《How a Total Loser Died and Became a World Boss》An Awkward Reunion
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The morning passed, and it was very nearly noon when I finally opened my eyes. A small shaking on my arm and an urgent voice caused me to sit bolt upright, reaching for a weapon.
I calmed quickly, seeing Niiya jump back in alarm. We were still in the lounge. I had fallen asleep next to the girl, not wanting to risk waking her or letting her wake up alone in a strange place. Her expression and posture alerted me to the obvious. She needed to pee. I sat up easily and stretched as I stood.
“Come on.” I said.
There were so many bathrooms in this resort that one was never more than twenty steps away from one. I hoped she would recognize a modern toilet for what it was. Actually...
“Tabula.” I called out loud.
“Yes, Mr. Gray?” She asked, appearing before us as if by magic.
“Please help Niiya use the facilities.” I said, gesturing to the door of the ladies’ room.
“Certainly.” She bowed. “Right this way Miss Niiya.”
Niiya was hopping from foot to foot and asked no questions, racing into the bathroom urgently.
“So it’s all real. I’m still here.” I mused. “Suppose I should report the wolves I exterminated and maybe find someone to take her in. But first, breakfast.”
Tabula led Niiya out of the restroom a minute later. Niiya’s face had regained some color, and she seemed more aware than the previous night.
“Better?” I asked.
She nodded. “A nice person let me see mama, papa, and Tyren. They’re not sad.” Niiya said. “But I want them back.” Her eyes welled, but the set of her chin was firm.
“Do you remember what the nice person looked like?” I asked her.
“Pretty hair and green feet.” She answered.
“Green shoes...” I grinned. “Way to go, my delinquent goddess.” I then asked louder. “Did she say anything else?”
“Go to temple.” She didn’t hesitate.
“Dump me off and then she wants to chat?” I grumbled.
“I overheard your mention of breakfast Mr. Gray. Would you prefer to have it on the veranda lounge or the main bar?” Tabula did an excellent job of keeping me on track.
“Is the weather decent for the veranda?” I asked back.
“The local temperature is fifty nine degrees Fahrenheit and sunny, but the infrared heaters can easily adjust that to your taste.” She answered.
“Let’s use the veranda then.” I decided.
“What’s a ‘baranda’?” Niiya asked wide eyed.
“You’ll see!” I held out my hand for her to take which she did.
At the end of one hallway, we entered an elevator. Niiya’s fingers gripped tightly as the sensation of rising disturbed her feline senses. When the door opened to a totally different scene than the previous hallway, she gaped.
The third floor housed several bedrooms, a large multipurpose hall, an exercise room, and the veranda lounge which wrapped around two sides of the building. Potted ferns and other green potted plants lined the hall as we strolled to the double doors where our open air destination awaited. A dozen small round tables for two overlooked the wrought iron railing where we could see out to the forest beyond. The noon sun soaked into the cedar planking of the deck, and we found the temperature comfortable even without the artificial heaters. A table had been prepared ahead of us, Tabula had even provided a booster seat in one of the chairs.
The breakfast spread was phenomenal as always. Waffles, eggs, sausage, potato and cheese croquettes, fresh cut fruit, hot cider for Niiya, and espresso for me. The fact that this food was now able to sate the hunger of this real physical body was something that I could hardly believe. Not only that, many of the meals provided useful bonuses which the food native to this world did not. I really was at an insane advantage here.
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We ate in mostly silence. Niiya took very small bites of this or that, staring vacantly at the forest as she chewed. The food was tasty and filling on a scale that she had no experience with. Things like eggs with their rich yolks, and fresh melon so sweet she couldn’t even believe her tongue clashed with her devastated mood and left her in a state of unhappy confusion.
“Wish Tyren could have some of this.” She said it so quietly that I barely heard it. She dropped her head and began to cry once more.
I pushed back from the table and knelt beside her. I said nothing, but rested a hand on her back and allowed a few sympathetic tears of my own to come. I was no stranger to grief and would be damned before letting her struggle through it alone.
Only a few moments later, a shout from below us at the forest’s edge interrupted our shared moment.
“Since when was there a building like this around here!? And what’s that? Oh hells it’s a damned dragon! Run!” I found the voice somehow familiar.
At the same time, Tabula intoned from an unknown source.
“Mister Gray, it would appear that Jade has detained some intruders.” Her tone was matter of fact. “Your orders please.”
“Ugh don’t hurt ‘em! I’ll be right down.” I stood up and scooped Niiya up in my arms as I did.
