I'm sitting on a bar stool in front of the kitchen island, my things, papers and pictures of when I was younger, cover up the whole surface. My mum sent me a box filled with stuff that I made when I was still a kid with old pictures of me. Some drawings and a few pictures that include Olivia. She had rosy cheeks and darker hair than she has now. Her eyes are closed on every picture she smiled on. And if she wasn't smiling with closed eyes, she was looking at me. We used to be best friends. While Ethan and Greg would go off and do their own thing, Olivia and I would lay on the carpet in her old house and we would draw our dreams and things we want for the future. We would draw our families together and we would be in the middle of the drawing, holding hands. We weren't even ten, six or seven maybe, when we already knew that we wanted to marry one another.

I hear the front door open and close and feel a huge wave of panic coming over me. She's home. All the pictures and drawings are on the kitchen island and she's home. I quickly put everything into the box again and close it. "Olivia?!" I exclaim as I grab my crutches. She doesn't respond. I hobble out of the kitchen, to the hallway, seeing Olivia sitting on the floor, leaned against the door. Her hands are covering her face and she doesn't lift her head to look at me as I hobble over to her.

"Gorgeous?" I carefully say as I get closer to her. She lifts up her head and swallows. "What's wrong?" I ask and take another step closer. Olivia presses her lips together and quickly gets up, runs over to me and wraps her arms around me. I let my crutches go and they hit the ground as I put my arms around her. She snuggles into my chest and I bury my nose into her hair. I can feel her taking deep breaths as I rub her back with one of my hands. Olivia doesn't speak. She breathes in and out heavily, trying to calm herself down as I rub her back. I kiss her head again and tighten my arms around her. I want to ask again and find out why she's upset, but at the same time I know that she doesn't want to say anything at all right now. At least she's in my arms, I think. At least it isn't my fault this time, or else she wouldn't be standing here right now.

"My head is spinning." Olivia mumbles as she takes a step back. I put my hands on her shoulders and scan her face and body. She looks all fine and healthy, ignoring the red and tired eyes.

"Do you want some tea, gorgeous?" I ask, because that's what my mum always used to offer her when we were younger. A picture of me and her, sitting at a table with cups of tea in front of us, reminded me. Mum used to buy loads of tea, knowing how often Olivia would get headaches. And every time Olivia had one, mum would offer her tea. And every time mum asked what kind she wanted, she would tell her to surprise her. At the end, mum let me choose and Olivia was always happy with my choice.

She nods and I take her hand. I lead her into the kitchen and keep holding her hand until she's sitting on a bar stool. My eyes catch the sight of a picture that I've forgotten to put away and panic shoots up in me. I quickly snatch it off the island and put it into the cutlery drawer.

"What was that?" Olivia asks and looks at me with big eyes. Panic is filling my head.

"Just a bill." I smile and rush over to the coffee machine. "What kind of tea do you want?" I ask, trying to change the subject.

"If it's a bill, you shouldn't put into your cutlery drawer, should you?" She says and gets up, completely ignoring my question.

"It's-it's fine!" I say and block her way. She looks up at me with a questioning and confused look. I quickly kiss her forehead and put my hands on her shoulders again. I turn her around and lead her back to the bar stool, asking "So what tea do you want?"

"Surprise me." She says and takes a seat again. I can't help it but grin.

Apple tea it is.

I give her a cup of tea and sit down on the bar stool next to her. She takes a sip of her very hot tea and turns around to look at me. Olivia places the cup down and I take her hands in mine. We don't talk. I look her into the eyes and let her think. She plays with her lips, biting the under lip and licking the upper as she thinks and thinks. I don't want to push her to say something and look at her patiently.

"Can-can you check if I have a scar on my head?" She asks and I instantly know that that's the reason why she's so upset. She must have found out about it and now everything is probably spinning around in her head. She's probably wondering how she got it and if it affected her life. And if it did have an affect, what that might have been. I know that I can't lie and say that I don't see anything now. She knows that it's there, I can see it in her eyes. But she's still asking. She's testing if I'm honest.

"Of-of course." I get up and step behind her. She tilts her head forward and splits her hair right where the scar is. I carefully put strands of hair to the side until the scar is clearly visible. I know that I can't lie now. "I-I... since when do you have it?" I ask and step back. I can't even look at it for longer than just a few moments. It brings up memories of the day, which I've been pushing to the back of my head ever since. "I-I have never seen it before." I say even though I have. Few weeks ago, when I was running my fingers through her hair. I saw it and didn't say anything. Does she realize that I was running my fingers through her hair over the same spot as she now knows her scar is? I ask myself, trying to find the answer in her eyes but she doesn't look up at me.

