《Winds》Thursday
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Tess shot her pistol for the seventh time. She aimed at nothing but trees. They stood there waiting to become her next victim. What was she shooting at? What was she hiding from in that forest? It made no difference every powerful bang that jolted her arms. Or the end release of her finger on the trigger. Nothing would release her from the memory. And no noise was loud enough.
Nothing could make her forget the shouting behind a stranger’s bedroom door the moment her father ushered her pregnant mother in. “Felix dear, who is dis?” The stranger said in a foreign accent. And then shortly after, there were hair-raising cries of agony. Tessaline remembered watching the clock silently in the main room of the apartment, singing to herself. Waiting in tearful prayer, and wanting very much to see her mother. To comfort her. To know if she was alright.
The screams and cries only prolonged for two hours. Until finally, they stopped, giving precedence to the less mature, tiny, filtered cries of an infant. Why only one? Her father stepped out from behind the door. Holding mystery swaddled in his arms. Slowly, he crept over to Tessaline. She stood enthusiastically from her bench seat. “Papa!”
“Shh. Come see your sister.”
Tessaline’s mouth formed an O. She was certain it would be a boy. Her father bent slightly down, tilting his arms so Tessaline could see. A peek of dark hair became visible. With two fingers, She pulled his arms lower. In astonishment, she gasped quietly and smiled. This was the little rascal who caused her mother such pain? The baby in her father’s arms resembled nothing of her and her mother. She was pink and her nose was flat. Her lips were upturned and of a rose color. Her eyes were the correct size as they were beautifully round. But they were black, not blue or even gray.
Tessaline suddenly felt a strong connection to the child. For she had asked her mother prior if she thought she would make a great big sister. Her mother told her she had no doubt in her mind, and that the moment the baby was born Tessaline wouldn’t doubt either. Now, she felt it. That sisterly urge or rather instinct to protect the little one at all cost. No longer was she alone. She had a friend.
Felix gently handed the baby over to her older sister. She flinched only a little. She was a big one, heavy too. But Tessaline was determined not to drop her, even though a feeling inside her made her want to jump in giddiness. The little one breathed slowly in and out her nose. She smelled like strawberries and chocolate. Tessaline put her nose on the baby girl’s shiny hair.
“What’s her name?” inquired her to her father whose gaze was ever pensive and in the doldrums.
He looked down at his daughter. Opened his mouth. And the memory ends there. Tessaline could never recall what name he said.
As Tess stared into the distance, gun pointed ahead of her, a gloved hand slid over hers. She swiftly turned around and was met with a freckled face. But even while knowing her target, her barrel remained directed at him. Her cold expression wavered none.
“So what— ya gonna shoot me, now?”
“Maybe.”
“But I’m too pretty to die,” Jase playfully bemoaned.
“Yeah, but I think you’re annoying enough to kill.”
He smirked, daring to come closer and press his chest up to the barrel. “And what would you do with me after?”
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Tess looked at the ground then back at him. “Use you as fertilizer.”
“Yeah right.” He pushed her hand away. The pistol dropped to the leafy ground. Then he scooped an arm around her waist and pulled her close to him. He pressed his mouth on hers and moaned contently as he tasted her ruby lips. Detaching his lips from hers, He proudly sang a cheery line from some song he knew.
“What has gotten into you?” Tess asked direly, concerned about his winsome mood.
“Nothing. Can’t a man just be happy?”
“The question is why.”
Jase shrugged. “Because I’m in love with the most beautiful woman in Brord. And everything is finally alright.” He rested his hands on her shoulders and smiled. “I fixed it.”
“Jase? Fixed what?” Her head tilted to the side and her eyes stared at him in suspicion.
“It doesn’t matter anymore,” he shook his head. “Just know you have nothing to worry about.” Jase let go of her. “Have you been practicing for Saturday?”
“Yes. Have you?”
“Of course, of course.” He demonstrated by jumping up and grabbing onto a nearby branch, then swinging into flight and landing on the other side. “See? Still got it.”
“Paul! Do you see the one with all my scarves?” Lilian yelled from across their new apartment. Suitcases, purses, and bags were scattered around her room.
“Lilian Truit! I will sell this stuff if I have to go through it one more time!”
“You wouldn’t sell Aunt Krishta scarves. She knit me one for every birthday.”
“Great. That means they can warm sixteen other necks.”
Lilian had no idea why she’d brought most of the stuff she had. It was just too difficult for her to leave it all behind; To leave Corlu behind.
“What are you doing, anyway?” Lilian walked over to Paul’s room, “If I find you staring into another book—” He was, indeed. Bacteriology, to be exact. But that was not why Lilian froze. She looked around his room and realized all that he had was one suitcase, a satchel, and a writing desk. As if he were only staying a few days.
“Is this all you have brought?”
Paul looked up at her from the bed he sat on. He seemed antsy. “Oh. I was planning on purchasing whatever else I needed here.”
“Well then, you’d better be quick about it. Right?”
Paul was again looking at his book. His eyes were quite red with lines under them. “There’s just no answer,” he muttered.
“No answer to what?”
“Nothing,” he said in a frustrated tone.
Lilian crept over and sat by him. She placed a hand on his. “All this time you’ve been telling me to rest. Yet I wonder if you have rested once.”
“I’ll be fine.”
“No, you’re not.” Lilian’s voice cracked with vehemence. “I know you’re not. And this”— she threw down his Bacteriology— “is not helping. I want you to get some sleep. I’ll go out and buy you whatever you need.”
“No, you don’t have to—”
“Let me.”
Her words did well to silence him, but she knew he was still arguing against it in his mind. “Alright. I’ll sleep.” He lie down with one cheek on his pillow and shut his eyes.
