I open my eyes and see nothing but water in front of me. My body is freezing but my mind is empty. That's exactly what I wanted. I wanted to forget what happened and that's why I am here. I swim up to the surface and hear children laughter around me, reminding me that I'm not alone here. It's me, a group of 5 year olds and their two swimming teachers.

When Sarah told me that she used to swim to escape the world, I thought that it wouldn't bring me anything and that running is enough. But actually, running just remembered me of running away and Niall. So here I am swimming. I roll onto my back and kick my feet slightly, swimming up to the edge of the pool.

Once I'm out and wrapped into a towel, I go back to the dressing room and change into normal clothes. After packing my clothes into my bag, I go home - home to my London flat. It looks exactly like it did few months ago but it feels completely different. It feels empty but I've managed to ignore that over the last few days.

My phone rings as soon as I enter my flat. I take it out of my bag and pick up as I walk over to the windows. "Hello?" I say as I close the curtains.

"Liv--" The person says, who's voice I instantly recognized.

"Don't call me Liv." I cut Adam off.

"Olivia." He corrects himself as I start to undress myself. "I heard you are back in London." Adam says and I imagine him smirking.

"I am." I say as I wiggle myself out of my jeans.

"We have't seen each other for months and now that you're back, you don't even give me a call?" He asks chuckling.

"Um, Adam, do you remember what happened when we last saw each other?" I ask him, taking my shirt off.

"Yeah, your boyfriend or whatever he is punched me and we had a little fight. You went with me to the little back room, had to pee and I fell asleep. That was the last time I saw your beautiful face." Adam says and I imagine him smirking. I can't hold it back but laugh.

"So why did you call?" I ask as I walk to my bathroom to put my things into my laundry basket.

"Do you remember where I work?" He asks as I lean back against the sink.

"At Starbucks?"

"Yeah and..." He makes a pause, wanting me to say it, but I don't. "At the club where your boyfriend or whatever he is punched me." Adam says and I can't help it but burst out laughing.

"So?" I ask, not really getting what he's trying to say.

"Are you coming tonight? It's Friday and I've got my cousin doing my doorman work for me and another cousin at the bar who gives me free drinks. So I'll be by your side ready to fight back any boyfriend or whatever that comes in your near." He says and I start to think about pros and contras. A new thing that I started this year. Dad said that that's what he always does and apparently it helps a lot. I first doubted it just because of the fact that he's a divorced man but then I though that it may help at least sometimes, after all he's found Sarah and is happy with her.

"If that's how you're convincing me..." I make a pause and hold my laugh in.

"I buy you beer and shots." He promises, making me laugh out loud.

"Okay." I give in and turn around, looking at myself through the mirror.

"See you there!" He exclaims and hangs up. I put my phone down and get into the shower. I don't want to smell like chlorine, do I? The water drops down on my body and a flashback plays in front of my eyes of how snow lands on me and Niall. Of how I cried. Of how I we kissed and of how we used to love each other. I still love him and I probably will always love him, but for this year, I've got only one resolutions and that is to accept what happens.

I can't cry all the time and I can't think about him all the time. It isn't good for me. That's what I tell myself over and over again. It's the first thing I think about in the morning and the last thing I think about in the evenings.

After washing my hair and body, I get out of the shower and wrap myself into a towel yet again. I leave the bathroom and go to my wardrobe, taking out sweat pants and a white loose shirt. As I get dressed, my phone starts to ring again. I look at the clock on my desk and know exactly who it is. "Hi girl." I say into my phone as I continue to get dressed with one hand.

"Hey, are you at home?" Ally asks and I hear Shawn giggling behind her.

"Yep." I say and put her on speaker, before pulling my shirt over my head and my sweat pants up.

"Great. Open the door." She says as it knocks on the door. I hang up the call and open the door, seeing Ally and Shawn standing in front of me.

"You look better than yesterday." Ally smiles, hugging me. That is exactly what she said every day, ever since we saw each other on the first of January.

"Thank you" I say and hug her back. Ally rubs my head and than steps aside, letting me hug her boyfriend. "Hey Shawny." I smile at him and step back.

"Hey Olive." He smiles back and then follows Ally in. I close the door and then go back to the bathroom to get my hairbrush.

"You seriously do look better day by day." Ally says when I stand in front of her, brushing my hair. Shawn has made himself comfortable on my bed, while Ally sits on the edge, smirking.

"And you're slowly starting to bully me." I laugh and sit down on my spinning chair.

"New Year, new me!" She burst out laughing, making me laugh as well. "Made Olivia laugh, check." She smiles and makes a tick on her mental To Do list.

"What else is on the list?" I want to know.

"Take Olivia out. Make her eat a lot, because girl, you've lost weight."She smirks as Shawn moves over to her. He sits down behind her and puts his legs on either side of her hips, wrapping his arms around her.

