The remainder of the dinner is silent, so silent. No one utters a word and I'm trying to keep myself calm before I burst into a fit of tears.

There's something not right about Karen's statement, and I think I'll be finding out after this dinner is finished. As for Colten, he looks frustrated as he tears at his pasta casserole, his fork scraping against the ceramic plates.

I bite my lip and set my fork down with a clink. Wiping my mouth with a napkin, I stand up.

"If you'll excuse me," I mutter and walk towards the front door. I need air, if I don't get any soon I may just start sobbing and screaming for no apparent reason. I mean, who knows, this could all be a misunderstanding. Right?

As soon as the warm spring air hits my body, I let out a sigh of relief. I breath in deeply, then let it out and repeating. I need to calm myself down before I get to the bottom of this mess. Something tells me that this could change everything, but I have no idea what it is. Karen could've gotten things mixed up, yeah?

I take a seat on the first step leading to the front door and lay my head on my hand. I watch as the sun slowly makes its decent behind the clouds. It's beautiful, and probably should cheer me up like it always has, but it doesn't.

The front door opens, and like I expected, Colten speaks my name.

"Hmm?" I hum, waiting for him to say something further.

"Come inside with me," he demands softly. "We have some things we have to talk about."

The swirling feeling in the pit of my stomach returns, and as much as I'd like to reject his offer, I stand up and walk past him up the stairs. I can feel the rest of the people staring at me as I head up the flight, my eyes casted forward.

Colten shuts him bedroom door as I stand in the middle of the carpeted ground, my head held high despite the feeling of sickness coming across. That sensation only increases when Colten walks over to his desk and pulls out an envelope type package. My heart sinks, I don't know if I'd be able to find it if I try.

"What's that?" My voice is shaky, hoping to god it's just a letter from MSU.

"Nikki," he sighs, his pained eyes looking into mine.

"What is it?" I say a little more firmly this time.

"It's an acceptance letter to Berkeley," he tells me. I bite my lip and wait for him to continue before I really lose control of the tears that are literally pushing forward on my skull. "They want me to play for them on a full ride scholarship."

I chew at my lip now, asking the question that could make or break us.

"Did you sign off with them already?" The lump in my throat threatens to suffocate me, especially when Colten's face transforms painfully.

"I did," he whispers. The first tear slides down my cheek in a fit of depression and betrayal. He already signed off without telling me?

While I was planning how awesome it was going to be to have Colten so close for college, he was already planning on leaving. Everyone I told about our plans probably finds me an idiot because they all knew, they all knew he wasn't. Veronica knew, Karen obviously knows, and for all I could guess, my best friend and brother know too.

"When were you going to tell me?" I question, seeing the emotion stirring in his eyes. "Before or after you left for college?"

"Don't do this Nikki," he warns, his face still in a state of pain. How is this painful for him? He was hiding something this big from me! I'm the one that looks like the little girl who got her hopes up, not him. I'm the one that looks like a fucking fool for actually thinking that my seventeen year old boyfriend would stay in Michigan for his sixteen year old girlfriend.

"Don't do this?" I say in an exasperated whisper. "You lied to me. You've been lying for who knows how long."

"I never meant to hurt you-"

"How long were you planning this?" I swallow at the expectation of his words.

"Please-"

"How long, Colten?" I cry out, my body shaking from everything that is happening.

He looks down at the ground before saying his answer. "A few months."

A strangled sob escapes my lips at his declaration, my arms wrapping around my body in a protective manner.

Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. How could I have been so naive? Who was I to think that he would stay? Football is always going to be more important than me, I've always known this, but I thought he wanted MSU. He was so excited to be going there. Probably all fake.

"Were you even planning on going to Michigan State?" I cry, wiping away the angry and hurt tears that spill out of my eyes.

"No." My bottom lip trembles, why am I still here? I'm just hurting myself even more by getting these answers.

"Who are you?" I sob. "Where is the guy that constantly says he loves me and will never leave me?"

"I'm still here, baby," he walks closer, but I back up.

"Why did you even try?" I still cry. "What was the point of getting back together if you were leaving anyway?"

