the hospital i remember my mom and Tara's tear strikem face and a tight slap from grandma for not going to her when things got tuff.

My grandma is my birth mom's mother. Most family's dont stay in touch with their grandchild if the link in the family is dead. But my gran is the best. She not only stayed in my life but was the only relief for me during dad's reign.

Me and tara are basically twins. That family has accepted me and my mom as their own and it is something im really proud of. Tara's father Jeevan uncle has been the closest thing to a father ive got. Afterall mine is just a show piece.

After my stupid decision i stayed at gran's place for almost a month. I was wrecked couldnt eat, couldnt sleep. Being happy was far out of the equation.

I can't cry now. Not because i dont want to. There were multiple times i wished to cry out my frustration but couldnt. My subconsious has created an emotional block in my mind. I cannot physically cry eventhough i feel sorrow and sadness.

I didnt even cry when our dog ruby died. That's when tara figured out something was wrong with me. Months and months of therapy was needed to figure out the reason.

My dad.

Big surprise i know. I dont know when but that day during the beating dad had said that i cry for sympathy and i was an attention seeker. Somehow those words triggered my subconsious that crying means begging for attention.

I stayed with grandma after that. For almost 3 years. I studied for the HND entrance from there and got admitted in a college of event management. I studied for 3 years and started working as an assistant in Quatra events for about a year.

Now after 3 years of getting coffee and organising my boss's desk,files and schedule I'm the team leader of design. Im quite happy i turned out this way. I liked law but not that much. But this profession suits me.

I like being busy. It keeps your mind occupied and prevents it from wandering of to uncharted territories. Thats why i chose this job. A professional organiser. Busy as hell.

It was the last day of the train ride. I would reach my station i about half an hour. So i was going to getting all my stuff into the suitcase.

But ironically it was placed on the berth right above mr.satan.But still i need to get my suitcase. So i mustered up my courage and went over to his side.

Adhi was reading 'subtle art of not giving a fuck'. Perfect book for a guy like him. Although he doesnt need that. He is kind of a master in that area.

I walked up to him and cleared my throat. He looked up at me.

"I need to get My suitcase" i murmured.

He shrugged and moved to the other side.

Jerk. Atleast he could offer to take it down for me.

I climbed on his berth and placed my foot near to his thigh and began to take my case out.

Damn! This thing is heavy. I was pulling on the handle but suddenly i lost my hold and i fell backwards.

A shriek left my mouth as i fumbled to hold on to the railing but a strong pair of arms supported my waist and made me stand straight.

I looked down to find a surprised adhi holding my hips.

"What are you doing? Can you atleast pretend to be careful?" He scolded.

"What do think i was doing? Do you think i decided to fall on my ass and break my spine on purpose?"

"Sure seems that way" he countered.

"Ughhhh!! You're freaking annoying"

I pulled the suitcase down and jumped down from the seat. Then only i realised that adhi was still holding my waist. I came face to face with him.

He didnt realise it either it seemed. But when he did his grip tightened. My breath came out in short pants as he moved forward.

I should stop him. I should push him away. After what he did he has no right to even talk to me rather touch me. But for some reason i didnt.

I stood there mesmerised in his eyes and when his face tilted and his lips met mine it was like a bucket of ice water over my head.

He kissed me. How dare he?

I pushed him away and wiped at my lips.

"How could.......Why did you do that?"

"I.. i.. im sorry. I thought... i thought we were having a moment." He thrust a hand up his hair.

I laughed drly " A moment? How could you even imagine that we would have a moment? After everything you did." I spat.

He rubbed at the back of his neck and paced. "Im sorry okay?? I thought... Wait. If you didn't want me to kiss you why didnt you push me away earlier?"

"I did push you away"

"You know what i mean maya. When i grabbed your waist, when i pulled you towards me. Why didnt you stop me then?" He moved closer. His voice dropped down into a whisper.

I felt my cheeks warm up. It was true why didnt i? But that was no explanation for him to kiss me. He should know the depth of his damage.

"It was a mistake. But thats no explanation for what you did adhithya." I countered.

I swear hearing me calling his full name made him flinch.

"Oh so you are allowed to make mistakes as you wish. But im not? If i do something its suddenly an act of terrorism for you?"

"Mistake? You claim this as a mistake? Wow! You really are shameless". I crossed my arms and walked away dragging my suitcase to my berth and started packing my stuff.