"You're crazy." He mumbles and gives her a kiss on her cheek.

"You really are." I agree with him and stand up to open the curtains again. "and I didn't loose weight." I tell her, sitting back down again.

"Yeah you did, miss sporty-sports." Ally laughs and I hold back a smile.

"Ally, come on, all I do is swimming, sleeping, reading and eating ever since I came back from Ireland." I roll my eyes at her. She mimics me and sticks her tongue out.

"Seriously though, you look much better." She smiles.

"Seriously though, it's enough." I smile back at her and get up. "So, why are you here?" I ask as I make myself a cup of tea. I look at Shawn, giving him a questioning look. He shakes his head and I shrug. Ally doesn't like tea if it's not Sunday, so I don't even ask her and just pour myself a cup as she starts to explain their visit.

"I wanted to check on you and calling isn't enough when Niall is going out with a girl from LA." She says and I let my tea drop. Luckily it drops into the sink but the cup breaks anyways, making a loud noise. The, now waisted, tee flows down the drain and my heart skips a beat. I look at Ally with widen eyes, making her realize that I didn't know anything. I rush over to my desk and open my laptop, logging into twitter as quick as possible.

"Hey! Don't look at that." Ally says but it's already too late and I'm reading through an update account. Ally gets up as I scroll down to look for an article. "That's not healthy." My best friend says but I don't care.

"Fuck health." I say and Shawn burst out laughing. I would usually laughas well, but right now I'm too busy. When I finally find a link to an article ,I click on it and a picture of Niall appears. My heart skips another beat and I scroll down to see a picture of a girl, leaving a hotel right behind Niall. I start to read but only get to the point where it says "Just a few days after his knee surgery, Niall Horan is spotted out with a girl. His new girlfriend? Rumour has it--"and then Ally takes my laptop away from me. She closes my laptop and I spin around in my desk chair. I glare at her and she takes a step back.

"I wasn't done!" I tell her and stand up.

"It's not healthy to stalk your ex on the internet." She just says and puts my laptop down on my desk, before I can take it and run to the bathroom to read it there, like I had planed in my head.

"As if you never stalked any of your exes on the internet, miss fake account." I snap back. Ally takes me on my wrist and pulls me away.She pushes me down on the bed next to Shawn and gives me warning look. We both know that she's the quicker one from us and that I don't have a chance, no matter how much I work out.

"You're lucky that Shawn is here." I tell her and giver her the you-know-exactly-what-I-mean look. She just shrugs and sits down on my desk chair.

"What would happen if I wasn't here?" Shawn carefully asks, not sure if he even wants an answer.

"Nothing special. We would just have a fight on the bed until someone lands on the floor and before you ask, babe, we don't actually punch each other. We just roll around and try to get on top of the other one." Ally explains to her boyfriend who seems to be completely mind blown now.

"When was the last time you did that?" Shawn wants to know more but his voice sounds taken back, as if he's afraid of the truth..

"First of January when I didn't want to get out of bed... She won that round but it was luck." I tell him and Ally smiles proud. "Your girlfriend is crazy." I whisper into his ear, making him burst out laughing. I laugh as well while Ally just looks at us unimpressed.

"Haha. Funny." Ally rolls her eyes at us and takes my phone. "Adam called you?" She asks and I nod. "Why?"

"He invited me to go clubbing at the club he works at." I explain. Ally looks at me, excepting me to continue.

"What did you say?" She asks as I lay down.

"He's pretty good at convincing people." I lie because the truth is, if someone else would have tried to convince me with beer and few shots, I wouldn't say yes. But I said yes to Adam. I feel like I own him something since he had a fight with Niall because of Niall and mine relationship problems in the past.

"So you're going?" Ally asks and stands up from the chair.

"Yep." I say and her jaw drops to the floor. Ally's eyes widen and she gets super excited.

"That's great! Shawn and I will drive you to it and oh my god, what are you going to wear?" She asks and goes over to my closet. She opens it up completely and I sit up again. Ally starts to take out clothes and throws them all onto my bed as she looks for something that doesn't scream just broke up with my boyfriend and ready for everyone or something that doesn't whisper leave me alone I'm broken either. I guess she's looking for sophisticated, brave woman who can drink if she wants to.

"Those sweat pants look like mine." Shawn says and tears me out of my thought. He points over to Niall's that I still have in my wardrobe. I have set myself the goal to send it to his place but I haven't had the time yet. At least that's my excuse. The truth is that I just haven't found the courage in me to even touch it ever since I put it in.

"Shut up." Ally mumbles and steps in front of it to block my view. Before Shawn can ask why, I explain.

"It's Niall's." My voice is quiet and weak all of sudden and I get the feeling that going out tonight might just be yet another bad decision that I make in my life.