As Niall and I drive to a hotel near the retirement home where grandma lives, I try to forget the nervous feeling in my stomach. It has been there ever since grandma said that she wants to talk to me about something important. Theories come up in my head of which none I want to be true.

When we get into the hotel room, I let myself fall back into the bed. "Do you want to sleep in my shirt?" Niall asks as he closes the door behind him. Neither of us have brought anything with us other than our phones and wallets. We didn't plan on staying the night, even though we both secretly knew that we would.

I nod my head yes. Niall takes off his sweater and then his shirt which he throws at me, before taking off his pants. I undress myself and pull his shirt over before getting under the sheets. Niall gets into the bed next to me and kisses my forehead. "Good night, gorgeous." He mumbles and lays down.

I put my arm over his chest and kiss his bare skin. "Good night." I mumble back before closing my eyes and falling asleep with my arm around him.

The following day comes quicker than I wish I would. The night passed by in no time and I'm still tired the next day. Niall left a note. He has sneaked out of bed to get us toothbrushes, toothpaste and breakfast. I roll out of bed and take a cold shower, still feeling the nervous feeling from the night before. Shivering, I step out of the shower and get dressed in the clothes from yesterday. "Olivia?" Niall calls from the other side of the door.

"One minute!" I say and put my wet hair into a towel before getting out of the bathroom.

"I brought us croissants and coffee." Niall smiles weakly as he puts the paper bag down on the table. I smile back at him thankfully as he walks over to me. "Are you still tired?" He asks and puts his arm around my waist. I nod. "And nervous?" I nod again. "Oh, gorgeous." He chuckles and kisses me. I kiss him back softly before pulling away.

"You can drive back to London, love. Dad'll drive me back after I talked to grandma." I say as I sit down at the table. Niall shakes his head no as he sits down across from me. "You will. I know that you've got an appointment with your doctor today and I don't want you to miss it. And if you do, I'll be mad at you for the rest of the week."

Niall takes a deep breath and looks at me, trying to figure me out as I take out a croissant and eat it. "The week is long, Niall." I add when he opens his mouth to say something.

"I'm driving you to the hospital and I expect a call from you when you're on your way back." Niall says and takes a croissant for himself.

"Deal." I nod and minutes later, after we ate and after I gave him his shirt back and we checked out, Niall drops me off in front of the hospital. We kiss three times before he lets me go. I watch him drive off before going into the hospital and meeting dad in front of grandma's room.

"The doctor is inside." He explains as he hugs me. I hug him back and take a deep breath once we're apart again.

"Is she really all right?" I ask. Dad nods as the door opens. The doctor comes out with a smile. I ask him the same questions I asked dad.

"She's all right. We checked her through and raised her medicine intake a little bit. The people at the retirement home are already informed." The doctor says and waves goodbye as he walks away.

"I told you." Dad says but I'm not paying attention to what he says next as I open the door. Grandma smiles and opens her arms. I hug her and she hugs me back before I sit down on the edge of her bed.

"How are you feeling?" I ask and take her hands in mine.

"Very well, dear, very well indeed." She says and quizzes my hands softly.

"You wanted to tell me something important." I say and move closer to her. She nods and looks at dad, who stands few meters behind me. "Dad, leave, please." I say without even looking at him.

"I'll be right in front of the door." Dad says and goes out. We hear the door close and grandma straightens up in bed.

"Now, dear, I've been thinking about telling you this for a long, long time. Ever since your mum told me that you're asking about your past a lot." She says and I see pieces of an unclear puzzle forming in front of my eyes as she tells me everything. "See, when you were born, the doctors noticed that your heart is pounding faster than it normally should, dear. You weren't allowed to overpower yourself and you didn't have as much energy in you as others. Your neighbors, back then when you and your family lived in Mullingar, their son, Niall, was your best friend. While Ethan and Greg ran off to do their things, you and Niall stuck together. He never left you alone. He was always there for you. Helped you when you fell because you were and still are clumsy, dear, and he cared for you as if you're his own life..."

The puzzle becomes clear as it forms itself more and more.

"Years passed, dear, and-and you and Ethan celebrated your birthday at the climbing arena. Your mum and dad were against it at first, but you and E were such stubborn kids so we all went. You all climbed around like monkeys and then we had cake and we all were still eating, eating while you and Niall had already finished. You and him ran off and-and you decided to climb without anyone, except Niall, watching, dear. See, it was a stupid, very stupid idea of you and Niall couldn't hold you back. He couldn't prevent it. You just did and you claimed and-and I can still see the image of you laying on the floor in front of me. You fell and hit your head."

