After opening presents and eating dinner a second time, the girls and I go upstairs to my bedroom. We all change into pjs and make a bed on the floor for the twins. Anna and I are going to sleep on my bed and the twins on the floor. We change it up every other year. After laying three blankets on the floor, Paige decides that it's okay like that and Anna and I give her and Penny pillows and bedsheets. Neither of us is tired and Sam, Ethan and Taylor come into my room, non of them being tired either. While our parents and Mr.McAllister are probably asleep, we chill in my room and play silly games, like drawing with closed eyes or who can hold their breath the longest. For the record, Taylor won and Anna is the best at drawing blind. When Taylor falls asleep though, the boys carry him into Ethan's room and don't came back. We girls turn the lights off and try to sleep. It's complete silent in my room and my eyes are slowly shutting.

"What is love?" Anna suddenly asks.

"It's 4 am in morning. You don't ask questions like that at 4 in the morning." I tell her and roll onto my stomach.

"But you're in love, right?" She questions.

"Yep." I say roll back onto my back again.

"How do you know that you're in love, when you don't know what love is?" Anna asks and I start to think. How did I know that I love Niall, when I didn't know exactly what love really is? I guess, for me and him, it came naturally. Love should come naturally, then you know it's love, right?

"Well,..." I start but get cut off by Penny.

"Wait! I want to hear it as well." She says and gets up. Paige does the same and they squeeze in between me and Anna.

"Well,..." I start off again and make a short pause, testing if someone else is going to interrupt me, but no one does. "It always depends." I say. "It depends on the person and the situation. Every person feels love differently, but it's the small things that matter. You can't know what love really is until one point. That one point has to be decided by the person. For some it can be a small gesture and they know he or she is the one. For others it's many gestures at once. It's always different." I explain and think about me and Niall. 

I think about I knew that I love him and how I felt and what told me that it really was love. I can't help it, but smile and my heart starts to pound faster.

"How did you know that you love Niall?" Penny wants to know.

"When did you know that it was really love?" Paige asks.

"Yeah, what's your story? You never talk about him and you together." Anna says.

"One after another please." I chuckle. "How I knew that I love Niall? Well, I don't know actually. I-I can't describe it. It kinda came naturally, you know? We met and something in me just... kinda just dragged me to him. He made me laugh and I felt happy. Happier than I felt before... When we would talk, my heart would race. Even when we talked about complete stupid, unnecessary and random things, which we by the way we still do, my heart just raced for him. It was like eating chocolate. You love it and want it to go on forever. It's like a drug, as some people would say. I never experience drugs, but that's what books always say about love." I take a deep breath and feel my heart relaxing.

"Being in love sounds soooo wonderful." Paige says, making me giggle.

"It is but it has its downs as well." I explain and then it's quiet for a while, before I continue with Paige's question.

"When I knew that it was really love? Huh... It was never like: Now I'm in love with Niall. It wasn't like that. But like, I actually told Niall that I love him for the first time ever when I was drunk." I tell them and we burst out laughing. "In my mind I wasn't sure, but my heart was."

"I'll quote you on your wedding day." Anna laughs. She clears her throat and starts to talk very formal and posh. "We've come here to celebrate the wedding of Olivia and Niall."

We laugh even harder as she continues. "Olivia once told me that she said I love you to Niall for the first time ever when she drunk. In her mind she wasn't sure but her heart was."

"That would be hilarious." Penny giggles and then it's quiet for a few seconds.

"In your mind you weren't sure, but your heart was." Paige whispers, making me think and smile about all the things that made me love Niall.

"You know, when we got to know each other, I knew that I have feelings, but I didn't know what feelings they were." I explain to them. "My feelings grew for him, but I never knew what to call my feelings. Was it love? Was it something else? I didn't know. My head couldn't figure it out..."

"But your heart could." Anna finishes my sentence and I feel a tear rolling down my cheek.

"You know you're in love, when you know it. There's no time space. Like, the third month is when you find out, that's not how it works." I tell them and hope that they understand what I mean. Months before today, I would not have understood me, but now I do. It makes sense when you experience it.

"What was the last question?" I ask after minutes of no talking passed by.

"What's your story?" Anna repeats her question.

"Including all details." Paige adds, making as four giggle.

