Chapter Thirty

When we finally returned home after two whole days of being gone, I realized just how much I hated this place. I've always been aware at how much it felt like a prison but stepping into the front door took more strength than I expected it to.

Leech ran to greet us, as a passing housemaid bowed to Inanis and I, before rushing back to the kitchen. I smiled at Leech, who was wagging ferociously, circling around my legs. He then ran over to Inanis, jumped up on his leg, and attempted to lick his hand. Inanis frowned and pushed the dog away, but he refused to give up, as he kept running around Inanis's feet.

"Disgusting thing." Inanis sneered as he tried once more to push the dog away with his boot. It didn't work.

Leech has grown attached to not only me, but Inanis as well. I wasn't fond of the idea of my dog loving Inanis almost as much as he loves me, but there was nothing I could do to stop it.

"He's happy to see you." I say with a frown, "Just pet him and he'll stop."

"Yes, well I'm not happy to see him so grab him or I will step on his back until the crack of his spine gratifies me."

I roll my eyes as I walked over and grab Leech from between his legs. "You're cruel."

"Yes, the sky is blue, and the sea is salty, I don't see your point."

I shoot him a look, and he waves me away before walking up the stairs, unbuttoning his coat as he did so.

Our conversation in the car once again resurfaced in my mind, and I felt myself become drawn to my husband, not necessarily in a concerned way, but I felt as thought my human decency was fighting to reassure him. Reassure him of what? I wasn't sure.

Instead, I waited until he left down the hall that was up the stairs, before I, with Leech in my arms, climbed up the stairs to hide in the guest bedroom.

A whole night of sleeping without Inanis anywhere near should be an exciting thought. Instead, I was left slightly unsatisfied by the silence of the room, nothing to be heard but Leech's soft footsteps on the carpet as he walked over to the bed and attempted to jump up. When he failed in doing so for the third time, I went over and picked him up, gently putting him on the bed as I quickly tore off my clothes and pulled on a basic oversized white T-shirt that I happened to steal from one of the other guest bedrooms. It seems Inanis kept not only spare clothes for guests, but a whole closet of fresh clothing for his oversized mother.

I'm sure she wouldn't mind if I wore one of her shirts as a nightgown, seeing as that's how it fit me.

I slipped into the bed with Leech and let him dig underneath the blankets until he found the perfect spot to lay, as he curled up against the curvature of my back.

After the day's traumatizing events, despite how exhausted I was mentally and physically, I couldn't sleep. I stared at the wall, then the door, then the shadowed corner of the room.

The blankets were warm with Leech with me, as he was growing bigger every single day. Yet, despite his warmth, and the muggy June heat, I still felt chilled, as though no matter what I did nothing could warm me.

I tossed and turned for what felt like hours. The night seemed as though it would never end, as I glanced at the clock for it to only read 1:06 in the morning.

I realized that this was becoming a habit. My inability to sleep seemed to stem from my dramatic husband, and the hundreds of ways that he crawls into my thoughts like a venomous spider.

I thought about pounding on his -our- bedroom door and shouting at him to leave me and my thoughts alone. I thought about telling him off, and insulting him, his mother, and his stupid job title.

Instead, I laid in bed, and basked in the silence of the room.

My desire to hurt Inanis seemed contracted lately. I still wanted him to hurt, but I had no will to actually act upon making it happen.

Glancing back at the clock, it read 1:13. It's only been seven minutes since the last time I checked, and yet it seemed like two hours.

I huffed and buried my face into my pillow. I felt exhausted, as though I could fall asleep at any second, but yet, I didn't. No matter how badly I wanted to sleep, it would not come.

Concluding that my pride has become insignificant for the night only, I sat up, pulled Leech into my arms, and almost in a daze, I walked out of the room, down to the main bedroom where Inanis should be.

I thought about the last time I knocked on the bedroom door at this hour. How Inanis pulled me into the room and pressed me against the back of the door.

Unable to stop myself, I shivered and continued on.

When I reached the bedroom door, I found it to be a lot easier to knock on it than I expected. My nerves were nonexistent tonight, and I pretended it was because I was too tired to care.

After a moment, the door swung open, and Inanis stood there, as he had done the previous time, looking confused for a moment, but this time his face did not looked amused, he looked tired, just like I was. "What do you want?"

"Move." I tell him, as I place Leech on the floor. The dog ran through Inanis's legs into the darkened bedroom behind him.

He frowned, "What?"

"I said move." I push him out of the way, and walk into the bedroom, where I climb into the bed that was still warm from when Inanis was laying in it. Moments later, as though it took him a minute to process what was happening, I feel Inanis slide into bed along with me.

"I'm not going to ask." He says, as he turns on his side to face me, "But that's a lie, so why are you here?"

"Shut up." I hated admitting that being beside him made me feel not only less lonely, but comfortable, as though something heavy has been lifted off my being and I was finally able to relax.

I hate this traitorous feeling.

He was silent for a long moment, so long that I began to think he gave up talking and fell asleep.

And then, of course, he opened his mouth, "You're very warm and it's terribly uncomfortable."

Despite the room being dark, and he was unable to see my face, I still fought the urge to roll my eyes, "Then go sleep in the freezer."

"I would but then you'd be lonely without me."

"I'll manage."

He inched closer, "I don't believe you."

"That's nothing new."

"Is that anger I detect in your tone?"

"It certainly isn't delight."

Though it was dark, and I wasn't even looking at him, I could sense the smirk slowly forming on his lips. "You enjoy sleeping beside me." He mused, "I admit I never thought you would fall for me, but how wrong I was."