I heard him sigh behind me and felt him move in closer.

"What if .... What if i tell you that what i did 6 years ago was a mistake?"

I froze.

"What if i tell you there is a valid reason for what i did that day?" He said.

I turned towards him.

"What if i tell you that I'm ready to beg in front of you to give me a chance to explain?" He whispered.

Both of us didnt speak for a while. My head was filled with multiple things at the same time.

A mistake? An reason? An explantion?

I was about to ask him to start talking but the train slowed down and i saw the old rusty yellow sign board which showed the name of my station.

I looked at adhi and he was looking at me in expectance.

"I would say its too bad. I dont want to hear any story you spin. Im not dumb to believe those again"

I turned from him and grabbed My stuff and walked out of the cabin. And without even looking back i walked out through the train doors.

_______________________________

What were you thinking idiot? How dare i kiss her?

She already hates me. Now she must hate me even more.

I know how wrong this sounds but eventhough she didnt want it this kiss meant so much to me. I was kissing her after 6 long years. Hell she was my first kiss in 6 years.

I havent kissed or dated or even bothered to hook up with anyone. I didnt have the energy to do that.

Everybody moved on with their life. Arjun started his own company.

Mom got married to jeeths father. Now that asshole is my step brother. It makes me sick even thinking about it. But thank god he moved to canada. Or else i would have had to live with that bastard.

Everyone moved on except me. I was stuck in this beautiful lucid dream called maya. And i dont plan on getting out of it.

_____________________________________

Taking a cab from the railway station i decided to go down the highway to hell. My fathers home.

Even though i dont stay there anymore my mom does. I moved out from there when i got the job in quatra. I rented a flat in juhu.

But it is kerala custom that when you go to a relatives house for a function we have to go their together with your family. That was the only reason i was going down there.

As a fashion designer tara took the liberty to design every single one of my clothes for the long string of function. All she asked is for me to be there. Which is the least i could do for her.

She was the one who dragged me out from the numbness. She was there making sure i didnt try anything stupid again. She was more of a mother than a sister to me although she is only 3 years older than me.

The white grave came into her line of sight. I hate this place. It was too predictable. Too clean.

Even though i am setting foot in here after 3 years i could predict every single detail about the house.

The old radio and the slanted chair with folded newpaper and an empty steal glass with tea remains in it will grace the sit out area. The old grandfather clock and the worn out couch with a propably new white leather cover with old mahagony teapoy in the drawing room. Every singlething is as same as when i left here.

I didnt bother to great the 6 foot lump of a man sitting in the drawing room neither did he as he was basically swallowing the words coming out of the news reader in the tv.

What is it with dads and news channels?

I ran straight to my parents room and found my mom styling her hair one last time for the 100th time.

"Mummaaaaa" i hugged her from behind and planted a wet sloppy kiss on her cheek.

"Maya!! Baby.. ohh my godd. You came. I didnt think you would actually come" she hugged me back tighly and pinched my arm at the same time.

"Owww mom..." i rubbed at my arm and complained.

"What 'oww mom'? Do you even think about us? What effort does it take to make a single phone call maya? Your father has been worried si..."

I glared at her. "Ohh please mom. You and i both know that is not true. So stop trying to make me believe that he still love me."

Mom's face dropped "Maya.."

I cut her off again " Im not here to talk about the lowly excuse of a father i have. Im here to see my mommy. And to attend my cousin's engagement. So dont spoil my mood"

Mom pasted a fake smile on her face "Okay then. Now go change into something presentable and then lets leave."

I frowned "What's wrong with my dress?" I pointed at my faded blue jeans lavender top and the black leather jacket.

"This is no way to dress to an engagement" mom protested.

"The engagement is tomoroww. Ill dress up tomorow okayy"

Ignoring Mom's protests i dragged the luggage from moms room and loaded it in the car. I purposefully left the blue stroller bag in the porch and saw mr. Ravichandran loading in in the trunk.

I got into the seat next to the driver and plugged in my ear phones as both my parents sat on the back. The car roared to life and started moving.

'Just an hour. After that you'll wont even see him. You'll be so busy that you wont even notice if he's sitting right infrong of you.' I reassured myself.

I heard him grumbled to mom over the blasting of music in My ears "...shes wearing.......disgrace"

Ughhhhh!!! This is going to be a long 60 minutes.

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