No, this wasn't supposed to happen. I don't think he meant for it to occur and neither did I. All I know is this may be that one thing to blow up in our faces.

"Colten," I whisper, closing my eyes while I try to catch my breath from the extreme orgåsm that I just went through.

"Hmm," he questions, his body next to mine while he too tries to regain composure.

"What the hell are we doing?" I ask the question that's been on my mind since we kissed last week.

I bite my lip, staring at the ceiling as I await the answer that I know will either break me or make me. And as the minutes tick by with no sound but our breathing, I grow anxious and fully aware that this definitely wasn't supposed to happen.

"I-" he stops. "I can't explain it."

I nod to myself, feeling the unshed tears slowly rolling through my vision.

"You can't explain it or you don't want to?" I question, trying, but failing to keep the raging emotion hidden.

"Nikki," he takes a deep breath, seeming irritated. "Just stop."

I open my mouth to speak when a better idea comes to mind. Getting out of bed, I try to ignore the fact I'm still naked and find my clothes.

"What're you doing?" He asks, annoyance clear in his features when he sits up.

Pulling on my bra and panties, I then turn around.

"I'm leaving," I reply, looking away from his intense stare.

"Why?" He questions, eyeing my every movement.

"Because it's obvious I'm nothing, but a toy to you," my voice cracks. "And I'm not going to let myself go through that again."

The pain from Adam's betrayal is long gone, but the memory of it is still fresh in my mind. These events lead me back to that time I was so naive to believe anything besides what came out of a boys mouth. That's not me anymore.

"Nikki, please don't go," he sighs, not getting up as I finish putting on my sweatshirt, the last article of clothing I need.

"Maybe you should've thought of this before you only used me for sex," I snap, biting my lip once the pulling at my chest begins.

"You don't understand," he stands up, sliding on his boxers from before.

"Well you can't explain it to me so what else am I supposed to do?" I fight back, my emotions all over the place.

"I l-" he stops himself again. I roll my eyes angrily and reach for the door knob, pulling it open when Colten's hand comes down fast on the wood. The slab slams shut and my back is pressed against it. Colten's face is so close to my own, I can practically see the red hot anger swirling in his iris's.

"Why can't you just leave me alone?" I cry out, it takes everything in me not to release these tears.

He looks between both my eyes and bites at his lip.

"Tell me!" I yell and push at his chest.

"Nikki," he closes his eyes.

"You're unbelievable," I shake my head, staring at him with disgust. Just get out of my way so I can leave."

"I love you, okay?" He shouts out, looking torn. I don't even realize I gasp.

"Don't-don't throw around those words," I shake my head. My heart shatters at the audacity of his words, and the fact that they aren't true.

"I'm not," he furrows his eyebrows. "I should've told you long before now, but I didn't know how. My mind and heart weren't agreeing."

"Please just stop," I cry. The tears I've begged not to fall finally disobey me.

"Nikki, you don't understand what it's like to love someone and have them so close, yet so far away," he cups my cheeks between his hands, looking straight into my eyes. "My heart was yours the first day we met, and you've had it ever since. You kept it safe from any other girl that could potentially have it without even realizing what you were doing.

"I wanted to tell you so many times, I've wanted to let you know how I feel, but Jackson always got in the way. I was torn between my best friend and his little sister, and it wasn't good.

"As the years passed, it got harder and harder for me to keep it in. I was constantly fucking around because I just couldn't handle how consistent you were in my everyday life. And when I kissed you for the first time in years last Friday," he pauses, wiping away the tears that have fallen down my face. "It seemed so surreal. After that, I knew I couldn't leave you alone, it was physically impossible."

"But you slept with Brianna and Angelique," I choke out. "And then you left after we slept together last night."

"Because I was so wrapped up in you, that I needed a distraction. It didn't work out like I planned," he shakes his head. "And the whole me leaving thing was because my love for you magnified after being with you in that way. I was scared, so scared at what was happening that I had to leave."

"Colten," I sob. "I can't wrap my head around this."

"You just need to trust that I do love you," he whispers. "And that you're the only girl who I'll ever feel this deep for."

•••

"Nikki..." Jackson trails off, spooning some cereal into his mouth.

My eyes don't move from where they're stationed on the wall.

This is how I've been ever since Colten's confession on Saturday night. His words can't seem to comprehend inside my head. It all just doesn't make sense to me at the moment.