Lilian wanted so much to kiss the cheek that faced her. To reciprocate his affection from yesterday. But she was the proper one. Although, her finger betrayed her, lifting its way over Paul’s cheek. Giving him a light kiss of its own. Paul felt it but did not dare flinch.
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“I will be back soon.” She stood. As she nearly walked out of his room, something on his desk caught her eye. It was a letter. Judging by the crest on the envelope, and the address, it was clear that the letter came from Hiplum University. Paul always dreamt of going there. Did they accept him? Lilian looked behind her to make sure Paul was not watching her. He seemed far into deep sleep already. Without dwelling too long in hesitation, she snatched up the letter and placed it in her pocket.
With a quickness Jase rode, eager to show up on time. Either it was his imagination or the day was brighter than the days prior. There was hope in his heart. Finally, things were looking up. Time was saved, and he would gain Tessaline’s trust again.
After a thirty-minute commute, he arrived at the plastering agency. Passing through the doors of the agency, he saw Ralph standing there as if he had been waiting for him.
“Jase.”
“Mornin’, Ralph.” Jase attempted to shake his hand, but Ralph just stared at him.
“You’re- you’re early.”
“And you’re leaving me hanging.”
Ralph kindly shook with him, but he kept a dire look on his face.
“So what do we do now?”
Ralph looked around him, “Uh… We go outside.”
“Outside?”
“Yes. Come with me.”
Jase followed, sensing something fishy going on. “So did somebody telegram?”
“What?”
Jase was having about enough of this. “Are we going anywhere?”
“Jase. You’re not gonna do anything.”
“Yeah, you told me. I have to be taught, first.”
“No, I mean… I have to fire you.”
Jase tried to laugh, “Your kiddin’, right?”
“‘Fraid not, Jase.”
Jase stepped forward with a threatening look in his eyes. “Don’t play with me, Ralph. Now, you just hired me.”
Ralph knew he was in danger of Jase’s fist. He stammered, “I’m sorry, man. I’m sorry.”
Jase wouldn’t take any more. With a push, he knocked him down. “You think this is funny, hmm?! I need this job!”
“It was an executive decision.”
“Why? What did I do?”
“I swear it's nothing you did.”
“Then what is it? Tell me!”
“That’s against our policy.”
Jase lunged forward with his fist up to Ralph’s temple.
“Alright, alright! The CEO. He told me to do it. Said something about your father. Said he couldn’t trust someone with your background.”
Jase couldn’t believe it. “Even in his grave, the man continues to ruin my life.” All he could think about was the look on Tess’s face once she found out. “What will I do now?”
Moseying his wagon along the bridge that stretched across Etowah Lake, he entered the town. The cobblestone streets declared condemnation. There existed no kindred face. Who would spare concern for Jase, the underachieving son of a drunk smith? The people loved to lie to him. To say they regarded him in their prayers. But he knew what was said behind closed doors. His only pride was in his mass and his charms. And the ladies would entertain him, but anyone of good standing wouldn’t dare consider life with him.
And when he found Tess… Oh, Tess. Tess was a jewel that he unearthed in cold darkness. The moment her mother passed and she took residence with Ms. Cora, he promised her she’d never have to toil in a hazardous factory. Life finally had meaning. He based his worth on her approval. No one else’s words mattered. And to lose Tess would mean the death of him.
He slowed the horses’ trot until they came to a stop, then tied them up to the hitching post. Jase raised his gaze up to the clouds. It had been an extensive time since he’d considered the promises of supernatural assistance. And it was the last thing he wanted to think about. But the idea appealed to him. Jase stood there by his wagon, immobile. Seemed to be the one thing he could do. He couldn’t go home. Soon, his mouth began to water and his hands trembled. Out of habit, his eyes scanned the street and alleyways, knowing what they were looking for. Desiring wrong, and evaluating the quickest route to it.
He gripped the hitching post with all his might. No. I won’t. I can’t.
“Jase?”
Jase looked in the direction of the voice. “Spencer.”
“Hey, you look like excrement.”
“I do?”
“You were turned out again, huh?”
Jase stared at his feet. “Yeah.”
Spencer brought a skinny arm around Jase’s shoulder, patting his back. “Well, I know just the thing to cheer you up.”
“Spencer. I can’t.”
“What?”
“I have to stop. I don’t...”
“What? Drink?” Spencer hollered like a hyena, “Ten nights of hangovers disagree with you, my friend.”
Jase removed Spencer’s arm from him.
“Come on! What’s the matter?”
“I said no!” Jase ordered, keeping his voice low.
“Okay, fine. But if you change your mind…”
The tremors worsened. Jase watched as Spencer walked away, a part of him wanting to follow behind. To let the man guide him to his lust. The saloon wasn’t far from where he stood. Jase pleaded with his conscience and half-heartedly to El. “Help me. Help me, please.”
Lilian kept a mental checklist of the things she’d purchase:
1. Extra clothes for Paul
2. A notepad
3. A telegraph
4. A deck of cards
5. Cologne
6. Hats (Paul was partial to the square crown)
7. Scarves
8. A Chemistry set like the ones he used to play around with in Hiplum
9. A bouquet for the apartment
10. Silver-ware
11. A Tea set
12. Groceries (and maybe a recipe book)
The challenge would be to not only find all of these items but purchase them all before sundown. Lilian was determined to do at least this to show Paul how much she cared about him. And maybe she could even persuade him into a more optimistic attitude toward living in Brord. The more anxious he became, so did she. And she now had a handful of reasons to be so.
The words the little blind boy said to her, made Lilian uneased. If Shersul did in fact say those words, not only would it mean she’d have to let Paul go, but it would mean Shersul still thought about her. And for a long time now, she assumed he’d have been so invested in his mission that he’d barely remember her. But she remembered him. All this time.