Less than ninety seconds later, we exited the front door of the resort. The scene I found made me want to laugh out loud and rip my hair out yet again. Niiya watched curiously from behind me.
There, imprisoned in a magical translucent green cube were the members of a certain cat folk adventuring party I had seen while in the tavern back in Filam.
Writhing around in the air near the barrier was Jade, a dragon colored just as her name would suggest. She was an eastern style dragon, forty feet long and elegant with short limbs and a long mane of flowing white hair behind her spiraled horns. Her movement was hypnotic and the power she radiated was suffocating. To the best of my memory, Jade’s lore was lazily described as ‘an ancient and mysterious guardian beast held in submission by the corporation’. In combat she had constantly used barriers and healing magic to infuriating effect.
I didn’t even know where to begin. The adventurers were all staring with mouths agape and eyes wide at the monstrous dragon. Well almost all of them were. The small and young looking Tili was more focused on the barrier, and then at me outside of it.
I looked to Jade. “They’re not a threat. Release them.”
“Sure thing Master.” Jade replied. Her voice was flippant and sounded like a teenager, nothing like her appearance would suggest.
The barrier vanished and I held my arms out in a weak apology.
“Welcome, can I offer you all a drink?” I felt embarrassed, like I was somehow naked in front of them (especially the creepy little one).
“Uhh well...” The big warrior named Laguna began, rubbing her red hair uncomfortably. “We’re on our way to deal with an emergency quest so we can’t really stop to chat...” She was holding her ground but the rangers behind her were slowly backing away.
“The monsters attacking Braverton have all been put down.” I said with a wave. “Sorry you’ve wasted a trip.”
“If you weren’t bossing around a dragon from in front of a mansion that wasn’t here a month ago, I’d call you a dirty liar and laugh in your crazy face.” Laguna cleared her throat seeing my lip twitching. She wasn’t sure if I had been insulted. “But the case being what it is, I suppose we should hear you out. Right Tills?” She finished with a look to the small snow leopard girl.
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On the contrary to Laguna’s fears, I was holding in a burst of laughter. This lady’s sense of humor clicked with mine. That bit could have come out of my own mouth.
“We are where we’re meant to be. The threads have woven us to the perv-... to this stranger for now.” Tili corrected herself. I could tell even the slip of the tongue had been intentional and smirked.
I held my arm in invitation to enter EDEN, which had transformed its exterior to match the gorgeous resort when I had selected the configuration. They walked past me, most of them gaping much as Niiya had.
“Jade. How were they able to see the building? Was Active Camo not working?” I whispered to the dragon when I believed them to be far enough away.
“Durr!” She sneered at me, before wincing as though someone had screamed in her ear. “Ouch! Err I mean you broke the effect when you opened the veranda lounge doors, Master.” She amended quickly.
“Right.” I said. “Why did you just wince by the way?”
“Crabula’s got no sense of humor that’s why!” This apparently earned her another silent mental smack as she once again winced.
“Checks out I guess. Keep up the good work, kid.” I turned away as I spoke.
Niiya’s eyes lingered on Jade over her shoulder as I led her back inside.
“Pretty.” Niiya said to no one in particular. So much had happened that the sight of the floating green dragon hardly even fazed her.
Jade winked a glowing emerald colored eye and gave Niiya the closest thing a dragon could give to a smile.
Noises of open exclamation greeted me as I tailed the adventurers through EDEN’s doors.
“Tabula. These people will be our guests for a short time. Let’s treat them to something refreshing and light on alcohol in the main bar, please and thank you.” I tried to ignore the flabbergasted stares as I moved toward the polished island bar.
“Certainly. I will also set out a few relish trays.” Tabula disappeared for just a moment and reappeared with two heavily laden platters filled with thinly sliced meat, fragrant cheeses, and a variety of small pickles and vegetables.
As she placed them on the wide bar, the meticulously groomed bartender rapidly shook a stainless steel cocktail shaker and strained the light blue contents into a line of frosted martini glasses. He garnished each with a twist of lemon and a dark brandy cherry. Far from finished, he then placed heavy mugs of steaming hot cocoa next to each cocktail with one extra for Niiya. Each one was topped with whipped cream and a large marshmallow which he toasted with a wave of his hand before shaving dark chocolate over the mugs. So fast were the drinks assembled, that everyone (including the jaded Tili) simply watched the man work with slack jaws and wide eyes.
“Is this another world?” One of the rangers whom I had never heard speak finally blurted in borderline panic. “There are lights without fire, this building came from nowhere, and this man moves like an A rank monk just to pour drinks!”