"I love you, okay?"

What? How? When? For how long?

He answered all of those questions I'm sure, but I can't remember. All I hear in my head are the three words that I haven't heard since Adam and at that time they weren't real. This isn't real.

"What the fuck is wrong with him?" Jackson curses making my eyes snap to his for the first time since Friday.

I couldn't stand looking at him when knowing that I committed the ultimate betrayal. Even though he has done the same to me, I can't help but think my mistake is worse.

Mistake? Was it?

"Who?" I ask, my voice slightly quiet.

"Colten," he growls at his phone making me wish I hadn't asked in the first place. "He hasn't been answering my calls or texts and now he's not here."

I swallow hard, looking away from him. "I'm sure it's nothing."

"Better be," he grumbles and gets up from the table to rinse out his bowl. "Ready?"

"Yeah," I nod, grabbing my bag and following him out to his car.

I can't remember the last time it was just him and I in this car. Colten has always made sure he's with us at all times, but lately things aren't as they used to be. And to be honest, it sucks. I used to hate his teasing and tormenting, but I wish for that more than this indecision of what he'd come out with.

I used to like Colten when I was younger, and I thought he liked me too, but after Jackson broke his nose when we were playing princess and prince, that hypothesis diminished. I guess I always found it weird the way he'd look out for me in some strange way, like why? But I don't think that's because he loved me.

Ugh, I don't know. It's possible. And if I knew exactly what the truth was, I probably would've told him that I in fact, love him too.

Why else would I let him take me to bed again on Saturday after Friday? Why would I still have talked to him after he broke my nose with a football? And why on earth would I have gave him that information about Adam after promising myself no one else would know? Because I am in love with Colten Mathews, the notorious senior playboy.

"I'll see you later," I mumble before getting out of the truck and walking towards the front of the school. I don't see Colten on the way which I'm slightly disappointed about, but also relieved for. If I saw his hazel eyes right now, I probably will no longer have the doubt that plagues my sanity now.

After the events of Saturday I told Colten I needed time to digest everything and I left, just like he did me on Friday. I watched his face fall and all the hope he had when explaining everything completely dissolve. My heart broke.

As I walk towards my first hour while everyone still dallies around talking to friends, a hand grips my arm and I'm suddenly pulled into a dark classroom.

I'm about to scream when a hand covers my mouth.

"Be quiet," the voice soothes. My fear disappears when I realize it's just Colten, but then the knowledge brings back the same horror.

"What the hell?" I hiss, pushing him away. My eyes adjust slightly to the very little lighting and actually get to see his face.

"I had to see you," he breathes, looking distraught from what I can see.

"Colten-"

"I know you said you needed time," he runs a hand through his hair. "But I can't help it. I'm going crazy without knowing and I needed to be near you again."

"I can't do this, Colten," I sigh, leaning against the wall.

"Why?" He begs, walking closer until we're toe to toe.

"Because it's wrong," I hiss the last word.

"How?" His voice deepens with demand.

"Because you're two years older than me," I start off even though I could care less about age. "I've known you my whole life and you're my brothers best friend."

"Who cares about all that?" He shakes his head.

"I do," I don't. "I can't do this to Jackson. We've already dug ourselves deep and we don't need anymore feet."

"Tell me you don't love me," he demands, looking straight into my eyes.

"W-what?" I stutter, my anxious heart beating faster at the thought.

"Tell me you don't love me and I'll stop. I'll leave you alone so you can find someone else and not have the guilt of your brother on your shoulders," he instructs, sounding angry yet unsure.

Tears fill my eyes at the desperation in his voice and I close them. I don't want to say that. I don't want him to stop, I need him just like he needs me.

"Please..." I shake my head, a loose tear falling down my cheek.

"Just give it to me," he begs, his voice cracking. "I can't change your feelings for me."

"I do love you," I sob.

Why is this so hard? I should be able to come right out and say that I do love him, but I can't. Because I know that letting him know this will not be easy.

"What?" He whispers, stepping closer so our face are almost touching.

"I love you," I nod. "I always have."

"Why didn't you tell me Saturday then?"

"Because I was scared," I admit, wiping my tears.

"Of what?" He asks, wiping a tear as well from my cheek.

"Your confession not being real," I finally explain to myself and him. "But I know that it is real and I love you."

The corners of Colten's lips turn up before they're pressed to my own, making me wonder why I ever doubted him.

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