As they had continued swimming up, Marlow had expected to see rays of sunlight beginning to pierce through the water as it lightened away from the dark of the depths. The water had lightened a little, but not much, and she could not understand why. The darker, colder pressure of the depths had eased off, but still none of the sunlight Marlow desperately craved. She did not like the dark.

When they finally breached the surface, Marlow had finally understood why. Above them glittered a million twinkling stars and a sliver of moon that hung suspended in the void of the night sky. Marlow frowned. It had been late morning when they had left. The pod tended to rise early, though it had seemed that there was never a time when everyone was asleep either. But there was no way that it had taken them all day and well into the night to get here.

She turned to Nix with scrunched brows and a cocked head. “How is it night?”

As she posed the question, Nix’s expression morphed to mirror her own. “You do not know? Marlow, I apologize, I thought I had already told you. Our days and nights are flipped. It is hard to notice a difference in the depths, but mer ancestors in this area switched around their active and dormant times in order to avoid humans. What is a day for us is a night for them, and our times of rest bring sunlight and activity to the human world. We are forever vavte, divided, from the people of the shore and that is as it should be.”

Marlow found herself staring at the water and she crossed her arms over her chest. “I was hoping to see the sun,” she admitted. “And my family will be asleep now…”

Nix reached out and laid a hand on her shoulder. “Do not fret, Marlow. You will still yet witness the surface dawn. We must still find your home. Despite Delthor’s belief that the light would aid your search, I would have us swim the shallows with the cover of wunuk, of night, to cloak us and fewer human vessels abroad to spot us.”

“I suppose that probably is safer,” Marlow agreed.

Nix hummed, then gestured past them. Does the shore look familiar?”

Marlow swivelled her head to level her gaze on the docks in the distance. There were several ships moored there, with folded sails and creaking boards, all secured with ropes and an anchor chain that disappeared beneath the surface. Beyond the docks were a few squat huts that gave way to cobbled streets and brick homes with chimney stacks. A few were lit and if Marlow squinted, she could see the smoke puffing from them from the stoked fires within. At the furthest reaches of her vision, a large church with a spiral roof rose at what Marlow knew was more or less the center of the town. She did know this place, although it wasn’t the town the ship that sailed her to the sacrifice had launched from.

“This is the town of Melna,” Marlow reported.

Nix cocked her head and pursed her lips. “Melna,” she repeated. “Is where Delthor was from.”

“Really?”

Nix hummed. “It has been a long time, but I believe that is what he said. You would have to ask him. But I cannot say for sure that he would denqake, remember, after all this time. This is not your home, though.”

“No. But it is one town over from where I was…where we set sail from that night. My home is south of here.” Marlow swallowed a lump in her throat and shivered. It was not that the night air was much colder than the depths, although the wind did make it a little chillier, but all the reminders of her sacrifice left icy remnants in her heart that ached and chilled her with every thought. The hunger, the exhaustion, the fear…that icy water as she had plunged from the plank into the waiting arms of those she believed were monsters. The pain in her chest as she suffocated beneath the waves, with only the occasional offering of air from those who held her still and bit deep into her flesh. She had no memory of the transformation itself, but everything prior remained a sharp nightmare still prominent in her mind.

When Nix placed a hand on her arm, it sent a rush of warmth through Marlow. That time, the numb had come on so quickly and severely that Marlow had not even noticed it, but every muscle in her body felt frozen, except where Nix’s touch was melting the ice.

“It is not right, what the humans do to their own. This is the true reason I had hoped your wellange, your memories, would fade, so you would not feel such distress.”

Marlow shrugged, but she leaned into Nix’s touch just a little. “I hate what they did, but I would not trade remembering my family just to be free of this pain. They are worth more than that to me.” She closed her eyes and took a deep breath before turning away from the docks. “Come on,” she urged. “We should keep moving. I do not want to linger here anymore.”

***

It was not quite dawn yet, but the sky was finally starting to lighten as the moon waned in the sky and the stars started to fade. It had taken them a while to get here, but now it was a matter of waiting.