The envelope Lilian had snatched from Paul's desk flopped loosely in her pocket. She looked down at her side, wondering if she’d be so criminal as to read it. Her hand hovered by her side. Not now, she thought. Later.
She entered a department store. A family ran the desk together. “If you need help finding anything, just call for me,” said the pregnant lady sitting by the display. “My name is Flora.”
“Okay. Thank you.” The space’s illumination was heavily dependent on the natural light coming from the windows due to the weak sconces. The brightest light source was the lamp that stood on a coffee table beside one of the armchairs for seating tired customers.
Diverse attractions and necessities existed in the space. Lilian admired the objects that were placed on each self. There was a rack for fabrics and threads of assorted colors and patterns. On another rack were simple household tools such as wrenches, hammers, and awls, etcetera, divided accordingly. There were also baskets filled with stationary and little wooden toys. By the front doors was a coat hanger, and a tube containing bumbershoots for purchasing.
Lilian searched among the sections for her items. She managed to find a notepad, a scarf and hat, a deck of cards, and a tea set and silverware. But the telegraph, cologne, and chemistry set, were not to be found. She loathed the idea of bothering the pregnant lady for such things, seeing as she was busy nursing her two-year-old. So she resolved that Paul should have to do without the very gifts she’d been most eager to buy. She came up to the desk, laying forth all the items she found. The pregnant woman’s husband saw her. He held up a finger to say “one moment”. A large man in a tophat and heavy coat stood to the side while the clerk addressed Lilian.
“Did you find everything alright, miss?”
Lilian nodded.
“That’s a lie.”
Lilian glanced up at the man beside her.
He smiled at her with blindingly bright teeth. “What do you lack, child?” The way he inquired seemed amiable on the surface, but something about him set her alert. “Well?”
“I- I suppose I do need a telegraph and a chemistry set.” She left out the cologne for obvious reasons.
“A lady like yourself enjoys chemistry?” he sounded impressed.
“Well, no. It’s actually for a friend of mine.”
The man shook his head. “A yes would have sufficed, you know. Now you’ve told me everything I need to know.”
Lilian turned silent.
The man’s forehead wrinkled as he lifted his eyebrows with interrogation. “This friend of yours— are they of the male sort?”
Lilian turned pink. “Yes. They are,” she uttered flatly.
He laughed at her defensiveness. “No need to be offended. It’s just that I have a spare telegraph, and, quite serendipitously, a chemistry set I’ve never used.”
“Really?”
“Yes. I’m willing to lend it to you if you like.”
Lilian sighed. “How much will that be,” she said, taking out her reticule.
He held up a halting hand. “Nothing, please. Consider it a gift. For your friend.”
Lilian could not decline his offer. “Thank you, sir.”
“That’s very thoughtful of you,” said the clerk, in an ironically unimpressed tone, “Mr. Muggri.”
Lilian’s jaw dropped. “You’re Mr. Muggri?” She began to feel embarrassed, “Oh my. Forgive me. I did not realize.”
“All is well,” he said.
Lilian offered her hand, and they shook. “My name is Lilian Truit, sir. It’s an honor to meet you.”
Mr. Muggri stared at her with a strange look. “Lilian Truit, eh? What are you doing in Brord?”
“Oh, it’s a silly reason, really. I’d feel foolish telling you.”
“Understood. I suppose I too find myself in places for silly reasons.” He chuckled.
Lilian chuckled along.
“Are you alone? I mean, I would hope you are not unchaperoned.”
“Oh, no. You see, my friend, Paul Partridge, is with me.”
“Paul Partridge?” A shadow fell upon his eyes. “He’s here? With you?”
Lilian sensed something off about the inquiry. “Do you know him?”
Mr. Muggri’s eyes remained dim but his mouth stretched into a smile that contrasted them. He chuckled again. “I knew his father.”
“Oh. That’s... lovely.” An awkward, eerie feeling passed over Lilian, producing an onset of goosebumps. She noticed the clerk’s wife sitting with her son by the window and display, staring up at the back of Mr. Muggri with what looked like sickening fright. Every slight move he made, she seemed to flinch. “Well,” Lilian continued, “thank you so much for offering—”
“Yes. Where are you staying, so I can have my men bring you the items?”
“You know what? I think I shall come see you instead.”
Muggri smirked. “Clever girl.” He pulled out a card from inside his coat. “Here is my address.”
“Thank you, sir.”
Mr. Muggri tipped his hat at her. “And remember, the first time’s always free.” He flashed a clenching smile at her, then exited through the doors. As he did so in passing the pregnant lady, she yelped in pain, holding her tummy.
Lilian ran to her. “Are you alright?”
“Mama?” her two-year-old son worried.
“Flora!” her husband exclaimed.
Lilian leaned over the woman. She was unresponsive, clutching the hem of her dress and humming in agony. Then suddenly, she grabbed Lilian’s arm, “Don’t go to him.”
“Huh?”
“Don’t go to that man. He can do you no good. Trust me.”
Lilian had been to four stores. Hours had gone by, but eventually, she acquired most of what she needed. Mr. Muggri’s stamp must not mean much since every store was lacking in some essentials. Entering their apartment, she called for Paul. He did not answer. So she cracked open the door to his room. Still asleep.
She put the bouquet she’d bought in a vase, set the groceries on the table, then retreated to her boudoir where she left the unorganized chaos of her stuff. She set down the burlap sack full of new things to add to the clutter, then sat on her bed. A crinkling sound reminded her of the letter that was still in her pocket. Lilian drew it out and opened it up. And soon after… she felt devastated. Not because Paul hadn’t been accepted; because he had. She read it over twice. Thrice. Oh, the guilt she felt. He should have gone!
