Being away from home had its perks.

The obvious reason was that I was independent, finally in control of my life without the help of my parents. I was also finding myself so much easier than I had been when I was still in high school - because college was about taking the things that you thought you were good at and molding it into a future. At least, thats what my roommate, Michelle, had decided to live her life by.

But for me, the most significant perk was that I was as far away from Ford Turner as possible.

For once in my life I wasn't held down by the chain that is and always will be Ford Turner. I was free, free to experiment with my sexuality, free to go on dates with different types of men, free to have a replenished heart. I had found a boyfriend, Nathaniel, and we've been going steady for the past year. If I hadn't left home, I doubt that I'd be over Ford by now.

But I had to come back - if only for a week. I missed my parents and my home town and everything about where I grew up that when tickets for the holidays were finally on sale I didn't think twice before purchasing them. I made Nathaniel stay away because I knew that I wasn't ready for him to meet my parents and hear the sad tale of my high school years. No, there would be a time and place for that and it wasn't now.

"I'm glad you came back, sweetheart." Dad had grown a beard and mustache - both grey - and gained a few pounds since I had last seen him, but other than that he was the same. "To be honest, I didn't think you'd come back."

I chuckled, following him up the driveway and towards the house to escape the harsh winter weather. "Neither did I."

"Is it because of us?" Dad wondered. "Or ..."

"Of course it isn't you guys." We had reached the front door, dad opening it and letting the warm air engulf us as I shut the door behind us. "And as for the 'or', absolutely - depending on which 'or' you're talking about."

"The 'or' across the street or the 'or' six feet under?"

At even the mention of Brady, I felt a painful twinge in my heart. I would never be over his death, no matter how many counsellors I saw or how many miles I tried to put between us. He was always there - inside of me - and there was no way to shake him. So when I grimaced while hanging up my coat and shaking off my boots, I wasn't surprised to hear my father try to backpedal.

"I mean—"

"Both." I sighed, already done with this conversation. I loved my father, but his ability to care about others was going too far, at least right now. "I'm gonna head upstairs."

And with that, I was taking two steps at a time to my bedroom until I was back in its protective white walls. My parents hadn't touched it since I left - my bed was still unmade, dresser still had clothes spilling out of it, and my mirror needed a good spray of Windex when I had arrived a few days ago - and I wouldn't have had it any other way. I had dropped my neatness after Brady left, along with my singing and songwriting. They all reminded me of him, and that hurt.

Laying down on my bed, I pulled my phone out and dialed Nathaniel's number. He was my best friend, boy friend, and booty call all wrapped into one. Another thing that dropped after Brady were my friends. Kendra switched schools, Landon got lost in a world of drugs and laziness, and Ford threw himself into sports even more so than before. None of us talked ever again, and to this day I have no idea where any of them are. But, sadly, I think it's for the best. We couldn't continue after Brady even if we tried - he would always be the glue that held us together.

"Miss me already?" Nathaniel picked up after the third ring.

"Duh." I rolled my eyes, already blushing. Nathaniel had that hold on me.

"Good - that makes two of us." He replied, and I could picture him smiling on the other end of the line. "How is it there? I wish that I could've come."

"No, I'm glad you didn't come." I lazily ran a hand through my hair that was how completely chestnut - I got rid of the highlights halfway through freshmen year of college. "You would've been bored within the first day or so."

"Then I would've just had sex with you, and BAM - boredom gone."

I laughed out loud, stretching my face out of its grimace that had become stuck there ever since I had arrived home. Nathaniel always had a way of doing that to me - making me immensely happy without even trying. It was easy for him because he was gifted with charisma, along with a passion for singing and songwriting. I like to think that I fell for him because he had what I didn't - happiness and passion. He was working on trying to get me back into songwriting, but I constantly told him that a major in literature was just fine with me for now.

"I miss you." I murmured.

"I love you." He said back, making me smile once again. "Idaho is so boring. I wish you were here to fuck."

"Is sex all you think about?"

He laughed. "Only when I'm not around you."

I was ready with a witty comeback when my mother interrupted me. "Leah, someone's outside for you." She was standing directly behind my door for some strange reason. "Hurry out there before he-they die of hypothermia."

"I'll call you back - I have a visitor." I told Nathaniel as I stood up from my bed and made my way to the door.

I hung up, walked straight past my mother and down the stairs to where my coat and boots were. I already knew who it is before I opened the door and watched a snowflake land on his chin, but that didn't mean that I was happy to see him.

"Hi." Ford said.

"Hi." I mumbled, shutting the front door behind me as I stepped down onto the stoop.

He was incredibly different, but in the best way. I was there when they announced his full ride to UCLA, and the effects of living in California we're starting to rub off on him. He had developed a gorgeous tan, his hair was a shade lighter, and he had that California glow that you could only get if you spent at least a year in the sunshine state.

"You look good." He told me after a few moments of silence in which I had stared at him and he had uncomfortably taken a seat in the steps of my front stoop.

I joined him, sitting so close to him that our knees were millimeters away from touching. "Same to you." I coughed. "You look good tanned."

Ford laughed lightly. "Thank you,"

It was there again - the sparkle in his eyes that I had fallen in love with. "You're back." I said out loud unintentionally, but it got his attention almost immediately. "I mean personality wise, and emotionally. You're back."

Ford smiled. "Yeah, I am."

"That's great." I smiled back.

"You know, I'm really glad that I went to California." He told me. "Because being that far away from you made me realize something." And he slid the fingers of his left hand between the ones on my right hand. "I never want to be that far away from you again."

High school Leah would've fallen head over heels for him at the sound of those words, but somehow, I didn't get that tingly feeling inside of me that I did when I heard Ford's name. I wasn't burning with lust and desire like I used to whenever his skin brushed against mine. No, something had changed.

Me.

"Ford," I exhaled shakily, still holding his hand. "I've realized something too, while I was away." I faced him, turning my legs so that our knees bumped. "I've realized that ... you aren't my everything."

The look on his face alone hurt, but I continued anyway. "I loved you, Ford, and it was horrible for me. It broke me, lost me, threw me up and spit me out. I've realized that that isn't love. Love is supposed to make you feel like leaping and jumping and singing - not make you feel like crying and moaning and complaining. Life isn't supposed to be like that, Ford, and I've realized that now. I loved you, but it's over between us now. We were never meant to be - no matter how hard either of us tried."

To my surprise, Ford wasn't angry. He seemed .. content, calm even. He leaned forward and pressed his lips against my forehead gently, before pulling back and smiling at me. "You're great, Leah." He told me, stroking my cheek. "I hope that whoever's next realizes that."

And then we were standing up, hugging, and Ford was slowly walking away from me. I tightened my lips so that I didn't let a goodbye slip, because in all honesty I didn't want this to be goodbye. Just as much as I didn't want him to be my forever, I also didn't want this to be the end of Leah and Ford. Of course I was no longer in love with him - I made that crystal clear - but I didn't want to loose him completely. Kendra and Landon were already out of my life, and even though Nathaniel is great, I need someone other than my boyfriend to call a good friend. Can Ford handle that? It's up to him.

But from now on, what I do with my life will be up to me.

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a u t h o r s n o t e

AAAAAND THAT'S A WRAP!!!!! idk why but I'm really excited that I finished this because it feels like I've just ... shed off a layer of dead skin of something, idk. but I really want to thank all of you who have made it through my unsteady updated and horrendous writing, and I hope that you stay w me for my other stories and continue to support me ((:

HOPE YOU HAD A WONDERFUL DAY - LEAVE ALL QUESTION AND CONCERNS IN THE COMMENTS ❤️❤️❤️❤️