Despite Nix’s apprehension, Marlow had pulled herself into the surf. The gritty sand and small pebbles were not very comfortable against the mer skin, but it was tolerable. The small beach in front of their house was far from an appealing sight. It was a short patch of mucky, pebbly sand full of washed-up clumps of seaweed and other gunk. Sometimes her younger siblings would venture down barefoot to feel it squelch between their toes or splash in the surf, but Marlow had always tried to ward them away. She did not want them to cut their feet on pointy stones or broken shells, but Marlow had also always had a fear of the ocean and had never liked her siblings venturing too close. Despite what she now knew, her opinion had not changed much.

Beyond the strip of beach, the grass started as did the first of three fields on their property. This close to the water, the soil was still very sandy, so her family planted all of their roots there. Potatoes, carrots, and radish tufts poked out of the ground in even rows along the tilled soil. The other fields were in the back, out of Marlow’s sight, and the house was dark and void of any signs of life. She knew it would not be too long before her family began to stir, but being this close was making her antsy.

But her family had left her a gift. It was part of what had pulled Marlow up into the surf. The water lapped lazily at her tail as she turned her attention to it. On a flat, squat rock that poked out of the sand, just out of reach of the tide, was an old quilt with a makeshift memorial on it. Without a body, it was impossible for her family to construct a proper grave, but they had piled some pretty stones into a tombstone that they had laid flowers at, as well as a few of Marlow’s personal items. Her carving blade and a few of the fossils and pretty rocks she had collected from the forest over the years sat with her box. She and her siblings each had a small wooden box for special items. They were a gift from her late grandfather. A wry smile pulled at Marlow’s lips. Had she been given a choice, she would have chosen a resting place in the woods, where she spent a lot of her free time, carving or chasing her younger siblings through the trees. But a lot of folks believed that the souls of the sacrifice victims were forever trapped out at sea. It was part of what made it so awful, that the suffering would continue long after being ripped apart by monsters. Her parents had probably left this here at the shoreline in hope that it would guide her spirit back to land to find peace.

“I suppose it did…in a way.”

“Did what?”

Marlow lurched forward and her tail splashed noisily in the surf as she spooked. She winced and peered cautiously at the house in case the noise had disturbed anyone. After a few heart-hammering moments, she released the breath she had been holding and twisted to meet Nix’s gaze. While she had previously been keeping her distance, Nix had now pulled herself as far up into the surf as she could manage one-handed.

Marlow jerked her chin towards the small memorial. “It is said that the true horror of the sacrifice is not that you are eaten alive, but that sirens steal souls, trap them in the ocean forever so they can never find peace. I was always afraid of the water…sometimes I still am, so this is an odd place for a token like this. I was just assuming my parents were hoping that it could lure my soul back to the shore.”

“And here you are,” Nix agreed. “I do not know what happens to the starnaq of those who do not survive the change, but I hope they are not restless and cagmar, lost, and I am grateful that you did not join them to find out.”

Marlow sighed and shrugged. She had not thought about it much, but Nix was right. Not every victim survived the change. She wondered what did happen to them after death, but she supposed there was no way to know. Spirits did not interact with the living. At least, not that she knew of. “Nix…are there such a thing as ghosts? Are mer able to interact with the living after death? Humans do not, not really that we have ever seen or proved, but I still know so little about mer culture and ways, so…”

Nix pursed her lips and then shook her head. “No. At least, not here. Up in the ice, there are legends of echoes, but nothing more.”

“Echoes?

“A piece of the soul that gets left behind, forever reverberating through the ice for only those closest to the deceased to hear, but they are little more than whispers to feel connected still. And even those are rare. Death is a mystery, Marlow, and that is how it should be.”

Marlow chewed at her lip. “Nix…you talk about the ice waters a lot. It seems like you really miss them…why did you leave if you loved your home so much?”

A deep sigh heaved from Nix’s chest and her eyes glazed over as she shook her head. “Forgive me, Marlow, but that is a story I do not have the heart to tell now. Another time, perhaps, I will share more of my history with you. I do miss the ice sometimes, but I am content here and glad that it has allowed me to meet you.”

“I am glad I met you too,” Marlow agreed. “This all would have been a lot harder otherwise. I am sorry that I asked a painful question. I did not intend to pry. And…I have said it already, but I am sorry for how I reacted earlier. You are my friend, Nix, and you have done a lot for me even if I do not necessarily agree with all of it. It was wrong of me to throw that in your face earlier. You asked me earlier for umm ap…appa ren…”

“Aipaa urenkun?” Nix clarified.

