"Ethan, you have to take care of your sister, especially now." Mum says toEthan. They are in the hallway talking about me while I sit here and can clearly hear them. Mr.McAllister kneels across from me on the floor and puts a bandage around my hand even though it's just a really small cut and a patch would do the job well enough.

"What happened?" Ethan asks. He has no idea.

"She and Niall have broken up. I didn't ask her why, felt like it is too early to ask, but she's not doing well, Ethan. I know that you have noticed that as much as Robert and I did."

"I think I know why they broke up." Ethan says and than it's quiet. I know that Ethan would never tell mum anything without my approval and now he isn't telling her anything either. Mum isn't trying to get information anyway because she knows as well as Ethan does that I will tell her when I feel ready.

"She didn't eat yesterday." Ethan points out.

"She didn't. She didn't even eat today, so please get her McDonalds or something when you're in Brighton. She has to eat, you know exactly why, right? And don't ask her questions. Let her open up to you. That's the best... even if it means that we'll never know the real reason." Mum says and seconds later she comes into the kitchen, unaware that I heard everything. I'm not sure if Mr.McAllister did, because mum and Ethan were talking very quietly. A wonder that I heard them.

"Does it hurt?" Mum asks as she starts to clean the floor.

"A bit." I say and stand up. Mr.McAllister gets up as well and washes his hands before he puts the first aid kit into a cabinet. "Thank you." I say to him and leave, hearing him saying "You're welcome" just as I step out of the kitchen. I go upstairs and to my bedroom, finding Ethan laying on my bed.

"Mum said you're not feeling too well at all, so I guess, we'll get McDonalds ice on the way to dad's." He says sitting up.

"With loads of chocolate?" I ask and sit down next to him.

"With loads of chocolate." Ethan says and puts his arm around me. I rest my head on his shoulder and then he says: "You'll survive, Olive. You always do."

Four hours later we are on our way to dad's house in Brighton. We've got french fries, cheeseburgers and McSundays with us as we listen to strictly, by Ethan chosen, High School Musical songs. Usually, I'd sing my lungs out but my throat is too raspy – at least that's my excuse. I told Ethan that my throat hurts, when in reality I'm just not in the mood. Usually he wouldn't except a small excuse like that, but he doesn't fight it now. He knows that I'm not in the mood, even without me saying it out loud. He just knows that and it's not like I'm hiding it. He just sings alone as I eat and stare out of the window.

When we finally arrive at the house, near to the pear, I get out of the car and just stand there, staring at the white house as I take deep breaths. I don't feel ready to go inside and be questioned why I look the way I look – like a total mess. I don't feel ready to tell anyone about anything and I don't even know if I can say everything out loud. It's different to when I just think about it in my head and let the scenes play in front of my eyes. It's different from when I have to say it out loud. I would have to explain all the things that happened before so that people would actually get it. All the things that ruined us, me and Niall, I would have to explain or else they wouldn't understand why I did what I did. Once I would say it out loud, it would feel more official than it already does and that's what I'm really trying to avoid.

"Olivia?" Ethan tears me out of my thoughts as he puts my suitcase on the ground.

"Sorry." I mumble and walk over to him. I take my suitcase and wait for him to take his before he follows me to the house. Out of my backpack, I grab the keys to the house and open the door. Just as I enter the house, Ethan rings the bell to let dad and Sarah know that we're here, before he follows me inside

"Comin'" Sarah exclaims from the kitchen as I close the door behind us. "Who let you in?" She asks, her eyes widen and a big smile forms on her lips.

"I did." I say and try to smile. She walks over to us, quickly cleaning her hands on her jeans before opening her arms. Ethan hugs her first and then it's my turn.

"Are you all right?" She whispers in my ear. I just nod when we pull apart. "Great then, your dad is in his office. I'll ca--" Before she can finish her sentence, Ethan and I already looked at each other and run off to dad's office. We run past Sarah and Ethan jumps over a pair of shoes on the way. Then we enter the room with bookshelves from wall to wall on the right and left side of the room. The couch stands right in front of the glass doors, facing the desk that's right across from it. Behind the desk, sits dad on his big brown desk chair. The sun goes down in the window behind him when Ethan and I storm into the room.

"First!" We exclaim at the same time.

"Out!" Dad exclaims and gets up. Ethan and I take a step back to the hallway as dad comes over to us. "Ethavia!" He smiles and opens his arms. Ethan and I hug him together and step back when Sarah stands next to us, laughing.

"What in the world is Ethavia?" She wants to know.

"Their ship-name. Ethan and Olivia equals Ethavia." Dad smiles proud about knowing what a ship-name is. Ethan and I burst out laughing and it's the first time that I laugh ever since the breakup with Niall. It turns into an awkward chuckle within seconds though and then it completely dries out into silent.

"Can you even ship siblings?" Sarah asks, walking pass us to the kitchen.