The ink remained ever constant on the page. She should have refused him more. But Lilian knew no matter how many times she did, it would have made no difference. What a good man Paul was to delay his dreams to help her find hers. What a good, loyal soul.
“Lilian?”
Lilian was caught red-handed in the sight of Paul Partridge, rubbing his tired eyes. His shirt, half unbuttoned and wrinkled, and his hair, disheveled. She stared at him with a look that expressed her grief-stricken heart. “You got accepted.”
He shifted his stance, folding his arms. “You weren’t supposed to see that.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I didn’t think I could.”
“So, you were considering going?”
“It— it’s not that simple.” Paul stared at the floor beneath him, leaning against the doorway. “Lil, do you like it here?”
“I think I could like it here. Don’t you?”
He looked her way. His eyes were unusually blank. “To be honest, I thought this was all just a stage. Just a step in the grieving process. I had every intention of taking you back to Hiplum with me.”
Lilian’s frowned. “You didn’t think I was serious about this?”
“No, I knew you were serious. But I thought I could persuade you.”
“You went through all this trouble only to bring me back home? Why?”
“Well, I wasn’t just going to leave without you.”
“Why?”
“I couldn’t bear the thought of losing you.”
“Why?”
“Because Mr. Truit told me to take care of you.”
Lilian raised challenging eyebrows. “So that is the only reason?” she finally had him cornered and he knew it. Come on, we’re grownups, Paul. Just say it.
“Lilian. You belong in Hiplum,” he deflected.
She rolled her eyes.
“I think we should go ba—”
“I can’t.”
“Why can’t you?”
Lilian’s gaze went to her burlap sack. But she was thinking about Shersul. She was remembering the night everything changed. The last night she ever saw him again. Her aunt and uncle were hesitant to break the news to her. But she knew as they all sat together in the dining room, the food was bittersweet, as well as the welcome and the dismal grins they’d shared. The air that night spoke of silent goodbyes. She was quick to flee from it, refusing to catch the depression, leaving the table to find solace in the chirping lulls of the outdoors just beyond their back terrace. She was only nine and a half. She never dreamed of saying goodbye to her friend.
But Shersul, like always, found her sulking. He sat beside her. And for a while their silence was undisturbed.
“Lilian,” he began. “You know I have to go.”
“It’s not fair!” she blurted most defiantly. “You’re mine. The world can’t have you.”
“No, Lilian. You are mine. But so is everyone else.”
“They don’t deserve you.”
“And I suppose you think you do?”
Lilian loured at her feet, slouching with her knees up. It just wasn’t fair. “You are my only friend.”
“I will send you a new friend.”
“And I’ll refuse them! I will!” she hid her face in her arms.
Shersul patted her back. “Oh, Lilian. I have to do this. And I know why it is you do not understand. You don’t hear the voice I hear. Or see the things I see. It’s all fiction to you. But it is the unseen that matters most.” He lifted her head, wiped her tears, and covered her eyes with his hands, “So, I am leaving you with a gift. As long as it remains with you, remember me.”
Once he removed his hands, the world as she once saw it transitioned before her. She heard the cries of the earth’s children. She saw the beams of light that jutted from Shersul like cords reaching out to the world. One cord tethered his heart to hers. She saw in the distance the rising of an angry smoke. It progressed madly in their direction, then rolled into a step. The smoke piled over itself until it took human forms. They dragged along chanting the name Truit, Truit. Lilian tensed in terror. Shersul sat by, not saying a word as the smokey beings charged for them.
Closer they came. Collapsing and reforming with each step. Shersul put his hand over Lilian’s heart. The beings stopped and stared. They took one more step and their bodies dispersed and thinned into the air.
“You see. They cannot hurt you. So can you be brave now? For my sake?”
Lilian smiled in relief. “Yes. I think I can.” She looked up at Shersul, and as he moved a little from her, she recanted. “Wait. No. Who will protect me when you are gone?”
Shersul looked to the space beside Lilian. “Show yourself.”
The atmosphere in that space seemed to warp and ripple. The air whooshed around, wrapping upward and downward, until the body of the ciella became more visible. A sword in his transparent belt, he drew it out, revealing the blade made of flames. He slipped it back and bowed.
“Lilian, meet your guardian ceillum.”
Lilian gaped at him. She looked at Shersul once more. “Okay. Now I’m sure I can be brave.”
“I know you can.” Shersul smiled.
“I just can’t, Paul.”
He came to her and knelt at her feet. “Lilian. Be honest with yourself. This place— it’s nothing special. Nothing like Hiplum. Or Corlu.”
Lilian frowned. Was he right? Brord did give her an uncomfortable feeling. It was quite selcouth. And the people ranged from lovely to outright frightening. But Brord had to be special because El sent her here, her uncle’s factory was here, and most of all, it was a place that needed much care. To leave would be giving up on its potential.
“Aunt Krishta told me to go. I had to obey,” that was all the truth she needed to give.
“Your aunt would understand. She would.”
Lilian huffed, “I should have gone alone. I should have taken a train instead of ridden with you if I had known your intentions.”
“I only want what’s best for you—”
“No!” Lilian gasped at her sudden tone. She shook her head, “You want nothing but to have me at your side. And for what?”
“Lilian, you’re my—”
“Don’t you dare say friend! How strong a bond is that? When my life will go one way and yours will always go another.”
“That doesn’t have to be the case.”
“It is the case, Paul. How could you be so foolish? You like to evaluate. Evaluate this. I am unmarried and unemployed. You are an eligible man who I’ve known for a lifetime with a perfect face and a career set out for him.”