“Yes…that means a second chance, right?”

“It does.”

Marlow leaned forward and put a hand on Nix’s good shoulder. “I want it too.”

Nix’s eyes twinkled and she nodded. “Then let us dwell on the mistakes no longer and move forward with the vow to not make them again. I will not be dishonest with you again, and I will be more respectful of your hiyaer piyuun.”

“My what?”

“It means heart’s wish. It is how we refer to the things closest to one’s heart. Your family are closer than I was willing to realize and I was a poor friend to you for not. They are your heart’s wish and you need to remain connected to them for you to be whole.”

“Thank you for understanding,” Marlow breathed. “I suppose I need to work on that part a bit myself. More patience, understanding…listening, I suppose. I should not have assumed the worst. I did not want to, yet I did it anyway.” Her gaze wandered to Nix’s injury. The other mer’s expression was still pinched behind her smile and her arm was pulled tensely against her chest. She had to be in a lot of pain by now. “You do not really think that they will fade, do you? Become less important?”

Nix shook her head. “No. It is rare that the greatest desire of the heart will lose passion. I suppose I should have realized how deeply they affected you. It is because your greatest desire remains in your human past that your memories of everything else have remained so sharp. Your heart will not allow your head to dull the past and ease your journey.”

“Are you saying that I am my own curse?”

“Yes.”

Marlow scowled as Nix began to snicker. Then she shrugged and grinned back. “I suppose that is my burden to bear then. But I can come back another time. I feel reassured knowing it is possible to get back here. I am getting worried for you, we should get you back so that you can rest.”

She knew Nix had to be eager to leave the shore and shallows far behind, but the other mer surprised her by refusing with a sharp jerk of her chin. “Not just yet. Tell me about those,” Nix paused to nod in the direction of the makeshift grave. “These were things important to you in your human life?”

“Uh-huh,” Marlow agreed. She pulled herself a little further up onto the bank in order to reach the flat rock everything was laid out on. She picked up her knife first. It was a switchblade, so she popped it open to show Nix the blade of glistening silver. “I used to carve a lot…wood and sometimes animal bone too. Little statues and engravings. We would sell them in town.” She ran her finger over the flat of the blade and sighed. Carving had always settled her nerves and kept her hands busy. She had missed it the last several days. Though she had not been a mer for very long, it had already felt like a lifetime and all her previous skills and pastimes now seemed incredibly far out of reach.

“The water would not wreck a blade like that,” Nix declared. “Why not bring it back with you? There are bones aplenty in the ocean to take the tip to if you desire.”

Marlow carefully closed the knife back up and replaced it where she had found it. “They would notice it missing,” she decided. “I know where it is if I change my mind.”

When Nix did not press the issue, Marlow pulled her box into her lap and lifted the lid on a silent hinge. There was not much inside, but there was only one item Marlow truly treasured enough to keep in the box anyway. She shook her hand to remove any lingering moisture, and then pulled the bracelet out.

“That is pretty.”

Marlow hummed and nodded. She ran her fingers over the gold links. “It is a family heirloom. It is meant to be passed to the eldest daughter of each generation. I never really wore it though because it is worth a lot and I never wanted to risk it being stolen. My grandfather five generations back made it for my grandmother. It was an anniversary present, I believe.” She held it up to give Nix a better look.

The bracelet was fashioned of solid gold links and set between them were quartz stones. One for each of the six colours of quartz that could be found in the region. “It took him a long time to collect them all. Blue quartz can only be found in the water, right?”

“I know where a vein is,” Nix agreed.

Marlow chuckled. “You know, it is funny but…the story my mother told me about the bracelet is that my grandfather actually claimed to have traded with a siren for the sixth stone. I am sure that is not true, the sacrifice was a thing in his time, so he probably just said that to make it sound more impressive. It probably just washed up, but it was always a fun story to hear about him trading with a sea monster and it only costing him his lunch.”

“The story is probably true.”

“You think so?”

Nix shrugged. “Why not? We are not sirens, but mer have tried to reinstate trade with humans in the past, remember? Even after the sacrifice started, there are a few tales of attempted trades. A few were successful, but never continuous and it was seldom. Azure quartz is not difficult for us to obtain, I would not be surprised if a mer did attempt a trade like that. I do not know what they would have wanted with your ancestor’s meal, however.”