My thoughts wander back to the day that Colten and I planned this whole college thing and it only makes me cry even more.

"I don't want to leave you," he told me, playing with my fingers. "I want to stay here for college and be with you."

"Really?" I furrowed my eyebrows, looking up at him.

We had just gotten back together a while back and we were talking about what was going to happen in the future. One of the main discussions were college.

"I'm going to try and get into MSU so I can stay close."

Liar!

"If you didn't want to stay you could've said so," I tell him. "You didn't have to lie and give me false hope."

"If I told you this is where I wanted to go, you would've gotten upset," he explains.

"I'm upset now, Colten!" I yell. "I'm more hurt now than I would've been if you would've just told me straight up. Instead, I waltzed around school practically showing off the fact that my boyfriend was staying in Michigan for college while everyone knew the truth!"

I sniffle and hiccup as the real betrayal sets in. Everyone knew. How could they have not? It goes into the yearbook where all the seniors are going to university, everyone probably heard what he told them.

"You know the worst part?" I wipe my tears again.

He has a torn look on his face, probably deciding whether he should comfort me or keep his distance. I really hope he doesn't come near me. I'm hurt and in pain, but he's not who I want right now.

"The worst part of all this," I wave my hand in the air to show how big. "Is that you let me do it? You let me think that you were staying here. You let me tell everyone that asked that you were staying here. And they knew! They knew that you weren't!"

Another hiccup jumps through my throat and I feel so pathetic for even being this emotional.

They all leave.

All of them.

No matter who they are, they leave. My parents, Karen, my brother, and now Colten. They all leave! Oh my god. There has to be something wrong with me for everyone to want to leave. Am I too clingy? Am I annoying?

"What was I supposed to do?" He yells. "Tell you that I'm not staying right at the spot? I was going to tell you, Nikki, but in my own time."

"I can't," I sob, running a hand through my hair.

"You can't what?" He looks panicked. He knows how I felt about long distance, he knew this was coming. I can't help the fact that I don't trust people that way. The one time I put faith in someone to come back, they never did. And that was my parents.

"I won't be one of those girls who waits for their boyfriend at the airport only for them not to come," I shake my head. "I won't be one of those girls who has to be wondering what your doing all the time."

The words spill out of my mouth in a rapid fashion. It almost feels like I'm rambling and speaking out nonsense, but I blame that on the state I'm in. Does it honestly make me selfish that I won't put myself through that?

"And I also won't be one of those girls that holds you back." I guess this has always been a fear of mine, keeping him from living his dream. I think that's why I was so happy when he said he was excited to play in Michigan, but now I know he never wanted that. I was holding him back without even knowing.

"Nikki," his voice is shaky. "We can work something out. It doesn't have to be that way."

"But it does," I smile sadly. What a change in the feeling of the situation. It's not about me anymore. I'm doing this for him. He wants to go off to California, fine, but I won't be the one holding him back. I have more respect for myself than that.

"No," he shakes his head, stepping closer. "I love you, okay? You'd never be holding me back."

"But I was!" I yell, almost laughing at him. "I was the one excited about you staying here, not you. I was the one happily telling everyone, not you. I'm the one that was pushing you to go, it was never you."

I wipe the remainder of my tears, and I take a deep breath. I know what I have to do, and it's for the both of us. We knew this wasn't ever going to last, right? Just a high school romance that had to meet its end. That's how it goes, it always has, but I denied it. I denied the inevitable and that's something that got us into this mess.

"I'm sorry," I my bottom lip trembles again. Damn emotions. "But we have to break up."

"Fuck," he tugs at his hair. "No. No!"

"Colten," I release a breath trying not to cry again. "We have to. I'll only get in your way."

"If we break up," he looks me dead in the eye, his emotion raw. "It'll be for you, because I know what I want."

"You knew what was going to happen, Colten," I shake my head. "I can't do it."

I don't want him to see anymore of my tears, so I walk towards the door, not turning around to see the distraught look on my loves face.

I'll always love him. And I can only hope that we'll be able to get past this.

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