Paul straightened with surprise, realizing he’d brought Lilian to such desperation.
“So do not use the term “friend'' with me. We. Are not. Friends,” Lilian continued. “And if I ever was, then I refuse to be now.” Embarrassed that she was driven to say as much as she had, she looked away from him. “I’m not sure what we are.”
Lilian stood up, passing him. She left without giving him one glance.
Jase didn’t know how he ended up here. Surrounded by depressed company and wenches assembled in mirthful spirits. He fought his thirst courageously for hours. Sadly, he could not succeed. A cup of beer swished before his eye. The bony hand holding it, wet from the condensation.
“Drink up, big guy,” Spencer chuckled, forcing the beverage to Jase’s lips as Jase tilted his head back.
The door of the saloon swung open. A heavy sound of footsteps drew near. “Ahem…”
Spencer looked at whoever was behind Jase. A serious expression passed over him. He looked back to Jase and said, “You keep at it.” He slid his beer over to Jase. The foam, nearly spilling from the brim. “I’ll be back later.”
She walked among the streets, feeling increasingly lonesome, and less certain of herself. Did Lilian actually feel the Elwind guide her here? Or had she left on a whim? Why was El not speaking to her now? She pondered as she proceeded in no specific direction. The evening was becoming darker. She knew she could not stay outside on her own for long, but detested the idea of going back to Paul. Her aunt had told her Paul would go with her to the ends of the earth, was she wrong? Lilian would go anywhere he needed her, but not blindly. And not against El’s wishes.
As Lilian passed an alleyway, her peripheral noticed a familiar figure. She paused, peering down the shaded alley to make sure. Her heart stopped, arms locked to her chest. The boy she hoped never to see again was there, dabbling in his own affairs. Clearly, terrorizing someone else. With his new victim taken by the shoulder of his coat and pressed against a wall. An unfortunate citizen on the street. “I came to collect. Where is your end of the bargain?”
“I just need more time.”
“More time to what? You live with the woman. How hard is it to slit her throat?”
Lilian caught a shiver.
“Please. I’ll pay you back. I swear.” The frail young man seemed to shake in fear. Beads of sweat ran down his face.
“Now, Sam. Don’t make empty promises.” He stared viciously at the young man. A scary silence echoed between them. “A debt must be paid.”
“No! No, no, no, please. Please.”
“Shhhhh… A debt... must be paid,” he repeated with a nod. He raised an open palm, fingers outstretched at the boy’s neck. With a clench of his fingers as though he were drawing something out of him, the boy fell to the ground, lifeless.
Lilian felt her breath had gone, too. She nearly fainted before taking in a loud gasp that bounced off the walls, alerting him. His head turned her way. His body, silhouetted. She could not see his stare but prompted her body to walk hastily away.
“Lilian Truit,” he called.
She froze. “Spencer.”
Like an invisible lasso, she felt a pull on her body, swinging her around. Dragged, she was, over to him until her face was no more than two centimeters from his.
His narrow eyes studied her for an excruciatingly long period of time. “I haven’t seen a hair of you since I left HA.” The slight smell of alcohol lingered on his breath. “Clearly, I’ve missed a lot. You seem to have assumed a new shape.” He looked her up and down.
“What are you doing here, Spencer?”
“Wouldn’t you like to know?” Spencer’s thin lips curved into a smile. “Why are you alone?”
“Who said I was alone?”
“You are. But you’re not.”
“What?”
He chuckled, delighted and amused to see her puzzled. “I know Paul’s around. Which begs the question of why you are out here uncovered. A lot of… sordid men work at night.”
Lilian’s gaze immediately went to the defunct body on the cold cobblestone. “Why?” the question slipped out in a frosty breath.
“He bargained his mother for a win at poker. Sadly, he couldn’t follow through on his end. He would have been a very rich man. A smart man. Could have cleaned himself up.”
“That’s clean to you?”
“Is there another cleanliness that matters?”
“You wanted him to kill his mother.”
“I wanted nothing more than a complete transaction. It was him who offered her head on a platter. He could not pay the price. So he had to pay the penalty. Don’t worry, his was a gracious death, I assure you. There has been worse required of me.”
Pure shock filled Lilian’s face. “You monster.”
Spencer squinted at her. “Why are you acting so shocked? If El is so powerful, you should be able to lift the boy back to life, right? And, how come you are still close to me? I don’t believe for one second you enjoy this proximity… Have you grown weak?”
Lilian choked on shame. She would not look him in the eye. El knows with all her heart she wanted to have a bigger gap between them, but she could not fight his pull.
He chortled, getting more and more elevated. “I have only gotten stronger!” With a flick of his wrist, Lilian was in the air. He whipped his arms around, and Lilian was tossed and turned like a rag doll. Her skirt lifted momentarily in her descents.
“Stop! Stop! Put. Me. Dooww-” she thought she was going to throw up every time her belly leaped inside. The pins loosened in her hair, causing free curls to fall.
Spencer was having too much fun seeing her do flips. But he stilled her, having her hover in mid-air. He floated up to meet her, putting his face not much farther from hers than before. “You are so weak.” Then he tapped his finger on a gold pin on his chest that held the symbol of a firy wreath. “You see this. It means ‘brethren of the malellum’.” He discontinued as though he made a point.
“Should I be impressed?”
“I don’t know about you, but I think this is what power feels like. Real, tangible power. You could join me in the hevel. You could take the oath.”
“No. No. I could never be a bride of Girgum. I could never betray Shersul.”
“Lil.”
“Don’t you ever call me that! It is Lilian to you!” For a moment she forgot his frightfulness, feeling bold enough to yell. He didn’t seem to mind.
