"I told you." Drew slid their phone across the table, twitter pulled up. "I fucking told you."

Caoimhe stared at the screen, eyes wide. "No fucking way."

She'd thought it had been a coincidence. Sure, Clay had the same voice as the Dream guy in the Manhunt videos, and their names were both Clay and from Florida, but she'd refused to believe that they were the same person. Drew had smacked her on the head and called her a brainless twit.

"Scroll through his account." Drew urged her. "Don't even give me that Dua Lipa bullshit on why you can't. You one hundred percent can. Now scroll."

"He literally tweeted A Smart Girl's Guide to Boys like five minutes after I left him on read." Caoimhe read through his tweets. "What the hell."

"I cannot believe you of all people were accidentally texted by Dream."

"He's a fucking liar! He only has 930k followers on Twitter! I knew he was shittalking!" Caoimhe stared at his account indignantly.

"Check his main." Drew offered, looking over her shoulder.

Caoimhe turned to face her roommate, looking horrified. "You mean to tell me, he has 930 thousand people following his SPAM account?" Her voice was deathly calm.

"...yes."

"WHAT THE FRICK FRACK PADDYWHACK GIVE YOUR DOG A BONE KINDA BULLSHIT IS THIS?!"

Drew stared at her like she'd grown a second head, before just nodding in acceptance.

"So you're not upset about the fact that someone genuinely famous has been talking to you without your knowledge, but you are upset because...?"

"MOTHERFUCKER HAS TWO MILLION ON HIS MAIN!" Caoimhe slapped a hand to her mouth. "Wait, is that a picture of Patches? Awwwww. So cute."

"And you thought the Dua Lipa stans were bad," Drew laughed. "But Dream stans would tear you apart like a starving dog."

Caoimhe reflexively threw the phone away from her, as if just looking at his twitter would set the stans on her.

"What the fuck, you bitch?!" Drew chased after their phone, holding it preciously as they checked for cracks. They'd seen Caoimhe's screen, and they were terrified of their own phone meeting that fate.

"Sorry." Caoimhe didn't sound sorry.

Drew glared at her, rolling their eyes. "Are you gonna tell him you know?"

"Hno," Caoimhe laughed awkwardly. "He's talked about how much privacy means to him. I'm not gonna violate that."

"Yeah but what if he finds out that you knew? Then it would look like you were using him or something."

"Using him? For what? Entertainment when you abandon me?"

"You're such a whore." Drew smiled in spite of theirself, hitting Caoimhe on the shoulder.

"I'm only a whore for you, sweet cheeks." Caoimhe winked, pulling out her own phone.

"DON'T LET MEN TREAT YOU LIKE FREE SALSA. YOU ARE GUAC, BABYGIRL!" The best friends chorused loudly, making Mr Castillo from the apartment below bang on his ceiling with a broom. They burst out into laughter.

"Seriously though," Drew sobered up eventually. "You should tell him you know who he is, sooner or later at least."

"But then he might ghost meeeee." Caoimhe whined. "I hate getting ghosted."

"Then stop using Tinder."

"No." She pouted. "Male validation is a drug and I am addicted."

"But she's and they's." Drew stared into space, looking like they were fondly remembering something. "Nothing can compare. God, I love titties."

Caoimhe's phone buzzed in her hand, she quickly scanned the notification, sighing in relief when she saw it was just a reminder from her Flo period app. Then the relief was replaced with grumpiness that it was time for her Flo period app to send her a reminder.

"Is it from Minecraft Man?"

"No. Mother Nature."

"I'll buy more of those fucking cookies you like tomorrow." Drew groaned. "The shitty soft ones."

"THOSE COOKIES ARE THE BACKBONE OF OUR NATION!" Caoimhe scoffed. "And put some respect on the Lofthouse name."

"You're such a fucking pill."

"Suck my dick."

"You'd like that wouldn't you."

"I regret ever accepting your snapchat friend request."

"If you hadn't punched that Karen on video, we'd never have met." Drew teased. "I am grateful for that fifty-year-old racist bitch."

"Ew. Please don't be."

"LET ME SHOW YOU AFFECTION!"

"NOOOOOOO!"