Before anyone could respond, Gandash spoke again. “Let me make something clear,” he said. “I’m a commissioned officer in the Sin-Amuhhu Combined Armed Forces. And I have orders from High Archon Kingallu himself. Do you know what they say?” Gandash reached into his robe and pulled out a leather tube. He popped the lid, pulled out a scroll, and unrolled it. Then he started reading. “Under no circumstances are you to abandon the mission, unless the complete loss of the company is imminent. In the case of extreme developments such as, but not limited to, full-scale war between political factions on Jehannemid, an outright invasion of Abhorrent, natural disaster, et cetera, you will still carry out the mission to the best of your ability.”

Gandash re-rolled the scroll and put it back in the tube. “We’re not professional soldiers. We don’t have the military training the Unsighted do, and obviously we have no conditioning. But all of us graduated from the Sin-Amuhhu Institute of Military Magic, so we know how to follow our orders. And the orders are clear. We will not be going back to the plateau and definitely not the Gateway. At least, not until we see the mission through. Do you know what would happen if I issued orders to do that?”

Gandash looked at Jad, who was still standing there with his hands in fists.

Jad didn’t answer.

“I’d be executed. Because it would be treason. So back the fuck down. And by the way, if I hear any more talk from you about abandoning the mission, then in my capacity as a commissioned officer, I’ll have you executed for treason. Got it?”

Jad’s fists loosened.

“What’s more,” Gandash continued, “the same goes for everybody else. You think I like what happened? Or that I wanted it to happen? Obviously not. But we have a job to do, and we’re going to do it. We have to get to Puabi as soon as humanly possible. Granted, the situation is bad. We have lots of open territory to cover. But once we’re behind the city walls, things will be different.

“Now. Lieutenant Jad. How much melam do you have, and how many spells can you cast.”

A long moment passed in which Xerxes wondered if Jad was going to keep pushing the issue. In the end, he said, “I’m at a bit less than half. I can cast Personal Deflection four times.”

“Unit Ten. Atra-Hasis.”

The auburn-skinned mage was a Nasaru Seer. “A bit higher than half. I can do two Personal Deflections.”

“Unit Eleven. Dasi.”

With Enusat lost, Dasi was now the only Sinitu mage in the company. “I’m a bit above half. Either two Major Alterations or three Minor Alterations.”

“Unit…” Gandash hesitated very briefly, and was clearly about to say ‘twelve.’ Except, Unit Twelve no longer existed, nor did the mage attached to it. “Unit Thirteen. Tizqar.”

Tizqar was a Hasasu Seer. “I’m almost full,” he said. “I can cast Base Empathics almost twenty times.”

“Unit Fourteen. Ningsummunu.”

Ningsummunu was also a Hasasu Seer. “Same as Tizqar,” he said.

“And last, Unit Fifteen. Kishar.”

Olive-skinned Kishar, who was Katayoun’s best friend, was also a Balatu healer, but only at the Seer level.

“I’m… almost empty,” she said. “I don’t even have enough for a Minor Restoration.”

“Fuck,” Kuri said. Others muttered similar curses. Xerxes, who himself had been healed on numerous occasions thanks to Balatu spellcasting, was one of them. As it stood, they only had two healers with enough melam to cast spells, and between them, couldn’t even pull off a dozen Minor Restorations.

Gandash took his time saying something else. He just stood there with a thoughtful look on his face for about a minute.

When he broke the silence, he said, “Despite the High Archons' orders, my impression is that they didn’t expect us to see any significant action. They only gave me twenty Concentrated Melam Pills. That’s not even enough to get all of us back to full levels of melam. What’s more, I don’t want to use them all now. We have a return trip to make after Puabi.

“I’m going to give four to Katayoun, two to Ningal, and two to Kishar. That’s enough for our healers to rebuild significant stockpiles. Plus it will leave a pill in each of their hands for emergency purposes. In addition, all the Asgagu mages except Kashtiliash will get one pill. They and the heavy cavalry are our primary line of defense, and also our best weapon against the Abhorrent. Lieutenant Kashtiliash, you’ve done a good job of conserving melam, so for the time being I don’t think you need a pill.

“We’re going to push harder than before. The trip to Puabi should normally take four more days. I want to make it there the day after tomorrow. We can do it, though we’ll have to push harder than we’ve pushed so far.

“Everyone’s dismissed. We start moving in fifteen minutes.”

They traveled hard. The only upside was the leaden sky and the lack of sun beating on them. In fact, occasional raindrops slipped out of the clouds and plopped down. Even still, the dust of the road seemed grittier and more uncomfortable than before.

In the long hours on horseback, Xerxes tried not to think about Enusat’s corpse, but failed. And that got him thinking about Gem and Bel. Eventually, he was wallowing in thoughts of death and loss.

Is it me? Am I some sort of jinx that causes people to die? No, that’s stupid.

That night after the entrenchment was done, and dinner was served, he climbed in his tent, lay down, and stared at nothing.

Then it hit him. Everything.

All of the loss from Mannemid that he’d shoved way, way back into the farthest corners of his mind. Gem and Bel especially. Why did they have to die? He liked them! They were his friends! It wasn’t fair.

He’d been glad to not think about those things all this time. Now they filled his mind.

Even with eyes closed, he could see the carnage left behind in the wake of the Abhorrent attack. He thought of the countless times he’d been injured and left bleeding, even dying, only to be brought back by a spell.

Tears flowed down his temples as he lay on his back. He didn’t even try to stop them. He took in a shaky breath, then let it out in a whimper that he did his best to keep quiet. He tried to breathe to stop the pain from building up in his chest. The pain built up anyway. The tears flowed. He began to weep, and when he knew he couldn’t mask the sound, he buried his face in his pillow.

He curled his legs up and wrapped one arm around them.

Who gave a shit about being a combat mage? An officer. Who cared about going to Sin-Amuhhu or anywhere else? He wanted to see his mom and his sister and his dad. He wanted to be home.

He felt a hand on his shoulder and opened his eyes.

Katayoun was kneeling next to him.

He sat up.

It was dark in the tent, but there was enough ambient light for him to see that her eyes were red and her cheeks were puffy. Her hair was a mess.

“Is something wrong?” he whispered.

She shook her head. “I just didn’t want to be alone,” she replied. She reached out and put her hand on his cheek. “Are you okay?”

He wanted to say that he was fine. That he was strong. He wanted to be a pillar to support her. But his insides were too ragged. “I don’t know.”

He leaned forward and kissed her. She kissed him back.