“And the dragon!” The other ranger added in agreement.
“Yeah and the dragon!” The first ranger amended his original statement, pointing to his ranger comrade.
“I’m certain if you have a seat and refresh yourselves, Mr. Gray will ameliorate your confusion in short order.” Tabula’s suggestion carried the weight of complete authority, and the adventurers visibly calmed as they complied.
“Everything about that woman screams ‘obey or else’” I mused silently. Not for the first or last time I felt utterly grateful that she was on my side.
I gave the group a few moments to seat themselves and sample the refreshments.
“What is this!?” Laguna practically shouted after tasting the cocktail. “I’ve never tasted anything so delicious, and the fatigue from our march here is totally gone!”
“It can’t be as good as this brown stuff!” The first ranger to speak was apparently no longer concerned after tasting his hot cocoa. He had a spot of whipped cream on his nose which made his brother ranger giggle at him.
As most of the party reveled, not caring if this was a trap or their last meal, a tiny voice I recognized as Tili’s spirit familiar reached my mind.
“You are a very strange one, Pervert Champi-YEOW!” The voice ended in a panicked meow as the tiny kitten was swiped from the stool next to me in a flash and crushed into Tabula’s extreme cleavage.
“Fear not Mr. Gray, I will watch over this small being.” Tabula’s face was twisted into a most manic smile. I had seen the look only once before in an old cartoon, when a little girl was holding a stuffed unicorn and shouted the famous line: “IT’S SO FLUFFY I’M GONNA DIE!”
“Unhand us this instant!” I could barely make out the words between the indignant hissing and growling. “Why... won’t my spells work? Well take this then!”
Tabula was unmoved, and simply squeezed tighter, petting the kitten’s head as she deftly avoided snapping teeth. Tiny sharp claws raked ineffectively for a few moments before the kitten slumped in defeat.
“Very well, we are imprisoned. What are your demands?” The Tili-kitten half growled and half spoke. She also noted with disgust that her so called friends were ignoring her plight and wolfing down snacks like starved pigs.
I turned to look at the humanoid Tili, and figured out that she couldn’t effectively operate both bodies at the same time. Tabula’s anti magic zone was also likely preventing Tili from canceling the effect.
“Yeah sorry. Tabula really likes cute things.” I began.
“Indeed, and Mr. Gray informed me that resisting the power of cuteness is futile.” Tabula unhelpfully added for me.
“Pervert Champion.” Tili dead panned. “At least loosen your grip! Cute things are fragile you know!”
“Acknowledged! I was unaware that durability was inversely affected by cuteness. Perhaps that’s why cute things enslave the strong to their service!” Tabula adjusted her grip, allowing the poor kitten to breathe a sigh.
“Was this one born today?” The exasperated kitten asked, squirming into a more comfortable position.
“Yesterday.” Tabula corrected before I could concoct a story. “This incarnation was born yesterday though I still carry some information from my previous versions.”
“We will ignore that obviously muddled topic and return to the present.” The kitten diverted with an eye roll, an action that was bizarre on a cat’s face. “You say the monsters attacking Braverton have been defeated. Would you mind telling us some details such as what types of monsters were involved, how many there were, any casualties or damage you know of?”
“Moonwolves, five fighters and one alpha: all dead.” I began in a matter of fact debriefing. “Two adult cat folk and one of their children were killed on the scene before I arrived. In the battle with the Alpha, the top half of a barn was incinerated. There were an unknown number of cattle carcasses as well.” I ended my story with a sip of hot cocoa to wash the remembered bile back down my throat.
Niiya shuddered a bit as she heard me but held together bravely. Tili noticed this and spoke again.
“This child survived the attack?” She asked, a touch of warmth entering her tone for the first time. “Do you have any other family nearby?” She addressed Niiya directly.
Niiya shook her head. “Only Gray...” She trailed off, seeming to think of something before hardening her face suddenly. New tears stained her cheeks but her resolve was plain. “Only Gray!”
Surprisingly no one pried about EDEN, Tabula, or even Jade after that. Tili (the obvious leader of the party I realized) stopped all further queries with a simple “Not. Our. Business.” and brooked no argument. I appreciated the sentiment greatly. The party thanked us for the respite and refreshments and said their farewells.
Reluctantly, the party let go of the food and drink just as Tabula reluctantly released Tili.
“If we beat you to Filam, we will inform them that the quest is resolved until your return.” Tili said tersely, back in control of her humanoid form. She would never, not in a million years admit that she would miss Tabula’s ear scratches and soft cushions.
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