“Aren’t you tired of not knowing what the next step is in life? Aren’t you sick of change? Don’t you want control?”
Lilian went silent. Had he read her thoughts? If she was to have everything her way, she’d be back in Corlu with Uncle Fred and Aunt Krishta, excited to see Paul another day on the tracks to talk about anything but the future. She looked at Spencer and noticed something off about his appearance. “Your ear.” It tapered like an elf’s.
As if out of habit, he reached for it. “That’s not the only change.”
“What do you mean ‘That’s not the only change’? What have you done to yourself?”
“Tsk, oh, Lilian.” He touched her hair and pulled on a strand, wrapping the curl around his finger. “Don’t worry about the details. It’s all worth it. I know I was terrible to you back in Hiplum. But after I found out about your gift, I realized your potential. I realized you were like me.”
“I am nothing like you. El gave me my gift.”
“And obviously you don’t love him enough to work on it.”
“At least I haven't harmed anyone.”
Spencer nodded, not really listening. He took hold of her hand, “Look at us. Arguing like this. I always fancied you, you know.” He shook his head, “But you only wanted Paul. You were infatuated with him which I never understood. I’m just as handsome and smart.” Spencer had frightening features that sprinted upon the brink of “handsome”. His hair was jet black. He had high, pronounced cheekbones, and narrow eyes that mirrored his sinister personality with lines under the bottom lids that made him look sick.
“Wicked men don’t appeal to me.”
“Ha, ha. That’s what you think. If only you knew what he’d done, you would hate him so much.”
Lilian was caught off-guard by this statement. “Paul? What did he do?”
Spencer smirked as if he knew a secret that could break her heart in two. “That’s for me to know and have the pleasure of seeing you find out.”
Lilian shook it off. “Whatever it is, I don’t believe you. You’re only bluffing.”
“Why would I bluff about this? You could ask him if you really wanted to know. But that is your problem, isn’t it? Confronting people? Or rather, letting go? I see you are still grieving. Mmm… black suits you. I know how to take that pain away. How to become callous. That’s all I am.” Lilian noticed his voice getting lower. His gaze was on her lips. “I could be good, you know. You could make me good. If you wanted to.” He leaned his head forward. She was quick to move away. Her refusal evoked a glimpse of a more human glint in his eyes, “Alas, I may never be the one to steal your first kiss. But it won’t be Paul.” His stare turned cold and ominous. Then he vanished in the form of a gust. Lilian realized she was standing on the ground. The body of the boy was not there. She felt a dizziness in her head. Where had the boy gone?
The world was spinning. Jase felt as though he was floating and weighted at the same time. The voices of the crowd were muted to him. One voice, in particular, was persistent to get his attention. “Whaa?” Jase struggled.
The bartender tried again, “The drinks ain’t free!”
“I got it,” waved a man, sitting beside Jase.
Jase looked to his left and saw Mister Thomas paying for him. He bore a nasty knot on the head from Jase’s last beating. “What are you doing?”
“It’s the least I can do. Now you owe me.”
“I don’t need or want your help.”
“If you call this helping, you must not understand the game. I’m just waiting. Patiently waiting for you to mess up so bad Tess will be at my doorstep.”
“You think Tess would ever want you?” Jase brought his final cup to his lips.
Scott snatched it from him and took a sip. “It’s not a question of want. It’s a question of need. She’s gonna find out eventually that you can bring no food to the table. And then she’ll either leave you or she’ll get hungry. And you know what happens to hungry girls?” He tipped his cup at one of the saloon workers, “They can’t keep up their stockings for long.” Scott sneered, pleased with himself.
Jase clenched his fist. If his eyes could focus, he’d shut him up! “I oughta-”
“Bup, bup, bup.” Scott tilted his head at the Sheriff who sat a few seats away on the other edge of the bar.
Jase growled as Mr. Thomas continued to smile almost churlishly, if he wasn’t so old. Seeing he had no choice but to take it, Jase shot up from his seat and walked out. His steps were untamed. He grabbed onto a nearby lamppost. Lorn was his heart, sweaty were his palms and forehead. He could vividly see Tess’s porcelain face twisted in a grimace. Could already hear the piercing sound of her high voice rising. And then the slam of a door. This is it, he thought. This is the end of me. It’s all going downhill from here.
Then, as if El had listened, a sweet voice called to him, “Jase? Is that you?”
Lilian saw him. He was hunched against a lamppost. The light gave his hair a lurid halo. Jase twisted his body around and stared at her with drooping eyes. Her hair was put up in a lackadaisical manner underneath her hat, tendrils flopping by her ears, not as tightly stretched and pinned as they had usually been. Her black eyes glowed with concern. But there was more. There was a residual reflection of fear. Something must have happened to her.
He started wheezing hysterically, clinging to the pole. “You caught me. I guess you might as well tell Tess now. Go on, I won’t stop you.”
Lilian was unsure what to say. Inching up to Jase, she asked him, “Are you alright?”
“I don’t know. Do I look alright?” he snapped.
Lilian simply glared, allowing him to see how rude he was being.
He sighed, looking down. “Pardon me, Miss Lilian. It’s just I get asked that all the time. But no one cares.”
“I care.”
Jase looked at her again. The lamplight highlighted the lime green in his eyes. Disbelief began in them but quickly evanesced as he continued to stare into hers. Did he detect sincerity in them? Lilian was uncomfortable in his sight. Even while he slouched, he stood like a tree above her. “I have to get home,” he said, pushing off the lamppost.
Lilian held up her arms, balancing him. “Not like this, you can’t. Where is your wagon?”
Jase lifted his arm heavily and pointed right. “Just around the corner.”