"You're such an arrogant prick, and no, you dumbass, I didn't fall for you, I hate you."

"So boring." He sighed, "refusing to admit your obvious feelings is such a childish thing to do."

"Go to sleep, Inanis." I could feel him moving even closer until his body was pressed up against mine. I had a bit of room to move away from him, but I couldn't bring myself to actually do it.

"Is that why you have been so kind to me? Because you've realized that you couldn't possibly live without me?"

"I swear to god, if you say something like that again, I will stab you so many times your own mother wouldn't be able to recognize you." I should have stayed in the guest bedroom. A night without sleep would be better than a night of this.

"That is slightly concerning, but I admit, I don't care."

"Just shut up."

To my surprise, he did. After a moment of either of us saying nothing, I felt him move even closer to me, which was extremely close as he had already been pressed up against my side.

I stilled as he buried his face into the crevice of my neck, his breath was hot against my skin making me swallow hard.

This idiot is going to be my undoing.

His hands slipped under my shirt, and I felt the breath get caught in my throat. "Inanis." I manage to muster, my heart pounding at a disloyal speed.

"Hmm?"

"What are you doing?"

"What are you letting me do?"

I had no answer, because I wasn't sure.

I could feel his heartbeat pounding against his ribcage, as his body was nearly on top of mine at this point. I thought about how strange it was that a man who pretended to feel nothing but boredom all the time was feeling so much at this moment.

My exhaustion seemed to be gone at this point, as I became wide awake as I gripped his shirt, pulling him completely on top of me.

He doesn't scare me anymore, nor do I feel an abundance of hatred or rage as I did the first time we shared a bed together. I hated myself more than anything for loosening up to him so easily, but the longer I stayed with him, the less I became intimidated.

Yes, he was still an awful person, but it was also so damn easy to get him to do what I want. As independent as he claims to be, he sure does abide by my every command.

I hate him, but that hatred is not as strong as it once was.

Perhaps 'hate' may not be the right word anymore.

I tug his collar of his shirt towards me until his lips met mine. At this point I have kissed Inanis several times since our marriage. I used to be repulsed by him even touching me, not it happens to be the very thing I need at night to fall asleep.

What does that say about my character? It's as if I'm losing myself, my morals, all the things I've once stood for.

He kisses me roughly, and of course I don't let him out-do me as I kiss him just as hard back. His hand glides over my ribcage, and I think about how his hands are rough but gentle on my skin and I wanted him to touch me more, and yet I wanted him to be away from me because I know just what his hands have done. The destruction and fear they have caused for this nation.

I run my own hands through his hair, as he stops kissing me for only a moment as we breathe, and I am reminded that he really is beautiful, and it's no wonder so many women wish to be with him.

"You're staring and it's making me feel as though you are plotting something incredibly wicked that I certainly wouldn't stand for."

I blink, not really processing his words because his entire body was pressed up against mine, and I couldn't think about anything, so I said the only natural response I knew from the top of my head, "You're really stupid, you know that?"

"You let me kiss you, so who is the real fool here?"

"Definitely you."

He frowned, "You can never compliment me, not even when I am on top of you."

"In my defense, you have no quality to compliment."

"So cruel."

He bent down to kiss me, this time is was somewhat softer, slower and yet still as passionate as before. Part of me wanted to grab him and kiss him faster, harder, but then, I found myself melting at his gentle touch. Inanis Messor, the Bone Cutter, a man who has never showed gentleness to anyone he's ever met, was being careful with me.

I broke away once more and opened my mouth to compliment him, I wanted to see his shocked expression as I tell him was he would never believe to come out of my mouth.

But I was interrupted by a faint pounding coming from somewhere in the house. Inanis glanced up, and his head cocked to the side as stared at the door. "What on earth could that be?" His tone was curious, and I pushed him off of me as we both sat up in bed.

"I think-" I say, hearing the beating a few more times, "I think someone is pounding on the front door."

"A visitor at this hour?" He asks more to himself rather than me, "I wonder if someone has died." I pretended to ignore the excitement in his tone. He hops out of bed, grabs his coat and hastily pulls it on while he practically runs out of the room. I quickly follow him, not bothering to cover up since whoever knocking on the door should know there weren't going to get a full face of makeup and decent clothing from me at this hour.

Inanis glides down the stairs to the front door, and I have to run to keep up with him. Two of the housemaids were standing by the front door already as Inanis waves them away with his hands. They bow, and quickly return down the hall to the servant bedrooms.

Since there were guards all placed outside and wouldn't have let anyone of danger through the front gates, I wasn't about to let myself believe a mass murderer was outside the house.

It wasn't like they'd be the only murderer in the house anyway.

Inanis swung the door open, and nearly stumbled backwards as his mother rushed in. He stared at her for a moment, confusion twisting his futures like a knot, "Mother?"

"Vita," she said, her voice as bold and menacing as I remember it. "We have urgent matters to be discussed."

He stared at her for a long time, as if he were lost for words. Inanis was not one to be so surprised that he could not think of what to say.

"And what," He says, his voice dropping low and annoyed, "Could be so urgent that you couldn't wait until morning?"

Another pair of footsteps came walking through the door, and I glanced up to see who it was. My heart instantly plummeted as I felt my knees go weak. I held onto the stair's railing for support.

The man standing in front of me only had his eyes on me. I stared at him for a long moment, my skin growing cold, as a tiny breath of a whisper escaped through my lips, "Dad?"