And she left.

I couldn't hold her back. I couldn't prevent her from doing what she wanted to do. Like years before, I couldn't stop her. She left just like she climbed up at the wall. Without warning and without looking back at me.

It's over and I lost her.

I lost her again.

Tears are streaming down my face and I feel so unable. Unable to breathe, talk, walk. Yet I run. I run away like I always do. Unable to understand myself, my past, my future.

Everything is a question mark.

She's gone.

The sky is clear and the streets are full as I run to the only place I feel comfortable being in. The library. Everything is quiet and no one is paying attention to me as I walk through the the building, up the stairs, to the uppest floor, to the very back, to the old table.

No one knows me, no one knows more of me than I do myself.

I call Ethan. He picks up instantly and I tell him what happened. He's quiet as first but then I hear him moving and rushing around his flat. "Where are you going?" I ask.

"I'm going to find her. She ran off and I know that she won't go to her flat, or to mine or to Ally's." He says and I jump up from the couch, wiping my tears away.

"You're right. You're right."

"You're not coming." Ethan suddenly says, stopping all my muscles from moving. "She doesn't want to see you and she doesn't want to see me either, but the difference is that I'm her brother. She can't hate me even if she wants to, but she can hate you and I don't want that." He says and I sit down again. Everything he says is true. She'll hate me if I come looking for her now. She'll hate me and will never want to see me ever again.

"But I love her."

"I know that you do. And I know that she'll forever and always love you too, but she needs time and space." Ethan says and I hear him slamming the door of his car close.

"It's December all over again, isn't it?" I say dryly.

"I think it's even worst." Ethan admits and I wonder if it needs another accident to bring us together again. I look up at the ceiling, like she did minutes before, trying to prevent more tears from coming.

"Olivia?" I put my hand down when I hear the familiar voice.

"Adam?" I mumble as I wipe my tears away. I've been covering my face with my hands, crying silently before he came and the tears won't stop coming even now as Adam sits down on a chair next to me.

"What happened? Why are you crying?" He asks and rubs my back.

"It's such a long story." I say and take a deep breath. Adam asks no further and puts his jacket over me. I put my arms on the table and rest my head on them, closing my eyes and wishing that I could disappear.

My heart is racing as I wait for Ethan to text to me, to tell me that she's all right.

I hear people mumbling but don't want to face them. I keep my eyes shut as I feel myself getting picked up. "Text Niall that I've got her." It's Ethan. "Tell him that I'll call him later."

"Alright." Adam answers.

"I'll drive to him and check on him." Ally says.

"No, you stay with her and I'll drive." Shawn says.

I fall asleep again.

"I found her in the library. She's asleep and okay. We're brining her to her flat."

It's not Ethan, but Adam who texts me. A weight lifts off my heart and I lean back in the couch. My eyes are starting to water again, after they just dried minutes ago. My body is shivering and my heart is hurting.

I get laid into a bed and hear mumbling around me. "Shawn's with him now." Ally says and sits down on the bed next to me. She slowly puts my hair behind my ear and softly wipes a tear from my cheek.

"Is he all right?" Ethan asks.

"Not really." Ally says and puts her hand on mine. "But they will both survive this." She adds quietly. "Please survive this, Olive."

I hear the door bell ring and open the door. It's Shawn. I let him inside before walking back and sitting down on the couch again. Shawn follows me in and sits down next to me.

"How are you feeling?" He asks.

"Well, how is she feeling?" I ask back and check my phone for any more messages from Adam or Ethan. But nothing appears.

"She's sleeping now. I-I know she's exhausted from everything that happened." Shawn says and clear his throat. "I-I know that we don't really know each other much, but if you want to talk, you can. I'll listen and I won't say anything if you don't want me to. I know that it's hard, of course it's hard, but... there's no but. I hard, I know it is."

"It's all my fault, isn't it?" I say and cover my face with my hands. "Of course it's all my fault. I should have prevented her from climbing that wall years ago and now it's destroying my life all over again. It did it once and it's going it again. I-I should have stopped from climbing that well. If I had, everything-everything would be different now."

"He's giving himself the fault for everything." Ally says and I force myself not to start crying again. My eyes are still shut and Ally, Ethan and Adam still think that I'm asleep.

"But it wasn't his, was it?" Adam says.

"It's no-one's fault. It was an accident and just happened. He couldn't stop her from climbing up, no one could." Ethan says, forgetting or ignoring that one person could. Forgetting or ignoring that it was my own choice to climb the wall without watching. That it was my own choice, my own fault, my own stupid self who ruined everything.

My life could have turned out so differently. Niall and I would have stayed friends, started dating in high school and gotten married before going to uni. We could have started a family right after we both finished uni and we could have stayed in Mullingar or moved to Dublin or London.

We could have become happy together.

And it's my fault that we won't.

"It just happened." Ethan says again and I feel a stab in my heart.

"Do you think she'll be alright without me?" I ask Shawn. "Or is it selfish of me to think that she won't?"

"I think it's okay if you think that she won't and I think that she will be alright. As much as I know her, I think that she'll at least act like she's alright and one day she really will be." He answers and gives me a water bottle. I take a sip and wish that it would be bear and at the same time thanking Shawn in my mind for bringing me just water.

"Fake it till you make it." I mumble and take another sip before putting the bottle down. "When do you think is the right time for me to send her her stuff?"

"I can take it with me and I'll give it to her when I think that it's the right time." Shawn says and wonder what will show me that it is the right time.

"Do you think that she'll forget me one day?" I ask and look at Shawn. He shrugs and takes a deep breath.

"She won't but I think that she might try." He's honest and I appreciate his company more than I thought I would when I let him into the house.

"Do you think that it will need another accident for us to get together again? I mean, it was an accident that tore us apart, an accident that brought us together after our first break up. Do you think that it will need another one for us to get together yet again? Or do you think that fate didn't intend us to be together after all."

"I really won't know the answers to these questions... But I hope that it won't take another accident because I feel like that one of you wouldn't be able survive that." Shawn admits and pats my back.

"Do believe that fate really wants us together?" I ask, biting my lip as I fear his answer.

"Do you?"

All I ever wanted was happiness.

It was and still is my biggest wish.

I thought I had it. I thought I had the happiness I was looking for, but now it's gone and I wonder if I'll ever find it again.

"Now, let me ask a questions." Shawn says and I nod.

"Go ahead."

"Do you think either of you will one day be happy without the other?" He asks the question that I've been asking myself ever since she left.

And now, I finally got the answer.

"I just hope that one day, she'll find all the happiness she deserves."