Marlow stared at Nix for a moment before she began to laugh. She slapped a hand over her mouth to muffle her mirth so that the sound would not carry through the air, but the way Nix’s head tilted in confusion only made Marlow cackle harder. When she finally regained composure, she shook her head. “Not his actual lunch, Nix. It is a saying. Costing someone their lunch means they paid very little for something of value. A good deal, basically. I have no idea what the actual trade was, but it probably had nothing to do with food.”

“Ah. Still, it is interesting to hear the other side of the story. I wonder what your ancestor must have thought of us, then, to have escaped an encounter with not only his life, but a new possession and a satisfactory arrangement.”

“I am not sure. Talking about sirens, especially in any way that seems positive, is kind of taboo, so I know the story, but not all of the details.” She flicked her tail through the water. “There are a lot of people who detest the sacrifice, but no one wants to risk having bloodthirsty monsters at the shore trying to lure more innocents to their deaths, so suggesting it should not exist is considered an offence. They believe it saves many lives at the cost of a few.”

While she was explaining, Nix had begun to shake her head, but by the end, the black and white mer’s lips had drawn back into a snarl and she hissed and lashed her tail. It splashed noisily back down into the surf and sprayed them both. On instinct, Marlow recoiled, and that seemed to extinguish some of Nix’s fury. “I apologize, Marlow. I did not mean to frighten you. It is just frustrating to hear. How many have to die for a tradition that burdens both sides? We are long-lived, Marlow, our numbers are not meant to grow this quickly. And yet, because of the sacrifice, human-born mer vastly outnumber the ocean-born. Many partners skipped out on the last season because our numbers are meant to remain low. With how cut off we are from the shallows and other parts of the ocean to avoid humans, there is simply not enough food to support more growth. But humans consider it an offence to discuss doing away with a pointless, harmful practice and would instead rather start sending children to their deaths?”

“I am not really a child, Nix,” Marlow protested. Although even as she spoke, an acrid taste lodged in her throat as though she had bitten into rancid meat. She did not particularly desire to defend the people who had condemned her. Adult or youth, she was an innocent who had done no wrong in her life but had been treated like a prisoner and a criminal in her last moments before being cast off that ship.

“You are, Marlow,” Nix argued. “Perhaps you were on the cusp, but you are too young for them to have decided your life was forfeit.”

Marlow sighed. She carefully replaced the bracelet into the box and returned it among the rest of the items. “It does not matter now, it is done. I just…have to find a way to live with it and hope that whatever reason I was chosen does not need repeating.”

“Let us hope,” Nix agreed, though her attention was no longer on Marlow, but rather staring past her. “Marlow, we should move into deeper waters. The sky grows light and we should not be seen.”

Her heart sank at Nix’s suggestion. She knew that the other mer was right and just sitting, waiting in the surf was not really the way she wanted to interact with her family after everything that had happened, but it was still hard to consider that her parents could wish them harm. “They will not hurt us,” she offered, but the argument felt hesitant.

“They have just lost their hitugta, their daughter. I do not believe they are bad people, Marlow. I am sure your parents are decent, but they will be in pain and they will dacike, blame us. Have you even figured out how you mean to communicate your identity to them?”

“No,” Marlow sighed. She glanced back at the house. It would not be long now before her parents started to stir and she knew that they should not be lingering this close, no matter how it ripped at her soul to acknowledge. With a heavy heart, Marlow grabbed her discarded spear from where it lay on the sand with the waves splashing over it and rocking it around, and then she pushed herself off of the bank and deeper into the water.

Nix said nothing more, simply kept pace with Marlow as they retreated into water deep enough to submerge properly in. Marlow glanced at her and Nix silently jerked her head and led Marlow to a rocky outcropping just far enough for them to be out of sight of anyone on the porch, and shadowed enough to conceal them at the surface, but still close enough to allow Marlow to observe everything.

It seemed they had left the shore just in time, because by the time Marlow had surfaced again by the rocks, the door to her home had opened and her father had stepped out onto the porch. He was dressed in a pair of torn, mud brown trousers and a simple, grass-stained gray tunic that was tucked in at the waist, with a rope belt holding his pants up. His blond-brown hair was peppered with gray, and for all intents and purposes, he should have looked just as he did on any other day preparing to work in the fields. But everything was different now. Now, his shoulders had a slump to them, rather than the straight posture she was used to seeing on the proud, hard-working man. There were bags under his eyes dark enough that Marlow could spot them even with the distance, and his beard had grown long and dishevelled.

