《Darker Than Love | ꪜ》Darker Than Love | 20
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I outstretched my hand towards Mason's face and caressed his cheek lightly as I watched him sleep peacefully. Yesterday - I think it was yesterday - we stayed up all night watching movies and eating whatever snacks I could find in the cupboard downstairs.
I mean, I knew we should have been doing something more productive, but I felt down after learning that Kaleb was back here looking for me. I guess I needed to do something to take my mind off of it.
With a sigh, I propped myself up onto the bed and grabbed my phone sitting at the edge of the bed where I left it when I dozed off. I turned it on and winced as the bright light from the screen flashed in my eyes.
Squinting my eyes, I flickered them towards the clock and groaned in annoyance when I realized it was only three am. What time did I even fall asleep?
I turned towards Mason and slowly peeled his hands off my waist. He didn't flinch - thankfully and I rolled off the bed silently, still hopeful that he wouldn't hear me and wake up.
I tiptoed out of his room, down the dimly lit hallway and carefully trekked down the stairs as I thanked the architect of this house for making the floors tiled. That way no one can hear me unless they're already awake or have super hearing abilities.
I sauntered into the dark kitchen and made my way towards the fridge. I peeled it open carefully, hoping that it wouldn't make that annoying creaking sound and grabbed the jug of water out of it before closing it slowly.
"What are you doing up so late young lady?" A familiar voice boomed into my ears and I pivoted on my heels to face my father who stood at the foot of the kitchen with his hands crossed over his chest. "I-I needed something to drink," I replied as I retrieved a glass from the cupboard.
"Okay then." He said as he sauntered into the kitchen and made his way towards the coffee maker.
"What are you doing up so late?" I asked and he paused before turning towards me, "leave the questions to the adults." He muttered.
Things have been tense between us ever since he- ever since he decided that I wasn't good enough to be his daughter. Sitting here in a room alone with him was so awkward I prayed for someone to hand me a gun to shoot myself.
I downed my glass of water in one go and hopped off the stool. I placed the glass into the sink and rushed out of the kitchen without turning back, even though I could feel his piercing eyes on me.
I raced back upstairs and tumbled into Mason's room. I grabbed the handle of the door and shut it behind me, forgetting that Mason was sleeping right there.
I watched, guiltily as he jolted awake, his eyes snapping around the room frantically until they landed on me leaned against the door, a frown etched on my lips. "Michelle? What are you doing?" He mumbled groggily and I sauntered towards the bed slowly before climbing onto it.
"I'm sorry for waking you up, I just went to get some water and my father walked into the kitchen and I needed to get the hell out of there quickly," I replied breathlessly as I lowered my head down onto the pillow.
He turned towards me and outstretched a hand towards my face, "Listen, just go to bed and we'll worry about your father in the morning, okay?"
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It is morning.
"I can't fall back asleep." I whispered and he frowned as he caressed my cheek lightly, "well if you're not going back to sleep then I'm not going back to sleep."
"No, Mason. Don't worry about me, go to bed, you have football practice tomorrow right? I don't wanna be the reason you collapse on the field from exhaustion." I replied and a smirk outstretched onto his lips as he lowered his finger down onto my nose.
"Are you worried about me, Michelle?" He sing sang and I rolled my eyes as I swatted his hands away. "Don't get too cocky," I muttered and he chuckled as he trailed his finger against my lips. "I mean, I can if you want me too." He said, his voice drooping lowly as he peered into my eyes.
I giggled softly and turned my head away from him, suddenly wondering to myself who the hell I was sleeping next too. One moment Mason can be the sweetest, charming and funniest person I know but then the next moment he pushes me away, he's angry, hurtful and altogether an asshole and then he comes back like it never happened.
"What are you thinking about?" He asked and I turned towards him hesitantly as the question hung dangerously low from my tongue.
"Mason, why do you do what you do? Why do you snap so often and treat me as if you hate me one moment but then the next you act as if you're. . .in love with me?" I asked. He peered into my eyes for a few seconds before flickering them away from me.
"When I was younger, there was this boy that I loved a lot like a brother. He was my neighbour at the time. Him, my brother and I did everything together, literally anything you could think of. . we basically grew up together. And then one day he told us he was moving away and I had this burst of fear in me. . .fear I've never felt in my entire life and I didn't understand it.
And then that fear turned into anger and for some reason, I hated his guts, I hated him more than I've ever hated anyone in my life. The day he was supposed to leave he came over to say goodbye and when he came in to hug me I punched him in the face again and again and again until my brother had to rip me off of him.
I beat him to a pulp, Michelle. I had all this rage coursing through me for no reason. And they dragged him out of that house and I watched him get pulled up on that stretcher and then the anger left. I cried out for him for days. . .for months but he never came back and I could never tell him how sorry I was.
My parents brought me to a psychologist. I was diagnosed with ADHD, then bipolar disorder then dissociative identity disorder. . .all of them were wrong. And then after a few months, we finally figured it out; I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality disorder. It's hard, really hard but I have to deal with it. It's like I'm looking down at myself from above, treating the people I love horribly as I scream for him to stop, but he doesn't hear me, he never does.
