《L O S E R》-Chapter 10-
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With tears still threatening to fall I watched Alexa run straight out the front door. I don't know what I am supposed to do. I looked over at Mason who doesn't seem to care. I found myself debating with my inner self on whether I should just follow her.
Should I run after her?
She probably just needs some time alone right?
Where would Alexa go?
At that moment it hit me how much I have missed in my little sisters life. Did she ever cry herself to sleep because of me? Or needed help chasing away creepy dudes when I wasn't around? Is vanilla still her favorite ice cream flavor?
I often find myself wondering if I was the reason she was struggling or if there was anything I could've done to make her stay. And to be honest, it probably was, but it's too late. I didn't notice that she was unhappy and because of that every time I look at her I can see the disappointment in her eyes.
I snapped out of my thoughts and returned to the conversation I had zoned out of. I didn't think she needs to be watched like a damn three-year-old, but I understand where Mason is coming from. He lost his little angel because she was being bullied and abused at school without any of us noticing.
We eventually agreed to let Aaron continue to stay in the guest room while Alexa was going back to sleeping in her old room. Of course, it needed to be refurnished, since it is pretty clear her style has changed a bit in the last couple of years.
I will admit that it took me some time to get used to the new Alexandra. She is confident and outgoing and long gone are those big reading glasses. I know I can't expect her to act like the sweet innocent little girl she was, but still, a part of me wishes that she would continue to look at me like I was her superhero. Like nothing was going to happen to her when I was around.
"She's been out a while shouldn't we go look for her?" Damon piped in.
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I trew a glance over at my watch. He is right, it's beginning to get late and she hasn't returned yet.
"I agree Axel and Damon you go out and look around the neighborhood. I will stay here in case she comes back." Mason instructed us, concern clear in his voice.
I head straight out the door with Damon trailing right behind me. Where could she be? I thought.
***
The sky was getting darker and I continue wandering around the neighborhood looking for Alex, but to my big dismay, she is nowhere to be found. I have looked on the playground, in the neighbors' garden, even at the ice cream shop, we used to take her to.
I have been calling Mason multiple times to see if she has returned by herself, but his sad voice confirms that she hasn't. I can't help the unsettling feeling that comes whenever I hear someone is missing. My mind always gets clouded with the memories from the dreaded day when Alex first disappeared.
My mind is currently racing at 100 miles a minute until an idea suddenly pops up. How could I have thought of this before?
With trembling hands, I manage to fish my phone out of my back pocket and type in Mason's phone number.
"Have you found her?" My brother exclaim, worry lacing his usual stern voice.
"Tell Damon and Carson to go back to the house. I think I know where she is."
***
I found myself drifting back off to sleep while watching the sky above me slowly turn black. The stars slowly becoming more visible and I can point out the beautiful constellations that I have spent so much time studying in the past.
Tomorrow I will be attending my senior year in high school. Something I have been looking forward to for months. Me, Olivia, Blaze and Lucas was going to have the time of our life. I smile at the thought of my back friends back home. Home.
Honestly, I am scared to death about going back to my old school. I haven't talked to my brothers about this yet, but I am planning to sign in with my new name. In that way, I can continue my life without anyone knowing who I am. To everyone else, I will be a normal girl that moved here from New York.
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But that doesn't change the fact that I still know who they are. I still remember the past and will never forget it.
Too lost in my thoughts I don't even register that my name is being called until I am suddenly lifted off the cold ground. I hadn't even realized how cold and dark it is outside, but the warmth of my brother's embrace makes me instantly snuggle closer.
"Do you have any idea how late it is? You could have fucking froze to death!" I look up from his chest and I am met with a concerned-looking Axel.
"I... I didn't mean to.." I manage to stutter out, my voice filled with guilt.
Axel looks down at me and lets out a breath of relief. I am so used to being by myself that I didn't even realize that other people might get worried because of me. I can't continue to scare them like this. I feel guilty for not letting them know where I was going and I can't even imagine how they must feel. I must have brought back some bad memories for them.
One thing that I never thought of when I decided to leave was how they would feel losing their sister. I know that I was safe and happy in New York, but I can't even imagine how they felt not knowing where I was or what had happened to me.
"I need to go call Mason and the others, they are worried sick about you." He turns around to call them and I can faintly hear the tired voice of my brother on the other side.
There was no talking on the way back home. The happy music that used to fill this car was gone and replaced with a deep silence. I leaned against the window, watching the car pull up the familiar driveway.
Axel parks in front of the garage where the rest of my siblings are waiting. I could clearly see the disappointment in their eyes. Mason looked like he hasn't slept and Carson's eyes was red and puffy.
'He cried?' I look down at my shoes, purposely avoiding their eyes.
I mentally prepared myself for a long serious talk about leaving the house alone. But they stayed silent. Honestly, I just wanted them to yell at me and tell me how irresponsible I was, but the tension was undeniably strong.
"I'm sorry" I whispered out trying my hardest not to cry.
"Sorry doesn't fix everything!" Damon hissed.
I kept my eyes down and continued to nervously fiddle with the hem of my t-shirt.
"You don't call. You don't text. Nothing. Don't you know that people care about you, Alex?!" He now full blown yelled at me.
Unable to hold back the tears any longer I let out a large sob. The tears continuing springing to my eyes. I am so tired both mentally and physically. Tired of being here where I don't have any of my friends to calm me down and reassure me. I haven't had a panic attack in so long and I haven't planed on having one tonight.
I tried to focus on my breathing.
Inn
Out
Inn
Out
It felt like I was slowly dying.
'Come on Alex, you got it.' I tried my best to reassure myself.
My headaches and my chest tightened. 'Please, don't'
I can't do this, I needed Xander and Leo.
I could hear my brother's muffled voices trying to get through to me, but it was pointless. Everything around me was blurring out and I mentally prepare myself for what comes next. Suddenly I was pulled into an unfamiliar chest.
"Shhh Alex listen to my heartbeat, you are okay." The voice stated calmly. I instantly relaxed at the calming sensation they're embrace gave. I leaned further into the warmth that feels so safe to me. The steady heartbeat slowly calming me down and after a while, everything around me seemed clearer.
Carefully the person lifted me while I was still cuddled up close into them.
"What...Where.." I managed to choke out.
"Shh, princess. I am taking you to your bed."
"Aaron?"
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