Of course, her absence was also a change. On a morning like this one, she would normally be right by his side, rubbing sleep from her eyes and preparing for a day of tilling earth or pulling weeds. And on the days no work needed to be done in the field, she would be out checking the hunting traps or foraging in the trees…or simply wrangling her younger siblings that had the attention spans of bunnies when it came to their chores, but all the focus in the world for chasing frogs and climbing trees. Without her around to help, more responsibility would fall to them, and the knowledge gripped Marlow’s heart with icy talons. She had wistfully hoped that her absence would not create too much of a void, but they depended on one another’s cooperation as a unit to manage the land properly. Being the eldest, she had taken up more of the slack than her younger siblings and that was a loss of labour even without the emotional burden.

One by one, the rest of her family appeared on the porch. First, her mother, with a paper bag in hand that she passed to Marlow’s father with a kiss on the cheek. Her mother’s oak brown hair was twisted up into a pile atop her head and her well-tanned skin glistened in the early dawn light. She said nothing that Marlow could hear, but her gaze turned wistfully to the ocean and Marlow found herself shrinking back despite knowing that they could not be seen.

Adam came next. He was dressed in older clothing too, a touch too baggy for him still, and Marlow sighed. Her ten-year-old brother was now the eldest sibling and her responsibilities would fall on his shoulders now. He had his chin lifted though, and Marlow felt pride swell as she watched him follow their father down the steps. It would be hard on him, but she knew he could rise to the challenge.

After him, seven-year-old Bennie came rushing out with rainboots on his feet and a basket in hand. Berry-picking for the day. Just as their mom had, Bennie stopped after jumping down the steps and turned to gaze out over the water. He was so still that Marlow’s will nearly shattered with her desire to go to them. Bennie could never sit still for any reason.

Finally, Marlow’s baby sister appeared by their mother’s side. Faye was three. Three and a half as she would emphasize. She had hair like a field of wheat and coffee brown eyes. Her skin was fairer and Marlow was surprised when she came running out in a thin dress that fell only to her knees and exposed most of her shoulders. She burned too easily not to be covered more. But Faye was like a wildflower, with a tumbling, headstrong personality and she paid no heed to anyone else as she hurried down the steps with stubby legs and fingers grasping at the railing. Instead of joining her brothers, Faye immediately began running down towards the shore, skirting past the root fields on her way.

She barely got halfway before their mother started calling her back. Good. Marlow did not want any of her siblings anywhere near the water. Sirens may not be a danger they faced, but riptides and currents still were. But Faye did not seem to hear their mother and she made it disturbingly close to the water’s edge before their father’s stern voice calling her name halted her in her tracks.

“Faye! Get away from the water.”

“But I wanna look for Marlow,” Faye whined and stamped her foot. “She is lost, but what if she comes home today? I want to be the first to see her.”

“Faye, you can keep an eye on the water from up here with me,” their mother decided. “Come away now, darling.”

The strangle in her mother’s tone was the final straw and Marlow covered her mouth to smother a sob. She was not entirely sure what they had told Faye, but she clearly did not understand and that had to be killing their parents. Now more than ever, she wished she could ease some of their heartache, but she had no solution.

Suddenly, she could no longer bear to watch them anymore, so she turned back to Nix. The other mer was leaned bodily against the rock with a grimace on her lips and her chest heaving as she panted. There was too much pain here right now and Marlow could at least do something about Nix’s.

She reached out and took Nix’s good hand. “We should go back,” she decided.

“Are you sure?”

Marlow took a breath and nodded. “I cannot stay right now. I have a lot to think about now and you need to rest. There is nothing to gain by lingering. I cannot offer them any comfort like this.”

Nix nodded. “I will bring you back,” she promised. “When you are ready. This still makes me nervous, but we can find a way to travel here safely enough, I am sure. It may just take some time.”

“You need to heal first,” Marlow decided. She stole one last glance at her family, then dove beneath the water and pulled Nix with her. “Thank you. Now you need to get some rest as soon as we get back.”