"Of course you can! You can ship everything. Seriously everything. Like, Harry Styles and Louis Tomlinson from One Direction, they are Larry Stylinson and they get shipped all over the world, even though both are straight but who knows what's behind the scenes. Maybe they are not straight after all, you know? A lot of their fans actually believe that they are a couple, isn't that right Olivia?" Dad says as we follow Sarah to the kitchen.

"How did you learn all this, Daniel? Is that what you do in your office that no one is allowed to enter?" Sarah laughs, stepping behind the kitchen island.

"Yeah, I was on Twitter. You can learn more from Twitter than you think, hun. Isn't that right, Olivia?" Dad says with confidence in every word that leaves his mouth.

"I Agree." I nod my head yes and go over to Sarah, who stands in front of the stove, stirring the sauce for the pasta.

"Did Niall ever mention that Harry and Louis might be dating, Olivia?" Dad asks. Ethan elbows him in the arm and gives him a warning look. Dad's facial expression instantly goes from confident to confused. Even Sarah isn't smiling anymore. She looks at me, worried, confused and with sympathy, even though she has no idea.

"No, not that I remember." I say and bite my lower lip, looking down to the sauce.

"Oh well, you know, maybe he doesn't know either." Dad says and then it's quiet. Silence is in the room until Sarah clears her throat loudly.

"Shall we set the table, Ethavia?" Dad asks, weakly smiling at me and Ethan. Dad's confused but I can't blame him for that. I didn't tell anyone anything yet. Confusion is what's going to face me a lot for the next few weeks.

"Don't call us Ethavia." Ethan says, patting Dad on his back.

"Why? It's funny, isn't it?" Dad asks. He and Ethan continue their conversation but I stop listening.

I knew that being away from her, knowing that I can't have her anymore, knowing that I can't just call her anymore, would be hard but I didn't think that it would hurt as much as it does. Knowing that she's not mine anymore, knowing that I might never see her again, knowing that I lost her again and this time maybe forever, just hurts. Mybody feels numb, weak, empty and useless. What did I do before I saw her again? How was I able to live without her? What made me smile before that day? How was I able function without her?

I don't leave the house, stay in bed and just watch TV with my family. The only time I smiled since the breakup was when I played with Theo .I guess that's the baby effect. The only time I stepped out of the house, was when I wanted to get a little sticky note that was in my car. It's says "Don't text, call or skype when you drive! Love, Olivia" on it. She sticked it in my car the first time she was in it. I had picked her up and we got McDonalds and KFC. We stayed in a parking lot and just ate and talked. It's was our first unofficial date. I didn't notice that she sticked it in there until she was already gone. I wanted to call her immediately and start a conversation about it, just to hear her talk, but then I decided not to tell her that I found it. I thought that she would maybe point it out to me someday, but she never did.

I put the little note in my wallet, next to a picture of us and promise myself that one day, I'll give it back to her to stick it in her own car. I make all these little promises to myself that include her, like marrying her as soon as she's done with UNI, or giving her one half of my wardrobe at home once she moves in, or making her pancakes for breakfast at least once a month, or taking her on tour with me so she doesn't have to be alone or just simply making her smile everyday. I make all these promises, even though we're not together anymore, even though we might never be together in the future, even though she might never want to see me ever again, even though I broke her so that she had to break up with me. I make all these promises hoping, praying, wishing that one day I'll get the chance to fulfil them. I make all these promises hoping that one day she'll be mine again. I make all these promises praying that she will still love me like I'm going to still love her. I make all these promises wishing that one day we'll find our happiness together.

If I could go back in time and change the things that happened, I would.

Olivia was right, it's not fair. It's not fair that we are apart once again in our life. We got separated before and I thought that we'd never see each other again. But when I did see her, I knew that it is our fate to be together. She doesn't know it yet, but she'll realize it one day.

I know that.

To be separated from her now is harder than it was years ago. It's harder and more feelings are involved. Back then I wasn't sure if what I was feeling for her was love, but now I do. Back then our separation wasn't my fault, it wasn't her fault either, but now it's my fault and my fault only. I broke her this time. Back then we were best friends, but this time we were more. And that's what hurts more this time. All the feelings that are involved this time around are stronger and more meaningful than those before.

"Niall what are you going to do with your second ticket to LA?" Mum asks and my thoughts resume back to the dining able. My thoughts had carried me away and now I look back to the food on my plate.

"Keep it." I say and look up to look at mum.

"But--"

"Keep it." I cut her off.

"Olive and you aren't together anymore, Niall. You should get your money back or something." She says and I know that she only wants my best, but she doesn't know what she's talking about. There are a few days left until I have to head off to LA. I'll be in London for 2 days before my flight and there is a chance that I can get her back during that time. I know it's naïve to think like that, but I've got hope.

"I'm sure you can get your money back, Niall." Mum says and weakly smiles at me.

"I'm keeping it."

It's not completely over yet.