“Show me.” She took him with her, letting him lean against her. When they were at the wagon, Lilian helped his sluggish body in. She took hold of the reins. “You will have to stay alert if you can. I have not done this in a while and I’ll need directions.”
“Okay. I’m awake.”
Lilian hesitated for a while. She was going to be leaving town with a man she did not really know. Paul would be worried sick. Or would he? Not Paul. Surely not Paul.
“Are you ready?”
“Oh. Yes,” Lilian blinked.
Jase kissed the air two times, then the wagon jolted as the horses began to canter. Lilian was cautious, listening to his slurred directions, making sure she did not miss anything. Still, she was unsure if he was sober enough to even know if he was saying the right thing. But thankfully, the town entrance was soon visible. They rode through and continued for a while.
She was still uneased after seeing death yet again. The boy’s emotionless face flashed so clearly in her mind, not moving from her memory. It made her feel queasy inside. He was someone, she thought. A life, a soul. And now his poor mother would wake up the next morning, and her son would be nowhere to be found. Not even his body. What was his name again? Sam. She would remember him. Jase looked up at the sky, half-asleep. He quietly sang to himself an overly depressing ditty in his lovely, low voice:
The death of life is why I live;
To smell the whitest rose.
And what a wryest joy it gives
To be so lachrymose.
That was enough to cause Lilian to whimper a little. Suddenly the boy’s face and her uncle’s meshed into one. She was mourning them both. And Jase had no idea, completely out of it it seemed.
Lilian watched him sit there with his back across the seat and long legs stretching to the front of the wagon. She wanted to feel sorry for him. But how could she? He did this to himself. He was at the saloon doing El-knows-what when he should have been looking for a job. “Why were you even there? You know, at the saloon.”
He closed his eyes and was quiet for a while. She thought he had gone to sleep. “You mean to say, ‘what was I doing at the saloon’. Don’t worry. I wouldn’t hurt Tess like that. I just had one too many beers.”
Lilian let out a relieved breath through her nose. And looked away for a second, becoming numb to the sound of the horses as they clopped along.
Jase opened his eyes and stared upward again. “Can’t say this doesn’t hurt her, though. The thing I feared most was that I’d become my father. Guess I can’t do anything right.”
Lilian looked at him. “What about your father?” She was happy to think about anything other than the dead boy. Sam.
Jase turned his head to Lilian. His face expressed sheer disdain. “He was the town drunk.”
Lilian remembered something Shersul told her about familiar winds: Winds that stay with a family for generations, causing the same problems again and again. “You know… It may not be your fault.”
“Yes, it is.”
“Jase…”
“You can stop now.”
Lilian looked ahead. They were at the stable. She stopped the horses, and they got out. Jase took some time to get the horses in their stall. He fed them each some carrots. Lilian waited on him. She quietly watched in adoration as he spoke to the horses with such a caring tone. The words were slurred, but not at all drunk. For a moment, Lilian imagined the horses were children receiving a glass of milk before being sent to bed. He held a raw, dirty carrot out at her.
“Oh, no. I’m not hungry.”
Jase snickered, trying not to be loud. “You’re funny. I like it. But I meant it for the horses. You wanna feed Jaundice over here?”
It was pitch black outside. Lilian could hardly see the horse if not for the one light above his stall. She did not want to risk having her hand bit off. “No thank you.”
“Are you afraid or somethin’? Old Jaundice here wouldn’t hurt a fly. Plus, he needs some meat on his bones.”
Lilian stared at Jase’s outstretched hand that was not moving any time soon. “Okay. I will try.” She took the carrot. Bending slowly over the hay where the beast rested, she held it up to Jaundice’s mouth. He hardly noticed her there. “Come on, Jaundice. Take it.”
“You have to get closer.” Jase gently placed a hand on her back, encouraging her to move closer to the horse.
Lilian's heart skipped as she felt his woolen-clad fingers on her spine and she realized just how close he was behind her. She bent closer to the horse. The carrot touched his lips, and he was aware that he was being fed. His upper lip flapped up as he opened his mouth slightly, his strong teeth snatching the end of the carrot and continuing to munch until the snack slid completely out of Lilian’s hand. She laughed breathily in surprise, an ounce of sadness leaving her.
“Yeah. There you go,” Jase said. He seemed to be sobering up.
Lilian turned to him. She could see the grin on his face. She grinned back. “Shall we face the dragon inside her cave?”
“Let’s hope she’s not awake.”
Arm in arm, they proceeded to the door of the little house. Jase inhaled and exhaled. Lilian turned the handle and pushed open the door. The lights were off in the kitchen. Jase and Lilian snuck in as quietly as possible. Jase turned around to shut the door. Then suddenly, the lights came on.
“What is this?” Tessaline stood in her nightgown, crossing her arms, as though she had been waiting for them the entire time. A condemning expression on her face.
“Hello, Tessaline.” Lilian tried to keep the air light with a sweet smile but her voice told of her nervousness.
Tess glanced at her for a second, but no more than that. She was set on instigating “Jase?”
“Tess, I can explain...”
She held up her hand and winced. “I can smell the beer from here.” Tess was aware that she had him speechless. “Since when have you ever picked up a bottle?”
“I’m a grown man, Tess-”
“That’s not what I asked!”
As late as it was, the last thing Lilian wanted to hear was a heated conversation. Jase understood this. “Tess, before you blow up, let’s get Lilian out of the kitchen. She’s tired. She rode me here all this way.”
“I bet she did.” Tess switched her stare to the girl. “You know where the room is. Go.”
Lilian bowed her head and skittered away. Now it was just Tess and Jase alone. Though Lilian would very much still be able to hear them.
“I asked you a question.”
Jase stared at Tess with dead eyes. “It started- the drinking- when I lost my job a week ago.”