She takes a deep breath. "It's big isn't it?" She mumbles and covers her face with her hands.

"No! no,no. Couple of centimeters only. It's not even visible when your hair is in front of it." I say trying to make the situation better. But it's hopeless. There's nothing that could lift up her mood now. Not now after she just found out about the scar that changed her whole life. The scar that changed our whole life. I look at her and see the she is fighting her tears with a little strength that she still got left.

"Why has no one ever told me about it?" She asks and rubs her temples.

"I-I didn't know about it, gorgeous. I would have told you inst—" I say and rub her back. I can hear her brain working and thinking if I listen closely. She's trying to understand it all, but it is damn hard since she can't remember a big chunk of her childhood, her childhood all together actually. I never appreciated the fact that I know mine, but seeing Olivia struggling to understand, makes me love every single detail, the good and the bad times.

"I know." She cuts me off. "And I-I didn't mean you anyway. I mean my mum, dad, Ethan. My family never told me about it and I know that they know about the scar. And I bet that they know how I got it and all. They just have to know... but why did they never tell me about it? Isn't it important for me to know about it? At least that it's there. I mean..." She gets off the bar stool and starts walking up and down the kitchen. "I could have hit my head somewhere and the scar could have open completely and I wouldn't be able to explain to anyone why the heck I even have a scar that'll open when I hit it hard enough. What-what if I've got a brain damage because of the scar and no one ever told me about it."

"You're talking nonsense, gorgeous." I say and get up as well. She doesn't know what she's talking about. She just talks and talks about all the things that could have happened while she didn't know about the scar, when in reality nothing ever happened after she got it. She doesn't know, but I do that she's more careful than she was before the accident. She doesn't know, but I do that she's subconsciously avoiding stuff that could hurt her head, her scar. I walk over to her and put my hands on her shoulders, stopping her from walking and ignoring the pain in my knee for walking without my crutches ever since she got home. I completely forgot about the scar on my knee from thinking about hers on her head. "You talk and talk, gorgeous, but nothing makes sense."

"Niall, don't you understand that so many things could have happened to me that could have hurt the scar on my head because I didn't know about it and wasn't careful? No one ever said a word about it. Not my parents, my brother, uncles and aunts. Not one single sole ever mentioned anything about it. It's ridiculous." She takes a deep breath and looks up at me with a weak smile. "You would have told me, wouldn't you? If-if you knew about it, you would have told me right away, wouldn't you?" Her pretty brown eyes stare at me as if they are trying to read my mind. But even if she could read it, she wouldn't get a straight answer out of it. Everything in my head is flying around, trying to find the right answer. It's like the scene in Spongebob where one can look into his head and inside, everything is chaos and burning down and all the little Spongebobs don't know what to do and run around, panicking. In my head, it's just like that but without the fire.

"I-I... of course I would have told you." I say and smile back before quickly turning around and sitting down on a bar stool. I couldn't look into her eyes, seeking for the truth, for another second. Olivia walks over to me and sits down on the stool next to me. She puts her hand in mine and quietly says: "Thank you."

My heart is burning. I look at her and feel like I'm betraying her and I am. I can't deny that I'm not. But If I told her, I would betray her mother. So who should I betray? My girlfriend who might become my ex after I tell her the truth, the full truth or her mother who I betray once I tell her daughter everything. I'm stuck between the two women, but all scenarios end up with Olivia breaking up with me. And you wouldn't? I've been her boyfriend for months and months and not once during our time together I told her truth. I never told her that we know each other since childhood, that I know what she likes before she told me all before, that I know more about her than she herself. I thought about telling her everything, which lifts a little of the bad feeling that I have, but I never did, which makes me feel even worst. I promised her to always be truthful, but I also promised her mum to never tell Olivia what happened.

My heard is starting to burn just like my heart does. All I want to be is a dog, who can sleep all day and play with the owner if it wants to. I don't want to be a man who is stuck in this situation where all scenarios end up with being a single man. I want to be a dog, you runs around and eats and runs around. Without worries, without responsibility. But I am not a dog. I am a man who got himself into all this.

When I saw her, lifting the big box out of the car, all I should have done is walk pass and smile to myself. I should have seen that she's doing well, I should have been happy for her and gone home. But I didn't. Do I regret it now?