It all makes sense.

"You-You lost your memory, dear. You were in the hospital for few months and you've got a scar at the back of your head, dear. It's not big, couple of centimeters only. Nothing to worry about, I promise dear."

I nod understand.

"Well, you moved away from Mullingar. Dublin it was and months later your dad and mum filed for divorce. They were fighting a lot ever since your accident happened, dear. They were giving each other the fault for everything and then gave it others. But-but no one was to blame. It was a silly accident."

I was to blame, but no one did.

"See, your mum wanted to tell you everything but your dad didn't. And then your dad wanted to tell you everything but your mum thought it was too late and you would get really mad at them both. So-so they didn't tell you at all. And-and they might become angry at me for telling you, dear, but you have to know."

A tear rolls down my cheek as I imagine it all happen in my head. It all makes sense now. Everything.

"And-and Niall is..."

"Is your boyfriend, Niall, yes, dear." She finishes my sentence and my heart skips a beat.

All the months that we've been together now, he has known. He knew the truth about my past better than I did myself. He knew things about me that I didn't know until now.

My heart hurts.

"Are you angry now, dear?" Grandma asks. I shake my head no. I'm not angry or feel any sense of betrayal at all. Mum and dad had their reasons why they didn't want to tell me. And knowing them, they probably forbid everyone to tell me the truth.

I don't feel anything at all except empty.

A weight has lifted from my heart and so has everything else.

Do I even know myself?

"You need to talk to your parents and Ethan, Olivia." She says and I nod. "And to Niall." She adds and I nod again. "Don't be angry at them. They just wanted to protect you."

"I know, grandma. Thank you." I say and get up. I let Dad in and call mum and Ethan. Together, we have a big family conference. They all say the same, that I shouldn't be angry, that they just wanted to protect me, that they kept the truth away from me thinking that it's the best.

"Niall wasn't allowed to tell you anything." Ethan says at the end. "He wanted to. He really did. Since-since the moment he saw you, he wanted to tell you all. But he couldn't."

"He called you last night, didn't he?"

Ethan nods. "He told me that you know about your scar now and he can't keep the truth from you any longer. I-I told him that he can't tell. I'm sorry."

"He loves you a lot, Olivia." Mum says and I nod, knowing that better than anyone else in the world.

"I know, mum." I say into the phone and look at dad, who's nodding as well.

I end the call and give grandma a kiss on her cheek before saying goodbye and promising that I'll visit her more. She promises to find a way to make it down to London soon, making me smile.

Dad drives me back to Niall's house, before driving home himself. Niall's car is in the driveway, even though he's supposed to be at the doctors. I let myself into the house and see him sitting on the couch, playing his guitar. He puts it down when he sees me coming into the room. His eyes are wide open and it's like he already knows what's coming next.

"You-You didn't call and tell me that you are on your way back." Niall says and stands up.

"And you didn't go to your appointment." I say and take a step closer to him.

"You know, don't you?"

I nod. "I know it all, Niall. Grandma told me everything, Mum told me the details, Dad said that they only wanted the best and Ethan said that I shouldn't be angry. And-And I'm really not..."

"But?" He sits down again and I sit down across from him.

"But I-I don't know what to feel now." I say as a tear rolls down my eyes. "I-I don't know what to feel, what to do next, what to say or how to act. My life has just flipped around and everyone around me knows stuff about me that I didn't know until a few hours again. I-I don't feel happy about knowing the truth but I also wouldn't be happy if I didn't know. I-I feel stuck."

"We-we can work everything out, Olivia. You-you don't have to feel stuck. We-We can go to Mullingar and I'll tell you everything from my point of view and we can go to all places that we visited back then. We-we can do it all together." Niall takes my hand in his and I stare at our intertwined fingers as I think about the past 6 months and everything that happened ever since he helped me carrying the box.

"I-I really want to, Niall, I really do but... I can't." A tear rolls down my cheek.

"You can, Olivia. I know you do." He says and squeezes my hands. I jump up from the couch and start to walk up and down in front of him.

"That's the point, isn't it? You know but I don't. You knew all the things about my past and I didn't. You know me better than I do myself. How-how can I love you when I don't even know how to love myself because I don't KNOW myself. I don't know what I want anymore. I-I can't... I just can't." I swallow and take a deep breath as I look up to the ceiling, trying to prevent more tears from coming.

"But don't you see that fate wants us together? That it's our fate, the fate of our life, to be together? I know that it is." Niall raises his voice as he gets up. He takes my hand but I pull away.

"I'm sorry, Niall."