Tess shifted her stance. She looked at the floor, and back at him. “You what?”
Jase nodded.
Slowly her expression grew into a grimace as she shook her head. “You old goop! How do you suppose we pay for the rent next month?”
Jase pressed his lips together. “Well, there’s always…”
“No. Not my singin’ money?” she hissed. “Every cent of that goes to Miss Cora’s Home.”
“The woman already said she doesn’t need your charity.”
“That’s not the point, Jase. I did it for me.”
“But, you get paid well for what you do. Tess, you could be using it for us.”
“Jase, that’s not fair. It’s my… it’s my money.”
“Your money.” Jase scoffed, “If I had that attitude, we’d be homeless.”
“Oh, please. You know I have a lot more options than you.”
Jase froze for a moment. He knew what she meant by that. “You mean Mr. Thomas? Oh, I’m sorry, Scott? Oh, I see now. Go ahead. Go get him.” Jase gestured to the door. “He’s been waiting to take you from me,” His voice escalated. “You know, what difference does it make? You don’t belong to me, anyway, right?” He paced around, throwing down chairs, and then picking them up to throw them down again. Lilian, who was behind Tess’s door, jumped at the sound of each boom. But Tess just stood there, unphased by it all. “After all I do for you and you have the nerve to bring up that old man.”
“Jase. I was only talking.”
“You sure like to say the most El-forsaken things.” His eyes teared up, closing into slits. “Can’t nobody hurt me like you, Tess. And can’t nobody take it but me. You do it on purpose. You want me to give up on you. But I won’t.”
“Why won’t you.”
“Because I believe in us. Even if I’m the only one who does. Even if every single day you tell me you don’t love me, I love you... Will you marry me, Tess?” Once again, he asked the question as it came to his mind.
Tessaline’s nose flared. But she did not want to say another sassy thing. “Get out of here, Jase. Just get out.”
“No! You know, I knew you’d do this,” he pointed at her. “I knew it. It’s why I didn’t tell you ‘bout me losing my job. You try to find every reason to get rid of ‘us’. You don’t even want to hear why I got let go.”
“It doesn’t matter.”
“Yes it does, Tess! It matters to everyone in town! But I guess not to you.” He snatched up a newspaper from a stack on the floor. “You don’t read the news!” He held up the front page to her face. The headline read: Truit & Co. Lathe Factory Shuts Down After CEO Dies.
“So, Fredrick Truit’s dead.”
“Yes. And everyone in town knows.”
All Tess had to give was a light smirk, “Hmph. What he gets.”
“EXCUSE ME!” Lilian ran out from behind Tess’s door. “What do you mean, ‘It’s what he gets’? He was my uncle, and he was a great man!”
“What did you say?”
“He was a great–.”
“No, not that. Did you say Fredrick Truit is your uncle?”
“Was. And yes.”
“Wait. Wait. Who was your father?”
“Felix… Truit,” Lilian uttered shyly, unsure why she was being asked this.
“So your name is Lilian–”
“Truit. Yes.”
Tess flipped her head up and glowered at Jase. “You knew.”
“Knew what?” Lilian queried, her gaze switching back and forth between the silent two.
Jase’s neck turned as red as a tomato. “I’m sorry.”
“This is too much!” Tess shouted, running outside.
Jase grabbed the door just before it slammed. He went out after her. “Tess!”
Tess hid her face in her sleeve. “Go away!” She fell to the ground. “It all makes sense now,” she said under her breath.
“Tess, it's too cold out here. You’ll catch your death. Come inside.”
“I can’t. I won’t.”
“Tessaline.”
“Not with her in the house! Not now that I know who she is.”
“Your sister? Suddenly you can’t trust her? You know very well she ain’t nothing like you were told. But this is how you treat everyone. It’s how you treat me. You wanna know why the town hates you? This is why. You think everyone’s going to leave you, Tess. You think everyone’s your pa. I’m not your pa!”
Tess slowly brought her gaze to his. The steely stare she maintained put a fear in him for whatever sarcastic combat she was conjuring up, “Well, you look a lot like yours right now.” Tess stood and stepped up to Jase.
He couldn’t look at her. She was right. Only she knew the very words to undo his pride. She continued to stare for a while at the pitiful man before her. Then she passed him. For a moment he caught her arm, but she slid away. And he let her.
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8 115မီးခိုးရောင်အပိုင်းအစများ [18 plus] Zawgyi and Unicode
ကြောက်စရာကောင်းပြီး စိတ္တဇဆန်တဲ့ Seme တစ်ယောက်ကို ချစ်သူတော်ခဲ့ရတဲ့ uke လေးတစ်ယောက် seme ကြီးရဲ့ ကြောက်မက်ဖွယ် နောက်ကြောင်းရာဇ၀င်တွေကို မမျှော်လင့်ပဲ သိရှိခဲ့ပြီးနောက်မှာတော့ အချစ်သစ်နဲ့အတူ လက်စားချေဖို့ ကြိုးစားလာပါတော့တယ်ေၾကာက္စရာေကာင္းၿပီး စိတၱဇဆန္တဲ့ Seme တစ္ေယာက္ကို ခ်စ္သူေတာ္ခဲ့ရတဲ့ uke ေလးတစ္ေယာက္ seme ႀကီးရဲ႕ ေၾကာက္မက္ဖြယ္ ေနာက္ေၾကာင္းရာဇ၀င္ေတြကို မေမွ်ာ္လင့္ပဲ သိရွိခဲ့ၿပီးေနာက္မွာေတာ့ အခ်စ္သစ္နဲ႔အတူ လက္စားေခ်ဖို႔ ႀကိဳးစားလာပါေတာ့တယ္
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