 I start to tell them the story, detailed but not too detailed, to avoid giving out too many informations. I don't tell them that Niall is Niall Horan. I don't tell them that I'm friends with One Direction. I don't tell them things that could make them think that Niall is more than just Niall. They listen carefully, breath quietly and don't interrupt me once. I tell them about the difficulties at the beginning, but not the reasons for the difficulties. I tell them about our first date, but not everything that happened. I tell them about our ups and downs. About the jealousy... Instead of saying that Niall went out with that one girl to take attention off me, I tell them that he did it because she wanted to make someone jealous and that he owed her something. I justify every down we had with a lie. Because the truth can't be known by them. They can't know that Niall and Valerie were just PR and that we flew to LA because of 1D Day and they can't know that he went out with that girl because the press was finding out about us. Because if I would tell them, they would immediately know that it's Niall Horan from One Direction.

"Do you still love him?" Penny asks.

"She wouldn't be with him, if she didn't love him." Paige answers for me.

"Do you love him more than at the beginning?" Her twin then asks.

"Of course she does." Paige answers yet again for me.

"Are you happy?" Anna asks.

"Of course she is." Penny and Paige answer for me together. "She wouldn't be with him if she wasn't." they add and I burst out laughing.

"What if you and Niall don't end up together like you think?" Anna wants to know and my heart skips a beat. To be completely honest, I've been thinking about that a lot lately. Because what if we don't end up together and break up? Will we stay friends of will that be too painful? What if my assumptions that we really end up together aren't meant to be?

"I don't know." I answer because I really don't know. I'm too attached to Niall that a break up would definitely hurt. I love him too much that not being with him, could maybe even break me.

"You know what's funny?" Anna breaks the silent after a few minutes

"What?" Penny, Paige and I ask at the same time.

"Remember when I had a boyfriend? His name was Ian or something... We had a fight like every week and you told me that you could never ever ever ever be in a relationship with so many up and downs and now look at you." She says and quietly laughs. "You said you could never cope with up and downs. It's distracting, you said, a waist of time..."

My heart skips a beat and I remember all the times she came to me, crying or just upset because of a boy. I used to think that up and downs are a waste of time and to be honest, I mean I still do. It's just now I think it's kinda unavoidable. I guess, up and downs are part of a relationship, part of life.

When I wake up on Christmas morning, the first thing that comes into my mind is she. I wish that I was by her side and I wish that I could have spend the day with her. As much as I love spending time with my family, I just wish that she would be with me. All the things that I'd love to do with her on Christmas morning, like, going out playing in the show, having a snowball fights, making snow angles, baking cookies or just watching christmas movies in bed. I wish that I could do all those things with her today and maybe even do our tradition that we used to do before she lost her memories. 

We used to meet in the middle of the streets, after lunch, and unpack our presents from each other right in front of each other. I used to pack her presents with a lot of duct tape, just to make it harder for her and she used to pack mine with three layers of wrapping paper, one year even five layers, just because she wanted to. She can't remember all that, but I wish that she could, because I can. I wonder if she has new traditions that were made after the accident. Maybe she does have new ones with someone else, but to be honest, I hope that she doesn't. I want to be the only one who she has traditions with. This may sounds selfish but that's just how it is.

"Niall!" Mum calls me from downstairs. I quickly jump out of bed and run downstairs into the living room. "There you are!" She smiles and takes a present from under the tree and hands it over to me. "This is from me." She smiles.

"Thanks mum." I kiss her cheek and take the little square. I open it and it's a picture frame with a picture of me and Olivia in it. She took in when we were in LA and we are both laughing.

"It's cute, isn't it?" She asks and I nod as I just stare at Olivia's rosy cheeks and her laughing face. We had a wonderful evening that night and I wish that I could go back in time and relive it again.

"Thank you." I smile at her again when my phone rings. I put the present down, run upstairs and get my phone. It's Olivia calling to skype with me. I quickly fix my hair and pick up.

"Merry Christmas!" She cheers.

"Marry Christmas, gorgeous." I smile and go back downstairs.

"Do you have my present for you ready?" She asks when I reach the living room.

"Which present?" I ask just as mum gives me a box smiling. "Never mind, I just got it." I say and mumble "thank you" to mum. She smiles brightly at me before I leave the living room and go into the back garden. Then I notice that Olivia is outside as well.

"Why are you outside?" I want to know as I sit down on the old swings.

"I don't know, I just wanted to be outside." She giggles, unaware that that's a tradition of ours. "Why are you outside?" She asks me back.

"Because I want to." I smirk and even though Olivia smiles, I see that something isn't alright. She has that sparkle in her eyes, but also that lostness. That lostness that she had when I found her in the park.

"What's wrong?" I ask her.

"Nothing, it's just nothing." She says and smiles softly.

"It's never just nothing, is it?" I ask as she bites her lip and looks down. It's not just nothing and I can see it.