I hate myself, I hate who I am, I hate what I'm capable of doing and I hate how I don't know how I'll feel towards you tomorrow. Sometimes I look at myself in the mirror and I wish I was dead. I may have friends, Michelle but I've never felt more alone. . .I feel like everyone loves me but no one likes me, including me."
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"Mason." I whispered, outstretching a hand towards him but before I could touch him he shook his head and turned his back towards me, "just go to bed, Michelle."
•••
I lowered myself down beside Sasha and turned towards her, frowning slightly. "What are you doing here?" I asked and she smiled sheepishly, "Kaden blackmailed me to be here, it's a long story." She said and I narrowed my eyes at her suspiciously before nodding my head in understanding.
Sounds like something he'd do.
"And what are you doing here?" She asked and I flickered my eyes towards Mason and frowned deeply as our conversation from this morning came rushing back into my mind. I can't believe he's been going through this when all along I thought he was just an asshole.
He's actually going through something much deeper. Something that I don't understand and I can't fully comprehend. I mean I know what he's going through on research and basic knowledge level. . .but not personally.
Before I could reply I watched confusedly as Ryder approached me hesitantly. "What the hell do you want?" I spat as he stood before me. Sasha nudged me in the arm and flashed me a warning glare, "I'm sorry, do you care for biscuits and a hot cup of tea?" I spat.
"Look, I-I don't wanna waste your time. I just came here to apologize about what I said to you in the locker room, it was insensitive and wrong of me and I apologize." He said, his eyes boring to mine.
Ryder Daniels apologizing.
Well, that's something I'd look forward to every day.
"I don't forgive you." I spat and she nudged me in the arm again before chuckling forcefully, "what she meant to say was that she loved your apology and she forgives you. . .now Michelle nod in agreement." She seethed and I rolled my eyes before nodding my head.
"Thanks, Michelle. That means a lot to me." He said, a smile outstretched onto his lips before he pivoted on his heels and raced back onto the field.
Well, that wasn't weird at all.
I lowered myself back onto the bench and flickered my eyes back onto the field. But what I didn't expect to see was Ryder and Mason caught up in what seemed to be an argument. I watched as Mason's hands flew up in the air aggressively before he pressed his finger into Ryder's chest and shoved him backwards.
Ryder regained his posture and shouted something before his head snapped towards me and he narrowed his eyes. With that he marched away, his face visibly livid.
I knew that apology was too good to be true. Mason made him apologize, didn't he?
I turned my gaze towards Mason and chuckled in disbelief as a smile crept onto his lips.
He curled his hands together into a heart and mouthed love you before spinning around and running towards the group of footballers.
He really is something, isn't he?
And it hurts, knowing that behind that charming smile was a broken heart.
"Awe that was so freaking cute." Sasha cooed as she turned towards me, a sheepish smile on her face.
"What's so cute!?"
"The way he scolded Ryder into apologizing to you, I mean it's obvious he made Ryder do it. I want a man like that." She mumbled dreamily and I stared at her perplexed before bursting into a fit of laughter. "Stop laughing! It isn't funny. All Kaden talks about is sex, nothing romantic."
"Oh hunny, I think it'll take one hundred condoms just to get Kaden to say I like you." I laughed and she flipped me off. "You need a Tristan," I said and she snapped her head towards me before rolling her eyes. "Tristan looks at me like I'm his sister. But he likes you, Michelle."
Yes, precisely why I said a Tristan and not Tristan.
"I have my eyes on someone else," I mumbled softly, "I have a boyfriend," I said, a frown creeping onto my lips as I turned to face her. She stared at me perplexed, her eyes narrowed in on my face before a screech escaped her lips, "you have a what!?"
"You and Mason are official!?" She squealed as her arms came around me, a broad smile on her face as she hugged me tightly.
"No!" I seethed as I pulled away from her hug. She frowned in confusion and leaned back, "then who?"
"Do you remember that time I went to that camp retreat thing with Mason and the other guys?" I asked and she nodded her head vigorously. "Well, I'm kinda dating the camp instructor, Brandon. I mean we haven't really hung out and well done anything other than kiss like three times but there's still a label on it."
"Do you like him? Because I know how you feel about Mason." She said and I shook my head softly. After Mason's revelation last night I'm beginning to doubt if we were to ever have a relationship how stable or unstable it would be.
It wouldn't be stable at all.
We aren't even dating and I've already endured just a piece of what is to expect.
"It doesn't matter if I like him or not, Sasha. Mason and I will never work out. So for now it's just Brandon and I." I replied, a sigh escaping my lips as I tore my gaze away from her and onto the field. Some may say that I shouldn't feel the way that I am right now considering the fact that I have a "boyfriend."
But despite it all, in these past few weeks, I've felt more alive than I ever did. Even when all the drama at school went down, me lashing out on Mason, getting suspended, losing my father. Well, it's been the first time since my sisters death that I've felt this alive.
And some may say this is stupid but I was glad. Glad that my life wasn't just some plain narrative with the plain good girl and the bad boy. I wasn't the good girl who needed to help the bad boy redeem himself, no, my story isn't this cliche.
My story is untraditional, filled with twists and adventures. My story makes you go wtf? But then it makes you cry and laugh and scream out in frustration because my story isn't normal.
My story is unordinary.
And I have everyone in my life to thank for that.
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